by Joy, E. n.
Kanesha's hand immediately rose to her left eye and felt blood draining from her nose. Stunned and dazed, Kanesha attempted to lift herself off the floor.
"What is wrong with you?" cried Kanesha.
"I'm sick of that smart mouth of yours. No wonder you got so many kids and still by ya self. It ain't a man around who would put up with you mouthing off all the freaking time." Percy bent down and grabbed Kanesha by her hair, forcing her to her feet. "Now get your simple behind in that dang kitchen before I choke the life out of your ignorant butt."
Kanesha continued to hold her face as tears mixed with blood. She could feel her eye swelling and wondered if her nose was broken. Percy punching her like she was some man on the street, dumbfounded her.
Again, the voice in her head spoke to her, 'We teach people how to treat us, and so, you just make sure you teach them well.' Kanesha shook her head to quiet her mother's voice as she stumbled into the small kitchen and did as she was told. Nursing her wounds would have to wait until after Percy had his meal.
Chapter Two
Baby Please, Baby Baby Please
Kanesha had never been so embarrassed in her entire life. She didn't usually wear make-up, but with a black eye and bruised cheek, there was no other option. It took her almost an hour to shade her eye before it looked half way decent. I guess wearing sunglasses is going to be a must, thought Kanesha. She still couldn't believe that Percy punched her as if the word Everlast was tattooed on her forehead. Kanesha could not figure out why all the men in her life resorted to beating her down one way or another. She felt that life had done that enough.
Growing up in Youngstown, Ohio was a struggle. As a child, Kanesha Diane Brooks was one of the fortunate souls to have stability in her life. Her parents made certain that every birthday was recognized with expensive gifts, and every holiday was celebrated with family and friends. Dale and Cynthia Brooks took Kanesha on family vacations every summer in an attempt to expose their daughter to life outside of the poverty stricken city. Dale worked on the assembly line at Packard Electric and Cynthia was the office manager for a law firm. The couple worked hard, enjoyed life, and praised the Lord as directed by His word.
The last family vacation the Brooks embarked on was to Albany, New York to visit Dale's side of the family. Kanesha was excited about the trip because she had not seen her favorite cousins, Talissa, Tammy and Tameka, in four years. The night before the trip, Dale worked a mandatory twelve hour overtime shift, but insisted that he drive the first half of the trip. Whenever they drove to their vacation destination, Dale wanted to get on the road no later than four o'clock in the morning to avoid traffic.
Two hours into the eight hour drive, Dale felt sleepy, but decided to keep on driving. He wanted to knock off the last hour of his driving shift and let Cynthia get more rest before they stopped for gas. Kanesha lay in the back seat of their new Nissan Maxima, sound asleep. Dale turned up the volume on the jazz radio station and fought to stay awake. As his eyes got heavier and heavier, Dale still refused to wake Cynthia to take the wheel. Before the family knew what happened, the car veered into the opposite lane of traffic, hitting a semi-truck, head-on. The family was rushed to the nearest Pennsylvania hospital. Cynthia suffered two broken legs and a fractured pelvis. Kanesha escaped with a broken right arm and a dislocated shoulder. The impact killed Dale instantly.
Only fourteen at the time, Kanesha was devastated by the death of her father. Cynthia was lost without her husband of twenty years and fell into a deep depression, leaving Kanesha to grieve alone. After the funeral, and weeks of physical therapy, Kanesha wanted to join her father in the afterlife. For the first time in her life, she felt alone and began looking for attention anywhere she could find it. Now twelve years later, Kanesha's search continued.
The woman in the mirror with a black eye was a stranger to Kanesha. She was a pretty woman with light brown eyes, a bronze complexion. and shoulder length dark brown hair. Kanesha felt low and worthless as she stared at her reflection. "Why do you let these men disrespect you like this?" she asked herself. A piece of her died along with her father and she had no idea how to revive it. The void left Kanesha's soul feeling hallow and she doubted it would ever be fulfilled.
