by Abby Gale
Finally, I walked by the colorful art on the industrial building’s wall and walked faster to get away from the smell in the air.
When I reached my house, everything looked the same there, too. Same dead blackberry bushes, same peeled off paint on the walls, and same muddy path until I reach the patio. But the things changed when I stepped inside the house. It was quiet, eerily so.
“Mom?” I called out, hoping she’d answer me even though she barely acknowledged me anymore. I didn’t know why, but I knew she hadn’t liked me, I forgot how it felt to be loved by a mother.
“Dad?” I tried this time, but I didn’t even think he would be home at this time of the day. Dad hardly came home, when he did he smelled like vomit, and he couldn’t even walk straight.
“Zeke?” I asked to the empty space, but I knew he must be still at work. He generally came around the same time with me only to leave again after dinner, but since I used the shortcut, I beat him this time.
I bit my lip, not liking the silence in the house. Swallowing the strange fear inside me, I walked toward my parent’s bedroom, even though they had never slept together there anymore. Pushing on the door, I smiled softly. Mom was sleeping on the bed.
I went toward her, hoping to sneak a kiss while she was sleeping, but all I could do was scream when I saw her face. She looked like a ghost. There were white bubbles coming out of her mouth, her lips were almost purple against her white skin.
I didn’t know how long I screamed or when I threw myself at her to shake her, but the next thing I knew was the strong arms around me.
“Shh, I’m here, baby girl. I’m here. Don’t be scared. She’ll be okay,” he whispered again and again until we arrived at the hospital.
As doctors took care of my mom, Zeke held me close, giving me strength without even doing anything but being with me. When Zeke was with me, I didn’t feel fear. When he held me, I knew everything would be alright, because he made my life, my day better. He made everything better.
I needed him to make my day better again.
My finger hovered on the dial button of the only person I wanted to call, but I didn’t even know if his number was still the same. I hadn’t heard from him for two years since that day I ridiculously embarrassed myself and probably disgusted him too much he didn’t even want to see me once.
I was tired.
I was scared.
I was alone.
CHAPTER 2
ZEKE
I woke up panting, covered in sweat and supporting a hard-on. It’d been two whole years of distance, but she was still haunting my every moment –our memories in the daylight, my fantasies in the night. I wondered what she was doing, if she had a boyfriend, if she moved out from that rabbit hole or if she was still dealing with things she shouldn’t have been worried about. I felt the weight of guilt on my chest like I was under a train, it was suffocating me, making me breathless, but she was strong, I knew she was doing well. There was no other choice for me but to leave her alone. I knew if I stayed there I would damage her badly, I would have caused only shame to her. There was no possibility that I could stay with her and not touch her, not fuck her until I made her fully mine without caring about the consequences. Not after that night. We were like a match and gasoline together, destined to explode bringing everything down to ashes, but fuck me if I still didn’t want her like crazy. I remembered the taste of her lips, the smoothness of her skin under my fingertips. How she moaned into my mouth when I dug my fingers into her skin, and how her darkness welcomed the beast inside me when I wrapped my hand around her slender throat. My dick twitched under the sheet, wanting, craving the only person it couldn’t have. Feeling sick to my stomach I got out of bed, headed to the bathroom to get ready for the club –the only place I could be myself and be as fucked up as I desired.
I prepared my juice from different fruits, it was my usual breakfast, even though I knew the disgusting pervert inside me deserved to die, I was still taking care of him. Shaking my head, I left my loft in Westlake and drove toward the Montlake. As I passed the billion-dollar worth mansions, my mind moved back to the place I called home for a long while in South Park. It was the worst place I’d lived, no way to compare the buildings I stayed in after I left that rabbit hole, but I was also the happiest at that place, the most alive… all because of her. My sweet little Maya, a gift, and a curse from God.
With a horn I heard from behind, I focused back on the road and tried to not think about her even though it was one of the hardest tasks I’d ever given to myself.
I turned left to the road that was almost hidden between tall trees, and soon I was pushing the button that opened the big gate of my property, my own kind of madhouse. The place looked so different in the daylight, it was silent, alone, like a beast that was sleeping and at night the beast was waking up with renewed energy, adrenaline pumped through the walls of the mansion. The only thing that didn’t change in this place was me, I was always the same freak with the same need to corrupt an innocent girl no matter how wrong it was. I always fed my obsession, day and night, with willing women who didn’t mind my kind of twisted kink as all I thought about was another woman, a woman I should never have, Maya, while I was thrusting inside faceless women. I was reminiscing the memories of her pale skin behind my closed eyelids even though I touched other bodies to tame the beast inside me.
“Master Wyatt, good morning,” I heard Nikki, my personal assistant, say. She was a great help for me as I managed this club, but her assistance wasn’t limited with the business; she was also my most willing submissive, she was taking whatever I wanted to give her with grace. Her submission was satisfying, and she was wild enough not to blink an eye at whatever I wanted from her.
“Good morning, Nikki,” I said, walking toward my office with her hot on my heels.
