Paul Clifford

by Edward Bulwer-Lytton

  ‘Rogues should not prey on each other, my good fellow. You rob your master – so do we – let each keep what he has got.’

  Long Ned and Tomlinson, then backing their horses, the carriage was freed; and away started the post-boys at a pace which seemed to show less regard for life than the robbers themselves had evinced.

  Meanwhile the captain remounted his steed, and the three confederates, bounding in gallant style over the hedge through which they had previously gained the road, galloped off in the same direction they had come; the moon ever and anon bringing into light their flying figures, and the sound of many a joyous peel of laughter ringing through the distance along the frosty air.

  Chapter XIII

  What is here? –

  Gold?

  Thus much of this will make black white – foul fair.

  Timon of Athens

  Came there a certain lord, neat, trimly drest,

  Fresh as a bridegroom.

  Henry IV

  I do not know the man I should avoid

  So soon as that spare Cassius! He reads much.

  He is a great observer: and he looks

  Quite through the deeds of men.

  Often he smiles; but smiles in such a sort,

  As if he mocked himself or scorned his spirit,

  That could be moved to smile at anything.

  Julius Cæsar

  The next day, late at noon, as Lucy was sitting with her father, not as usual engaged either in work or in reading, but seemingly quite idle, with her pretty foot upon the squire’s gouty stool, and her eyes fixed on the carpet, while her hands (never were hands so soft and so small as Lucy’s, though they may have been eclipsed in whiteness) were lightly clasped together and reposed listlessly on her knees, – the surgeon of the village abruptly entered with a face full of news and horror. Old Squire Brandon was one of those persons who always hear news, whatever it may be, later than any of their neighbours; and it was not till all the gossips of the neighbourhood had picked the bone of the matter quite bare, that he was now informed, through the medium of Mr Pillum, that Lord Mauleverer had on the preceding night been stopped by three highwaymen in his road to his country seat, and robbed to a considerable amount.

  The fame of the worthy Dr Slopperton’s mal-adventure having, long ere this, been spread far and wide, the whole neighbourhood was naturally thrown into great consternation. Magistrates were sent to, large dogs borrowed, blunderbusses cleaned, and a subscription made throughout the parish for the raising of a patrol. There seemed little doubt but that the offenders, in either case, were members of the same horde; and Mr Pillum, in his own mind, was perfectly convinced that they meant to encroach upon his trade, and destroy all the surrounding householders who were worth the trouble.

  The next week passed in the most diligent endeavours, on the part of the neighbouring magistrates and yeomanry, to detect and seize the robbers, but their labours were utterly fruitless; and one justice of peace, who had been particularly active, was himself entirely ‘cleaned out’ by an old gentleman, who, under the name of Mr Bagshot – rather an ominous cognomen – offered to conduct the unsuspicious magistrate to the very spot where the miscreants might be seized. No sooner, however, had he drawn the poor justice away from his comrades into a lonely part of the road, than he stripped him to his shirt. He did not even leave his worship his flannel drawers, though the weather was as bitter as the dog-days of eighteen hundred and twenty-nine.

  ‘’Tis not my way,’ said the hoary ruffian, when the justice petitioned at least for the latter article of attire; ‘’tis not my way – I be’s slow about my work, but I does it thoroughly – so off with your rags, old ’un.’

  This was, however, the only additional instance of aggression in the vicinity of Warlock Manor-house; and, by degrees, as the autumn declined, and no farther enormities were perpetrated, people began to look out for a new topic of conversation. This was afforded them by a piece of unexpected good fortune to Lucy Brandon.

