“You were in a hit-and-run?” For some reason, it took a moment for her to realize he’d fled because he was driving drunk, that he could have ended up in jail.
“Yes. I hit another car. I stopped to check on the driver, but...there was nothing I could do.”
Natalie’s stomach churned. Surely he wasn’t saying what it seemed, that he’d... “Dad, no.”
“I knew the moment I saw her that she was dead.”
Oh, God, this couldn’t be happening. Without thinking, she slipped her hand out of her father’s grasp. “You’re confused, not remembering things correctly.” That was a symptom of late-stage liver failure, right? This couldn’t be a horrible deathbed confession.
“I wish that was true.” He shifted his eyes to stare at the ceiling, and she got the impression it was so he wouldn’t cry. “But the truth is that your father is worse than you ever realized. I killed someone and I never owned up to it, not even when I realized who I’d hit.”
“You knew her?” Her question came out as a strangled whisper. But in the next breath, the true horror of his confession slammed into her. “No. Please tell me you’re not saying what I think you are.”
His bottom lip trembled and he lost the war against his tears. “It was Karen Brody.”
Natalie stood so quickly that she knocked the chair over and nearly followed it to the floor. Karen Brody, Chloe’s mom, the woman who had been like a second mother to Natalie. As if the mere mention of her name pulled a sense memory from Natalie’s mind, she suddenly smelled fresh sugar cookies straight from Karen’s oven.
She paced across the room, hoping that she was having a nightmare and the movement would make her wake up. But when she finally stopped and looked at her dad, any hope that she was dreaming disappeared like water down a drain.
For what felt like hours, she simply stood searching for something to say. But what did you say when your father admitted he’d killed your best friend’s mother?
“Mom and I went to her funeral. Chloe clung to me and cried so hard I thought she would fall to pieces.” She shook her head slowly, her heart breaking in so many ways she couldn’t count them all. “Why didn’t you come forward?”
“Because I was scared, a coward. And we thought they’d take you away from us.”
It took a few beats for Natalie to process all the information coming toward her like poison-tipped arrows. “We?” Then the way her parents had exchanged that glance a few minutes before caused a lump to form in her throat. “Mom knew? Oh, my God. She knew and she still walked into that funeral home and hugged Karen’s kids.”
Her stomach churned so violently she was afraid she was going to vomit.
“We were so scared. We couldn’t lose you and your sisters.”
“Chloe, Owen and Garrett lost their mother!”
A sob shook her father’s failing body, and she did her best to rein in her anger.
“If I could go back and do things differently, I would,” he said, his breath growing more labored. “I’d have gone to prison, but maybe you all would have been better off without me.”
Despite the anger and horror nearly choking her, the pure, unadulterated pain and sorrow she heard in his voice made her feel a sliver of compassion for him. This then was the reason he drank so much more after they moved to Kansas, to try to forget that he’d ended someone’s life. To drown the guilt.
She wanted to set fire to every alcoholic beverage in the world and wipe the knowledge of how to make them from the memories of mankind.
“I want to make it right, but I need you to help me do that,” he said.
Suddenly so weak she felt as if she might collapse in a heap, she righted the overturned chair with a shaking hand and sank onto the seat again. “There’s no way to make this right, Dad. What’s done is done.”
Even if they told the cops now, most likely they wouldn’t even arrive until after her father had passed from this earth. Honestly, by the look of him, she was stunned he’d found the strength to voice his confession.
“I need for you to tell the Brodys the truth, tell them how very sorry I am. Your mother can’t do it because they might come after her for knowing.”
She shook her head, unable to believe what he was asking her to do. “I can’t. It’ll just reopen all the old wounds. It won’t bring Karen back.”
“But they’ll have the answer to the question they’ve never been able to find.”
But would that be worse than never knowing?
Natalie dropped her head into her hands, feeling as if the entirety of her insides were being scalded raw. Gradually, the fact that her dad’s breathing was becoming even more labored registered, and she looked up to see tears still streaking out of his tired eyes. Though it was impossible, he seemed even smaller than when she’d walked into the room.
Yes, she was angrier than she ever remembered being, but could she let her dad die without promising him that she’d fulfill his dying wish? She knew it wasn’t fair of him to ask it of her, and he likely knew it, too. But he’d carried the guilt with him for so long, and it had obviously eaten away at him every bit as much as the alcohol, probably more.
Though she had no idea how she would be able to face the Brodys with such a horrible truth, she found herself unable to let her father slip from the world with his heart so unbearably heavy.
“I’ll tell them.” She’d figure out the how later.
The relief came off her father like a wave, and something felt profoundly right about what she’d just given him. In her entire life, she’d never witnessed such a deep desire to make amends.
Evidently no longer able to lift his hand, he pointed only one finger toward his nightstand. “There’s a letter for them.”
Natalie opened the drawer to find an envelope addressed to the Brody family in his distinctive scrawl. She didn’t have to look inside to know that it was his confession, the cleansing of his conscience before he died. She wondered how long the letter had occupied the drawer. He would have had to pen it some time ago since there was no way he could have managed it in recent days.
