* * *
Ryan stayed in his room until it became clear that he couldn’t stay holed up in there any longer. Eve would start to wonder what was wrong if he continued to hide himself away. Did he really want to admit how hard it had hit him to discover that she still had feelings for her ex? No way!
He opened the door, fixing a smile to his mouth when he saw her sitting on the sofa reading a magazine. ‘Enjoying a few minutes’ peace and quiet?’
‘Hmm. It has been rather hectic, hasn’t it?’ she replied coolly, so coolly that he felt slightly miffed.
Did she have to make it clear that their kiss had meant nothing to her?
‘It has. Still, we achieved our objective even though it was touch and go at one point,’ he replied evenly, not wanting her to suspect anything was amiss.
‘You did wonders to meet the deadline after having to deal with that accident,’ she said more warmly.
‘The guys were great,’ he agreed, feeling his heart lift. He sighed because all it took was the tiniest encouragement and his emotions were off and running again. It made him see just how deep he was in and how dangerous it would be to keep on spending time with her when they got back to Dalverston. If he was to protect her then he had to keep away from her, although maybe that wasn’t as important as he’d believed if she was still in love with her ex.
The thought made him wince and not just because he hated the idea of her loving another man. He’d seen the statistics and knew that many victims of abuse returned to their abuser. He couldn’t bear to think that Eve would make the same mistake. He swung round, knowing that he had to make her see sense.
‘What are you going to do if Damien does get in touch?’ He frowned when she didn’t answer. ‘Come on, Eve. Surely you aren’t crazy enough to get back with him?’
‘Of course not!’ She sounded so shocked that he grimaced.
‘Sorry. It’s just that… No, it doesn’t matter.’
‘Yes, it does. Why on earth would you think that I’d get involved with him again after what he did?’
‘A lot of women do,’ he said simply.
‘Maybe. But I’m not one of them.’ She hugged her arms around herself and he saw the tremor that ran through her. ‘I don’t want to see or speak to him ever again.’
‘Because you’re afraid that you won’t be able to resist?’ he said hollowly, his heart aching all the more.
‘No, because the thought of being near him makes me feel sick.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘When I first made the break I went to stay at my parents’ house in the Dordogne. I thought I’d be safe there, beyond his reach, but I was wrong. He managed to track me down and followed me.’
‘What happened?’ Ryan said roughly, feeling slightly sick himself.
‘He tried to persuade me to go back to him, promised that he would never do anything to hurt me ever again.’ She shrugged. ‘He sounded very convincing too until he spoiled it by getting angry when I refused.’
Ryan’s hands clenched. ‘Did he hit you?’
‘No. I didn’t give him the chance. Luckily enough, the gardener was working that day so I told Damien that I would tell him to call the police.’ She smiled thinly. ‘Damien couldn’t leave fast enough after that.’
‘Thank heavens!’ Ryan exclaimed, shuddering at the thought of what might have happened. ‘Was that the last you saw of him?’
‘Oh, yes. I realised that I needed to put more distance between us so I went to Florida. One of my friends lives there and she’d just had twins and needed someone to look after them when she went back to work.’ She smiled. ‘I stayed there for the next couple of years, two very happy years, too. Looking after the girls helped me focus on what I wanted to do with my life, which was to return to medicine. Once the twins were old enough for pre-school, I came back to England and started applying for jobs. And finished up at Dalverston.’
‘So if Damien does contact you, you’re pretty sure that you’ll give him short shrift?’ Ryan said carefully, trying not to let her know how important her answer was to him.
‘Absolutely sure.’ She looked up and he saw the certainty in her eyes. ‘I’m not in love with him any longer if, indeed, I was ever in love with him in the first place.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘That I’ve started to realise my feelings weren’t all they seemed. Oh, I was very attracted to him in the beginning and I don’t deny it. He was charming, sophisticated, witty—but now I can see that I was flattered by his attentions more than anything else. I don’t think I was ever really in love with him if I’m honest.’
