I grunted in response and gestured to the bellman to follow us.
Twenty minutes later I found her on the wide private balcony outside our suite. She had slipped out of her heels and held them in her hand. She seemed small and vulnerable.
“Such a beautiful night,” she said, staring at the night sky. “Don’t want to waste it.”
I brought the bottle of Jameson’s out from behind my back. “And I’d hate to waste this.”
She brightened and came to me like a hummingbird to sugar water. “Where’d you find that?”
“I asked the butler to bring it up.” I withdrew the glasses from my pockets where I stuck them for safekeeping.
“Yeah. I can’t believe our room comes with butler service. That’s so cool.”
“Ehh.” I poured and handed her the crystal tumbler. “He could have been less good-looking if you ask me.”
“What?” She ran her hand along the edge of the table as she walked away, peering at me over her shoulder. “I didn’t notice.”
“Yeah, sure.” I chuckled. I set my glass down and stole behind her to run my hands along her arms, bending to speak in her ear. “Are you sure you’re not too cold?”
She abruptly stepped away from me. “I’m fine.” She rubbed her arms as I did, belying her words. She glanced around. “Isn’t this a lovely fountain?” she deflected.
I needed to rein myself in. Take it slowly.
She lazily dragged her fingers through the water and studied me as I approached. “It’s soothing.”
“If you leave the balcony doors open, you might be able to hear it from your bed. It’ll lull you to sleep.”
She nodded. “I think I’ll turn in, then.”
Why did I mention sleep? What a moronic move.
“No. Don’t.” Don’t tell me I’d blown it again. “It’s still early. It’s only nine o’clock in Denver. We could—”
“I’m sorry. I’m just exhausted.”
She put a hand on the back of one of the patio chairs. She was pulling away from me. A desperation stole over me, and a sadness.
She shrugged, running her hands along a seam in the chair’s cushion and shifting her weight back and forth. “It’s been a long, strange week. First you showing up. Then Ben….” She bit her bottom lip.
“I hope you are not comparing me to him.”
She shook her head. “No, of course not. It’s just…all those late nights partying….”
We stood in silence staring at each other. I wished I could get a glimpse inside that brain of hers and see what she was actually thinking.
“So…yeah.” She spun slowly on her heel and left.
Should I go after her? ...and what? Offer to tuck her in?
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath. I swung into one of the chairs, my back to her door. I sunk into the cushions, reviewing each move I’d made to see where I’d gone off course. She was both scared and scarred by the ghost of her past, Zack. I couldn’t believe, after all these years, I was still competing with him. I jerked my tie open, then reached for the booze, pouring another stiff one. I took a big swallow and slid down, stretching my feet in front of me and resting my arms on the chair, dangling my tumbler and staring into the fountain with self-loathing.
The fountain must have been mesmerizing because at least a half-hour had passed with me not changing position much, alone with my thoughts, when noises drifted out from Zoe’s room. They started off with rustling, then she added in low moans. Curious, I put my drink down and got to my feet to check on her. The breeze blew the curtains as I came nearer and I realized they had muffled the sound some, because it was decently loud as I got closer.
I reached the doorway and she quieted, then flipped so her back faced me. How about that? Even in her sleep she gave me the cold shoulder. I leaned with one side against the door frame, my hands in the pockets of my suit pants, and watched her chest rise and fall as she breathed, illuminated by the lights outside. There she was. The most beautiful girl in the world, and the most unattainable for me. My heart ached for her, a physical pain tightening my chest and abs. I’d loved her for so long from a distance, and reuniting did nothing but fan the flame.
“Don’t!”
I startled, her cry breaking the stillness of the night, with only the fountain playing as a distant melody behind me. She spoke so clearly, I thought she was talking to me and so tried to formulate some kind of response. But she flopped on her back the next second, and her eyes were closed.
“Stop!” Her left arm jerked. She was having a bad dream.