Though the envelope and the paper inside were no heavier than any other, she felt as if she held a terrible weight in her hand. She took a moment to inhale slowly then let the breath back out, fighting the dizziness that had decided to arrive to keep her nausea company. She tried to imagine what it must have been like to keep such a horrible secret for more than two decades, and the very idea threatened to make her even more ill. But at least her father hadn’t taken the truth to his grave.
“I think it’s...” Her words faded away as she looked up at her dad. His last tears were still drying on his grizzled cheeks as the first of hers fell.
No matter what he’d done, he was her dad and she loved him.
And now he was gone.
The sadness of his loss joined with the terrible weight of his confession, and she suddenly and desperately needed a breath of fresh air that didn’t smell like death and regret. She stood and walked slowly from the room, only dimly aware of her mother and sisters speaking to her as she headed for the front door.
As soon as she stepped outside and the clean air enveloped her, she stumbled, reminding her yet again of the colt’s shaky legs. The universe had a strange way of ensuring balance, constantly bringing a new life into the world at the same time it took another out.
As she looked up at the sky, she realized the clouds had given way to a blanket of stars. She gripped one of the porch supports as she thought about how the Brodys could be looking up at those same stars totally unaware that she’d just promised to bring them an answer they might no longer want.
Chapter Two
Garrett Brody still thought there was a high likelihood he would wake up any minute and realize he’d been dreaming. After all, the fact that he was at his younger b
rother’s wedding didn’t compute. Owen was not the getting-hitched-and-settling-down type. At least he hadn’t been until Linnea Holland had arrived at their family’s ranch with a heart broken in the worst possible way when she discovered her fiancé was already married. Somehow, his baby brother had helped Linnea heal, and her presence had convinced Owen that settling down with one woman was what he’d been searching for all along.
As Garrett watched the newlyweds dance with huge smiles on their faces, he had to admit he’d never seen his brother look so genuinely happy.
“Pretty sure hell has finally frozen over.”
Garrett glanced over to where Greg Bozeman, the ace mechanic of Blue Falls, was standing with a cup of punch. “No, that’s reserved for when you tie the knot.”
“Bite your tongue, man.”
Garrett chuckled as he watched Greg scan the room full of wedding guests, no doubt scoping out the single ladies. Speaking of, Garrett spotted Jenna Marks looking his direction. Before she got it in her head to walk his way, he nudged Greg and indicated he should go ask Jenna to dance.
“Sure you don’t want to reserve her for yourself?”
“Yep.” And to add a little extra buffer, he headed toward where his sister and her husband, Wyatt, were spinning around the dance floor to a Luke Bryan song.
He tapped Wyatt’s shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?”
“Be my guest. Let your sister step on your toes for a bit.”
Chloe huffed and swatted her husband’s arm. “It was only once and I was trying to avoid bumping into Verona.”
“Sure,” Wyatt said before planting a quick kiss on his wife’s cheek.
She playfully pushed him away. “Don’t be surprised when I make you sleep on the porch.”
Wyatt just grinned as he took a step back, well aware that Chloe’s threat was empty. Those two were every bit as in love as Owen and Linnea.
A sense of being the odd man out settled on Garrett. Blue Falls residents of the betting persuasion would have likely given him the best odds of settling down and starting a family first among his siblings, but things just hadn’t worked out that way. He went out now and then, but he’d never met a woman with whom he felt he could be happy spending the rest of his life.
“So, what brings you to the dance floor, big brother?”
“I need a reason to dance with my sister at our brother’s wedding?”
She lifted an eyebrow, but he didn’t take the bait. Instead, he led her into a dance as a new song began. They moved past their youngest sibling just as Owen dipped Linnea backward, causing the blushing bride to laugh and cling to Owen’s arms as if he might drop her on the floor. Garrett knew better. Owen wouldn’t do anything to hurt Linnea. In fact, he’d take a bullet for her without a moment’s hesitation. Garrett wondered what that was like, to be that in love with another person.
“You okay?”
He shifted his attention back to Chloe. “Yeah.”
She didn’t appear to believe him, and for a moment the look in her eyes reminded him of their mother. Even though he’d spent more of his life without his mom than with, he could still remember the way she’d look at him if she suspected he wasn’t telling the truth. It was as if she could actually see the lie forming in his mind.
Chloe glanced over at Owen and Linnea, now firmly locked in a close embrace despite the fast-paced song. “You know you’re next.”
Garrett snorted. “That’s unlikely when all the eligible possibilities keep getting snapped up.”
“There are plenty of available women around, and you know it. Take Jenna Marks, for example.”
It wasn’t any secret that the nurse at the clinic where his sister worked as a doctor was interested in him. But the feeling wasn’t mutual. Jenna was nice enough, and pretty, but he felt no real attraction to her. He’d even wondered if something was fried in his brain, but he couldn’t force an affection that wasn’t there.
“Small problem,” he said when he noticed Chloe was still waiting for some type of response. “We already tried going on a date, and the two of us had about as much connection as a cow and a chicken.”
Chloe sighed. “If Jenna isn’t the type of woman you’re looking for, then who is?”
“Who said I’m looking?”
