I wanted to show them every inch of the place. Aaron did most of the talking. He couldn't be contained. It was all too much. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. The whole experience washed over me, and it was like being a little girl again. Everyone always talked at once. They laughed and joked and poked and prodded at each other. Most importantly, they liked this place. They liked Ethan. They liked my home. I was just about to walk back out the door of my little cabin when I pulled up short. There was a bar fridge in my kitchen.
“Where did that come from?” I blinked to make sure I wasn't imagining it.
“Rebecca brought it,” my oldest brother Jacob spoke up.
“It's an early Christmas gift,” she shrugged self-consciously. “I heard you didn't have a fridge.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. It was the prettiest thing I'd ever owned, all shiny and white. I didn't know quite what else to say, so I stared at my hands intently.
“We'd best get to dinner.” My knight in shining armor appeared at the door.
“Dinner, yes. Let's go to dinner,” I hurriedly agreed and ushered them out of the cabin.
Chapter Eight
Between the dinner Sue had prepared and all of the goodies brought by my family and Ethan's, Thanksgiving dinner was nothing short of a feast. The aroma of turkey, spices like cinnamon and nutmeg, fresh baked apple pies, and bread hot from the oven permeated the main house, beckoning us to the dining room like a siren's call.
Banter flowed freely all around me. I watched Ethan deep in conversation with his father and mine. David quickly jumped in when he realized the topic. There seemed to be a lively debate about the virtues of DNA testing versus good, old fashioned gut instinct. Ruth, Rebecca, my sister-in-law Doreen and Ethan's mother were discussing the differences between rural classrooms and urban ones. Aaron was chattering excitedly to Jim and Cheyenne about Tumbleweed. Jonathan wanted to discuss fiscal projections with me.
I found myself inexplicably nervous when Ethan introduced me to his parents, Evelyn and Harvey. They seemed like good people, but I had to admit I was more comfortable around Harvey than his wife. She kind of scared me a little.
Other than my neurotic fear of Ethan's mother, things just seemed easier somehow. If comments were made that might have rubbed me the wrong way before, they bounced right off of me now. The night flew by, and it was soon time to say our good nights.
Ethan walked us back to his house before heading to my cabin alone. I watched him go, wanting to apologize, to say thank you but not sure how. So I just stood there like the big chicken I was as I watched him go. In the room behind me I could hear my sisters laughing and giggling as they prepared for bed.
Aaron was in Ethan's room with his cousins; they were whispering about something terribly funny. The fire crackled and popped merrily in the living room while my brothers discussed the merits and pitfalls of Microsoft's latest operating system. My father occasionally interjected a derogatory comment about Bill Gates.
It was a scene filled with happiness and warmth, yet somehow removed. I'd always told myself that it wasn't my fault that I didn't fit in with my family. But there was no reason I couldn't join my sisters in the bathroom to giggle and talk boys. I could list everything wrong with any given operating system, gladly. They wouldn't turn me away, none of them would. It was me who chose to remain separate.
I grabbed my coat from the hook and slipped outside unnoticed. I wrapped my arms around myself and stared at the sky. The stars sparkled like diamonds. Twinkle, twinkle little star….
Blue let out a loud bawl that caused me to jump.
“Geez, Blue. Knock it off,” I started to admonish, then paused. He took off towards our cabin, hackles raised. Rover was right behind him, every ounce of the little bulldog ready for a fight. An intelligent woman would have called out to her family where she was going.
I just ran, following the dogs, fearing the worst but hoping like crazy I was wrong. As I neared the cabin I could hear heavy footsteps falling, someone was running in the opposite direction with two very angry dogs hot on their trail.
I skidded to a halt and stuck my head inside my dimly lit cabin. “Ethan?”
A groan was the only response.
“Ethan?” I inched in a little further. A hand extended just beyond the couch. It moved. There was another groan. I knew that hand.
Once, when I was a kid, I'd gotten the bright idea to jump off of a cliff named “Dead Man's Bluff” into the lake. After what seemed like an eternity of free falling, I had the even brighter idea to plug my nose to keep water from shooting up it at what I assumed would be an alarming speed.
