by Abby Gale
With his elbows on his knees, I watched him sit there. Something was wrong. My heart beat faster in my chest with anxiety. My palms got sweaty, I wiped them on the sheets. I waited for him to talk and I dreaded the words that would fall from his lips, but he didn’t talk. The silence stretched longer and longer. Longer enough to made me go mad.
“Zeke, what’s wrong?” I couldn’t stand this silence any longer.
He finally looked at me. “I have to go, Maya.”
“Where?” I asked. I told myself that he had to go to deal with something, but I knew that wasn’t the case. No matter how hard my mind refused to understand, the tears welled up in my eyes.
“I don’t know, but away.”
“Zeke, no,” I breathed out. He sucked away my strength to talk louder.
“I have to.”
“Why?” I choked out.
“I have to protect you, Maya. I have to protect you from myself because if I don’t leave, your life will be a bigger mess because of me.”
“I don’t want you to protect me. I just want you to stay with me.”
He stood up. “It’s for your own good,” he said.
Getting out of the bed, I grabbed his arm. I didn’t care that I was naked. My body wasn’t something I wanted to hide from him. It never was.
He turned his face to me, his eyes roamed over my body. I could see the need behind his gaze, the way he breathed in, the way he licked his lips as his eyes licked every part of my body just like he did last night.
“Don’t go. I need you, Zeke. I love you so much, and I know you love me, too. Please. Don’t leave,” I said frantically. My voice shook with the sobs that wanted to get out.
He turned his body toward me, and I didn’t waste any time to hug him, but he pushed me away, kept me at arm’s length.
“Maya, do you know what I’m thinking about right now? Do you have any idea what I want to do to you even though I know it is every kind of wrong, even though it makes me hate myself with passion?” he said in an angry voice, but I knew he wasn’t angry at me. He was angry at everything but me, just like I was angry at everything but him.
I loved him. I wanted him. But I couldn’t have him, because it was wrong to some people who had found the rights to decide what was right and what was wrong.
“I want to fuck you. I want to thrust my cock into you and take away your virginity. I want to kiss, lick, and fuck every inch of your body with my mouth, my fingers, and my cock. I want to make you scream with pleasure, I want to see you sob with the desperate need for my cock. I want to have your body, your heart, your soul,” he said. His voice is harsh with the passion behind his words. His eyes are burning a fire in their depth. I didn’t know when we moved, but my back was against the wall, and he was pressed against me. We were both panting, my whole body was tight with arousal, and his erection was pressing into my stomach like a hot iron.
“You already have them. You already have all of me,” I whispered. “Don’t you understand, I want you to do all those things to me. I want you just like you want me, Zeke.”
He pushed away from me. “That’s why I have to leave. I have to leave so you can forget me. I have to leave so you can have a normal life without my fucked-upness,” he said.
As we looked at each other, I knew nothing I said would change his mind.
“Can you kiss me? Just one more time,” I sobbed.
I thought he was going to reject me, but after a moment of silence he grabbed my neck and crushed my lips under his. I clawed his t-shirt, pulled his hair to get as much of him as possible in this last stolen moment. I swallowed his tortured groan, and he swallowed my sob with the kiss we shared.
When our lips separated but still stayed a breath away from each other, I hated everything that pushed him to do this. I hated everything that took away the only happiness I had from me. I hated this life for ripping the best thing in my life away from me. And as he turned to leave with tears in his eyes, I hated him for listening to everything that tried to separate us.
Closing my eyes, I tried to suppress the pain the memory of his leaving still caused me. I wished I could go back to sleep.
“Good morning, baby girl,” Zeke said, pulling me away from my painful reverie. His voice was still raspy with sleep.
My eyes still closed, I turned in his arms.
“Are you still sleeping?” he asked teasingly.
I nodded. “I need a dream. I just need to see a dream,” I choked on my emotions.
He cradled my face in his palms, but I didn’t dare to open my eyes.
“Maya, look at me.”
I shook my head.
“Look at me, baby girl,” he whispered, grazing his lips on mine, making me gasp with surprise.
I opened my eyes. He was smiling, and his eyes were full of love and hunger.
“Will you,” I started to ask the question I was afraid of the answer to, but instead I changed the question, “Why did you send me your number every month?”
He smiled sadly. “Because I hoped you’d call me.”
“Why didn’t you write a note? Just a number? Why?”
“I didn’t want you to feel obliged to call me. And I thought you didn’t want to talk to me. So, I just sent my number with the money.”
I frowned. “Money?”
“Yeah. I had to make sure you have enough money to live your life. I should’ve cut all the contact with you. Maybe a better man would’ve done that, but I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t live in money while you were in that shit hole.”
I swallowed. “I didn’t get any money from you,” I murmured.
“What?” he breathed out. His face was a picture of confusion.
I snorted a moment later, causing him to look at me with questions in his gaze.
“Now it all makes sense. My mother’s drug stash always renewed every month on the same day. Until now, I thought it was a sick coincidence, but now I see. She was probably taking the money you left to buy drugs. You know she finds money wherever it is,” I said.