  Mrs Warner, an old lady to whom she was slightly related, and with whom she had been residing during her brief and only visit to London, died suddenly, and in her will declared Lucy to be her sole heiress. The property, which was in the funds, and which amounted to sixty thousand pounds, was to be enjoyed by Miss Brandon immediately on her attaining her twenty-first year; meanwhile the executors to the will were to pay to the young heiress the annual sum of six hundred pounds. The joy which this news created in Warlock Manor-house may easily be conceived. The squire projected improvements here, and repairs there; and Lucy, poor girl, who had no idea of money for herself, beyond the purchase of a new pony, or a gown from London, seconded with affectionate pleasure all her father’s suggestions, and delighted herself with the reflection that those fine plans, which were to make the Brandons greater than the Brandons ever were before, were to be realized by her own, own money! It was at this identical time that the surrounding gentry made a simultaneous and grand discovery – viz. of the astonishing merits and great good sense of Mr Joseph Brandon. It was a pity, they observed, that he was of so reserved and shy a turn – it was not becoming in a gentleman of so ancient a family. But why should they not endeavour to draw him from his retirement into those more public scenes which he was doubtless well calculated to adorn?

  Accordingly, as soon as the first month of mourning had expired, several coaches, chariots, chaises, and horses, which had never been seen at Warlock Manor-house before, arrived there one after the other in the most friendly manner imaginable. Their owners admired everything – the house was such a fine relic of old times! – For their parts they liked an oak staircase! – And those nice old windows! – And what a beautiful peacock! – And, Heaven save the mark! That magnificent chestnut tree was worth a forest! – Mr Brandon was requested to make one of the county hunt, not that he any longer hunted himself, but that his name would give such consequence to the thing! – Miss Lucy must come to pass a week with her dear friends the Honourable Misses Sansterre! – Augustus, their brother, had such a sweet lady’s horse! – In short, the customary change which takes place in people’s characters after the acquisition of a fortune, took place in the characters of Mr and Miss Brandon; and when people become suddenly amiable, it is no wonder that they should suddenly gain a vast accession of friends.

  But Lucy, though she had seen so little of the world, was not quite blind; and the squire, though rather obtuse, was not quite a fool. If they were not rude to their new visitors, they were by no means overpowered with gratitude at their condescension. Mr Brandon declined subscribing to the hunt, and Miss Lucy laughed in the face of the Honourable Augustus Sansterre. Among their new guests, however, was one who to great knowledge of the world joined an extreme and even brilliant polish of manners, which at least prevented deceit from being disagreeable, if not wholly from being unseen: – this was the new lieutenant of the county, Lord Mauleverer.

  Though possessed of an immense property in that district, Lord Mauleverer had hitherto resided but little on his estates. He was one of those gay lords who are now somewhat uncommon in this country after mature manhood is attained, who live an easy and rakish life, rather among their parasites than their equals, and who yet, by aid of an agreeable manner, natural talents, and a certain graceful and light cultivation of mind (not the less pleasant for its being universally coloured with worldliness, and an amusing rather than offensive regard for self ) never lose their legitimate station in society; who are oracles in dress, equipages, cookery, and beauty, and, having no character of their own, are able to fix by a single word a character upon any one else. Thus, while Mauleverer rather lived the dissolute life of a young nobleman, who prefers the company of agreeable demireps to that of wearisome duchesses, than maintained the decorous state befitting a mature age, and an immense interest in the country, – he was quite as popular at court, where he held a situation in the household, as he was in the green-room, where he enchanted every actress on the right side of forty. A word from
him in the legitimate quarters of power went farther than an harangue from another; and even the prudes, – at least, all those who had daughters, – confessed ‘that his lordship was a very interesting character.’ Like Brandon, his familiar friend, he had risen in the world (from the Irish baron to the English earl) without having ever changed his politics, which were ultra-Tory; and we need not observe that he was deemed, like Brandon, a model of public integrity. He was possessed of two places under government, six votes in the House of Commons, and eight livings in the church; and we must add, in justice to his loyal and religious principles, that there was not in the three kingdoms a firmer friend to the existing establishments.

  Whenever a nobleman does not marry, people try to take away his character. Lord Mauleverer had never married; the Whigs had been very bitter on the subject; they even alluded to it in the House of Commons, that chaste assembly, where the never-failing subject of reproach against Mr Pitt was the not being of an amorous temperament; but they had not hitherto prevailed against the stout earl’s celibacy. It is true, that if he was devoid of a wife, he had secured to himself plenty of substitutes; his profession was that of a man of gallantry; and though he avoided the daughters, it was only to make love to the mothers. But his lordship had now attained a certain age, and it was at last circulated among his friends that he intended to look out for a Lady Mauleverer.

