by Adele Abbott
I was close.
“And that’s why I’m here.” She produced two sheets of paper from her bag, and handed one to me.
“What’s this?”
“My shopping list. What do you think it is? I want you to help me to practise my lines. You’ll be Lavinia.”
“Who’s Lavinia?”
“She’s my daughter. I’m Esmeralda, the head of the Crawshaw family.”
“Crawshaw?”
“I didn’t pick the names! Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there asking stupid questions all day?”
“I am kind of busy.”
“When I walked through the door just now, you were arranging your paperclips by size.”
“It saves time later.”
“Are you ready to start?”
“I have an appointment in an hour.”
“We’d better get on with it, then. Yours is the first line.”
“Okay, here goes. I’ll never be as powerful a witch as you, Ma.”
“Is that the best you can do? How am I supposed to bring out my best performance if you aren’t even trying?”
“Sorry. I’ll have another go.” I switched to full-on thesp mode. “I’ll never be as powerful a witch as you, Ma.”
“One day you might, Lavinia, but only if you believe in the power of magic.”
There weren’t words to describe how bad her performance was.
“What do you think?” Grandma said. “Not bad, eh?”
She was right. It wasn’t bad. It was terrible. Winky would have been more believable in the part.
“Not bad for a first attempt.” I lied. “It might be better though if you were just yourself.”
“Myself? Don’t you understand anything about acting? I have to inhabit the being that is Esmeralda.”
“Right, okay. Sorry.”
We spent the next hour reading through the lines. On a scale of nought to wooden, Grandma was a definite two-by-four. The ironic thing was that if she’d read the lines as herself, she would have been ideal for the part, but there was no telling her.
“Break a leg, then,” I said, as she was about to leave.
“What a horrible thing to say. And to your own flesh and blood, too.”
“No! I didn’t—err—mean—err—it’s just what they say in the theatre. Never mind. Good luck on Saturday.”
“She doesn’t stand a chance.” Winky reappeared. “I’ve seen dead mice with more acting ability than her.”
Harsh, but true.
***
Sandra Johnson, Kylie’s flatmate, was wearing PJs when she answered the door.
“Sorry about these.” She gestured to her attire. “I only got up an hour ago. Heavy night.”
“No problem. Thanks for seeing me.”
“Do you mind if I do the ironing while we talk? I’m completely out of tops.”
“Carry on.” I had to move a pile of magazines so I could sit on the only chair in the kitchen. “Have you and Kylie been flatmates for long?”
“A couple of years. We were at school together. When I’d had enough of living with my parents, I asked Kylie if she fancied sharing.”
“Do you two get on okay?”
“Mostly, yeah, but she doesn’t like it when I borrow her clothes and stuff. And, she’s always telling me that I’m untidy.”
She had a point.
“How well did you know Lee Sparks?”
“I know you’re not supposed to say bad things about the dead, but he was a complete tool.”
“What in particular didn’t you like about him?”
“He was so full of himself. He thought he was better than everyone else. But the worst thing was the way he treated Kylie.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wouldn’t let any guy talk to me the way that he talked to her.”
“Was he ever physically abusive towards her?”
“Not that I saw, but I wouldn’t have put it past him.”
“How was she on the morning of the day that Lee was murdered?”
“In a terrible state. They’d had a big bust-up the night before.”
“What about?”
Sandra shrugged. “I’m not sure, but it was the worst I’d seen Kylie. Her mother was here too.”
“Did she often come over?”
“Not particularly. Kylie hated her mum sticking her nose in. She’d come over to try to talk Kylie into dumping Lee.”
“Was she going to?”
“I don’t think so. She and her mum had a real shouting match, and then her mum stormed out.”
“I understand the police have been to see you?”
“Yeah. They pretty much asked the same questions as you have.”
“And they showed you the knife?”
She nodded. “It was definitely one of ours.”
“Had you noticed it was missing?”
“No. I had no idea. Not until the police came by.”
***
Kathy, Peter and Jack were all waiting for me downstairs.
This week was going from bad to worse. The previous day, I’d had to put up with laughing boy, Leo Riley, at the dinner and dance. Now, I had the ‘We’ concert to deal with. Unless of course I could wheedle my way out of it.
“Jill!” Jack called. “Are you ready?”
“I don’t think I’m going to make it.”
He came charging upstairs.
“Why not? What’s wrong?”
“It’s my ankle.” I hobbled across the room. “It seems to have taken a turn for the worse. The three of you had better go without me.”
“You’re coming. Hurry up or we’ll be late.”
“What about my ankle?” I hobbled a little more. “I’ll never make it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with your ankle.”
“How can you say that? You don’t know how painful it is.”
“I know there’s nothing wrong with it because you’re limping on the wrong foot.” He set off back downstairs.
Oh bum!
“Are you excited?” Kathy greeted me when I eventually joined them.