“Please,” she begged some bedroom phantom. Her pleading cut into me so sharply it almost took my breath away. I stumbled forward a step. She moaned again, and it sounded like she was crying.
“Zoe?” I rushed over to the bed and as I reached it she screamed and bolted upright. “Zoe!” I stretched over and turned the lamp on.
She clutched the blankets and flinched when I touched her arm. She heaved in air, her whole body expanding, seeming to fight to fill her lungs. Her gaze ricocheted over the blankets, from one side of the bed to the other.
“Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.” She seemed to be trying to calm down, reassuring herself everything was all right.
“Zo?”
She spun her head, blinking in the light. Tears clung to her lashes.
“Oh, my gosh. Are you all right?” I sat on the bed, taking her shoulders and folding her into my arms. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” I ran one hand over her hair, taking my own breath, my heart charging forward like a sprinter’s. “I’ve got you.”
At first she was still. Then she broke. “Oh, Nick.” She clutched at me and a sob escaped. “It was so bad.” She wept into my shirt. I’d never felt so helpless in my entire life.
My hand quickened its pace along her hair and it was like I was frantically petting her. “It’s okay, Zoe. I’ve got you.” I leaned back a fraction, holding her shoulders. “See. Shh. It was just a dream. Just a dream.” But I knew the terrors her dreams must hold for her. It was that asshole Ben showing up. Seeing him again must have stirred her subconscious memories of the night of her assault. She fell against my chest, and I could feel her nodding.
“I know. I know,” she managed to huff out between ragged breaths. She still seemed to be trying to convince herself and restore some sense of calm and normalcy.
I changed positions, putting my back against the headboard. “Come here.” I lifted my arm and she crawled up beside me. “It’s okay.” I repeated, kissing her and wrapping my arm tightly around her. She wore only a black bra and, I presumed, underwear, so I hoped my body would keep her warm, too. We sat like that for some time, my cheek resting on her. After a bit, she stirred. I shifted to peek at her. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Better. Thanks. I’m so stupid.”
I put a fist under her chin and tilted her face up. I’m not sure what I intended to say, but I looked into those beautiful, tear-filled eyes, and a rush of emotion shot through me.
“Zoe,” I said distinctly. “I will never let anyone hurt you again. Ever.”
She stared at me for a second, then stretched her arm out slowly and put her fingertips on the side of my face, shakily running them up to my forehead. Changing direction, she glided them out over my brow, and along my cheek to my jaw, almost like a blind person does to determine your features. But the expression of complete concentration on her face—it was like she saw me for the first time. Her lips parted, her palm became flat against my skin and she stroked my face, finally coming down to cup my chin. I could do nothing but watch her in wonder, my chest and throat tightening. She craned her neck and my heart beat harder against my ribs as she closed the gap between us. Her gaze landed on my mouth and she brought her fingers to trace its edges. She hesitated, shifting her focus to my eyes, then feathered a kiss on my lips. I shifted slightly, to face her more dead on. Her gaze flickered over my face again and she gave me another soft kiss, and another, engaging more strongly each time. I te
ntatively lifted my hand, not wanting to break the spell, and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. She moved her body closer and opened her mouth wider as she kissed. I slid my hand to the nape of her neck, lifting her silky mane and pulling her to me.
This was everything I ever wanted. I closed my eyes and drank it in, pouring more energy into the next kiss. I moved my thumb to the side of her neck where her heart pulsed beneath her skin. She brought a leg across mine, then moved her body with it, until she straddled me. Then she moved her hips back and forth, pressing against my body purposefully and I about lost my mind. I thought of telling her I loved her, the words rising to my lips, then remembered how speaking got me into trouble before and remained silent. My hands were on her sides, not controlling her, but taking in the sensation of her movement, in and out, along my length, as she began to work her way through the buttons of my shirt. She needed to stop briefly to sit up enough to get the ends of it out from under her to free them.