* * *
Eve could feel her heart pounding. Its beat was so loud that it drowned out every other sound. She saw Ryan stand up, watched him take the couple of steps that were all that were needed to reach her, but she heard nothing apart from the beating of her own heart. When he held out his hand, she took it, feeling the strength of his fingers as they closed around hers. He helped her to her feet then just stood there, waiting…
Eve leant forward until her mouth met his. It was the merest touch of flesh on flesh but it was enough. She shuddered as a host of sensations shot through her. She felt both hot and cold, excited and scared, and wonderfully, vibrantly alive. It was as though she’d been asleep for the past few years, her life on hold, her emotions barely ticking over, until this moment. Although the kiss they’d shared before had started to unlock her feelings it was this whisper of a kiss that was the real key. This kiss that was so gentle, so giving, so totally fulfilling.
‘Eve.’
Ryan’s voice was as soft as a summer breeze and she shuddered again. She could hear the wonder it held and knew that he was equally affected by what was happening. She laid her hand flat on his chest, feeling the heavy beat of his heart beneath her palm. His heart was racing too because he felt the same as she did.
Raising herself up on tiptoe, she pressed her mouth to his and felt the shudder that passed through him. She could feel ripples of it spreading across his chest, feel its echo pass into her, and gloried in the fact that they were sharing this moment. Maybe it wouldn’t last—couldn’t last—but for now they were no longer two separate people but a couple. A pair. And what one felt, the other felt too.
The thought was just too much, too much to ignore, too much to deal with. Eve stepped back, knowing that Ryan could see every single emotion she was feeling. It would have scared her before to know she was so vulnerable but not now. Not with him. Ryan would never hurt her. He would always protect her.
‘I want us to make love,’ she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. ‘I want us to make love so that I can feel like a real woman again. It’s not just for my sake, though. I think it’s what you want too, isn’t it, Ryan?’
‘Yes!’
The word seemed to explode from his lips, filled with so many emotions that Eve felt giddy as she tried to sort them out. However, in the end there was only one that mattered, only one she cared about. Ryan wanted her and that was enough.
She held out her hand and he took it, raised it to his lips and kissed her palm. He didn’t say a word as she led him up the stairs but neither did she. They didn’t need words, didn’t need questions or answers when they both knew what they wanted. And what they wanted was to make love.
Eve let go of his hand when they reached the bedroom and unbuttoned her shirt. She shrugged it off and let it fall to the floor. A camisole came next, the soft whisper of cloth barely disturbing the silence as it too dropped onto the bare wooden floorboards. Her boots, socks and jeans followed until she was dressed only in her underwear, plain white cotton rather than seductive satin, not that it appeared Ryan needed to be seduced. Tossing back her hair, she looked at him, her desire growing when she saw the expression in his eyes. That he wanted her, desperately, wasn’t in doubt.
‘Your turn now,’ she said huskily, moved almost beyond bearing.
He held her gaze as he slipped off his sweater and tossed it onto the pile of clothing. A T
-shirt followed then boots, socks and jeans. Eve bit her lip as she took stock of his powerful figure. Everywhere she looked he was all hard muscle and sinew and it was such a stark contrast to her own body with its soft curves that she couldn’t help being aware of the differences. When he took her hand and tugged her towards him, she resisted, overwhelmed by what was happening.
‘Eve?’
This time her name was a question, one she had to answer too. Eve knew that if she told him she had changed her mind, he would accept it. But was that really what she wanted to do? Was she sorry she had started this? Did she want to stop?
Questions seemed to rush at her from all sides until she could no longer think and then Ryan spoke again, softly and with infinite tenderness. ‘Whatever you decide is fine, Eve. I just want you to be happy.’
Her mind cleared and she knew what she wanted, which was Ryan holding her, loving her, making her see how good it could feel to be a woman. Gripping tight hold of his hand, she led him to the bed.
