“Fuck.” Nick walked out on the balcony—we’d left the door open—and grabbed onto the top rail. “Fuck,” he said again.
I glanced at Zack, then moved out on the balcony behind Nick, sliding the door shut. I waited for him to speak.
He sighed without turning. “I was never even in the contest, was I?”
I struggled to find words. I couldn’t change the fact Zack moved me in a way Nick never could. It all became clear the instant he said he’d walk away from me, if it was what made me happy. That was real love. What Nick and I had…was just different. “I’m sorry, Nick.”
He spun around and studied me. Then shifted his gaze to peer in the door at Zack, who had taken a seat on the couch. “Damn.” He looked up at the sky, then back at me. “Zoe, I love you.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he rushed to get his words out before me.
“I’m begging you here, Zoe.” His voice was strained. “Give me a chance.”
I stared at him. Struck dumb.
He stepped up to take my hands. “I can be whoever you want me to be, Zoe.”
“I—” The words stuck in my throat, and a few tears squirted out.
He dropped my hands and stared at our feet. “Except Zack. I could never be Zack, huh?” He whirled around, squeezing the rail again. “Damn it. I loved you. I wasted my life waiting for you. And just when I think I have it all, he waltzes in.” He spun back, pissed. “I wasted my damn life!”
My own ire stirred. “I never asked you to.” Seeing his crushed face, my anger slipped away, replaced with pity, the tears coming fast now, sliding down my face. “I never asked you to, Nick.”
“No. You never did.” He brushed past me, and I shut my eyes. The sliding door opened, and seconds later the faint sound of the front door closing reached me.
I covered my face with my hands and lost it. He was my friend. How could I do this to him?
Zack came out behind me. He hesitated for a moment, then placed his hands on my shoulders. I shook, sobbing.
He pulled me against his chest and circled his arms around me. “I screwed this up. I screwed this all up. I can’t blame this all on Nick. I see that now.” His voice broke. “I hurt you, and it kills me.” He laid his cheek on top of my head.
I spun and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. “You kill me, Zoe. I love you so much.” He kissed my hair, clinging to me.
I pushed away a fraction to gaze up at him.
“I want to try again with us. I want to do it right.”
He drew me into him and took a shuddering breath. “I want that, too.”
It would be another late night, but I didn’t mind. I looked forward to my visits with Ryker.
“He’s been improving like crazy,” I said to Ben. “I don’t think we’ll have to keep meeting like this much longer.”
Ben smiled. The first smile I’d seen out of him in a while. “That’s awesome.” He beamed at Ryker. “Well, I don’t want to get in your way. I’ll just step over there.” He waved his hat and crossed to the other side of the room to sit in the story-time rocker. Working with Ryker the last several weeks, I surmised Ben worked for a local construction company, as he wore different T-shirts with the company logo to our meetings. The juxtaposition between brawny manual laborer and white rocker amused me. Ben seemed a smidge dirtier than usual, like he didn’t have time to shower after work.
I smiled at Ryker. “Well, let’s get started, Ryke.”
We worked on a number of skills he’d struggled with before getting his hearing aid. His improvement was incredible. I began to realize, on top of being adorable, he was also a very bright boy. After talking about different animal habitats, and testing his reading comprehension, we turned our attention to mathematics, specifically, patterning. I used Legos, Ryker’s favorite toys, and laid them out in a line, the string of blocks containing two blocks of each color side by side. He had his own pile in front of him.
“Okay. You try.”
He studied my design, then searched through his blocks for the right colors. While he thought, I realized I’d been hearing a strange noise. I glanced in Ben’s direction. He usually listened attentively, but quietly, while we worked, but tonight, soft snores were issuing from his mouth. His head was tipped, resting on the back of the rocker, the positioning looking ungodly awkward. His mouth hung open, and the hat held in his limp hands was perilously close to tumbling to the floor.
Ryker laughed. “Daddy’s sleeping.”
