by LoRee Peery
Now you’ve hit on the core of the matter. She is the higher calling I have for you. Your influence on her life does indeed have eternal value.
“Am I up to that?”
Lean on Me, daughter. I do not call inadequate people.
The reference to Moses and other Old Testament leaders brought clarity of mind.
“If I am to be in Mia’s life, I am to be part of Rainn’s life. I believe he thinks he wants me, at least, right now. But if I choose to pursue this relationship with Rainn, will he lose interest in me when all of a sudden it sinks in that I’m twelve years older, and no longer attractive to him?”
Rainn is also adequately equipped for the life I have called him to.
“So, if Rainn and I continue to see one another, You will enable me to give of myself to all these needy people? And since You know the desires of my heart, I will continue quilting projects, and keep Frivolities solvent?”
My daughter, leave the future to me. For now, live with your focus on the eternal. You have nothing to fear.
The voice from deep within faded away, leaving her with a calm tranquility unlike anything she had ever experienced.
“Geneva, you’re scaring me.” Lanae’s voice came from afar.
“Give me a moment,” Geneva managed to say out loud, feeling as though she was coming out of a faint.
“What happened?” Lanae asked as she led Geneva to the office, where she sank into the sage-green softness of the sofa.
Lanae’s face appeared out of focus. Geneva blinked for clear perspective.
Lanae patted Geneva’s arm. “Be back in a jiff with some tea.”
Time meant nothing. Soon the hot peppermint revived Geneva.
“What happened?” Lanae repeated. As much as possible, Geneva told her about her strange conversation with the Lord.
“Ah, dear sister. You’ve been advised to learn how to be, to rest through God’s grace, not to always be doing…searching for your purpose in life.”
Geneva knew without a doubt she had to get the excuse of the age difference over with, shake it right out of her system forever, and focus on her abundant life with Christ.
And accept Rainn as a blessing.
Geneva’s time with Frivolities was a blessing, no matter how long the adventure lasted. But a business was inanimate.
Mothering Mia would be a blessing…
Could Geneva learn how to just be, to live and enjoy life, to view Rainn and Mia and her responsibilities as gifts, maybe even grace, and get over whatever guilt she felt for wanting time for herself?
Had she remained busy so she wouldn’t dwell on making things right with the Lord?
“Remember what’s kept me going the past months? I’ve tried to live like I was dying. If you knew you were going to die sooner rather than later, wouldn’t you take the chance to love Rainn?”
Lanae’s question slammed into Geneva.
She’d prayerfully consider it, chew on the idea later.
Right now, Geneva wanted time with her sister. “How about Sunday, I won’t do a thing. Since you’re better now, with your Interferon treatments almost over, after church let’s turn on your favorite movie channel and have a movie marathon.”
****
Geneva and Lanae were both drained from their late night, followed by a full Saturday. After work Geneva prepared crock pot ingredients to slow cook overnight. She noticed the light flickered on the answering machine when she turned from pulling the pot from the cupboard. Moselle had teased her about what she called “antiquated machinery” ever since she’d moved back from Kansas City.
No one had convinced Geneva yet that she should be tied down to a cell phone. She could ignore the blinking light at the moment, but a jarring ring from a cell would prevent her from continuing on with what she was doing.
After brushing the roast with flour, she browned it in a little oil. She lined up seasonings; set out onion, celery, carrots, potatoes, cutting board, and knife. She flipped the beef over, turned down the flame, wiped her hands, and finally punched the blinking light.
Rainn’s chuckle hit her right in the midsection. “One of these days you need to join the twenty-first century and get a cell phone.”
He’d been spending way too much time with Moselle and Eric.
“Uh, I hate this, much rather be looking at you and talking to you. I know you’ve been under some stress. I woke up wondering what I’d miss about you the most if I took your words seriously. Maybe the sound of your laughter, or the way you swish your hands around your throat when you’re uneasy. I’d miss your coffee, and walking into your fluffy chick store to receive it from your lovely hand.” He laughed again and Geneva moved the meat from burner to the crock-pot heating element.