“Fuck,” he growled, turning onto his back. I shuddered with the distance he created between us, and I knew I shouldn’t delay the dreadful question any longer.
“Will you leave me again? Or make me leave?” I blurted out.
He looked at me with a frown, like he wasn’t expecting this question at all. Biting my lip, I waited for his answer as he studied my face. Something in his eyes softened, and he turned to his side and pulled me back to his chest again.
“No,” he finally said with certainty.
I waited for him to add more, but he didn’t. He turned to lay on his back again. Holding my thigh, he pulled me on top of him. Just like that first time we crossed the line. Our eyes were closed then, but now he was looking at me like I was the most interesting, most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
Scared that he's changed his mind, I closed my eyes.
“Open your eyes, Maya,” he chuckled. “No more dreams,” he said when I looked at him. Gripping my hips, he moved me back and forth on his erection, all the while looking deep into my eyes. “My dreams came true with you. No more dreaming,” he added.
I opened my mouth and closed again when no words came out.
He sat up, bringing our bodies closer. “Tell me what you want. Whatever you want.”
I frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“I failed, baby. I failed at fighting against my love for you. I failed at trying not to want you. I failed fighting against you. Now, I’ll fight with you, if you still want me to.”
“You… me…” I had a hard time to express what I felt.
He shook his head. “No more you and me. From now on, it is we. Us against the world, just like it should’ve been.”
Finally, a small smile formed on my face. I was still not sure, still afraid of getting my hopes up. “No more resisting, no more regret?”
He peppered my neck with kisses. “No resisting.” He sucked my sensitive skin. “No regret.” He sof
tly bit the place that made me squirm on his lap. “No more waiting.”
With me in his arms, he sat up on his knees and placed me back onto the bed. He hovered over me, bracing his weight on his elbows, careful not to touch his body to mine.
“This won’t be easy, Maya. We won’t be able to live it the way we wanted to. We’ll need to stay in the darkness, hide our love from the world. It’ll be more like a prison than freedom. Are you sure you want this for yourself?” he whispered dead serious.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his body onto mine.
“Nothing can be harder than staying away from you,” I whispered. “I want this. If I can only have you by keeping it a secret, I’ll take it.”
He kissed me with the longing of years. I returned his hunger with my own. He said it wouldn’t be freeing, but he was wrong. Touching him the way I wanted to was my definition of freedom.
“Tell me stop if you ever want me to stop,” he murmured.
“Never,” I breathed out.
My moan followed my answer when his lips traced the invisible line from my neck to my tits. I arched my back, offering myself to him. My eyes rolled back when he sucked my nipple into his mouth. A protest came out from my throat when he stopped.
“Open your eyes, baby girl. I want you to see. I want you to watch everything.”
I did as he told and grinned at him.
His lips traveled south, sucking, and biting the flesh on my stomach. His eyes never left me while he kept moving down until he stopped right between my legs. I held my breath as he leaned down and ran his nose on my mound. My breath hitched in my throat when I felt his tongue lap at me from my entrance to my clit. The voices he made from his throat caused heat to rise to my cheek. He licked and sucked me until I writhed with pleasure until I screamed his name.
I felt his finger at my entrance, circling my opening, teasing me. I groaned loudly when his digit slowly entered me.
“Fuck. Fuck baby, you’re so tight,” he said. Like this knowledge renewed his hunger, he attacked my clit, making me delirious with pleasure.
“Zeke, please. You said no more waiting,” I panted, trashing on the bed with need.
“Right,” he said and came up to me.
Reaching for the nightstand, he grabbed the condom. I watched him as he rolled it over his massive dick.
With our eyes not leaving each other, he pushed inside me. I cried out with pain, digging my nails in his back.
“Fuck!” he growled with both shock and pleasure. “Are you… fuck, baby. Are you a virgin?”
I could only nod. I liked the pain, but it was uncomfortable as my body tried to adjust his size.
“How… why,” he mumbled. He seemed lost at words.
Caressing his cheek, I smiled, “Who else?”
He closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. “I love you, Maya,” he whispered.
He told me these words thousands of times, but none of them were as special as this one. None of them filled me with indescribable joy like nothing bad could touch me.
“I love you,” I whispered against his lips and kissed him with everything I had. “Move,” I said when our lips separated.
“Are you sure?” His face was tense with concern. His eyebrows pinched together as he tried to control himself, but I could feel his need throbbing inside me.
“Yes. Move.”
“It’s gonna hurt.”
“Then, hurt me,” I said with a smile.
That made him laugh, and he kissed me before moving. With every thrust into me, he took away every painful moment I’d spent without him. He cleansed my soul, poured his own into my body. His grunts suppressed all the screams in my mind. When we both came, our bodies shaking violently, I knew nothing would ever keep us apart. Not even death had that power because I knew our hell would be next to each other.