“No one, but I’m just that smart.”
“Cocky, too.”
Chloe grinned wide, as if she was pleased with herself.
“Have you joined the Verona Charles matchmaking bandwagon?” Verona was the aunt of their friend Elissa and had taken it upon herself to pair up any unattached person who crossed her path. And with each successful pairing, including his two siblings, she grew even more ambitious. It didn’t matter if she was a big part of two people getting together or simply contributed a gentle nudge, she seemed to take great pleasure in seeing Blue Falls fill up with happily-ever-afters. He imagined a room of her house filled with a big dry-erase board akin to a basketball playoff bracket filled with the names of all the local singles.
“Not officially,” Chloe said. “But I want to see you happy.”
“I wasn’t aware I appear unhappy.”
“It’s not that you seem sad, but there’s something missing.”
He didn’t want to acknowledge that she’d hit the nail on the head, partially because he’d nearly convinced himself that he was okay with his life as it was. Honestly, how many people grew up to live their lives exactly as they imagined them when they were younger?
As the eldest of the Brody children, he’d always assumed he’d follow in his father’s footsteps running the cattle ranch, getting married and having children of his own. As the years passed and none of his dates led to anything even approaching what his father had with his mom before her death, Garrett had gradually accepted that perhaps the ranching aspect was the only part of his imagined future that would come to fruition. After all, the dating pool wasn’t endless in a town the size of Blue Falls.
And he sure as hell wasn’t going to resort to some online dating site. They worked fine for some people, but he damn near broke out in hives just thinking about it.
“You worry too much,” he finally said. “If it’s meant to happen, it will.”
And if it wasn’t, he’d keep his focus on ranching, making sure that the Brody spread stayed out of the red. Ranching was a tough way of life, but he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. And that didn’t always appeal to women. Part of him could understand. Unless ranching ran in your blood, who would want to volunteer for a life where a drought or an illness in the herd could wipe you out?
They’d very nearly lost the ranch once in those dark days after his mother’s death, when his father had been consumed by grief and they’d been slammed with a severe drought nearly at the same time. The stress of losing the love of his life and then almost losing his means of supporting his children had been palpable. Garrett was determined that his father would never be that close to the mental or financial breaking point ever again. Not to mention, if Garrett ever did marry, he wanted the ranch to be a successful enterprise he could hand down to his children as well as any nieces and nephews who might come along.
“You’ll find someone,” Chloe said as he guided her around Liam and India Parrish, yet another couple Verona had been instrumental in pairing up. “I have faith.”
She might but Garrett wasn’t so sure. Considering he was already thirty-two, that possibility didn’t look too good.
As the party started winding down a few minutes later, he leaned over to give his sister a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m going to head out. Have fun on your trip.” Since Chloe and Wyatt had yet to go on their own honeymoon, they were going on the same Caribbean cruise as Owen and Linnea.
“Thanks. I’ll be sure to bring you some tacky, touristy T-shirt.”
He laugh
ed a little. “I’ve been needing a new grease rag for when I work on the trucks.”
She gave him an exasperated look. “Oh, go on before I tell Verona that you’re dying to find a wife as soon as possible.”
Garrett handed her off to Wyatt. “Your wife is evil.”
“I know, but she’s cute.”
He left one starry-eyed couple only to walk toward another, maneuvering through the crowd to Owen and Linnea. He playfully punched Owen in the shoulder as he had countless times before.
“I’d tell you to have a good trip, but I doubt there’s a need.”
Owen grinned. “I’m already there in my mind.”
Not wanting to think about what images were swirling through his brother’s head, Garrett pulled Linnea into a hug. “Don’t let my brother fall off the boat.”
Linnea smiled as she stepped back from him. “Oh, I plan to have him wear a life jacket anytime he leaves the cabin.”
Their dad, who was standing nearby, momentarily choked on the bite of cake he’d just taken. Garrett had to admit the image of his brother sitting down to a fancy dinner in the ship’s dining room with a big orange life jacket around his neck was pretty darn funny.
After making his final goodbyes, he made his way outside. The lack of sound as he stood on the edge of the Wildflower Inn’s parking lot made him realize just how noisy it had been inside. For the first time in several hours, he felt as if he could truly breathe. He’d rather be alone out in the middle of the ranch than in the midst of that many chattering people.
Even so, as he got into his truck and drove off the lot, the idea of going home to an empty house didn’t appeal to him. Maybe he’d run down to the Blue Falls Music Hall and see who was playing tonight. If he was lucky, being in the familiar, less formal environs would help him forget how the seed of loneliness inside him had evidently been watered and fed a healthy dose of fertilizer.
* * *
NATALIE BARELY HAD time to pull over on the side of the country road and get out of the car before throwing up what little she’d been able to eat since leaving Wichita that morning. The closer she’d gotten to Texas, the more ill she’d felt. When she’d driven through Blue Falls a few minutes before, her out-of-control nerves had her seriously considering making a U-turn and driving back to Kansas. She’d lost count of how many times she’d gone back and forth in her mind about if she could go through with telling the Brodys the truth, whether she should.
The Heart of a Cowboy Page 2