I grinned at him. “Yes. Isn’t he silly?” I checked Ryker’s work. It was perfect, except the three blocks on the end. As I watched, he reached down and maneuvered them into the right positions. “Good job, Ryke. You got it.” I peeked at the clock. Only seven-fifteen. We usually went to seven-thirty, seven-forty-five, but clearly Ben was exhausted. “We’ll do one more.” I decided to try a more complex pattern. I put two red blocks in line, spread about six inches apart. Plucking up two yellow ones, I put them below the reds an equal distance, but wider, out another couple of inches. I added two blue below, in line with the first blocks, and finished with one green under that, midway between the blue blocks.
Ryker concentrated, then plucked blocks up and rearranged them. I rose while he worked and crossed to Ben.
“Ben?” I said softly. He didn’t stir. “Ben?” I repeated louder.
He jolted awake. “What?” He blinked several times, then brought a hand up to wipe at the corners of his lips. “Did I fall asleep?” He rose slowly.
“Yup.”
“I’m sorry. I—”
“No, biggie, Ben. We’ve been working on patterning.” I led him back over to Ryker.
“Oh. We worked on that last night. How’s he doing?”
I looked over Ryker’s shoulder at the carpet, where he drew the final piece into place. “Excellent.”
Ben examined the two patterns. His eyes lit up. “Good job, buddy.”
Ryker hopped to his feet, wrapping his arms around Ben’s legs and smiling up at him. “I did it, Daddy.”
Ben ran his hand over Ryker’s hair. “You sure did.”
I bent at the waist. “Nice work, Ryker. You can go get your jacket. You’re finished tonight.” He ran off to get his jacket from its hook.
Ben shifted his weight. “I want to apologize again for falling asleep. I’ve been picking up a lot of extra hours to pay the lawyer’s bills,” he lifted his shoulders, “and I guess it’s getting to me.”
Lawyer’s bills? Did he get himself into some more trouble? I knew I shouldn’t pry, but I asked anyway. “Lawyer’s bills?”
“Yes. For the custody hearings.”
I stared at him blankly.
“You didn’t know?”
“Know? Why should I know?”
He waved his ball cap. “Oh. No reason. Never mind. I should get going.”
He didn’t look me in the eye and, as he tried to move past me, I stepped in front of him. “What’s going on, Ben?”
His gaze snapped up to mine. He sighed. “It’s just…. Nick talked to some friends of his, and he’s making it difficult for me to finalize my custody of Ryker.”
That was totally unexpected. “Nick? Why would he do that?”
“Oh. Never mind. It’s no big deal. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He began to walk away again, but I put a hand on his arm. “Ben, I want to know what Nick has to do with this.”
He sighed, dropping his gaze to his shoes. “I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. If I weren’t dead on my feet I probably would have thought that through better.”
I waited.
He raised his head. “I don’t want anything else to affect my chances of having Ryker as my son, Zoe.”
I tried to understand what he said. He thought telling me…whatever it was…would jeopardize his custody rights? “Anything you tell me,” I said slowly, “remains with me.”
He looked away, spinning his hat in his hands. Ryker came back, but seeing
us talking, made a beeline for the Legos.
I studied Ben. He seemed torn. “From what I’ve seen, you’re a great father. And Ryker clearly adores you. I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess that up. Maybe I can even help. But you’ve got to let me know what’s going on.”
He eyed me, drawing his mouth into a straight line and biting his bottom lip. “Back in September, Nick threatened to call in some favors and make things difficult for me and Ryker if I told Zack about the two of you.”
My stomach dropped away, and the blood drained from my face.
“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have interfered. But….” He hesitated, then spilled it all out. “I didn’t trust Nick, and I see now I had a reason not to. And I called Zack because…I don’t know, I guess I thought he had a right to know Nick was making a play for you.”
“You didn’t think I could see if Nick was doing anything…underhanded?”
He huffed. “No. I knew you’d figure him out eventually. But you like to see the good in people, Zoe, and we don’t all deserve that.” He sounded sad. He dropped his gaze again. “I don’t know. Maybe I don’t even deserve Ryker. But I…I know this doesn’t even really make sense but…I wanted to do this for Angel.” He looked at Ryker. “And I love the kid.”
