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by Edward Bulwer-Lytton


  About a fortnight had elapsed since Mauleverer’s meteoric visit to Warlock House, when the squire received from his brother the following epistle: –

  My dear Joseph,

  You know my numerous avocations, and, amid the press of business which surrounds me, will, I am sure, forgive me for being a very negligent and remiss correspondent. Nevertheless, I assure you, no one can more sincerely sympathize in that good fortune which has befallen my charming niece, and of which your last letter informed me, than I do. Pray give my best love to her, and tell her how complacently I look forward to the brilliant sensation she will create, when her beauty is enthroned upon that rank which, I am quite sure, it will one day or other command.

  You are not aware, perhaps, my dear Joseph, that I have for some time been in a very weak and declining state of health. The old nervous complaint in my face has of late attacked me grievously, and the anguish is sometimes so great that I am scarcely able to bear it. I believe the great demand which my profession makes upon a frame of body never strong, and now beginning prematurely to feel the infirmities of time, is the real cause of my maladies. At last, however, I must absolutely punish my pocket, and indulge my inclinations by a short respite from toil. The doctors – sworn friends, you know, to the lawyers – since they make common cause against mankind, have peremptorily ordered me to lie by, and to try a short course of air, exercise, social amusements, and the waters of Bath. Fortunately this is vacation time, and I can afford to lose a few weeks of emolument, in order, perhaps, to secure many years of life. I purpose, then, early next week, repairing to that melancholy reservoir of the gay, where persons dance out of life and are fiddled across the Styx. In a word, I shall make one of the adventurers after health, who seek the goddess at King Bladud’s pump-room. Will you and dear Lucy join me there? I ask it of your friendship, and I am quite sure that neither of you will shrink aghast at the proposal of solacing your invalid relation. At the same time that I am recovering health, my pretty niece will be avenging Pluto, by consigning to his dominions many a better and younger hero in my stead. And it will be a double pleasure to me to see all the hearts, &c. – I break off, for what can I say on that subject which the little coquette does not anticipate? It is high time that Lucy should see the world; and though there are many at Bath, above all places, to whom the heiress will be an object of interested attentions, yet there are also many in that crowded city by no means undeserving her notice. What say you, dear Joseph? – But I know already; you will not refuse to keep company with me in my little holiday, and Lucy’s eyes are already sparkling at the idea of new bonnets, Milsom Street, a thousand adorers, and the Pump-room.

  Ever, dear Joseph,

  Yours affectionately,

  William Brandon

  P.S. – I find that my friend Lord Mauleverer is at Bath; I own that is an additional reason to take me thither; by a letter from him, received the other day, I see that he has paid you a visit, and he now raves about his host and the heiress. Ah, Miss Lucy, Miss Lucy! are you going to conquer him whom all London has, for years more than I care to tell (yet not many, for Mauleverer is still young), assailed in vain? Answer me!

  This letter created a considerable excitement in Warlock House. The old squire was extremely fond of his brother, and grieved to the heart to find that he spoke so discouragingly of his health. Nor did the squire for a moment hesitate at accepting the proposal to join his distinguished relative at Bath. Lucy also, – who had for her uncle, possibly from his profuse yet not indelicate flattery, a very great regard and interest, though she had seen but little of him, – urged the squire to lose no time in arranging matters for their departure, so as to precede the barrister, and prepare everything for his arrival. The father and daughter being thus agreed, there was little occasion for delay; an answer to the invalid’s letter was sent by return of post, and on the fourth day from their receipt of the said epistle, the good old squire, his daughter, a country girl, by way of abigail – the grey-headed butler, and two or three live pets, of the size and habits most convenient for travelling, were on their way to a city which at that time was gayer, at least, if somewhat less splendid, than the metropolis.

  On the second day of their arrival at Bath, Brandon (as in future, to avoid confusion, we shall call the younger brother, giving to the elder his patriarchal title of squire) joined them.

  He was a man seemingly rather fond of parade, though at heart he disrelished and despised it. He came to their lodging, which had not been selected in the very best part of the town, in a carriage and six, but attended only by one favourite servant.

