Faith.
The word settled over her, and Steph wished she could wrap her arms around it, but she didn’t know how. She knew it had to do with being saved and eternity. Often she’d wished that when life ended that was it. Nothing. She would just vanish, and all that was “her” would be no more.
But since meeting Nick, the thought scared her. She asked herself, “Is this all there is?” like the old tune she’d heard years earlier. If that was so, then what was life all about? It seemed rather futile. Sure, she’d enjoyed her work. She loved Fred. Molly. Her friends. But life seemed filled with loneliness. A solitude she didn’t like.
Nick made her days different. She’d said it before, but now it had deeper meaning. After Doug died, she’d withdrawn like a turtle into her shell as far as men were concerned. But when she met Nick, her spirit lifted. She seemed to have purpose. He made life interesting. Fred had been her fun and still was, but that didn’t fill her loneliness for real companionship.
Deeper than his good looks, Nick charged with thoughtfulness and confidence tied to his faith, a faith that he lived and not just talked about.
Molly always said it wasn’t what was on the outside but on the inside, and Steph had begun to understand. Doug had been a great-looking guy, but on the inside, his moods and his nasty temper were troubling and destructive. Why hadn’t she realized it sooner, like before they married? That’s when she had gone wrong.
Steph bent her head back, taking a deep breath, grateful that she’d overcome some of the guilt and shock of her husband’s suicide. Marrying again seemed as unlikely as climbing Mount Everest. She had no desire to climb anything, and she had little hope of considering a permanent relationship. But friendship. Yes, and she cherished Nick’s.
Lost in thoughts, Steph jumped when Fred let out his happy bark. She stepped onto the grass and spotted Nick at the fence nuzzling Fred’s head as the dog balanced on his front paws against the chain links. Her other day care dogs jigged beside Fred, wanting attention, and Nick reciprocated as he always did. He reached across and gave each dog a friendly pat.
Nick had stolen Fred’s heart as he had hers.
The old fear slammed against her chest. She didn’t know herself anymore. Out of her rut, she stumbled and doubted. Her decision to enjoy Nick’s company without getting involved in romance burst when she saw his smiling eyes. If she could only come to grips with her past, her confidence might return. But even then, the faith issue stood as an even stronger bulwark.
Nick waved then vanished around the corner of the building.
Steph stepped inside to greet him, but the battle of head and heart came into play again. Her head screamed friendship while her heart longed to rush into his arms.
He waved the brochures. “Nick Davis to the rescue.”
“Again? You’re always rescuing me.” Chills bristled down her spine.
“Only when you need it.” He strode forward and slipped the brochures into her hand, then wrapped his arm around her shoulders as if nothing had happened between them.
She clamped her fingers over the glossy paper, confusion wavering in her mind. “Thanks. You’re too thoughtful.”
“A man can never be too thoughtful.”
His gentleness pinged in her heart. “You’re right. I like you that way.”
“I like you.”
Steph nearly lost it. He gave her a final squeeze and stepped away in time for her to gather her wits. She needed to back away or plunge forward, but neither worked in her situation. She owed him honesty. His faith meant too much for her to play lightly with it. Right now, she longed for something to distract her. “Want to see the shelter?”
“I’d love to.”
She dropped the brochures onto her desk, checked the dogs one more time and gestured toward the doorway. “It’s through there.”
Her gaze swept over him again, trying to fathom what was wrong with her. She’d never reacted to any man in her life as she did with Nick. She moved on gelatin legs to the door and swung it open. With the barrier removed, dog sounds met them—toenails slipping on tile, barks of excitement, whines of curiosity.
Nick drew back. “When you say you have dogs here, you mean it.” His face reflected his concern.
“You’ve never been to a shelter?”
He shook his head and stepped deeper inside the kennel area. The further he ambled, the more concern spread over his face. “All of these dogs need homes?”