“Thrilled to bits. I don’t understand why we have to go so early. The main act won’t start for ages.”
“We want to see the support act,” Jack said.
“Even so. It’s only a ten-minute drive to Washbridge Arena.”
“It’s not at the Arena. It’s at Chipping Stadium.”
“Really? I didn’t realise that ‘We’ could fill that place.”
“She could have filled it twice over. Come on or we’ll miss the start.”
Chipping Stadium was halfway between Washbridge and West Chipping. It was more modern and much larger than the fleapit that was Washbridge Arena. Kathy, Peter and Jack spent a month’s salary on a program, and three scarves with ‘We In Concert’ on them. They offered to get one for me, but I preferred to retain some semblance of dignity.
I was relieved to find that the standing area was practically empty. I’d been worried it might be overcrowded and claustrophobic.
“Do you need the loo, Jill?” Jack asked, as we waited for the support act to come on stage.
“I’m okay.”
“Are you sure? It’ll get busy later.”
I glanced around—there were no more than a dozen people in the standing area. “I’m fine.”
While the others were at the loo, I tried to work out how much the takings were likely to be for a show like this. It was an awful lot of money, which made it all the more depressing that I’d declined the chance to join The Coven when they were relatively unknown.
Kathy, Peter and Jack got back just as the support act came on stage. The Fangs were a four-piece heavy metal band. They were dressed as vampires, and looked pretty authentic. That was hardly surprising given that they were real vampires.
They don’t look as good as we did at the cosplay,” Jack shouted over their music.
“What cosplay?” Kathy looked puzzled. “You never
mentioned that to me.”
“I’ve been trying to forget about it.”
“Jill and I went as vampires.” Jack took out his phone. “Look, I have photos.”
“You look great, Jack,” Kathy said. “Why didn’t you have fangs, Jill?”
“I did, but they made my jaw ache, so I took them out for a while.”
“It looks like fun. Pete and I should go with you next time.”
Never going to happen.
“That’s a great idea.” Jack was way too enthusiastic. “I’ll check with Tony and Clare when the next one is.”
“Who are Tony and Clare?”
“Our new neighbours. Hasn’t Jill told you about them?”
“Jill never tells me anything.”
The standing area was now much more crowded; I could barely move.
“I need the loo!” I shouted to Jack.
“I asked you earlier.”
“I didn’t need it then.”
“Good luck. The nearest one is over in that corner.”
It took me forever to fight my way through a million smelly armpits, but I eventually made it. When I came out of the loo, who should I bump into but Betty Longbottom. Standing next to her was a tall young man who looked like a cross between a vampire and a punk rocker.
“Hi, Jill,” Betty said. “I didn’t realise you were a Fangs fan.”
“Me? No, I just got dragged here by Jack. He’s a massive ‘We’ fan.”
“This is Sid.”
“Nice to meet you, Sid.”
Sid grunted something, and then wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jumper. Betty certainly knew how to pick them.
“I’m going to the bogs,” Sid announced, and then headed into the loo.
“Are you a Fangs fan, Betty?”
“Not really. I’m only here because Sid is obsessed with them.”
“How did you two meet?”
“He came into the shop, looking for some crab earrings.”
“I suppose I’d better fight my way back to Jack.”
“Are you in the mosh pit?”
“Unfortunately, yes. Bye, Betty.”
By the time I eventually made it back to Jack and the others, The Fangs had just finished their set.
“I was beginning to think you’d gone home,” Jack said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I bumped into Betty Longbottom. She has a new boyfriend.”
I might as well have been talking to myself because at that precise moment, ‘We’, AKA Brenda, walked on stage, and the whole stadium erupted.
I have to be honest, Brenda put on an excellent show, but by the time she came to the end of her set, I was exhausted. There was so little room in the mosh pit that I could barely move—my legs were beginning to cramp.
“Come on.” I pulled at Jack’s sleeve. “Let’s get going.”
“Wait. She’ll be back for an encore.”
I glanced at the stage which was now in darkness. “No, she won’t. She’s done.” I desperately wanted to get out of there, but the crowd behind me weren’t budging, so I figured if I could just get up onto the stage, I could make my way to the side much quicker.
“Jill! What are you doing?” Jack called after me, but I was in no mood to listen. I just wanted to get out of there.
At that precise moment, the stage lights came back on, and the music started up. A huge cheer rose from the crowd as Brenda walked onto the stage. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a giant of a man rushing towards me.
“Get off the stage!” the security man yelled. He obviously thought I was trying to get to the star. “Get down!”
I turned around, but before I could climb off the stage, he pushed me. Fortunately, the crowd cushioned my fall, and the next thing I knew, I was crowd surfing around the mosh pit.
Twenty minutes later, the three of us were on our way back to the car park.
“I never had you down as a crowd surfer, Jill,” Kathy said, and the three of them broke down in fits of laughter.