  They found him in better looks and better spirits than they had anticipated. Few persons, when he liked it, could be more agreeable than William Brandon; but at times there mixed with his conversation a bitter sarcasm, probably a habit acquired in his profession, or an occasional tinge of morose and haughty sadness, possibly the consequence of his ill-health. Yet his disorder, which was somewhat approaching to that painful affliction the tic douloureux, though of fits more rare in occurrence than those of that complaint ordinarily are, never seemed even for an instant to operate upon his mood, whatever that might be. That disease worked unseen; not a muscle of his face appeared to quiver; the smile never vanished from his mouth, the blandness of his voice never grew faint as with pain, and, in the midst of intense torture, his resolute and stern mind conquered every external indication; nor could the most observant stranger have noted the moment when the fit attacked or released him. There was something inscrutable about the man. You felt that you took his character upon trust, and not on your own knowledge. The acquaintance of years would have left you equally dark as to his vices or his virtues. He varied often, yet in each variation he was equally undiscoverable. Was he performing a series of parts, or was it the ordinary changes of a man’s true temperament that you beheld in him? Commonly smooth, quiet, attentive, flattering in social intercourse; he was known in the senate and courts of law for a cold asperity, and a caustic venom, – scarcely rivalled even in those arenas of contention. It seemed as if the bitterer feelings he checked in private life, he delighted to indulge in public. Yet, even there, he gave not way to momentary petulance or gushing passion; all seemed with him systematic sarcasm, or habitual sternness. He outraged no form of ceremonial, or of society. He stung, without appearing conscious of the sting; and his antagonist writhed not more beneath the torture of his satire, than the crushing contempt of his self-command. Cool, ready, armed and defended on all points, sound in knowledge, unfailing in observation, equally consummate in sophistry when needed by himself, and instantaneous in detecting sophistry in another; scorning no art, however painful, – begrudging no labour, however weighty, – minute in detail, yet not the less comprehending the whole subject in a grasp; such was the legal and public character William Brandon had established, and such was the fame he joined to the unsullied purity of his moral reputation. But to his friends he seemed only the agreeable, clever, lively, and, if we may use the phrase innocently, the worldly man, – never affecting a superior sanctity, or an over-anxiety to forms, except upon great occasions; and rendering his austerity of manners the more admired, because he made it seem so unaccompanied by hypocrisy.

  ‘Well,’ said Brandon, as he sat after dinner alone with his relations, and had seen the eyes of his brother close in diurnal slumber, – ‘tell me, Miss Lucy, what you think of Lord Mauleverer; do you find him agreeable?’

  ‘Very; too much so, indeed!’

  ‘Too much so! That is an uncommon fault, Lucy; unless you mean to insinuate that you find him too agreeable for your peace of mind.’

  ‘Oh, no! There is little fear of that. All that I meant to express was, that he seems to make it the sole business of his life to be agreeable; and that one imagines he had gained that end by the loss of certain qualities which one would have liked better.’

  ‘Umph! And what are they?’

  ‘Truth, sincerity, independence, and honesty of mind.’r />
  ‘My dear Lucy, it has been the professional study of my life to discover a man’s character, especially so far as truth is concerned, in as short a time as possible; but you excel me by intuition, if you can tell whether there be sincerity in a courtier’s character at the first interview you have with him.’

  ‘Nevertheless, I am sure of my opinion,’ said Lucy, laughing, ‘and I will tell you one instance I observed among a hundred. Lord Mauleverer is rather deaf, and he imagined, in conversation, that my father said one thing – it was upon a very trifling subject – the speech of some member of parliament’ – the lawyer smiled – ‘when in reality he meant to say another. Lord Mauleverer, in the warmest manner in the world, chimed in with him, appeared thoroughly of his opinion, applauded his sentiments, and wished the whole country of his mind. Suddenly my father spoke, Lord Mauleverer bent down his ear, and found that the sentiments he had so lauded were exactly those my father the least favoured. No sooner did he make this discovery, than he wheeled round again, dexterously and gracefully, I allow; condemned all that he had before extolled, and extolled all that he had before abused!’