That movement was enough to throw off my equilibrium, so I landed in a sitting position. The water felt like concrete, the pain was immediate and intense, and for a second I was pretty sure I was drowning. That's how I felt as I fell to the floor beside Ethan now.
“Oh baby.” I ran my hands along his body, trying to feel where the damage was. He had a nasty gash on the back of his head, but that was all I could see in the current light.
“Is he gone?” His voice sounded hoarse and dry. “You shouldn't be here….”
“He's gone,” I soothed. “The dogs chased him off. We need to get you to a hospital.”
The only response I got was another low groan.
“You hold on, hon. I'll be right back.” With that, I took off at a dead run. I didn't like leaving Ethan alone, but it couldn't be helped right now. I reached the door to his home and burst through it with such ferocity that every person in the house looked up mid-sentence. Jacob happened to be walking by the door and caught me before I plowed into the opposite wall.
“Whoa there kiddo, what's wrong?”
“Ethan. Come. Hurry.”
I didn't wait to see if my message made any sense. I took off back towards my cabin. It hadn't felt that far away all those lazy mornings ambling between the two. Now it felt like an eternity. By the time I got back to my house Ethan had managed to pull himself forward a little and seemed to be trying to roll over. I slid to a halt and leaned over him, trying to sooth and orient with a steady flow of conversation and the stroke of my fingertips on his cheek.
“You're okay. I'm back. Help is coming,” I crooned, brushing the hair off his forehead. “It's okay. I'm here now, and I'll take care of you.”
My hands trembled; I tried to will them still. It couldn't have been just last night that he was so strong and sure right here in this same room. No. This was not happening. I'd just found this man. I needed more time to sort out how I felt. He couldn't be taken from me now. Oh Lord, I'm so selfish. He can't be taken because he's too young, has too much to offer. So many reasons that have nothing to do with me. But I think I might love him.
“Hailey?” Jacob skidded to a halt right inside the door with Jonathan hot on his heels. “What happened?”
“I'll explain later. Someone help me get him to the hospital.”
“The nearest hospital is in Springfield.” My dad had joined us.
“I know. Someone stay here and call the sheriff. Call Bobby and tell him that Hobbes was here and Ethan's hurt. He'll know what that means. Tell him to get his ass out here to be sure no one else gets hurt.”
“I know Bobby. I'll stay,” Daddy offered. “Call us at Ethan's as soon as you know anything.”
“I'll pull the car around,” Jacob leapt into action.
Ethan's eyes fluttered open. I smiled what I hoped was an encouraging smile. “Hey handsome.” Man his eyes were a pretty green. Green with flecks of gold. I guess that's called hazel. Green with flecks of gold sounds prettier.
He raised his hand to touch my cheek. I captured his fingers in mine and kissed them. He was still vibrant and warm and I told myself that had to count for something.
“Hailey, he's here with the car.” Jonathan reached down to help me lift Ethan. Somehow we managed to get him into the back seat and I slid in beside him, resting his head against my chest. Jonathan rounded the car and climbed in
to the passenger seat, motioning for Jacob to drive. The ride seemed to take forever. In reality it was more like forty-five minutes.
The next hours were surreal; they went so quickly and so slowly at once. People in scrubs met us at the door. One of my brothers must have called the hospital to tell them we were coming in, but I don't remember when. They whisked him behind closed doors and wouldn't let me through. Stupid HIPAA.
“Jacob, say you're his pastor. See if they'll talk to you,” I whispered urgently as I pulled my brother aside.
“I'm not going to lie, Hailey,” he patiently informed me.
“But I need to know how he is, and you are a pastor.” I resisted the urge to stomp my foot.
“His parents will be here any minute. Maybe they can find out,” Jonathan stepped in and offered.
“You don't know it's a lie. Maybe he wants you to be his pastor and just can't ask,” I persisted.
“Evelyn Johnston…. My son Ethan was brought in tonight.”