Chapter 23
It was the next morning, and I was desperate to forget the crowd surfing debacle of the previous evening. In my experience, I’d always found the best way to ‘forget’ was to eat chocolate.
“Jack, where’s that bar of chocolate that was in the cupboard?”
“I ate it yesterday.”
“Great. I suppose I’ll have to call in at the corner shop, then.”
“Ask Jack Corner if my bowling magazine has come in, will you?”
“Okay.”
Jack Corner was standing on his box behind the counter.
“Good morning, young lady. Can I introduce you to my new assistant?”
I glanced around but could see no one.
“Missy. Say hello.”
The young woman climbed up onto her own box, next to him. “Nice to meet you. I’m Melissa Muffet, but everyone calls me Missy.”
Missy Muffet? Someone was having a laugh.
“Nice to meet you, Missy. I’m Jill.”
“What can I get for you today, Jill?”
“Just this bar of chocolate, please.”
“Trying to forget something?”
“Yeah. How did you guess?”
“Chocolate works for me too.”
“How is the VHS library going, Jack?” I thought I should ask.
“We’ve got off to a quiet start, but I’m still very confident. I’m a great believer in investing in the future.”
“Right, well, I’d better get going.”
“Not without the thought for the day.”
“Go on then.”
“It’s always darkest just before the eggs hatch.”
Another classic.
I was half way back to the house when I realised that I’d forgotten to ask about Jack’s magazine. I could have turned around and gone back to the shop.
I could have, but I didn’t.
What? I was doing him a favour. No one should ever have to read a bowling magazine.
***
Jules was by herself in the office.
“No Mrs V today?”
“She’ll be in later. She had an appointment at her chiropodist for—”
“It’s okay. I don’t need to know the gory details.”
“Did you say you were going to the ‘We’ concert, Jill?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “We went last night.”
“Did you see that idiot in the mosh pit?”
“Sorry?”
“Look.” She held up her phone. “Someone put up this video on YouTube. Some old girl decided to crowd surf during the encore. What an idiot.”
Old girl? Fortunately, when I’d fallen off the stage, I’d landed face-down on the crowd, so at least no one could tell from the video that it was me.
“Were you in the mosh pit, Jill?”
“Me? No, we were in the seated area.”
“That’s what I like about you. You act your age. I hate to see older people making fools of themselves.”
“How much do you think we’ll find?” Winky was on the phone, and apparently hadn’t heard me come through the door. “Really? As much as that? Are you sure? Okay, but we mustn’t let anyone else know about it. We don’t want a thousand other treasure hunters to get there before us.” Just then, he glanced around and saw me standing in the doorway. “No. I don’t need any double-glazing, thank you very much. And don’t call me again. Bye.”
What a performance!
“What was all that about, Winky?”
“That? Oh, nothing. Just some double-glazing salesman.”
“I thought I heard you mention hidden treasure?”
“Oh—err—yes. The company was called Hidden Treasure Double Glazing.”
He was such a terrible liar. What was he up to?
***
I’d promised to visit Kylie in prison later, to bring her up to date on my investigation. Things weren’t looking very good for her so far. Although several people obviously had it in for Lee Sparks, I h
adn’t found any evidence which might link them to the crime.
First, I wanted to check how Cuppy C’s new drive-thru was working out. Hopefully, the twins would have resolved the teething problems with the headsets.
When I arrived, neither of the girls was wearing one.
“Where are your headsets? Are you still having problems with the taxis?”
“No. We got that sorted out,” Pearl said.
“So how come no one is serving at the drive-thru hatch?”
“There was another slight problem.” Amber sighed.
“What kind of problem?”
“A pickup truck pulled into the drive-thru. It was too wide for the alleyway, and it kind of got stuck.”
I laughed but immediately regretted it. “Sorry. How did they get it out?”
“They haven’t yet. They reckon they’ll have to dismantle the truck and take it out in bits.”
“That’s rather unfortunate. How long will the drive-thru be closed?”
“It’s closed permanently,” Pearl said.
“How come?”
“Apparently, we were supposed to tell the council about our plans.” Amber sounded indignant. “How were we meant to know that?”
“Didn’t you apply for planning permission before going ahead with this?”
They both shook their heads.
“You’ll just have to keep it closed until you get the permission.”
“We won’t get it. The council have already been in contact to say that they won’t allow us to have the drive-thru because the alleyway isn’t wide enough.”
“What will you do about the hatch?”
“Use it to throw out people who annoy us.”
Why were they both looking at me?
“Jill! Over here!” Aunt Lucy called to me from a corner table.
“I didn’t see you there. Are you by yourself?”
“I’ve been shopping with Mavis Redbottle, but she had to go to the hospital to visit her mum. Won’t you join me?”
“Just for a few minutes.”
“How come you haven’t got anything to eat or drink, Jill?”
“I think I’ve upset the twins.”
“Oh?”
“I made the mistake of asking about the drive-thru.”