“They do. Some aren’t ready yet. They need more obedience training. We use my dog day care area in the evenings, and the smaller area back there is for our volunteers to work with them whenever they’re here.”
Nick moved along the small enclosures, stopping to pet the dogs as he made his way to the end. “This breaks my heart.”
A knot twisted in Steph’s throat. “Mine, too. Most of them will make wonderful pets.”
“If no one adopts them, what happens?” He turned sad eyes toward her.
Her heart squeezed. “Don’t ask.”
He shook his head, a look that told her he understood.
The door at the far end of the hallway opened and Molly’s new employee walked in, a curious expression on her face. “Oh.” She faltered as if surprised.
“It’s just me and a friend.” A friend. The word caught in her throat. She moved closer. “Emily, Nick Davis.” She motioned toward Nick. “Nick, this is one of our part-time employees. Emily Ireland.”
They shook hands, and then Emily turned to the black-and-white terrier skittering inside the enclosure beside them. “Are you looking for a dog? This one’s ready for adoption.”
Nick pressed his lips together, obviously hating to tell her the truth. “No, Steph’s just showing me around. I’ve never been here.”
“Oh.” Disappointment flattened her voice as she backed away. “Then I’ll get back to the office. I checked because I heard voices.” She gave a meager wave as she walked away.
They watched in silence as Emily passed through the doorway, then Steph rested her hand on his arm. “Don’t feel badly. You have Suzette, and you’re great with her. She’s more your dog than Martin’s any day.”
“I don’t know why Martin wanted a dog. I thought for companionship, but I seem to be her companion.”
The door opened again, and Steph glanced up surprised to see Molly. “Why are you here already?”
Molly looked at Nick, then back at Steph. “I came in early. A new puppy arrived last night. Did you see him?”
Puppies broke her heart. “Not yet.”
As it always did when a new dog arrived at the shelter, Molly’s face glowed with her dream to save dogs and find them homes. “I was anxious to check on him, but he seems fine.”
Steph’s pulse skittered. “Molly, this is Nick Davis.”
Molly’s eyes lit up as she extended her hand. “Great to meet you, Nick. You’re a friend of my fiancé, Brent Runyan, aren’t you?”
Nick drew back, his eyes widening. “Yes. You must be Brent’s Molly.” He shifted his gaze from Steph back to her. “I received an invitation to your wedding.”
Steph gasped before she could restrain the emotion.
Molly chuckled. “No wonder your name was so familiar when Steph mentioned you the other day.”
Nick nudged Steph with his elbow. “So, you talked about me?”
Heat rose up Steph’s neck. “I did.” She wanted to strangle Molly, but then how did she know her statement would embarrass her?
A twinkle lit Nick’s eyes. “I hope she said nice things.”
Molly grinned. “Very nice.”
Awkward silence settled over them, and Steph wanted it to end. She swung her arm toward the end of the hallway. “Show us the puppy.”
Her shoulders eased as Molly flagged them to follow. She stopped by one of the enclosures nearest the doorway to the offices.
Steph’s heart melted. “He looked like a little fluffy beige-and-white ball. He’s a—”
“A cocker s
paniel.” Love filled Molly’s eyes. She had a heart of pure goodness.
Nick rested his elbows on the half door of the pen. “Look at those rusty ears.”
“Roan is the color.” Molly paused, a coy look in her eyes. “I’ll let you two talk. I have some paperwork to do.” She took a step backward. “So nice to meet you, Nick, and I’ll see you at the wedding.”
“You will.”
The wedding. Steph didn’t move as Molly slipped through the door. Reality settled in. Nick had been invited to the wedding. She longed to suggest they go together, but she couldn’t. She’d never asked a man to be her date. Never. A bridesmaid had too much responsibility anyway.
She stepped back. “I need to check on the dogs, and then I’ll look at the brochures.”
Nick caught her hand as she turned away. “Not so fast.”
Her stomach flipped. “What?”