Percy wasn't the first man to lay hands on her in anger; Stephon held that title. He held the bragging rights to many firsts for Kanesha. He was her first kiss, first slow dance, first sexual experience, first love, first heartbreak, first let down and first beat down. Stephon had taken the initiative and made something out of himself by going off to college and graduating at the top of his class, but he trampled on a lot of people to get there. Stephon provided for his daughter but in the beginning, it was not by choice.
He was furious when Kanesha got pregnant and acted as if he had nothing to do with the unplanned pregnancy. Kanesha couldn't believe how angry Stephon had gotten when she refused to get an abortion. She was totally caught off guard when he began beating on her like she was some man who had disrespected his mother. When Kanesha's mother saw her only child battered and bruised, all heck broke loose.
Cynthia filed a police report and had Stephon arrested for assault. She was not going to make his going off to college an easy task. Despite her efforts, Stephon left to obtained a college degree one year after his daughter was born.
After Kanesha delivered Shakayla, there was no doubt Stephon was the father. The baby girl looked just like her daddy. Stephon's mother apologized for her son, paid for the paternity test and set up a shared custody agreement between the two teenagers. Stephon was forced to cut grass in the summer and shovel snow in the winter. He collected soda bottles, worked part-time at Sparkles' Grocery Store, and cut hair on the side in an effort to help provide for his daughter. Stephon instantly fell in love with his precious baby girl the second he saw her.
He then began apologizing to Kanesha for hurting her the way he had. For Kanesha, no amount of 'I'm sorry' could heal her broken heart.
Almost ten years later, Kanesha could still feel the emotional pain of her first love. Kanesha often felt as if God was punishing her for some wrong doing in her life. She could never understand what she had done so bad that God felt it necessary to take both her father and her self-worth from her.
Kanesha had been fighting back tears since Percy knocked her on her behind, but watching her eye swell and change from blue to black, she felt no need to hold them back any longer. She cried until she heard a voice speak to her, 'My beautiful child, it doesn't matter how pretty you are on the outside if you're butt ugly on the inside.' Kanesha immediately looked around the cramped bathroom to make sure she was still alone. The voice was so clear and loud, and for a split moment, Kanesha thought her mother had come back for something. Kanesha was remembering all the life lessons her mother had tried to instill in her. After confirming she was still alone, Kanesha allowed the tears to stream down her face until she felt she could cry no more.
If she heard Percy lie about being sorry one more time, Kanesha felt like she would throw up. Having a black eye and working as a barmaid were two things that did not go together. Personality, mixology and presentation equaled big tips for any barmaid, and that night, Kanesha would be off her game in all three categories. Even with the thick coats of Fashion Fair foundation and sunglasses, she still felt as if there was a huge neon arrow hanging over her head.
Wilson, the bar's security, kept watch out for Kanesha while standing outside of the bar. He knew Percy would most likely have her walking to work instead of riding comfortably in his beat up hooptie. For the life of him, Wilson could not figure out why a woman as beautiful and as delicate as Kanesha would lower herself to be with a man who did not respect her. After what seemed like hours of watching, Kanesha's figure appeared in the darkness causing Wilson's heart to skip a beat. Just one look at Kanesha's slumped shoulders and her eyes focused on the ground, and Wilson knew something was not right with her. He whispered a quick prayer, asking God to watch over his friend and protect her fro
m the devil living under her roof.
"Good evening, Kanesha," greeted Wilson as he opened the door for her.
"Hi, Wilson, thank you."
Kanesha forced a smile but refused to meet Wilson's gaze. She could feel Wilson watching her as she stepped through the open door. As much as she appreciated the chivalry Wilson always showed her, Kanesha was in no mood to make small talk. She felt like every eye in the place was automatically drawn to her black eye when she walked into the bar to start her shift. Despite her flaws, Kanesha was in the habit of walking with her back straight and head held high, but the shame of the black eye that adorned her pretty face devastated her.
"Hey, girl," greeted Miss Yolanda. "It looks like we'll be busy tonight."