I stopped pestering my brother and turned to face Ethan's mother. Her son was here because of me. He was alone in that cabin because of me, the high-maintenance bimbo who wouldn't give him the time of day. I'd really messed things up this time. I wanted to run and hide. That I could do well. But I needed to know that he was okay. I needed to see if there was something I could do to help his mother.
“Mrs. Johnston,” I came up beside her.
“Hailey,” she looked at me without really seeing. “I can't seem to get them to tell me anything.”
“Oh now this is just ridiculous.” This time I did stomp my foot.
“Harvey is parking the car. Maybe he'll have better luck.” She pulled me into a quick hug, then stepped back to survey me. “You're covered in blood.”
“I guess I am.” I stared down at my blood covered shirt and hands. “It all happened so quickly.”
“I'm looking for the family of Ethan Johnston.” A man in a white coat stepped out of the forbidding double doors.
“That's us.” I stepped towards him, the rest of our little group right behind me.
“He's got a pretty serious blow on the back of his head and he's lost a bit of blood. He has a few cracked ribs, but that's the extent of it. We've got him stitched up. We're cleaning him up and then we'll move him to a room for observation. You can see him then. If you'll take a seat in the waiting room, someone will be out to get you shortly.”
Like a bunch of sheep, we went into our pen. It didn't take long to figure out that “soon” in hospital speak is “way too damned long” in Hailey speak. I was vaguely aware of Jacob calling the house to let them know Ethan was going to be okay. I noticed that Jonathan and Ethan's father were making small talk about something, but I didn't bother to register what it was.
I slouched down in the seat and allowed my mind to wander. Was I wrong to have chased him out last night? No, no, definitely not. There was too much Baptist in my upbringing to have a fling. The fact that I wasn't relationship material had been proven. I'd lose him if I tried to have him. Why couldn't I just be happy with the fact that I was actually accomplishing something here on this farm? The farm…. What were we going to do without Ethan there even one day?
Maybe David could tell me what to do. Yes, I'd call David in the morning. But I didn't want to leave Ethan alone. I didn't have a car. Maybe I could ride back, do the morning rounds, and then drive back to the hospital. Aaron could maybe stay with Sue at the main house…. On and on my mind raced. A million things at once flitted through my brain. But I deftly steered clear of the one thing I was afraid to think about – Ethan lying in a hospital bed with his head bashed in. Would there be brain damage? How long would he be down? He was going to recover, wasn't he? I had nearly driven myself completely mad when another white coat came and told us we could see him, but quietly.
Like a puppy with paws bigger than its brain, I tripped all over myself getting to the door to follow that white coat. I did have the good sense to hang back so his parents could stand at either side of him to get the first inspection. My eyes devoured him from the end of the bed, though, and I shoved my hands deep into my pockets to keep from latching on to his foot just to touch him. His mother was crooning and stroking his hair, his father patting his arm. Ethan acknowledged them both with reassurances that he was okay; then his eyes found mine. And held them. He seemed to be telling me something. I was afraid to know what, and I was terrified to think what secrets I couldn't keep from my own eyes.
“He didn't hurt anyone else, did he?” Ethan finally spoke to me.
“No.” I shook my head. “The dogs chased him off. I haven't heard anything since.”
“The sheriff is at your house. No one has seen or heard from Hobbes,” Jacob offered.
“I think he's long gone,” Jonathan interjected.
“Good riddance.” Harvey practically snorted.
“I think he needs his rest.” Jacob nodded towards Ethan, whose eyes already looked heavy.
“Would you like me to stay?” Evelyn leaned over her only son.
“Hailey.” Ethan reached a hand towards me. My heart leapt, but I shot an awkward glance towards his mother.
“We'll be back first thing in the morning, then,” she nodded. I couldn't quite read the look on her face. Resignation? Acceptance? Certainly not joy. I'd worry about that later. Right now, I got to stay, and that's all that mattered. I didn't want to let him out of my sight ever again. There would be moments when that might turn awkward, but that's how it was going to be.