CHAPTER TWELVE
RYAN COULD FEEL every muscle in his body quivering as Eve led him to the bed. It felt as though every tiny bit of him was so tightly strung that he would shatter into hundreds of pieces. Making love had never felt like this before, never been so intense, so all-consuming, so…so important! But this was Eve and this was very different from anything that had gone before.
Anxiety overwhelmed him as he watched her sit down on the bed. He sank to his knees in front of her, taking her face between his hands. Maybe she didn’t need reassuring but he did! He wanted to erase any bad memories she might be harbouring and he wasn’t sure if he could do that, if he was skilled enough as a lover. What he had learned in the past might not be enough and the thought filled him with dread. He would never forgive himself if Eve hated their lovemaking, hated his touch.
‘Don’t.’ Her voice was low but strangely firm. Ryan drew back and looked at her. ‘You’re worried about what’s going to happen and if it will bring back a lot of awful memories, aren’t you?’
‘Yes,’ he said simply, because he wouldn’t lie. ‘I couldn’t bear to think that I might scare you, sweetheart.’
‘You won’t.’ She leant forward and kissed him lightly on the mouth and her eyes were clear and unafraid when she looked at him. ‘You’re not him, Ryan. You’re you. And I trust you.’
Relief poured through him as he gathered her to him and held her close. All of a sudden his confidence came roaring back and he knew it was going to be all right, that he had nothing to fear. Making love with Eve was going to be perfect. For her. For him. For both of them.
He groaned as he let his hand slide down her back, feeling her skin glide beneath his palm like the finest silk. And like the finest silk it started out by feeling cool to the touch but it soon warmed up. He let his fingers splay against her back, warming her skin before its heat seeped back into him like the most sensual form of osmosis.
Even now, they were sharing their feelings, he realised in wonderment. It had never been like this before. Although passion may have come quickly there’d never been this closeness, this intensity. It was only with Eve that he felt this way; only with her that he would experience this magic.
Tears burned his eyes as he bent and kissed her, letting his mouth say all the things he couldn’t say with his voice. He loved her so much but he daren’t tell her that. He had to remember that he could hurt her and that was the one thing he would never do. For all these years he had avoided commitment and now it was the thing he longed for most of all. He wanted Eve from now to eternity but he couldn’t have her. They could only ever have this one night and although it wasn’t enough, he intended to make it special. One precious night to see him through all the empty years that lay ahead.
* * *
Eve closed her eyes as she savoured the feel of Ryan’s mouth as he scattered kisses across her face. Everywhere his lips touched, they left behind a tiny pulse point of heat, a gentle brand that proclaimed her as his, and she shivered. The thought of being branded this way would have terrified her at one time but not now. Not when it was Ryan marking her as his.
His lips found hers again and she sighed, loving the fact that kissing him felt so right, so natural. She’d learned to fake her response in the past, afraid of letting Damien know how much she had loathed his touch, but there was no need for that now. There was nothing false about this passion she felt: it was one hundred per cent real. She could feel it deep inside, feel it building second by second until her whole body throbbed with it. What she felt for Ryan was real, magical and mind-blowing, but real.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she urged him closer, shuddering when she felt the weight of his body settle over hers. She was still wearing her underclothes and the softly abrasive rasp of cotton on her nipples made her shiver with longing. She could feel them peak, feel them tauten into tight little buds that begged to be noticed, and they got their wish. When Ryan lowered his head and drew her nipple into his mouth, she cried out, unable to hold back the rush of sensations that poured through her.
‘Are you all right?’ He drew back to look at her and what he saw obviously reassured him. ‘You don’t need to answer that,’ he murmured seductively.
Eve took him at his word and didn’t bother, couldn’t have done so anyway because his mouth had found her other nipple and was lavishing the same attention on it too. Her hands clenched as wave after wave of sensation poured through her, flurries of heat that found their way to the very core of her femininity. When he slid his hand down her body and cupped her, she jerked violently.
