by Abby Gale
She was like sugar to my system, the more I took a taste, the more I wanted until there was nothing in my veins but her. Until she put me in a coma of sweet death.
Since the moment she was born, she’d been killing me so softly, so sweetly, I didn’t know how to live without her. My death wouldn’t be a bad thing if it were by her hands. What a way to end a miserable life like mine.
CHAPTER 18
MAYA
I hated how I was still in tune to him. After all those nights I spent crying my eyes out, after all those days I waited for him to come back, I couldn’t have cut the invisible cord that connected us.
I hated the way my heart beat faster whenever he was close, whenever he looked at me with the same intensity I grew up with.
I hated how I slept without nightmares for the first time in two years with his presence in my room. Being in the same room with him had awakened every memory I had with him, and I craved his proximity. With each passing day, staying indifferent to his existence was an impossible task. Even though I kept a mask on around him, I couldn’t have suppressed or ignored the emotions that stormed inside me. I didn’t even know why I was trying to keep the mask. To punish him or to hide my feelings, so he didn’t leave me again?
Shaking my head, I headed to the kitchen area to have breakfast. He was already seated on the stool, sipping his coffee. I slowed my steps just to stall so I could have more time to watch his features. He was the worst addiction. Drugs would kill you when you took them, but Zeke was killing me just with his existence.
When I sat on the stool opposite him, he looked at me with a demanding gaze.
“You’ll see a therapist today,” he said curtly. His voice didn’t leave any chance to question or protest.
Gritting my teeth, I started to nibble my toast.
“Did you hear me?” he snapped. I knew his patience was wearing thin. I had never ignored him before. We were each other’s satellite, but it seemed like another life now. A life we shared a million years ago.
I lift my eyes to him, glaring at him. I saw the tick on his cheek, it used to amuse me, and he could never stay angry when I kissed that spot. Now, my lips tickled like they remembered how his skin felt under their touch. My fingers itched to touch him, but I did none of it. I just dropped my gaze to my toast and ate it.
Even though I felt the weight of his gaze on me, I chose to ignore it.
“Fuck,” he mutters, and the screeching sound followed his curse when he got off his stool angrily.
I only let myself look at him when he headed for his room with frustration, desperation, and anger dripping from his body.
***
Looking out of the window as we maneuvered through the city, I snorted. The guy who wanted me to feel normal and to have a normal life was now taking me to a shrink to heal my freak mind.
I remembered the time when the only place he wanted me to go was wherever would make me happy, but now we lost that too like we’d lost everything it seemed.
My piggy bank was shattered on the floor in my room, there was no money around. My bed was upside down, the money under the bedding was also missing. I looked around to find my stash, I had to find my money. But there was nothing, I was penniless. All those months of saving, Zeke helped me to do for the school trip to California was gone.
“Mom,” I called out to her, maybe she knew something about it. But there was no answer, only some voices from the bedroom. Knocking on the door, I entered the room, only to see her sitting on her bed surrounded by drug packages.
“Mom,” I breathed out.
She saw me standing there and giggled. “My little girl saved money for her mommy to buy her needs. I found them. You’re a very, very good girl, Maya.” Her voice was in that dreamy state I hated so much. And I couldn’t say anything, there was nothing to say to change the situation. The tears burned my eyes, forcing their ways down to my cheek. I ran outside, sitting on the wooden stairs of the patio and I cried.
I was tired.
I didn’t know how long I stayed there or how long I cried.
And then he came home from work. He ran the rest of the way when he saw me crying and pulled me into his arms before asking what was wrong. “Maya, what happened?”
I told him everything, still crying and wetting his shirt but he didn’t care about his shirt, he only cared about me like he always did. He was always the only person who took care of me, who cared for me, who loved me. I was old enough to look after myself, but around him, I liked being the one who was taken care of.
“Shh, don’t cry. I have money. You’ll go on that trip,” he said with determination. I knew he was earning well, but he was saving it for us to leave this rabbit hole; that was the money he earned from street fights, from his daily job, from selling my mom’s drug stash or one of my father’s stupid collections. That money was from every paying opportunity he jumped right into even if it was illegal or wrong just to get us a new beginning. I couldn’t take that money, that was the free pass, if not for both of us then for him.
“I don’t want to go anymore,” I sobbed and added before he argued, “Just stay with me this Sunday, will you? Don’t work.”
“Maya, you’re fifteen. You deserve to go on that trip. I’ll make it happen,” he insisted, but as I was in his arms spending a day with him instead of going to California with the people I didn’t like sounded so much better.
“I really don’t want to. I don’t like the girls in school, and I don’t even have a bikini to wear in the ocean, and you know I can’t swim,” I listed my reasons, and a small smile appeared on his face. I liked him so much when he smiled, he rarely smiled, and they were only reserved for me, making me feel special.
“Okay then, baby girl. If you’re sure about it, you’ll spend the weekend with me,” he said and kissed my forehead. He always kissed me there, and I used to like it, but lately, I didn’t like it as much as I did. Not since the day, I saw him kiss Mandy on the mouth, the girl I knew he fucked.