  ‘And is that all, Lucy?’ said Brandon, with a keener sneer on his lip than the occasion warranted. ‘Why, that is what everyone does; only some more gravely than others. Mauleverer in society; I, at the bar; the minister in parliament; friend to friend; lover to mistress; mistress to lover; half of us are employed in saying white is black, and the other half in swearing that black is white. There is only one difference, my pretty niece, between the clever man and the fool; the fool says what is false while the colours stare in his face and give him the lie; but the clever man takes, as it were, a brush, and literally turns the black into white, and the white into black, before he makes the assertion, which is then true. The fool changes, and is a liar; the clever man makes the colours change, and is a genius. But this is not for your young years yet, Lucy.’

  ‘But, I can’t see the necessity of seeming to agree with people,’ said Lucy, simply. ‘Surely they would be just as well pleased if you differed from them civilly and with respect?’

  ‘No, Lucy,’ said Brandon, still sneering, ‘to be liked, it is not necessary to be anything but compliant; lie, cheat, make every word a snare, and every act a forgery – but never contradict. Agree with people, and they make a couch for you in their hearts. You know the story of Dante and the buffoon. Both were entertained at the court of the vain pedant, who called himself Prince Scaliger; the former poorly, the latter sumptuously. “How comes it,” said the buffoon to the poet, “that I am so rich and you so poor?” “I shall be as rich as you,” was the stinging and true reply, “whenever I can find a patron as like myself as Prince Scaliger is like you!”’

  ‘Yet my birds,’ said Lucy, caressing the goldfinch, which nestled to her bosom, ‘are not like me, and I love them. Nay, I often think I could love those better who differ from me the most. I feel it so in books; – when, for instance, I read a novel or a play; and you, uncle, I like almost in proportion to my perceiving in myself nothing in common with you.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Brandon, ‘you have in common with me a love for old stories of Sir Hugo, and Sir Rupert, and all the other “Sirs” of our mouldered and by-gone race. So you shall sing me the ballad about Sir John de Brandon, and the dragon he slew in the Holy Land. We will adjourn to the drawing-room, not to disturb your father.’

  Lucy agreed, took her uncle’s arm, repaired to the drawing-room, and, seating herself at the harpsichord, sang to an inspiriting, yet somewhat rude air, the family ballad her uncle had demanded.

  It would have been amusing to note in the rigid face of the hardened and habitual man of peace and parchments, a certain enthusiasm which ever and anon crossed his cheek, as the verses of the ballad rested on some allusion to the knightly House of Brandon, and its old renown. It was an early prejudice, breaking out despite of himself – a flash of character, stricken from the hard fossil in which it was imbedded. One would have supposed that the silliest of all prides (for the pride of money, though meaner, is less senseless), family pride, was the last weakness which at that time the callous and astute lawyer would have confessed, even to himself.

  ‘Lucy,’ said Brandon, as the song ceased, and he gazed on his beautiful niece with a certain pride in his aspect, – ‘I long to witness your first appearance in the world. This lodging, my dear, is not fit – but pardon me! What I was about to say is this: your father and yourself are here at my invitation, and in my house you must dwell: you are my guests, not mine host and hostess. I have, therefore, already directed my servant to secure me a house, and provide the necessary establishment; and I make no doubt, as he is a quick fellow, that within three days all will be ready. You must then be the magnet of my abode, Lucy; and, meanwhile, you must explain this to my brother, and, for you know his jealous hospitality, obtain his acquiescence.’

  ‘But – ’ began Lucy.

  ‘But me no buts,’ said Brandon, quickly, but with an affectionate tone of wilfulness. ‘And now, as I feel very much fatigued with my journey, you must allow me to seek my own room.’

