by Lavinia Kent
“Don’t think; just do it.”
Angela stood and tried—she tried hard. But every time she began to walk, she simply felt silly. She was no seductress. “It all feels like a huge game of pretend.”
Ruby chuckled low in her throat. “That is exactly what it is. Give in to it. Next time you are with Colton, forget the situation and imagine that it is your deepest fantasy, imagine that everything is exactly as you want it to be—and then just play and have fun. The more you want, the more he will want. Now, walk again.”
Deepest fantasy. Angela remembered the look in Colton’s eyes the night before. That was fantasy. She pulled in a breath, feeling her breasts press against her demure day gown. She took a step, and then another, imagining that dark glow of desire, imagining his lips drawing tight and then parting, imagining the feel of his breath against her skin. She stumbled slightly.
Confusion filled her. She wanted him to feel desire, not to feel it herself. She was trying to free herself from the cage of her memories, not to build more.
But perhaps Ruby was right: The only way to make Colton feel desire was to demonstrate her own. She walked forward, giving in to her body’s response to her thoughts. Slow. Liquid. Filled with want.
“Yes, I think you’re learning!” Ruby exclaimed, nodding her to a chair. “Now we must discuss what you are going to do next and how you will do it while letting Colton believe that he is the hunter. Men do much prefer to chase than to be chased.”
It was impossible to keep up with how quickly Ruby’s mind moved. “I don’t know. I am not even sure when I’ll see him again.”
“We can figure that out—and then I will give you a few more ideas about just what Colton may like, and tonight you can work on building fantasies about them as you fall asleep. Listen carefully.”
—
Angela spread her skirts about her and stared at the water of the Serpentine. The skirts were thick and heavy, which was lucky considering how much dew clung to the grass this early in the morning. She was not at all sure that Ruby was right about this being the logical next step. Surely Colton would realize she had come here to meet him—as they had met so often in the past when he was courting her. It wasn’t as if she were in the habit of sitting in the park before the sun was fully up in the sky.
She glanced back at her maid, who sat on a bench a good two hundred feet away. Maggie had not been at all pleased that they were heading out so early. If Angela listened carefully, she’d probably be able to hear the girl still grumbling that she’d thought they were done with this foolishness months ago.
If possible she would have come alone, but Ruby had made it clear that propriety must be observed on the surface. Ruining herself would not accomplish anything, and it was most doubtful that Colton would come to her rescue if anything did go wrong.
How could he be so different than she had once believed?
She turned her head back to the water, staring out over the light mist that clung just above the shimmering waves, fighting the memories of other mornings that she’d waited for him. Still, even if Colton didn’t appear, it was not bad to have the quiet and the peace. Perhaps she should make an early-morning walk a habit. She’d never been one to sleep in, but she’d always been much more likely to curl in bed with a book than to brave a cool morning without a reason. Perhaps she had been foolish.
The sound of hooves behind her.
It could be anyone.
She fought the urge to turn and look. Ruby had said it was most important that she keep up the pretense of not being here looking for him. The water shimmered orange as the sun began to rise higher in the sky.
The sound passed.
Had it been him? She risked a look to the side, only to see a dark shape and the sway of a long tail. No way to know.
Another rider approached.
And then another.
Even if he did pass by, would he notice her? Perhaps she should stand?
And even if he did see her, would he recognize her? Didn’t most girls look the same from behind? Her hair could sometimes be noticeable, but in the early light it might look more russet than blond. But, then, this was the exact spot where they had met so often in the past.
He would know it was she. But would he stop?
Why had Ruby not addressed these issues? Ruby had seemed confident that if Colton did see her, he would know her and stop.
Several riders together. The pound on the path loud and unmistakable.
Even if he were there, he would not stop. He’d never want to be caught paying attention to her again. He probably thought that if he glanced at her she’d try to insist they marry.
No, that wasn’t fair to him, but it was how he made her feel.
She’d never given him any reason to think she’d try to push him to matrimony. Yes, she had believed, perhaps quite naïvely, they were heading toward marriage, but she would never have acted if she thought he was unwilling.
Although wasn’t that exactly what she was doing now?
But this was different. He deserved it after the way he’d acted—and she wasn’t trying to actually force him into marriage; she was trying to make it so he desperately wanted to marry her, wanted her. She only wanted justice.
If only she truly believed that was possible.
She reflected on Ruby’s words. Well, if she didn’t believe, she would just have to imagine it.
And then she heard hooves slowing and becoming silent, as the next rider pulled to a stop.
Do not turn. Do not turn. Stare at the water.
Pretend you don’t know it’s him.
But she did know. She might not be able to see him, but there was no mistaking the prickle on her neck or the sudden breathlessness that took her. It pulled her back in time even as she fought it, made her want to turn and rush to him, a happy smile upon her lips.