“I made the orders for the bar this morning, Master. We were short on some garnishes and some liquor. The cleaning team left just fifteen minutes ago, I checked every room again, and they are flawless, just the way you want Master,” she said with her sweet voice, and head bowed.
“Good,” I gave her my praise, and she bloomed like a flower with only one word from me.
“I got the mail it’s on your desk, Master. Must be new applications, we have many people interested it seems,” she continued.
I logged into my computer as she talked. Emails greeted me, but I ignored them as I checked the cameras all around the club. The camera in Circle 8 were still not working.
“Camera in Circle 8,” I said, cutting Nikki’s speech about the scene that was going to be shown today in Circle 1.
“I rang the techs for it this morning, Master. They’ll be here before noon.”
“Good, Nikki. You did a good job, as always.”
“Anything for you, Master,” she answered with a smile on her face and left me alone in my office.
I was able to make someone happy, at least.
CHAPTER 3
MAYA
Mom was discharged after being treated for an overdose. The hospital was familiar with this kind of situation, they didn’t care about the disposable people. Everyone saw us as the mud on their shoes and even medical personnel weren’t too patient after a while. In my mother’s case, we were in the hospital for the same reason at least once in a week.
I hitchhiked to get my mom home safely, the alcohol and the stench of vomit in the car was mixed with a cigarette, but we didn’t have the luxury to choose or complain.
When we entered the house, I carried my mother to my room, didn’t want her to sleep in the bed my father fucked another woman in. She immediately fell asleep when I tucked her in. As I passed by the bedroom, I heard my father’s snoring and sighed deeply. He didn’t leave the house like I demanded him to, but I was too tired to deal with anything else, I headed to the living room.
Just as I passed the front door, I heard the knock. With a frown, I opened the door and came face to face with our landlord.
“Jack,”
I muttered with the disgust.
“Hey, little Wyatt,” he slurred. His beady eyes studied me from head to toe. “You supposed to pay my rent yesterday,” he said. At least he moved directly to the topic.
“I know, Jack. I’ll pay it, but I need another week. I couldn’t get my payment.”
He tutted. “If I give you a week now, you’ll ask for another week.”
“No. I promise.”
“Actually, you can pay me in another way,” he offered, moving his hand to the front of his jeans like his intention wasn’t clear enough.
I swallowed my disgust. “I’ll find another job tomorrow,” I told him with as much confidence as I could muster.
He chuckled like I said something joyful.
Frowning at him, I crossed my arms over my chest.
He shook his head, still grinning. “I don’t know why you’re trying, girl. Look at your parents. That’s your destiny. That’s how you’ll end up. The sooner you accept it, the better it’ll be for you,” he said like he was giving me the secret of the universe.
“I’ll pay your rent in a week. Have a good day, Jack,” I said before slamming the door to his face.
I went to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. There was a card on the counter. I knew what it was before I even grabbed it, just like every other month, I took and caressed the handwriting I knew so well. There was only a phone number on the empty card. I knew whose number it was. I knew who was sending them every month.
It was always just a card with his number on it. No note. No… nothing. I wonder why he was trying. He clearly didn’t want to see me or have anything to say. So why? Why was he sending his number again and again? Every fucking month.
Why are you trying, Zeke? I thought to myself
I didn’t know.
I don’t know why you’re trying, Jack’s words echoed in my mind.
I didn’t have an answer to that as I slouched on the couch. Closing my eyes, I cursed at my life. I was so close to giving up, I didn’t even know what I was fighting for. Pulling out my phone from my jeans pocket and my finger hovered over his name again, but instead of giving in to the temptation I lied down on the couch. Even though sleep and I weren’t good friends, my exhaustion didn’t let my panic show up, and I fell asleep.
***
I was confused when I woke up, my neck was tense from the strange angle I fell asleep in. The house was dark except the light in the hallway. I must have slept the whole day. Looking at my surroundings, I tried to understand what was happening and what caused me to wake up.
My mom was sitting in front of the coffee table, just a few feet away from me, my father was behind her with his hand under another woman’s skirt. I recognized the woman, she was my mom’s friend when they were both young and not truly fucked up. My mom was snorting the white powder, and with the look on their faces, I knew all three of them were high, so far above the caring world around them. They had never really cared a lot though, not even when they were this deep into the hell, they were trying to pull me under along with them.
I didn’t want to hear their voices, I didn’t want to witness the twisted orgy they would soon perform. I tried to block out everything.
Grabbing my phone, I padded to the bathroom. My feet weighted tons as I tried to carry myself away from the circus I called life. I looked down at my cellphone, there was a text saying I missed my night shift in the bar. Checking the time, I saw it was past ten pm, I read the rest of the message, Don’t bother to come in tomorrow.
This was just what I needed. With the salaries I got from three jobs I was hardly paying bills and putting something in our stomach, and now I was fired. I planned on going there tomorrow anyway to beg the boss not to fire me and to give me one more chance, but I slid down on the tile floor in the bathroom with the same question in my mind. Why? Why should I try? Why should I keep fighting when there is nothing to fight for?
I was tired.