His eyes searched hers. “So this is the wedding you mentioned the other day.”
She held her breath and nodded.
“Do you have an escort?”
Her chest pounded. Go for it, Steph. “Not really. But I’m a bridesmaid, remember? One of the groomsmen walks me down the aisle after the ceremony. That’s it.” Her heart pounded in her ears.
“If that’s the case, I’d love to be your escort.” His face broke into a smile. “I hate attending weddings alone.”
For some ridiculous reason, she felt nervous. This almost seemed like a real date. “I’d love to, but you’d still be alone. I’m expected to eat at the head table, and I have to be there early. It seems—”
He touched her arm. “But I won’t be alone. I’ll be with you.”
His smile warmed her heart, and if she’d been a person who prayed, his invitation would have been God’s answer to her prayer. “If you don’t mind, it would be nice.”
Nice? The word meant nothing to what she really felt inside.
Nick grasped her hand and gave it squeeze. “Wonderful.”
Wonderful. That was much closer to the truth.
Chapter Five
Steph stood in the doorway of Julia Davis’s room. A peaceful expression gilded her face as she slept. Light streamed in from the window on a fresh display of flowers. She wandered across the tile floor and lifted the card stuck into the blossoms, expecting to see Martin’s name. Her chest tightened. Nick. He’d visited.
When she lowered her eyes the sun spilled below the vase, adding a glow to the gold embossed letters on the black leather cover of the Bible. Steph placed the package she’d brought for Julia next to her feet against the chair leg, then studied the hospital-like room with today’s date grafted to the wall beside the large clock so Julia could hold on to a world outside the bare walls.
Steph settled into the comfortable chair and leaned back. She closed her eyes, picturing Nick at the shelter, his compassion showing for the dogs and his excitement about being her escort at the wedding. Even the information he gave her about the fence situation seemed enthusiastic. And what had impressed her most had been his thoughtfulness about the cost. And without her needing to ask.
The supply company had suggested blocking that particular area along the fence with stones. Nick had said she could create a rock garden there, an idea she liked. Another solution was placing railroad ties at the fence bottom. Not as attractive, but possible. She could also lay chicken wire flat against the ground just under the fence and project into the flower bed so he couldn’t dig. She worried about him cutting his paws no matter how careful she was.
She hadn’t decided yet, probably because she didn’t see it as a problem. Still Steph wanted to stay in the good graces of Nick’s brother. But that wasn’t her motivation. Nick’s eagerness to help glowed on his face, and she hated to refuse to do anything. Lighthearted or serious, Nick had a spirit that she loved.
Her eyes shifted to the Bible, then lowered to the paperback books she’d purchased. She lifted the bag and pulled out one. She’d read the back blurb. It mentioned faith so she’d assumed it was Christian fiction. She had often thought the whole Bible was Christian fiction, but so many people she cared about believed it was truth.
Slipping the novel back into the sack, Steph set it on the floor and turned her eyes again to the Bible. Nick had been guided by that book all his life, he’d said. She hadn’t, but her life wasn’t over yet. She moved her hand and placed it on the leathery binding. The cover looked worn as if it had been opened and read often.
Without thought, she lifted the book from the table and held it in her hand. Julia’s eyes were still closed, and Steph pondered whether to leave or wait to see if she’d waken. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the cover and scanned the books—Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers. She closed the cover, and when she looked up, Nick’s mother was watching her.
Julia moved her head, her arm inching upward. “Hello.”
Steph leaned forward. “Do you remember me? I’m—”
“Nick…”
She nodded. “Yes, Nick’s friend. Steph.” Her palms dampened against the Bible, and she felt guilty holding it. If she could place it back on the table without being obvious, she would. “Your flowers are lovely.”
Julia’s mouth curved up on one side. “Nick.”
“He must have visited.” Trying to find conversation boggled her for a moment, and she understood how Nick must feel.
“Yes.” Her eyes flashed as if she had so much to say. Instead frustration grew on her face.