With that insane mental declaration, I knew that I was nearing the end of a slippery rope. I stood like a statue as Jacob led us in prayer, as my brothers kissed my cheek, as his parents said their goodbyes to both of us. After the room was quiet, I asked without turning to look, “They gone?”
“They are gone, and boy would it be awkward if they weren't.” He grinned feebly at me. Completely unable to hold myself together for one more second, I rounded the bed and fell to his side, doing my best not to worsen any injury. I buried my face in his shoulder and clung to him, inhaling the scent that was distinctly his.
“Thank God you are okay.” The tears finally came. I was too overcome with a maelstrom of emotions to even begin to chide myself for all of the crying I'd been doing lately.
“I'm okay, darlin'.” He stroked my hair. “Come on now, it ain't as bad as all that.”
“I was so afraid he'd killed you,” I sniffled, trying to pull myself together. I was not the damsel in distress type, and this little display was not helping my self-image at all.
“I'm sure Ruth could have found you another ‘boy toy’ somewhere, darlin'.” There was a bit of wicked in his voice.
“I can't believe you heard that,” I chuckled and burrowed closer to him. “Tell me if I'm hurting you. I just don't want to let you go yet.”
“I don't feel too inclined to let go of you right now, either. Thank God I was the one that went back to that cabin. I don't want to know what he would have done if it had been you.”
“Don't go there.” I shuddered before scooting off the bed. I could hear a nurse at the door and didn't want to get yelled at. Ethan chuckled, knowing exactly why I was now sitting angelically in the chair beside his bed. Still, he didn't let go of my hand. I didn't particularly want to let go of his, either.
The nurse checked his vital signs, his IV bag, and some machines that meant nothing to me then asked me if I was staying all night. When I said yes, she offered to bring me a pillow and blanket, which I gratefully accepted. She explained that she would come in to wake Ethan periodically and to check his vitals then dematerialized.
The night passed in a hospital haze. You doze, you wake; you lose all sense of time. I didn't let go of Ethan's hand once until Jacob forcibly pulled me away the next morning. Evelyn was there. I needed a shower. And coffee. I got as far as the hall before I turned and darted back to his room.
“Don't you ever scare me like that again, Ethan Josiah Johnston,” I took his face
in my hands and leaned over to whisper at his lips before giving him a quick kiss. His mother stared at me, a little wide-eyed and startled.
“No ma'am. Wouldn't dream of it.” Ethan beamed stupidly at me.
“Not a word,” I sternly informed a furiously blushing Jacob. We rode most of the way home in silence, with either of us occasionally commenting that we felt sorry for the Amish people in their open buggies on this gray and drizzly day. It always made me feel guilty, feeling toasty warm in my heated car while they looked so miserable.
Jacob pulled off at the McDonald's that sat right off Highway 60 at Seymour, insisting that I needed to eat. The allure of a good, hot cup of coffee won me over.
“I'm glad he's going to be okay,” Jacob finally said. I nodded, my gaze darting about the room. I was not ready to talk about Ethan with Jacob of all people. Not getting much response, he tried again to start a conversation. “I miss you guys. It was nice seeing you, even if it was only once a week.”
“Aaron and I didn't have the same kind of life you had in St. Louis,” I finally looked him in the eye. “Monday through Saturday got awful long and lonely for us.”
“You're happy now, aren't you?”
“We are. We really are.”
Chapter Nine
What had been intended as an overnight stay turned into a weekend-long event as my family refused to leave while Ethan was in the hospital. I had planned to have a farm to run on top of everything else, but by the time Jacob and I got home, Daddy had already seen to all of the horses. Rebecca had a full-scale house cleaning party going. I was pretty sure Ethan's normally tidy house had never sparkled quite like it did now.
I took a shower and dressed in comfortable layers because you never know what temperature you'll get at the hospital; then I went to find Aaron. Jonathan told me he was in the stables showing off his horse. I wondered briefly at that, until I found him leading Tumbleweed around the arena. I paused for a moment to watch.
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