“I can see that, Ben.” I glanced at Ryker, too. “I know you’ve made some mistakes….” As I talked, I grew more confident what I said was right. “But we all make mistakes.” I gestured in Ryke’s direction. “You two are good together.”
He finally smiled, though his eyes still held a sadness. “Thanks. Well, we should get out of your hair.” He opened his mouth to call Ryker, but I interrupted.
“Wait.” His gaze returned to mine. “You said Nick threatened you…the night we went to The Snug?” He nodded. “But you called Zack anyway. Why? Why would you do that knowing it put everything you were working towards at risk?”
“Because I owed you, Zoe.” He put his ball cap on, then chuckled. “And, to be honest, it wasn’t purely unselfish. I was kind of ticked off Nick would do that. I don’t like being bullied. I had enough of it from…that man I called a father, and I guess I have zero tolerance for it anymore.” He lifted his chin. “Speaking of violent behavior, what ever happened with that guy who pulled a knife on you in the parking lot?”
“Joe?” I sighed. “Well, the school had to let him go. I’ve seen him though. He apologized.”
He gawked. “Apologized? You mean you didn’t press charges?”
“I filed a report. But I talked to his mom and his lawyer and agreed to drop the charges if they promised to keep a closer watch on how his medication is working. Everyone deserves a second chance, don’t you think?”
He shook his head slowly. “No. We don’t all deserve them, but some are lucky enough to get them. I hope Joe takes advantage of his.” He raised an arm. “Come on Ryke.” While he scrambled to his feet, Ben returned his attention to me. “Well, I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for us. Ryker seems so much happier these days. His relationship with my mom has improved…. He, on the whole, has been a lot easier to work with, actually. I can see now how frustrated he was with his hearing loss, and how it isolated him.”
I nodded. “He’s been getting along much better with his classmates, too. And interacting with them more.” I looked down, and Ryker beamed up at me. I cupped his chin. “I’m glad I could help.” I squatted. “You be a good boy for Dad, Ryker.” He nodded. I addressed Ben. “Thursday will probably be our last session. He’s pretty much caught up with the others.”
“Cool.” He grinned at his son. “We’ll see you Thursday, then.”
I waved goodbye then sat behind my desk. Nick threatened to take Ben’s son away from him. Who does that? I made up my mind to spend tomorrow’s lunch hour visiting Nick.
Chapter 20
Nick
I was finishing up with a client when she stepped off the elevator. She checked to the left, then turned and caught my gaze. My heart soared. I couldn’t get rid of the guy fast enough.
“So, Ladonna here will set up our next appointment for your deposition.” I tapped my secretary’s desk. “I’ll need a good hour and a half.” I shook the client’s hand. “Good seeing you, Chuck.”
Peering past him I straightened and moved in Zoe’s direction. She wore a red dress with a short, white cardigan and rocked the whole sexy teacher look. “Hey.” I took her arms and bent in to kiss her cheek. “Good to see you.”
Her back was rigid. “This isn’t a social visit.”
Her sharp tone caught me off-guard. “You needing some legal advice?”
At least she smiled at that. “Not currently. Can we talk in your office?”
“Sure.” I led her forward, putting my hand on the small of her back. She stiffened. My secretary shifted her gaze from my calendar to examine Zoe with narrow eyes. By the pissed off expression on Ladonna’s face I guessed she wouldn’t be up to our afternoon “dicktation session,” which she spent either under or on top of my desk. Her loss. I might be able to coax Donut Girl into the back of my car as I did last week, which gave me the double satisfaction of getting off, and doing it with Gabe’s girl behind his back. They weren’t Zoe, but since she was currently giving me the cold shoulder, a man had to have his fun.
As she passed through the door, Ladonna called out with a question, which forced me to stop and respond, although I was pretty sure she already knew the answer. It gave her the opportunity to hiss, “Who is that?” while Chuck was preoccupied checking his phone’s calendar. I bent and whispered in her ear, “None of your damn business,” before wishing my client a good day, entering my office, and shutting the door behind me.