Steph grabbed at any topic. “Nick’s been helping me with some work along my fence.”
“Nice.”
The word was more distinct then when she’d been there last. “Your speech is improving. That’s good news.”
His mother nodded but motioned toward her arm and shook her head.
“Can you use your arm yet?”
“No.” She managed a faint shrug.
“You’ll get better each day with therapy.” As she shifted, her foot knocked the paper bag holding the novels, and Steph bent to pick them up. “I brought you a couple of books so you can read when you’re feeling better. It’s Christian fiction. I thought you might like them.”
Her eyes glinted as she formed a thank-you.
“Would you like me to read a little from one of them?” She set both books on the edge of the bed so she could view them.
“Bible. Read.”
Bible. She looked in her lap where the book still lay and stared at it a moment. Fate or God, a power beyond her control wanted her to read this book. Molly, first. Then, Nick. Now, Julia. She lifted it and opened to the first page. Genesis. “Chapter one. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty—”
“No.”
Steph’s head shot up. “You don’t want the Bible?” A mixture of emotions spiraled through her. A strange sense of disappointment had struck her rather than the relief she would have expected.
“Yes.” She moved her finger upward with a wiggle.
Following the direction, Steph realized a bookmark peeked from one of the pages deep in the pages. “Here?”
Julia smiled and lowered her head.
Trying to keep her hands from shaking, Steph opened the pages at the bookmark. Formless and empty described the feelings Steph had before Nick came into her life. Not empty exactly. She had few friends, and Molly had been great company always, but empty on the inside, a drab hopeless feeling that made her yearn for something deeper.
When she glanced up, Julia was watching her with question in her eyes. “Should I begin here in 2 Corinthians?” She turned the Bible toward Julia.
She nodded.
Steph swallowed, her throat so dry it felt parched. She licked her lips and began to read. The header said the speaker was Paul. She’d heard of Paul the sinner, who became a devout and influential Christian. Molly had spoken of him. The verses talked about Moses and a veil that fell over the eyes of the people as they’d hardened their minds so they couldn’t un
derstand, but the veil could be lifted by believing in Christ.
Her tongue adhered to the roof of her mouth, but she continued. “But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, then the veil is taken away. Now, the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom.”
Freedom. The concept tore through Steph’s mind. How long had she yearned for the kind of freedom Nick had? And Molly? She forced herself to read on. “And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord.” Nick’s eyes. The brightness, the glint she so admired filled her thoughts. Was this God’s spirit? Could it be seen? “And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more.”
The words stirred in Steph’s chest. She’d seen the glow in Nick, a kind of spirit that radiated from him. Not that playful look that glinted in his eyes but a depth that made her long to be there with him.
When she looked up, Julia’s eyes were closed, and she breathed softly. Steph slipped the marker between the pages, then returned the Bible to the table. She rose and stood over her, recalling her mother’s face.
Julia didn’t stir. Steph grasped the two novels and slid them beside the flowers. Another time for those. She looked again at Nick’s mother, then tiptoed from the room.
Had she hardened her heart? No. How could she? She’d never known him. But if the veil could be lifted, maybe she would understand?
And this veil can be removed only by believing in Christ.
But how could she do that?
As she watched through the window, the mail truck passed her house, and Steph headed to the street to collect hers. She paused at the box and shuffled through the envelopes. Nothing from her dad telling her Hal was heading her way. No bills. The sun dappled the lawn as she started up the sidewalk to her door, but before she reached the porch, she heard a car door close. She turned to see Nick slipping from his car onto Martin’s driveway. He took off his sport coat and tossed it on the passenger seat before he turned.
No matter how hard she tried to control her feelings, her pulse propelled when she saw him. He looked amazing as always. Today he wore khaki pants with a crisp pleat along with a claret-colored polo shirt. His well-formed lips curved to a smile.
Groom in Training Page 7