“And I don’t think you believe I’m some kind of stalker, or you’d have Eric butt me out of your life. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate the special relationship you have with your sister and your daughter. I’d never want to come between you. But, the Lord will care for them. Neither was created to keep your bed warm on a cold winter’s night.”
“Oh!” Geneva gasped and slammed the faucet off, realizing she’d better wait before she started chopping the vegetables.
She grasped the edge of the sink and swayed, absorbing the sound of his voice through her very pores.
“Mia won’t be with me forever, either, Neva. I want to grow old with you. I need you to complete me. You didn’t expect me in your life and now I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ll save the three little words for when I’m looking into your spicy warm eyes.”
Tears rained down Geneva’s cheeks. Neva. No one had ever called her Neva.
“Think of me when you lie down tonight. Even tucked up snug in a blanket cocoon, your heart won’t be warm until things are right between us.”
His voice clicked off. She turned on the faucet.
Her weeping washed the celery stalks along with the running water.
****
Goodies all lined up within reach, Geneva and Lanae cozied in for their movie marathon.
“I once told Moselle she needed to quit running.”
“I’m no longer running. I want the right time to set things straight with Rainn.”
If it wasn’t too late to set them straight.
Without Rainn, the love and soul would go out of her days. He was a gift, a blessing even. And she had misused their time together by turning into someone she didn’t recognize for a while.
No more. As soon as she could, Geneva planned to find out if his feelings had changed toward her. Not every woman had such a wonderful man to love her.
For now, she planned to live in the moment with Lanae. The first movie she selected was The Tall Men on the western channel. Clark Gable and Jane Russell discussed dreaming big or dreaming small.
After the actors ended up together, Lanae turned to Geneva. “When I’m back to my normal self,” she announced. “I’m going to log on to one of those dot-coms and see if I can get the man of my dreams.”
“Think you’ll be up to that, huh?”
“Hey, maybe you don’t need estrogen to keep you glowing because you have Rainn Harris, but I need a lift. And now that my liver tests free from disease, I’m almost ready to meet someone. Maybe a guy who advertises ‘fun to be with,’ or ‘free from worry,’ or how about…‘movie buff?’”
“Dreams do come true.”
Geneva didn’t know if she was up for Elizabeth Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but that’s what they got on satellite. With popcorn, candy corn, chocolate, and mixed nuts, they settled in.
“The eyes have it, that’s for sure,” Lanae commented. “Elizabeth Taylor and Paul Newman—”
“I’ll take Rainn’s eyes over Newman blues, or Taylor’s lavenders, any day.”
And Geneva wondered when she’d see him next. Since his parents were coming, he wouldn’t need her to keep Mia occupied. He was probably afraid to ask, anyway.
Eric had planned for Rainn to
be an usher at their wedding. The time was almost at hand when Geneva would see Rainn at rehearsal.
Enough. She was finally ready to live in the moment.
Am I able to live fully, Lord? To put my reservations and insecurities behind? To not be afraid to live life with gusto—and take on Lanae’s motto to live like I was dying?
Contemplations behind, her stomach and sides soon ached from laughter at Lanae’s quick wit. The actors spoke their lines and Lanae added editorial comments.
When Maggie called the kids “no necks” in the film, Geneva almost choked on a kernel of corn.
“Hmmm. No-neck stuffed animals,” Lanae said, “we could find some beaver or porcupine accents for the shop. Think they’d be cuddly?”
They shared a robust laugh
“Did you ever get upset enough with Bret you hit something the way Big Momma did when she pounded the mattress?” Lanae asked seriously.
“I love that scene. But in my case it wasn’t so funny. Sometimes I was so frustrated I wanted to hit something, but unlike her conclusion regarding Big Daddy in the movie, I never thought my marriage to Bret was on the rocks.”