CHAPTER 29
MAYA
Giving in to our love was just the beginning of a whole new life for us. Club Inferno was the only place we didn’t have to pretend. The people in there had never judged us even though they knew I was Zeke’s niece.
Outside of the club, we were a secret to be hidden. We lived in secret, kissed in secret, loved in secret. It was hard, but we both knew it from the second we gave in to our hearts’ desire. Still, it hurt not to love him the way I wished to. Not to kiss him wherever I wanted to.
My identity became my worst enemy.
My own name was against me.
My blood tried to hurt my heart.
That was why I wanted to die. This time, completely. Without a chance of coming back to life.
If you had enough money and right connections, dying wasn’t hard.
And at the age of twenty, I died.
A tragic car accident that ended up with an explosion.
No one could find a body.
No one could find proof.
And no one cared about the death of a pathetic girl’s burnt body enough to look for it.
That was how Maya Wyatt died.
Simple. In silence. Without a fuss.
Just like how she lived her pathetic life.
The day Maya Wyatt died was the day Beatrice Florence was born.
In a Dante Alighieri balo in Florence.
Fancy. Surrounded by laughter. In her lover’s arms.
Beatrice Florence was handmade to guide her own Dante to paradise from hell. She was handmade to love him.
CHAPTER 30
BEATRICE
“Are you sure you don’t want to go home first?” Zeke asked when we got in the car.
Our flight had landed only thirty minutes ago. It was a long flight, and home should’ve been the first place I wanted to visit, but the feeling inside me didn’t let up. Changing my identity didn’t only affect my name, my emotions, the way I saw things had changed too, it seemed.
I nodded. “I want to do this. I’m ready.”
He squeezed my hand and hit the road.
We were both silent, but this wasn’t awkward. This was a silence that didn’t need any words to communicate. I knew he understood me and what went through my head.
After spending months in Florence, it felt strange to be back home. I felt strange, like a stranger instead of someone who spent her whole life in this city. And I think I was a stranger.
I was no longer someone who needed to hide her feelings. No longer a nobody.
I wasn’t afraid of holding Zeke’s hand as we drive.
There was nothing that would’ve stopped me from leaning over and kissing him.
I was free.
“We’re here,” Zeke finally said, and I took a deep breath before opening the door.
Zeke took my hand in his as I walked on the grass.
When we finally stopped walking, I didn’t know what I was expecting to feel or what I was supposed to.
I read what was written on the stone.
Amanda Wyatt
1970-2016
RIP
If I was still Maya, I knew I would be both sad and angry, maybe even relieved that she was dead. But this new me, Beatrice was in peace. There was no hate I was afraid of feeling toward her any longer.
I heard she was found dead from an overdose when I was in Florence. It was predictable for her, I guess. I felt empty when I first heard the news. I searched for anger or hate toward her, but there was none.
That was how I understood that I had never hated my mother. I pitied her, but she wasn’t the one I hated.
I was angry at the situation we were all in.
I was angry she made Maya related to Zeke.
I despised her for putting me between her and the only thing I wanted from life.
But it was Maya who felt those things.
I think, I forgave her the moment I became Beatrice. Because I was free of the things, we couldn’t control. I was free of the rules others set for me.
Closing my eyes, I smiled sadly and touched the stone.
“I know you were just trying to d
eal with life, just like I did. I loved you mom, even when I thought I didn’t. I hope you’re happy where you are, because your girl isn’t sad anymore,” I whispered and sighed when Zeke pulled me to his chest. “We can leave now,” I told him.
“Do you want to visit your dad?” he asked on the way back to the car.
My dad was in jail. He got into a bar fight which ended with someone’s death. It was as predictable as my mother’s death, I guessed. But I didn’t hate him either, even though I didn’t feel like his daughter.
Did I want to see him? Maybe.
But that would be a risk. I didn’t want anyone to know who I used to be. And my father wasn’t someone I could trust with a secret like that. He knew I was dead and I wanted it to stay that way.
I finally shook my head. “No. I don’t want to see him. Let’s go home.”
Zeke studied my face before finally nodding. He knew I was positive with my decision.
And with that, the smallest part of Maya I left living inside me had gone.
CHAPTER 31
BEATRICE
Expectations.
That’s what shapes our lives. How we all live up to others’ expectations.
The truth is nobody cares.
That what happened with us.
It’d been a week since I returned from Florence. I had to admit, there was a part of me that was afraid of being noticed, but nobody cared when people saw me on Zeke’s arm. No one asked questions when he introduced me as Beatrice, his girlfriend. Everyone forgot the girl named Maya. No one recognized me even in his apartment building.
I couldn’t blame them, though.
Even I didn’t recognize myself.
I wasn’t the girl with sad eyes. My body wasn’t malnourished. My skin wasn’t pale or unhealthy. And I wasn’t a little girl anymore.
The reflection in the mirror was a vision of a polished woman. Her dark eyes were blazing with the fire in her soul. Her skin was smooth as cream and glowing. And her body had curves it didn’t have before.