His fingers splayed across the plain white cotton pants, one finger lightly, tantalisingly caressing her, and Eve shuddered. She couldn’t recall ever feeling so aroused before, knew it hadn’t happened. It was only Ryan’s touch that could arouse her this way, only Ryan who could show her how good it really felt to be a woman. No matter what happened in the future, she would treasure this moment and be glad that it had happened.
The thought trickled coldly through the heat but there was no time to dwell on it, definitely no time to allow it to spoil the magic. Ryan slid her panties off her hips and tossed them aside then removed the final item of his clothing. Eve gasped when she saw the strength and power of his erection, saw how much he wanted her, a reaction that wasn’t lost on him either.
She bit her lip as she watched him reach down and take a condom from his wallet. He slid it on then took her face between his hands and looked deep into her eyes. ‘It’s not too late to stop, Eve. If this isn’t what you want then say so.’
His concern was just too much. Eve’s eyes swam with tears as she laid her hand against his cheek. ‘Thank you.’
‘What for?’ He kissed her softly, his eyes filled with tenderness.
‘For giving me a choice,’ she whispered. ‘Even though I don’t need to choose…’
She barely had a chance to finish what she was saying before his mouth found hers again. Eve closed her eyes, savouring the taste of his tongue as it slid between her lips in the moment before he entered her. Her body opened to him at once, drawing him in, welcoming him, and she felt him shudder. Had he been afraid she wouldn’t want him when the time came? she wondered tenderly, then wondered no more because it was impossible to think about anything except what was happening.
Heat and light filled her, a glow that seemed to start somewhere deep inside her and spread with every powerful thrust of his body. By the time it had consumed her totally, she couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything except let Ryan carry her away to a place she had never been before. As she tumbled over the edge into oblivion, she knew that what had happened had transformed her life and that she would never be the same again. She was someone different now that Ryan had made love to her.
* * *
Consciousness returned slowly, the heavy pounding of his heart gradually slowing to a less frantic pace. Ryan lay on his back, his eyes closed but his other senses working overtime. He could
hear the steady beat of Eve’s heart as she lay beside him and marvelled at the fact that he had never been aware of anyone’s heart beating before. But this was Eve. This was different. This was love.
A wave of unbearable sadness rose up inside him and he opened his eyes, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to contain it if he lay there and thought things like that. He’d known from the start that, no matter what happened, no matter how wonderful it felt to make love to Eve, it couldn’t lead anywhere. Now he had to make sure that she understood it too.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked quietly, wondering dully how to set about it. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do and he was suddenly afraid that he would make a mess of it. He couldn’t bear to think that he might hurt her when he was trying so desperately to protect her.
‘Fine.’ She turned and smiled at him, and Ryan felt his heart turn to lead when he saw the joy in her eyes. It was obvious what she thought and it was all his fault. He should have set out the ground rules in advance, made sure she’d understood where this was going, which was nowhere.
‘You’re doing it again, Ryan.’
Her voice broke into his thoughts and he frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘That you’re worrying in case, well, in case I read too much into what’s happened.’
She gave a little shrug and he blinked in surprise. Was she right? Was he misreading the signals, attributing far more meaning to what they’d done than she was? Part of him didn’t want to believe it while another, more cowardly part hoped it was true.
‘I don’t want to hurt you, Eve. You’ve been through enough,’ he began, then stopped. He couldn’t lie, wouldn’t even try. He had to tell her the truth even if he couldn’t tell her it all. ‘What I’m trying to say is that I care about you, Eve. A lot.’
He took her hand, held it lightly in his, afraid that if he held it any tighter he would crush her fingers. His emotions had never felt so charged, so raw. It would take very little to let it all pour out—his love for her, how he ached to be part of her future and for her to be part of his, and that was what he couldn’t do. He must never let Eve persuade him he was wrong; he couldn’t take that risk.
Mr. Right All Along Page 11