Shaking my head, I smiled at him. He made everything better in my life, even though he would never kiss my lips, no matter how much I wanted him to…
I shook my head. I wish I’d never convinced him to kiss my lips, maybe we could’ve talked to each other, maybe we could’ve been close to each other without needing walls to separate us then.
The tears threatened to fall when we stopped in front of a building as posh as his place. I quickly got out of the car, wiping away the tears before following him into the building.
When we reached the office on the twelfth floor, the same luxurious nothingness greeted me. I think being rich meant white, grey, black, and steel as the decor.
A blonde girl with a black pencil skirt and great blouse greeted us. I looked down at my own attire. I looked like a child in sweatpants and sweatshirt I couldn’t have filled with curves or muscles.
“We have an appointment. Maya Wyatt.” Zeke’s voice brought me back to the moment again.
“Oh, yes. Miss Turner has been expecting you,” the blonde said. I didn’t miss the way she looked at Zeke. The ugly face of jealousy showed itself in my stupid heart, but it was also hurting, because of the cruel reality of his new life.
Zeke was good looking. He’d always been, but now in suits and the intimidating aura he was surrounded with he was hard to resist, and I knew he could have anyone he wanted.
Zeke Wyatt may have been the only man I had ever had eyes on, but his world was like an open buffet. He didn’t need a freak like me nor did he have any reason to love me.
CHAPTER 19
MAYA
The visit to the therapist was awful.
Tracy Turner, the shrink was a good looking woman with strawberry blonde hair falling in waves over her shoulder. The dress she wore showed off her curves. She was the epitome of what I would never become: polished, sexy, feminine.
As she flirted with Zeke right in front of me like I was invisible, I felt small, unimportant, disposable. It was how I alway
s felt, but feeling these things in Zeke’s world, it was so much more of an insult.
When Zeke left us alone, she eyed me with polite judgment in her eyes. I didn’t know you could judge someone politely, but with the look Tracy Turner gave me, I knew how it was. She didn’t look at me like I was a rat from the sewer, she was looking at me like I was a lab rat. That was like an upgraded status, but it felt even worse with the knowledge I was going to be prodded and played like a puppet with the rights her diplomas gave her.
Grabbing her silver pen, she rested her elbows on her desk and smiled at me.
“Hi, Maya. So, what brings you here?” she asked after a few minutes of silence. When I didn’t answer, her smile faltered, but she recovered quickly. “Mr. Wyatt told me you’d been suffering some insomnia and nightmares,” she added like this would trick me to talk.
I gritted my teeth at the knowledge that Zeke had told this woman something about me, something private.
I snorted. “So, I’m here because of my sleep problems?”
She frowned at my tone. “Is there anything else you’d like to share with me?”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned back in the chair. “I’ll be honest with you, Miss Turner,” I started. She smiled, probably thinking I’m finally going to give her something to work on, a ticket to my mind. She nodded her head for me to continue.
“With all due respect, I have no intention of talking to you, Miss Turner. I’m not here because I want to be. So, how about you mind your business while I sit here in silence?”
Her eyes widened when I sent her a fake smile. Clearing her throat, she started to talk with a convincing voice, “I want to help you, Maya.”
“You can’t help me. I’m sure you’re a good therapist, and I don’t want to disrespect you or all those diplomas on the wall behind you, but this isn’t something you can fix.”
She opened her mouth and closed it. She repeated the motion twice before saying, “Do you need anything?”
“A piece of paper and a pencil would be good,” I said, feeling kind of sorry for her.
She nodded and like she was glad that I gave her a chance to be beneficial, she quickly gave me paper and pen.
The next hour passed in total silence as I sketched, and she fidgeted in her seat. I didn’t understand the people who got uncomfortable in silence.
She cleared her throat after a while, letting me know this strange session had ended. I was sure she was more relieved than I was.
“Sorry about that,” I murmured before leaving her office.
Zeke was waiting for me outside. When he saw me, he stood up and walked toward me. “You wait for me. I’ll be right back,” he said, entering the shrink’s office.
I sat and waited for him to learn how ridiculously we spent the last hour.
When he came back, he looked angry, but there was also defeat in the way he held his shoulders. He stopped right in front of me, without saying a word. I lifted my head to meet his gaze. His gaze was like a tornado, I saw so many emotions in there: anger, desperation, defeat, concern, determination, longing.
We looked each other, no one said a thing, but our silence screamed everything we’d been holding off for days. Finally, he broke the eye-contact, but the last thing I’d seen was a determination in his dark depths, a determination that suppressed all other emotions.
On the way home Zeke’s phone rang. I caught the name on the screen, Nikki.
“Yes?” he answered the phone.
After a side glance my way, he nodded. “I’ll be there in fifteen.”
I didn’t question who she was, and he didn’t give me any explanation. Why would he anyway? Who was I to him?