—
Colton drew on the reins; for the barest of moments his heart felt light. She was back. He stared at the blond hair lit by the early-morning sun and remembered the mornings when he could not hurry here fast enough, when he dreamed of nothing but her welcoming smile, when he wondered what foolish adventure she’d partaken in, when…
And then reality returned.
What on earth was she doing here? Was Angela stalking him? Did she somehow imagine that she could lure him back to their past relationship?
No, that was preposterous. She had brought her maid. Maggie, looking as uncomfortable as ever, sat on a bench and glared at him, clearly wishing him to hell.
And why did he care?
He should just ride on.
Only he wasn’t going to. He knew himself well enough to be honest about that. He swung a leg over the stallion and slid to the ground, keeping the reins in hand.
He walked over and stood behind Angela, allowing Goliath enough lead to munch at the low grass.
Angela continued to look out at the water.
Why didn’t she turn to him as she used to, her face aglow with morning light? She knew he was here. He’d seen her shoulders tense as he approached, and she would have had to be deaf not to hear him draw near.
He stood quiet.
She did not speak.
A duck suddenly took off and Goliath started. He held firm on the reins, and the massive horse settled again.
“Are you truly going to pretend I am not here?” he asked.
“I should say that I was enrapt by the view, but in truth I simply do not know what to say.” She turned and glanced up at him, her skin pale and her blue eyes shining mysterious and dark.
“Did you come here looking for me?”
She bit down on her lower lip, quite hard judging by the indent. “I should say that I often come to look at the quiet waters in the morning mist, but you probably know I have not been here since last we met. So, yes, I came looking for you….”
Angela had always been honest to a fault. He’d forgotten that about her, but then neither had he remembered quite how tempting that mouth
was. “Should I ask why you are seeking me?”
“I was not exactly seeking you.”
“I thought you just said that you were.”
Her eyes moved down to her hands, which were worrying the heavy twill of her skirt. “I said I was looking for you, and, yes, I know that is the same as seeking, but ‘seeking’ sounds so much more…so much more…more active. I merely wanted to give us a chance to speak—and I do remember how you like your ride as the sun rises over the water.”
“And then you didn’t—speak, that is.” He couldn’t hold back the edge of a chuckle.
Her eyes flashed up at him. Her lips pressed tight for a second and he could see that she remembered the laughter of other mornings, but then the look was gone and she spoke, each word quiet and precise. “I know. I have already said I don’t know what to say. I think I believed you would have words and would tell me what to do, what to say. You always were so good at that.”
Was she goading him into an argument? She’d never backed down from one in the past—until she began to back down from all of them.
He walked in front of her, his boots crunching on the grass. There was something so powerful about standing above her as she sat small and delicate on the grass before him. “Is that what you want, for me to tell you what to do?” His voice was heavy and low as he filled each word with meaning, waiting for her response.
Chapter 5
Angela’s eyes dropped to her lap, his words pushing the smart reply from her mind. Was that what she wanted, to have Colton tell her exactly what to do? Angela shuddered at the thought. She’d always teased him in the past when he grew too bossy, but the night in the garden had changed things. She could not deny that she felt the first flicker of an ache between her legs at his tone. She might not want to like it, but it had been exciting when Colton had given her direct commands on what he desired at the ball. Her mouth grew dry. She swallowed—and then again. Somehow this was moving faster than she had anticipated—and they’d barely spoken a few sentences. “I admit that I am unsure how to proceed from here. It is why I came to you the other night. I want you to teach me. How can I know what to talk about, what to ask you, when young women are taught nothing?”
She could feel him stare down at her, feel the warm heat that grew wherever his gaze stopped. Her eyes stayed fixed on her hands. Ruby would have looked up with a flirtatious smile and leaned back to reveal a hint of bosom, but Angela was finding even speaking difficult.
He edged closer, his boot tips entering her field of vision. “Look at me.”
Without thought, she followed his command and tilted her chin up. Pretend. Pretend that she was someone else. She leaned back, resting on her hands, imagined her breasts lifting toward him.
His hair was windblown and his cheeks flushed from the ride. His eyes flicked to her breasts and then returned to her face. “What exactly do you wish of me?”
“I thought that I had made that clear. I want you.” She was sure she was redder than a late-summer tomato. Pretend. She must pretend. Why was it so hard?
He continued to stare down at her, his face unreadable.
“I don’t know what more you want me to say,” she said after a moment. “I am not sure what you are looking for in my answer.” She closed her eyes, sought to put herself in a place where she could play this game with ease, tried to imagine that he was already her lover, that she was awaiting his touch.
“Honesty.”