Spreading her arms wide she pushed my shirt off my shoulders. It became hung up on my wrists, but she got it off on one side, and I sat forward to slide it off the other. While I managed that, she squirmed out of her underwear. I hurried to unzip my pants, but she wouldn’t wait. She slipped her hand under my waist band and took hold of me.
“Oh,” she exhaled. “Mmm.”
Before I knew what was happening, she unzipped my pants, adjusted her position, and slid me into her. I sucked in air through my teeth. She moved her hips and I closed my eyes, tilting my head back until it rested on the frame of the bed.
This is her first time? Holy shit!
Then I wondered how far she and Zack went. I pushed those thoughts away. The urge to throw her over and pick up the pace fought with a stronger desire to make this last forever. Our one and only first time. I wanted it etched on her brain forever, as it would be on mine.
“Man, Zoe.” God, it felt so good. My hands slid around to her smooth, full ass, but I jerked back. “Wait. Zoe.”
Her eyes were wide.
“We need a condom.”
“Oh, yeah.” She swung herself off me, then lay on her back, up on her elbows.
I got out of bed, stripped down, and took a condom from my wallet. Wanting her to put it on me, I took it out of its packaging and returned to the bed, handing it to her.
“But I don’t know how—”
“I’ll show you.” She scooted to a more upright position and knelt. “Are you ready?”
She nodded eagerly.
I took her hand and slowly guided it to me, my hand over hers. It was incredibly erotic.
Once it was in place, she gave me this sexy smile and, looking into my eyes, began to stroke me. I moaned and clutched the top of the bedpost.
“Oh, baby. That feels so good.”
She continued her movements and I let her, until I became too desperate for her. I grabbed the back of her hair and brought her to me, crushing her lips with mine. Her tongue danced over mine wickedly, and the fever she’d ignited burned searing hot.
“Lay down,” I ordered.
She was happy to oblige, sliding beneath me as I inched back. I placed my hands on the mattress on either side of her but kept my arms extended. Then, from out of nowhere, the thoughts hit me.
Should we be doing this? Is it fair to take advantage of her when she’s so vulnerable?
Troubled by these thoughts, I lowered myself on to her body, but didn’t enter her. I still wanted her though, so I yanked the cloth of her bra back to expose her nipple and closed my mouth around it. She let out a noise of surprise, then moaned, pressing her body into mine more. I sucked on her. I didn’t want to care about what was right and what was wrong at this point. Removing my mouth, I twirled my tongue around her nipple, then sucked again. I didn’t want to think at all, just explore her body. My hand found her other nipple and pinched and she bucked, causing a surge of pure lust to rush through my blood stream. But it was coupled with a pang of uncertainty.
Dammit.
I planted my hands, pushed against the mattress, and raised my upper body to hover above her. Staring down into her face, panting, my mind went blank briefly, then I asked, “Are you sure?”
To my wonder, she didn’t answer me, just reached down and drew me into her. My question answered I moved slowly at first, wanting her body to become accustom to the pressure, but it wasn’t long before I plunged into her, driving my hips forward and back. I squeezed my eyes shut, burying my face in her hair.
“Oh, Zoe. I’m not gonna last long.”
“It’s okay. It’s o-o-oh.” She climaxed and relaxed, until I finished on the edge of her orgasm, making her cry out again and dig her nails into my ass.
Breathing heavily, I lifted my chest to look into her face. Her eyes were shut.
“Are you okay?”
She didn’t bother to open her eyes as she responded. “Never felt better.”
I laughed, though still trying to bring air into my lungs. She slowly relaxed her arms, then let them drop to the mattress. My heart rate nearing a more regular speed, I bent to kiss her. Again, I was hit with an almost overwhelming urge to tell her I loved her, but I bit down on it.
She chuckled and her eyes fluttered open. “Dude. You’re gonna have to get off me.”
“Oh.” I withdrew, and rolled to the side.
She twisted to face me with a smile. “Wow.”
It made me feel so good. “Come here.”