  ‘Spare your caresses,’ said his toady-in-chief to a certain duchess, who had three portionless daughters. ‘Mauleverer has sworn that he will not choose among your order: you know his high politics, and you will not wonder at his declaring himself averse in matrimony as in morals to a community of goods.’

  The announcement of the earl’s matrimonial design, and the circulation of this anecdote, set all the clergymen’s daughters in England on a blaze of expectation; and when Mauleverer came to —shire, upon obtaining the honour of the lieutenancy, to visit his estates and court the friendship of his neighbours, there was not an old-young lady of forty, who worked in broad-stitch and had never been to London above a week at a time, who did not deem herself exactly the sort of person sure to fascinate his lordship. It was late in the afternoon when the travelling chariot of this distinguished person, preceded by two outriders in the earl’s undress livery of dark green, stopped at the hall door of Warlock House. The squire was at home, actually and metaphorically; for he never dreamed of denying himself to anyone, gentle or simple. The door of the carriage being opened, there descended a small slight man, richly dressed (for lace and silk vestments were not then quite discarded, though gradually growing less the mode), and of an air prepossessing, and distinguished, rather than dignified. His years, – for his countenance, though handsome, was deeply marked, and evinced the tokens of dissipation, – seemed more numerous than they really were; and, though not actually past middle age, Lord Mauleverer might fairly have received the unpleasing epithet of elderly. However, his step was firm, his gait upright, and his figure was considerably more youthful than his physiognomy. The first compliments of the day having passed, and Lord Mauleverer having expressed his concern that his long and frequent absence from the county had hitherto prevented his making the acquaintance of Mr Brandon, the brother of one of his oldest and most esteemed friends, conversation became on both sides rather an effort. Mr Brandon first introduced the subject of the weather, and the turnips – inquired whether his lordship was not very fond – (for his part he used to be, but lately the rheumatism had disabled him, he hoped his lordship was not subject to that complaint) of shooting!

  Catching only the last words, – for, besides the awful complexity of the squire’s sentences, Mauleverer was slightly affected by the aristocratic complaint of deafness, – the earl answered with a smile, –

  ‘The complaint of shooting! – Very good indeed, Mr Brandon; it is seldom that I have heard so witty a phrase. No, I am not in the least troubled with that epidemic. It is a disorder very prevalent in this county.’

  ‘My lord!’ said the squire, rather puzzled – and then observing that Mauleverer did not continue, he thought it expedient to start another subject.

  ‘I was exceedingly grieved to hear that your lordship, in travelling to Mauleverer Park – (that is a very ugly road across the waste land; the roads in this county are in general pretty good – for my own part, when I was a magistrate I was very strict in that respect) – was robbed. You have not yet, I believe, detected – (for my part, though I do not profess to be much of a politician, I do think that in affairs of robbery there is a great deal of remissness in the ministers) – the villains!’

  ‘Our friend is disaffected!’ thought the lord-lieutenant, imagining that the last opprobrious term was applied to the respectable personages specified in the parenthesis. Bowing with a polished smile to the squire, Mauleverer replied aloud, that he was extremely sorry that their conduct (meaning the ministers) did not meet with Mr Brandon’s approbation.

  ‘Well,’ thought the squire, ‘that is playing the courtier with a vengeance!’ ‘Meet with my approbation!’ said he, warmly: ‘how could your lordship think me – (for though I am none of your saints, I am, I hope, a good Christian; an excellent one, judging from your words, your lordship must be!) so partial to crime!’

  ‘I partial to crime!’ returned Mauleverer, thinking he had stumbled unawares on some outrageous democrat, yet smiling as softly as usual; ‘you judge me harshly, Mr Brandon! You must do me more justice, and you can only do that by knowing me better.’

  Whatever unlucky answer the squire might otherwise have made, was cut off by the entrance of Lucy; and the earl, secretly delighted at the interruption, rose to render her his homage, and to remind her of the introduction he had formerly been so happy as to obtain to her through the friendship of Mr William Brandon, – ‘A friendship,’ said the gallant nobleman, ‘to which I have often before been indebted, but which was never more agreeably exerted on my behalf.’