When we were back in his loft, I walked toward the windows, watching outside with unseeing eyes. I felt his gaze on my back, but I didn’t turn to face him. Then, I heard the door close.
He’d left me for the first time since I came here. He finally gave up on me and decided to move on with his life. I should’ve been happy, but I couldn’t explain that to my stupid heart who still loved him.
The tears threatened to fall. My heart felt like it was breaking in pieces. My throat felt tighter like an invisible force was choking me. My lungs couldn’t get enough air no matter how much I tried to breathe.
Walking to my room, I hoped being surrounded by white would calm me like it did these last couple of days, but it didn’t do the trick this time. It only made it worse. I ripped off the clothes from my body, wanting to peel off my own skin to stop these suffocating feelings inside me. As I stood in the middle of the room in only my bra and panties, I looked around.
I was an intruder in his life.
I always felt like a freak, even when I was invisible among the other freaks of my neighborhood. I always knew how people looked at me with disgust as I worked in different places. I’d accepted that I was mud on their shoes, but I’d never thought I’d feel the same way in Zeke’s world. I would’ve never guessed the guy who was my sanctuary, my harbor in stormy nights turned into some stranger. But his world had changed, and in this world, I was just dust on shiny steel.
Heading to the bathroom, I opened and closed the drawers in the cabinet, just to find something to take my mind off things.
I found the first aid kit Zeke used to change my bandage the other day. Opening the box, I searched the things in it. At the bottom of the box, a small package got my attention. Like I was in a trance, that shiny little metal lured me to find it.
Sitting on the cold marble floor, leaning my back against the wall, I looked at the razor blade in my hand, the small weapon that started it all. It may have damn well finished everything. Playing with the metal, studying it under the light. It would be easy to finish what I started, but something inside me stopped me from reopening the wound on my wrist.
As I trace the soft skin inside my thigh, I rested my head against the wall, closing my eyes.
I didn’t have many things in life. I wasn’t good at anything but sketching. Most of the times I didn’t even know what I was doing with my life. But in my twenty-years, there was only one thing I always thought I had, Zeke. Even when he left me two years ago, I still held on tight to his memories and the love I felt for him, no matter how bad it hurt me.
As my thoughts followed one another, I focused on the sharp bite of the razor blade. It hurt less than the love that filled my soul.
Zeke Wyatt was the only definition of love I knew.
I loved him as a brother, a family, a friend.
I loved him as a lover.
And I hated how desperately I loved him.
When I could finally take a breath of peace, blood was slowly dripping from the lines on each of my thighs. Twenty short lines. Twenty years that weren’t enough to love him. Twenty years that weren’t enough for him to love me.
CHAPTER 20
ZEKE
I couldn’t reach her. No matter what I did, she had an invisible wall around herself that put me outside of her personal place. I was the cement of that wall she’d built with her bare hands. I thought taking her to a professional would’ve helped her, but it only made things worse in the house.
It’d been three days since I took her to the therapist’s office and she didn’t say a word since then. We had a routine before the visit, we at least ate our meals together, but these last three days she didn’t even come out of her room.
The girl once would’ve loved to spend all the time she had with me, now couldn’t even tolerate seeing me. I ached when I was near her. The need to touch, hug, and kiss her was too much it was a physical pain. The only thing that stopped me was the haunting look in her eyes. Those dark orbs were like daggers to my heart every time she looked at me with sadness and desperate need she couldn’t hide from me.
The moment I finally acknowledged the deep longing, need, and attraction I had toward her was the day I planned to put a smile on her face. She was fifteen and beautiful, but sad. I hated Amanda too much that week I was afraid of doing
something bad at her. Instead, I focused on making Maya happy.
We were in the old warehouse. I spent my whole week after work to prepare the place as good as it could have been. There wasn’t many places I could take her to but the warehouse that all young couples used as their secret hotel. I didn’t know why I chose the place. Maybe I knew I wanted to be more with Maya even though my mind didn’t acknowledge it.
“Zeke? Why are we here?” she asked as I opened the warehouse’s big gate. But there was no anxiety in her voice. Her trust was something that fed my obsession about her, I just didn’t know it then.
I just smiled, kissing her temple. “I promise you’ll love it, baby girl.”
She was my baby girl.
The name was so innocent for years, but not so much since I fantasized her eyes looking at me with submission as I draw my cock into Mandy. I thought it was just a slip then. A drunken confusion and nothing else. But some things couldn’t be ignored much longer.
She was so happy when she saw the pool I made for her. Her arms wrapped around me as she climbed me like a tree. I liked having her body pressed against mine. It felt so much better than the time I felt when I was with Mandy or any other woman.
I ignored that fact. I focused on Maya’s smiling face instead. She wriggled in my arms, causing my muscles to tense. I placed her back on her feet and watched her as she ran the water between her fingers. I was lucky to find something big and deep enough to use as a pool. Being close to industrial places and some money always helped achieve what you wanted to be done.