  ‘I will conduct you to it myself,’ said Lucy, for she was anxious to show her father’s brother the care and forethought which she had lavished on her arrangements for his comfort. Brandon followed her into an apartment, which his eye knew at a glance had been subjected to that female superintendence which makes such uses from what men reject as insignificant; and he thanked her with more than his usual amenity, for the grace which had presided over, and the kindness which had dictated, her preparations. As soon as he was left alone, he wheeled his arm-chair near the clear, bright fire, and resting his face upon his hand, in the attitude of a man who prepares himself, as it were, for the indulgence of meditation, he muttered: –

  ‘Yes! These women are, first, what Nature makes them, and that is good: next, what we make them, and that is evil! Now, could I persuade myself that we ought to be nice as to the use we put these poor puppets to, I should shrink from enforcing the destiny which I have marked for this girl. But that is a pitiful consideration, and he is but a silly player who loses his money for the sake of preserving his counters. So the young lady must go as another score to the fortunes of William Brandon. After all, who suffers? – Not she. She will have wealth, rank, honour: I shall suffer, to yield so pretty and pure a gem to the coronet of – faugh! How I despise that dog! But how I could hate, crush, mangle him, could I believe that he despised me! Could he do so? Umph! No, I have resolved myself, that is impossible. Well, let me hope that matrimonial point will be settled; and now, let me consider what next step I shall take for myself – myself! – ay – only myself! – with me perishes the last male of Brandon. But the light shall not go out under a bushel.’

  As he said this, the soliloquist sunk into a more absorbed, and a silent reverie, from which he was disturbed by the entrance of his servant. Brandon, who was never a dreamer, save when alone, broke at once from his reflections.

  ‘You have obeyed my orders, Barlow?’ said he.

  ‘Yes, sir,’ answered the domestic. ‘I have taken the best house yet unoccupied, and when Mrs Roberts’ – the housekeeper – ‘arrives from London, everything will, I trust, be exactly to your wishes.’

  ‘Good! And you gave my note to Lord Mauleverer?’

  ‘With my own hands, sir; his lordship will await you at home all tomorrow.’

  ‘Very well! And now, Barlow, see that your room is within call’ – bells, though known, were not common at that day – ‘and give out that I am gone to bed, and must not be disturbed. What’s the hour?’

  ‘Just on the stroke of ten, sir.’

  ‘Place on that table my letter-case and the inkstand. Look in, to help me to undress, at half-past one; I shall go to bed at that hour. And – stay – be sure, Barlow, that my brother believes me retired for the night. He does not know my habits, and will vex himself if he thinks I sit up so late in my present state of health.’

  Dr
awing the table with its writing appurtenances near to his master, the servant left Brandon once more to his thoughts or his occupations.

  Chapter XIV

  Servant: Get away, I say, wid dat nasty bell.

  Punch: Do you call this a bell? (patting it). It is an organ.

  Servant: I say it is a bell – a nasty bell!

  Punch: I say it is an organ (striking him with it). – What do you say it is now?

  Servant: An organ, Mr Punch!

  The Tragical Comedy of Punch and Judy

  The next morning, before Lucy and her father had left their apartments, Brandon, who was a remarkably early riser, had disturbed the luxurious Mauleverer in his first slumber. Although the courtier possessed a villa some miles from Bath, he preferred a lodging in the town, both as being warmer than a rarely inhabited country-house, and as being to an indolent man more immediately convenient for the gaities and the waters of the medicinal city. As soon as the earl had rubbed his eyes, stretched himself, and prepared himself for the untimeous colloquy, Brandon poured forth his excuses for the hour he had chosen for a visit. ‘Mention it not, my dear Brandon,’ said the good-natured nobleman, with a sigh; ‘I am glad at any hour to see you, and I am very sure that what you have to communicate is always worth listening to.’

  ‘It was only upon public business, though of rather a more important description than usual, that I ventured to disturb you,’ answered Brandon, seating himself on a chair by the bedside. ‘This morning – an hour ago – I received by private express a letter from London, stating that a new arrangement will positively be made in the cabinet – nay, naming the very promotions and changes. I confess, that as my name occurred, as also your own, in these nominations, I was anxious to have the benefit of your necessarily accurate knowledge on the subject, as well as of your advice.’

 

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