I was tired of fighting for everything in this life. Even the smallest achievement I had came from huge fights for survival. I wanted to be young and carefree, but I was just stuck under the responsibilities on my shoulders. I felt like Atlas with the whole world’s weight on me, and I didn’t even know why I tried.
Jack, the bastard was right about one thing.
Why did I keep trying?
I crawled to the bathtub and got inside, clutching my phone to my chest like it was my lifeline. Closing my eyes, I dialed the number I was dying to call whenever I felt tired.
“Wyatt,” he answered.
I smiled through exhaustion and whispered, “I missed you.”
“Maya?” His voice had the same warm feeling, but it was thicker, smoother like the warm chocolate he once bought me as a birthday present. He had to pay every penny he stuffed under his bed to buy it for me.
“I’m tired. I just want to sleep… and when I woke up, I just want to open my eyes to a life better than this. I don’t know why I’m fighting anymore. You said you’d always be with me, you said you’d never leave me alone, but you were the first one to leave me. Why did you promise me when you can’t keep it? Everyone leaves, right? This time I’ll be the one who leaves,” I said and ended the call, shutting my phone off.
The metal on the shelf next to the bathtub winked at me when the light hit it from the right angle, and I took the object between my fingers, studying its sharp edges. The razor blade looked new enough, it didn’t have the stains of time on its smooth surface.
Fascinated, I moved the sharp side of it over my wrist, not really letting it touch my skin, but close enough to feel it graze my flesh. I was numb and focused on the moment, I didn’t think about anything else but the blade of the razor on my skin. It was the most peaceful moment my mind had ever had; there was complete silence, and it was hypnotizing. I wanted more of it and pressed the metal onto my skin, watching the ruby colored liquid create beads under the bite of the metal. It looked like art, the first splash of paint on the white canvas. Smiling, I pressed harder, moving it a little bit. There was pain, but I liked it; that was the last moment of fight my soul was putting into this life I didn’t want to live any longer. The blood started to pour from the cut, it reminded me of a fountain, but it was thicker and eerier. As the redness spills over the white marble that saw better days, I felt a comfortable darkness surrounding me.
Most people were scared of darkness, and what was hidden behind it, I wasn’t. I was afraid of the light because light was the one that brought out the monsters who were waiting in the corners, light would put faces on the scary silhouettes, light would make them real instead of imaginary. In the darkness you could pretend everything was a dream, in the dark you wouldn’t see the devil, and you could hope the devil wouldn’t see you; but in the light, you had no other choice to face the situation you were in. People would be afraid of that eerie obscurity even though it was the light that blinded them.
As my old friend darkness surrounded me, I wrapped my other hand around my neck, just to feel closer to him, only to pretend like he was here next to me. The pain and numbness became more intense, and the strong scent of blood invaded my senses. When I could feel my heart slow down, I even heard his voice. But instead of setting me free he was asking me to fight.
Stay with me, Maya.
CHAPTER 4
ZEKE
As I read the registration forms of the people who wanted to be a member of my club, my mind refused to focus, my body got more and more tense with every kind of kink there was noted on the paper. The worse was, with every kink I read I was fantasizing about her. I was always fantasizing about her. There was no one else for me. Whenever I closed my eyes, she was haunting me.
It was that day again, and I forced myself not to write her a letter like I wanted to do the last two years. I wanted to tell her everything I was feeling, why I had to leave her, how I couldn’t stop thinking of her. But I knew if I did that, nothing would stop me from begging her to call me, come to me, but clearly t
hat wasn’t what she wanted. Every month I added my number to the money I’d sent her, but she’d never called me. She hated me. And she was right. I hated myself just the same.
Swallowing the hate I felt for myself, I dialed Nikki.
“Yes, Master?” she answered on the first ring, as always.
“Circle 9. Now,” I said and shut the phone harder than necessary without waiting for her response.
Taking off my suit jacket, I stormed out of my office. Nikki had already left her desk. Such an obedient submissive she was. I headed to the only room except for my office on this floor. Circle 9. My kind of special hell. I’d imprisoned myself in the deepest level of hell, surrounded myself with the coldness of my heart without her. Just like Satan in Dante’s Inferno.
When I opened the door of my level of kink, Nikki was already waiting for me, leaning against the spanking bench, totally naked. Her face was pressed to the leather, hidden from me just the way I liked it.
“Tell me your name,” I ordered, standing behind her.
“Maya, Zeke,” she replied.
I closed my eyes, trying to replace her cheery voice with the Maya’s smoky, sultry voice mixed with innocence. Her voice was everything I wanted to hear, but I’d lost the privilege of hearing it when I left her behind.
“Who are you?”
“Your everything,” she recited her well-studied answer with a swoony voice. I had to grit my teeth for the difference between her voice and the one in my head.
“Right. My everything,” I whispered, touching her toned body. Maya would’ve never looked this healthy, this curvy. She was always thin because of the unhealthy way we had to eat. Even though she wasn’t as flawless as Nikki, Maya was still the most beautiful sight I’d ever laid my eyes on.