Zoe examined some of my framed certificates. As I circled around to the back of my desk, I tried to figure out how to approach her, while at the same time fantasizing about her straddling me in my desk chair, the red dress puddled on the floor.
She turned to me, and before I could speak blurted out, “Why did you threaten Ben?”
The question was cold water on my racy visions. “Damn, Zoe. Why don’t you beat around the bush a little more?”
She strode over to my desk, put her fists down on top and leaned toward me. I was struck mute for a minute by the clear shot she gave me down her dress, which I knew she was completely unaware of. “I don’t have time to mess around with you, Nick. I’m here on my lunch hour, and I didn’t have enough money for the meter, so why don’t you answer my question honestly instead of putting some kind of spin on it.”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” I growled, feeling cornered.
She straightened, crossing her arms and looking down her nose at me. It reminded me of her father. “This was a waste of my time.”
She spun on her heel and I bolted out of my seat, reaching the door before her and blocking her way. I couldn’t stand the sight of her walking away from me again. I stepped forward and took hold of her arms. “Zoe….” I couldn’t think of anything to say for once in my life. Her damned fragrance filled my nostrils, her heat seeping through the thin fabric of her cardigan…I reacted on instinct, crushing her mouth with mine. She tried to pull back, but I held her tighter, spinning her around and pressing her against the door. Ladonna would hear us, but I didn’t give a damn.
Zoe managed to turn her face. “Stop.”
I moved my mouth along her skin, rolling my tongue down to the spot that made her weak. She freed a hand and pounded my shoulder. “I said stop!” Her voice shook with fury. I released her and stepped back, jarred by the sight of her body sliding against the door until she apparently stood on her feet again. I didn’t even realize I’d lifted her. I wiped my mouth and eyed her.
Damn. My best strategy when I was caught with my guard down, whether with a woman, or in the courtroom, was to attack so quickly they didn’t have time to regroup and think things through logically. But I knew I’d miscalculated with Zoe. She wasn’t like my opponents in court, and she c
ertainly wasn’t like other women.
I switched gears. If I couldn’t appeal to her physically, I’d strike at her emotions. “I’m sorry. I’ve just…missed you. I shouldn’t have—” I shook my head, trying to clear my lustful thoughts.
“Explain to me why you thought it was okay to try to keep a father and son apart.”
She was relentless. “The kid isn’t even his son, Zoe.”
“Well, from where I stand, that’s for the court system to figure out, not you. So you did talk to someone about him.”
“I was concerned for the kid, with Ben’s violent behavior in the past he’s not fit to—”
“Bullshit. You were just playing your little games, trying to out-maneuver everybody.” She huffed. “You can’t even remember Ryker’s name, for God’s sake. How concerned for him can you be if you can’t even remember his name?”
“So, I’m not good with names.”
“You’re good with names. If it matters to you.”
“So the runt doesn’t matter to me.”
Tears sprung to her eyes, and her jaw tightened. Oops. Wrong answer.
“A name like that needs to be forgotten,” I mumbled.
“Are you doing this to get back at me? Because you know how much I like Ryker?”
“What? No.” Zack maybe. Ben maybe. But not you.
She continued like I didn’t just answer her question. She did that whole Zoe thing, freaking out. While at one point I found it endearing, I now thought it annoying.
“Are you hurting that boy because of me?” Her voice broke. I knew she probably blamed herself for this in some convoluted way.
“Zoe, listen to me. I told you I’m not doing it to get back at you.” I still love you and I’d never want to do anything to hurt you. Hit by a wave of sadness, I turned away.
“You need to go back to whoever it was you talked to and fix this.”
I clenched my fists. Everything was slipping away, and as hard as I worked, that idea pissed me off. I spun to face her. “I don’t need to do anything, Zo.”
She stared at me, and a heavy silence surrounded us. She shook her head. “I was so wrong about you.”
Pitchfork in the Road Page 19