That was the last thing Kanesha wanted to hear. Miss Yolanda Williams owned the bar and worked seven days a week to keep it turning a profit. She was living proof that the old saying, "black don't crack," originated from fact. At fifty-six, Miss Yolanda didn't look a day over thirty-five. Kanesha often told her that she hoped to look as good in twenty years. Miss Yolanda suggested Kanesha try making some better life choices so life didn't beat her down so often. Miss Yolanda looked up from taking inventory as Kanesha walked past her without a word.
"Baby girl, what happened to your eye?" Miss Yolanda asked, with concern, although she could guess the answer. Seeing Kanesha tear up, Miss Yolanda said, "Never mind, you don't have to answer that."
She gave her friend a tight hug and rubbed her back. Kanesha returned Miss Yolanda's hug with as much love and compassion as it was given while she fought back tears she thought were already shed.
"You know I'm here for you, right?" asked Miss Yolanda.
Kanesha nodded her head and wiped away the tears from her cheeks, she was shocked that Miss Yolanda saw right through her attempt to hide behind the dark shades she wore.
"How did you know? I guess the make-up and shades are more of a neon sign than I thought," Kanesha spoke softly from embarrassment.
"Honey, my ex gave me his fair share of black eyes back in the day. It was that last black eye that landed him in the hospital with a steak knife sticking out his back," Miss Yolanda laughed.
"Let me go in the back and get myself together," said Kanesha.
"I can have my sister come help out tonight, so why don't you go on home?"
"No, Miss Yolanda, I don't want to bail out on you."
"Don't worry about anything or anyone right now, but you," said Miss Yolanda.
"Are the kids gone for the weekend?"
"Yes."
"Then worry about you just this once. Go on home and put some ice on that eye and take a couple of Motrin before going to bed. Call me tomorrow and let me know how you feel."
"Thank you, Miss Yolanda. You are such a good friend to me," cried Kanesha.
"Girl, please, you'd do the same for me. Now go on and get out of here."
Kanesha was quick to respond to her boss and picked up her purse before heading home. The next morning, Kanesha was up early giving her cramped home a good cleaning.
The soothing sounds of Dave Hollister singing about taking care of home kept Kanesha company while she scrubbed the small bathroom down with Ajax and Pine Sol. After cleaning the kids' rooms, she decided to apply more ice to her eye. It was rare for Kanesha to have time for herself, but she enjoyed the quietness that surrounded her.
"What's up, baby?" said Percy as he entered and closed the door behind him.
Kanesha was relieved to find Percy gone when she got home the night before. The last thing she wanted to do was have to tend to his needs instead of focusing on her own. She regretted giving him a key and thought about having her locks changed, but she didn't have the money to purchase a new set. Kanesha slept alone that night and she enjoyed it. Kanesha was surprised that she hadn't wondered where Percy spent his night. Nonetheless, Kanesha was just happy he was not around her.
"Hi," greeted Kanesha dryly.
"You all right?" Percy paused in an effort to put some remorse to the sound of his voice, "Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm cool," replied Kanesha. "Please don't walk on the dining room floor, I just mopped it."
Percy took a couple of slow paces toward Kanesha, who was sitting on the couch. He slipped his keys inside his right pants pocket and sat down next to Kanesha on the couch. He reached over and began running his fingers through her hair, causing Kanesha to instantly tense up.
"Baby, you know I didn't mean to hurt you yesterday."
"If you didn't mean to hurt me by punching the mess out of me, I'd hate to know what you would have done if you were out to hurt me." Kanesha stared out of the living room window, trying to will Percy's hand off of her.
"Girl, I'm sorry and it will never happen again," pleaded Percy. He touched Kanesha's face and gently turned her around to meet his lips with a kiss.
"You hurt me, Percy," cried Kanesha.
"I know I did. It won't happen again. Just let me make it up to you."
Percy kissed Kanesha, forcing her mouth open enough for his tongue to find hers. His right hand found its way up her nightgown and between her legs. Laying her on the couch, Percy began to kiss Kanesha with more force as he shoved his fingers inside of her. Kanesha tried to allow her body to enjoy the impending pleasure, but the pain pounding in her eye would not allow it.
Percy kissed and fondled Kanesha's body until his hands found the V between her thighs.