Lanae was enthralled by the film for about another thirty seconds. Then she jumped up and spilled popcorn like falling leaves driven by a stiff wind, at Big Daddy’s line: “You can be young without money, but you can’t be old without it.”
Geneva’s mouth dropped open. “We’re both nuts.”
Lanae threw a bright blue chocolate candy and hit the target.
Geneva sputtered. Then she croaked. The candy flew out of her mouth.
Lanae was so exuberant she couldn’t be contained. “That’s it! I’ll use that for my singles ad slogan.”
And it hit Geneva like the weight of a whole bag of candy, if she didn’t straighten up her attitude toward Rainn, she’d be facing a lonely life.
I want a man in my life.
And there was only one man she’d choose.
If he’d still have her.
Rainn on My Parade
17
Rainn yawned as he stretched his feet over the bottom of the sofa. He raised his arms above his head, reaching as far as he could to get the kinks out.
The ringing phone jarred his attempt to loosen stiff muscles. He missed his roomy bed. He could have used some more sleep. With his parents in his home, in his bedroom, the air was so tense even his molars ached.
He contorted his face in a jaw-cracking yawn. “All right, I’m coming,” he said at the third ring.
Mia’s routine was disrupted, and because his mother had given Mia juice before bed, she had wet her pajamas in the middle of the night. It wasn’t just her night clothes that needed to be washed, but all the bedding except the comforter.
“’Lo?” he muttered.
“Mr. Harris, this is Shirley Blevins.”
He came wide awake with attention.
“The aide and I met last night to prepare for second semester. Since Mia is doing so well, we plan to have an aide only for reading comprehension and math. Mainstreaming really is the way to seek normalcy for autistics. She’s just a little behind, so we’ll keep an individual spelling list for her.”
“Sounds great. Let’s tell her just before holiday break. Appreciate it.” He disconnected at the same time he saw his father in the bedroom doorway, and felt again all the stiffness from sleeping on the couch.
“Kinda early for a phone call, isn’t it?” Jay Harris growled as he came into the living room.
Rainn crossed the room to shut Mia’s door. “You could have stayed in a motel.”
“Well, you’re in a fine mood.”
“I’m not the one who always has something critical to say.”
“I can tell you’re itching to say a lot. Let’s have some coffee and get it over with.”
“What I have to say could take a while.” It’s built up for a lifetime.
Rainn tossed his father one of his own lined and hooded jackets. They shrugged into the coats. Then he poured mugs of coffee for his father and himself. As an afterthought, he added two tablespoons of sugar to his own. Though he knew the extra sweetness wouldn’t help the building bitterness.
Even if Geneva thought she didn’t want to be around him, Rainn knew better. This was the third day in a row he hadn’t been to her place to have his day start on the right foot, with not only her coffee, but her presence.
He made no attempt to deny she was ingrained in his soul. He loved her. He needed her. She was meant for him.
And she was meant for Mia, whether the woman admitted it or not. He had taken her frustration in stride and would give her time to sort out her feelings.
They’d have it out. He had to get her to reach deep inside, way past the piddling issue of their ages, and her own life in Frivolities, or whatever other objections she claimed.
But before he faced her, he had to have it out with his father. And he was way past tolerant about what he and Lindsay had put up with from the elder Harris. Mainly, the man had been no father figure. On the other hand, he’d shown up now, so he must want to put forth an effort.
Exiting the kitchen for the back deck, he prayed.
This is hard, Lord. But You know I’ve got years of stuff waiting to pour out. You got angry. I know love is the way to handle relationships. I may say some wrong things here, and You know that I’ve forgiven my dad for how he was with me, because You replaced it all. But I need to get it out now, so I ask that You help this man you chose to be my father get a feel for where I’m coming from.
“All right,” Jay Harris said, foot on the bench, elbow on his leg. “Let’s have it.”
Rainn took the far corner of the deck and fixed his stare on the roof of Mia’s playhouse. Ready or not, time to dive in.