  Upon this Lucy, who, though she had been so painfully bashful during her meeting with Mr Clifford, felt no overpowering diffidence in the presence of so much greater a person, replied laughingly, and the earl rejoined by a second compliment. Conversation was now no longer an effort; and Mauleverer, the most consummate of epicures, whom even royalty trembled to ask without preparation, on being invited by the unconscious squire to partake of the family dinner, eagerly accepted the invitation. It was long since the knightly walls of Warlock had been honoured by the presence of a guest so courtly. The good squire heaped his plate with a profusion of boiled beef; and while the poor earl was contemplating in dismay the alps upon alps which he was expected to devour, the grey-headed butler, anxious to serve him with alacrity, whipped away the overloaded plate, and presently returned it, yet more astoundingly surcharged with an additional world of a composition of stony colour and sudorific aspect, which, after examining in mute attention for some moments, and carefully removing as well as he was able, to the extreme edge of his plate, the earl discovered to be suet pudding.

  ‘You eat nothing, my lord,’ cried the squire; ‘let me give you (this is more underdone)’ – holding between blade and fork in middle air a horrent fragment of scarlet, shaking its gory locks, – ‘another slice.’

  Swift at the word dropped upon Mauleverer’s plate the harpy finger and ruthless thumb of the grey-headed butler.

  ‘Not a morsel more,’ cried the earl, struggling with the murderous domestic. ‘My dear sir, excuse me; I assure you I have never ate such a dinner before – never!’

  ‘Nay, now!’ quoth the squire, expostulating, ‘you really – (and this air is so keen that your lordship should indulge your appetite, if you follow the physician’s advice,) eat nothing!’

  Again Mauleverer was at fault.

  ‘The physicians are right, Mr Brandon,’ said he; ‘very right, and I am forced to live abstemiously; indeed I do not know whether, if I were to exceed at your hospitable table, and attack all that you would bestow upon me, I should ever recover it. You would
have to seek a new lieutenant for your charming county, and on the tomb of the last Mauleverer the hypocritical and unrelated heir would inscribe, “Died of the visitation of Beef, John, Earl, &c.”’

  Plain as the meaning of this speech might have seemed to others, the squire only laughed at the effeminate appetite of the speaker, and inclined to think him an excellent fellow for jesting so good-humouredly on his own physical infirmity. But Lucy had the tact of her sex, and, taking pity on the earl’s calamitous situation, though she certainly never guessed at its extent, entered with so much grace and ease into the conversation which he sought to establish between them, that Mauleverer’s gentleman, who had hitherto been pushed aside by the zeal of the grey-headed butler, found an opportunity, when the squire was laughing and the butler staring, to steal away the overburdened plate unsuspected and unseen.

  In spite, however, of these evils of board and lodgement, Mauleverer was exceedingly well pleased with his visit; nor did he terminate it till the shades of night had begun to close, and the distance from his own residence conspired with experience to remind him that it was possible for a highwayman’s audacity to attack the equipage even of Lord Mauleverer. He then reluctantly re-entered his carriage, and, bidding the postilions drive as fast as possible, wrapped himself in his roquelaire, and divided his thoughts between Lucy Brandon and the homard au gratin with which he purposed to console himself immediately on his return home. However, Fate, which mocks our most cherished hopes, ordained that on arriving at Mauleverer Park the owner should be suddenly afflicted with a loss of appetite, a coldness in the limbs, a pain in the chest, and various other ungracious symptoms of portending malady. Lord Mauleverer went straight to bed; he remained there for some days, and when he recovered his physicians ordered him to Bath. The Whig Methodists, who hated him, ascribed his illness to Providence; and his lordship was firmly of opinion that it should be ascribed to the beef and pudding. However this be, there was an end, for the present, to the hopes of young ladies of forty, and to the intended festivities at Mauleverer Park. ‘Good Heavens!’ said the earl, as his carriage wheels turned from his gates, ‘what a loss to country tradesmen may be occasioned by a piece of underdone beef, especially if it be boiled!’