"Relax, let me make you feel good," whispered Percy. Kanesha reluctantly did as she was told. Her mind kept thinking of the day before when she had trouble picking herself up off the floor. She was made to feel worthless, like a piece of old furniture that was no longer able to serve its purpose. Kanesha wanted Percy to stop touching her, for him to find another way to make her feel human again.
Kanesha was tense and the feel of Percy's hands on her body made her want to scream. She had never felt so uncomfortable with a man before. Her hands formed into a fist when Percy stood up in front of her. Kanesha thought he might hit her again but this time she would be ready for combat; even if she lost the round, there was no way she was going to forfeit the fight.
Percy stood up and planted his body between Kanesha's legs, removed his shirt and got down on his knees. Kanesha tried to search Percy's eyes for any sign of regret for the way he had treated her the day before.
"This isn't a good idea, Percy," sighed Kanesha. "Just let me get up and out of your way. I don't want a repeat of yesterday."
"Shhh," was the only reply Kanesha got.
Percy went back to kissing on Kanesha's body as his hands rested on her soft and smooth thighs. 'Men use women all the time and on more occasions than not, we use them without them realizing that's what we are doing. When that rare occasion arises, play it for all it's worth.' It was loud and clear to Kanesha, whose voice spoke those words. Her mother had just said that to her four weeks earlier when she discovered Percy was living with her.
Kanesha found a comfortable position on her couch and allowed Percy to take care of his ugly business. As she lay back, a piece of cracked paint on the ceiling caught Kanesha's eye, and she thought, I'm going to have to call the landlord about that first thing Monday morning.
Chapter Three
All Work And No Play
After Percy brought Kanesha to a moderate sensual peak, he began undressing, causing her to frown. As far as Kanesha was concerned, their sexual escapade was over in record time, ten minutes. Kanesha was saved by the ringing of her doorbell. After making herself presentable, she walked to the front of the duplex to find her next door neighbor, Denise Ramsey, looking to use her phone. Kanesha invited Denise in and made small talk in an effort to avoid having any further sexual encounter with Percy. The two women talked for twenty minutes. The short visit would have lasted longer if it was left up to Kanesha, but Denise had to get back to her sleeping sons.
"All right, girl, let me get ready to take my baby to the doctor. He been teething for the longest
and for some reason, he's been sick with a fever," explained Denise with a small measure of sadness in her voice.
"Whew, sweetie. I'm glad all of my kids are far past the teething stage. Motrin always worked for them, did you try it?" Kanesha asked with genuine concern. Though she was stalling to get back to Percy, she hated to hear about a baby being sick.
"Yea, girl, I had to dip into my light bill money to buy it. When it didn't give him any relief I tried Tylenol, but it was useless too. I called the kids' doctor and they told me to bring him in."
"Don't worry, Denise; he probably just has a virus or a cold."
After the two women hugged each other good-bye, Kanesha walked into the kitchen before going to the bedroom. She stood in the middle of the room and began humming Lyfe Jennings new song, "Will I Ever". Just before she got to the chorus, she was interrupted by the voice in her head again. Look inside your heart child, the foundation you need to stand tall is buried inside of your heart. She could not figure out why her mother's words had started replaying in her head all of a sudden. The words sounded so precise and exact, Kanesha was surprised that she remembered it all. All Kanesha could do was give herself a hug as if she were giving it to her soul. Percy put a pause to the light bulb moment Kanesha was having with herself. "Dang, he always knows the wrong time to come at me," she whispered to herself.
"What did you say?" Percy frowned.
"Nothing, I was talking to myself. What do you want in here?" asked Kanesha with some attitude in her tone.
"Dang, you been talking to yourself a lot lately. I'm starting to think you going crazy." Percy walked further into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the bare refrigerator. Before Kanesha could reply, Percy changed the subject. "That witch couldn't wait to use da phone?" barked Percy. Kanesha ignored Percy and left him in the kitchen alone. Just the way she wanted to be, alone.
"What is going on with me?" Kanesha asked herself out loud. Before pondering the answer, she decided her soul searching would have to wait or she would be late for work. Kanesha had lost money the night before because of Percy and she'd be darned if it happened again tonight.