“I’m in it for the long haul with Mia. I plan to be around for every step of her growth. If I mess up, I hope I’ll realize it and ask her forgiveness. What little kid doesn’t think his daddy is the center of the world? All I wanted as a boy was to have you spend time with me, to show me what a father is all about. I remember being a little boy and running to the door when you came home. That is, if I was awake. Seemed like you were always working late.” He couldn’t put into words how conflicted he’d been, trying to be respectful and obedient at the same time.
Rainn’s father tossed his remaining coffee over the rail and straightened to rigid attention. “I provided for you! How can you claim I didn’t give you anything?”
“And I appreciate the financial effort. Without it, I couldn’t have followed my dream to become an artist. But I’m not talking about money here, Dad. How could I measure up to your expectations of me, to be a man according to your way of thinking, when I didn’t know what was expected of me as a teenager, not to mention as a grown man? You never had time for me. Your only son.”
Resignation colored his father’s next words. “Sorry to disappoint. You know I grew up so poor there was no way I’d raise my kids like that. All a man can ever do is his best at any given time. I worked. You went to college without having to work. I traveled when I was done working. End of story.”
“So why are you here, now? Back in Nebraska? When you were here for Lindsay’s service, you thought I could handle things.”
“Your mother got me to see that we messed up years ago, hadn’t been there for Lindsay when she needed us. She wanted to, you know. Your mother wanted to take care of Mia when Lindsay went into rehab.” His father’s shoulders relaxed as he spoke of Rainn’s mother, but he had yet to look Rainn in the eye.
“No, I had no idea.” Rainn’s thoughts raced back and forth across the back yard. “My Heavenly Father replaced the desire to be close to you when you and Mother took off on your travels. I always felt like you turned your back on Lindsay when she got into the drugs. Then later, when Mia was diagnosed, it was like she didn’t seem important enough for you guys to give her the time of day.”
“That’s about to change. We made mistakes.” His father finally turne
d to meet Rainn’s gaze. A glint of what could be respect shown in his eyes. “Now we want to be decent grandparents to that little girl. And, we need to keep nudging the authorities in Texas to find out what happened when Lindsay died.”
Rainn gulped his coffee, reaching deep within for a calmer tone. He had gone after power and gained some through the rush of being a fireman. But power didn’t have to be pitting strength against flame or accident. Power came from God and could be exhibited in art, or reaching the heart of another.
Could he reach his father? “I’ve learned to trust Jesus. With my pain, my problems, my child’s—and she is mine—autism. I feel blessed that God has provided me with the opportunity to be a father. I see no reason why I shouldn’t pursue adoption to make that title legal.”
Just as well enter the inferno.
“I pray also, that I’ll soon have the opportunity to be a husband. Geneva hasn’t agreed yet. But God will reveal to me through His Word how to be a provider, a protector, an instructor, a leader, a friend. Anything He calls me to, I’ll be able to do by calling on His strength.”
“Huh. That woman knows you’ll get all my money some day. She’s the real reason we’ve come for Mia. And another thing, if I want to be preached to, I can go to church on Sunday.”
The reference to money was so typical of his father, that Rainn figured he’d been dreaming the sight of respect in his father’s eye. But he knew he had to quit, out of respect for the position Jay Harris held as Rainn’s father.
Every ounce of his being itched to erupt and come to Geneva’s defense, but Rainn swallowed the urge to lash out. His father didn’t know him. And he knew very little about Geneva. The man had no idea in the world what a wonderful, talented, unselfish, loving woman Geneva was.
“You’ll not talk that way about Geneva. And, I’m sorry if you think I’m preaching, but I haven’t thought of you as a father role model for quite some time. My Heavenly Father is faithful. As much as it hurts you to hear me say this, God has proven Himself over the years to never let me down. He provides for me, protects me. I belong to Him. And as I need instruction I can turn to His Word for help in being a daddy for Mia.”