She rested her head on my chest, her hand crossing my body to my shoulder where she lazily swirled her fingers along my skin. Just when I thought I would fall asleep, her rhythmic movements, the sound of her breathing, and the heat of her little body lulling me, she popped up.
“I have to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”
I watched her cute butt as she walked away from the bed, a smile stretching across my face. I finally made her mine. Now all I needed to do was make it last forever.
Chapter 12
Zoe
I washed and dried my hands. But as I reached for the bathroom doorknob, they were shaking. Turning back, I spread my arms wide, grasping either side of the sink, searching for something solid to hold on to. Slowly, I raised my head and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed. A war waged inside me.
One part of me wanted to be happy. After all, Nick and I found our way back to each other. Wasn’t that cause for celebration? I loved Nick. I did.
I loved Nick. That’s what made things worse.
We’d been friends for so long…. And because of that, I knew what I just did was wrong. Nick deserved more than I could give him. I sighed, twisted the tap, and splashed some water on my face.
I wanted to believe Zack was replaceable, that I had a future with someone who I could love and who could love me in return. Nick, Zack and I were so close. Having Nick here was almost, almost like having Zack back.
But it wasn’t like they were interchangeable pieces. In a lot of ways, they were worlds apart. This…whatever it was I felt, was me forcing myself to believe something that wasn’t true.
Then I thought of his face when he told me he would never let anyone hurt me again. And the way that made me feel. Safe, secure, and, yes, loved. I let out a quiet scream of frustration, then swung around to sit on the toilet lid. I couldn’t go in and face him with this uncertainty stirring in my breast. I needed to think clearly, and sometimes being with him made that hard to do. He knew me so well…and that was the thing. Nick knew me, which meant he knew the right things to say to me. I was never able to put one hundred percent trust in the things he said because he was always working some angle. But that was the old Nick. Was the new Nick any different? I needed to know that before this could work.
I don’t know how long I stayed in the bathroom thinking things through. When I came out, Nick was snoring. It did raise some tenderness in me, but I knew it paled in comparison to how I would feel if Zack were in my bed.
But Zack was gone.
&nbs
p; Zack was gone, and that killed me.
Nick
Either I had the best dream of my life last night, or Zoe and I….
I opened my eyes. The other side of the bed was empty, but it was Zoe’s bed. It wasn’t a dream.
I flipped over. The bathroom light shone, but the door was open, and I didn’t hear any noise. I twisted around, lifting my head and chest off the mattress, and spotted her. She wore her dress, because that was all we had. She stood at the brick wall that kept her from going splat on the sidewalk below. The sizable balcony contained a dining table, couches, and chairs, but she used none of those. She wasn’t in her heels, which made her look exposed and childlike. For a second, I imagined it was the old Zoe, the tomboy twelve-year-old, playing dress up.
I watched her, mesmerized by her as always. The wind gently lifted her golden locks, the morning sun gave her skin a soft glow…but, she reached up and did that thing she did, when she was nervous or upset. She would take a section of hair and wrap it tightly around a finger, then unwrap it, then wrap it again. It made my heart hurt for her. I’m sure she had no idea she did it. Subconsciously, she wound and unwound the strands in the same way she was twisted inside. It was one way her anxiety manifested itself. Though she may not say a word, that slight gesture spoke volumes.
I jumped out of bed and yanked the sheet off, wrapping it around my lower half as I made my way to the door. Getting my feet caught in the sheet I pitched forward, barely catching myself with the door frame, but the noise alerted her to my presence. She spun around.
I grinned. “Good morning.” God, it was nice saying that to her, knowing what we shared the night before.
But she wasn’t looking me in the eyes.
Bad sign.
“Hi. Can we…” she gestured to the couch, “…maybe sit and talk for a minute?”
“Of course.” My hands became clammy as I followed her over, and my stomach seemed hollow and heavy.
She perched on the edge of the couch, then turned sideways to face me. I took my seat beside her. “Nick, we’ve been friends for a long time, right?”
Pitchfork in the Road Page 11