“I have been honest.” And that was true, for the most part. She didn’t think anything she’d said had been an actual lie. She had just left out major pieces of the story.
“I used to believe that, but how do you explain this sudden change in attitude?”
Think about the truth of what she had said. She did want him. She might not want to, but she did—and with that did come a desire to learn more, to know more, to feel more. “Why do you doubt me? I have never given you any reason to suppose me dishonest. It merely took me time to understand what I wanted.” This was not going the way she had pictured. She tried pulling in a deep breath, hoping to attract his attention to her breasts.
Again his eyes moved but then returned to her face. “So we are back to my original question, Angela. What exactly is it that you want?” He stepped aside and the sunlight blinded her.
She blinked, her eyes gradually adjusting, and tried to let anger fill her, tried to remember her purpose. She met his gaze, held it, let a slow smile spread across her face, let her shoulders soften, let her breasts rise and fall with each breath. And then she dropped her gaze, looking down shyly. “I do not understand why this is so difficult. You did an excellent job the other night. I am not sure that I have ever felt so alive. I had forgotten the glory of taking a risk, of doing exactly what I wanted.”
She peered back up at him.
“You liked that?” He sounded surprised but also intrigued—and this time when his eyes moved to her breasts, they lingered.
She imagined her nipples hard and wanting, stretching against the fabric of her bodice, imagined that she was waiting for him to bend down to her, to…She licked her lips. “I don’t know that ‘like’ is the right word, but it did something for me. It made my nerves sing. I felt so free, even though I knew I was putting myself at risk. You have made me feel that way from the first moment that we met. There has always been danger, but still I find myself drawn ever closer. Do you remember that first time we were actually introduced? I was trying to flirt with Mr. Wilkes, and then Lady Perse brought you over. I don’t think I heard a word poor Wilkes said after that. I just looked into your eyes and felt as if I’d found a soulmate.” And that was all the truth—every single word.
He turned from her and gazed out over the water. “I think that is somewhat of an exaggeration. And why should I indulge you?”
Have faith in yourself. She leaned a little forward. “No exaggeration. When I looked at you, I felt as if you really saw me, saw all the pieces, good and bad, and just accepted them. And you should indulge me”—she lowered her voice—“because you want to, because you want me; you want to know where this is going.”
He swung back to her, letting his gaze settle upon her as if weighing her every word. “Sure of yourself, are you?”
No, not at all, but she was trying. “It is more I am sure of what men want.”
“If you are sure of that, why do you need me?”
Curses sounded in her mind. She had gotten ahead of herself, and she still had not talked about everything Ruby had told her she must. “I need you because there is a difference between reading a book and experiencing something. I want experience, and I have known from the start that you are the man to teach me. You have always pushed me as no other man ever has, made me want things that no other man ever has. You were my first kiss, my only kiss, because I had never longed for the feel of another man’s lips.” She dropped her gaze again. “In many ways I would like to turn to another man, but you are the one my body wants.”
“And that is all that you want.” His voice was hoarse.
Had she unsettled him? Were her words getting to him?
Honesty. He wanted honesty and she would give it. “It is hard for me to know what I want. I am scared of what I want. I am not sure that I want to lose my virginity.” She looked away, staring at the trees that bordered the gravel path he had been riding upon. “I am not saying that I don’t. But I know there are other things we can do. I would like to try those and then see.”
“You are aware that these ‘other things’ can ruin you as surely as actual fucking if they become known?”
Did he need to be so crude? Was he trying to give her vapors? “Yes, but I do not see why they should become known. I do not imagine you will tell.”
“And what if I say no? Will you then change your mind and find some other man to indulge you in this matter?”
Honesty. “I don’t know. I have not thought about any man but you.” Another truth—as far as it went. And yet she could sense
him slipping away. “But I might. After the other night I do know that I want more. I want to feel that again, to feel that longing, that need.” Now, that was the truth, if a hard one to face.
His face suddenly grew dark, his brows coming together, his tone harsh. “You should wait for a husband.”
“I do not want to wait, and from what I understand there is no promise that a husband will make me feel the same way you did.”
He turned to gaze out at the water for a moment, then looked down at her again. It was hard to detect any hint of emotion on his face, his features held flat and regular. “Very well. It is clear you will give me no peace until I give in.”
“I don’t want you to do it because you have to.” She let her breasts swell once again, leaned back, and made a little moue with her mouth. “I want you to do it because you want to.”
“We will not even define what ‘do it’ means.”
Was that the hint of a smile? She rather thought it was.
“I guess we will just have to leave it to my imagination, then,” she said, trying not to show her glee at his acceptance.
“Why am I not sure that is a good idea? Now, give me another smile to show your delight.” The horse stomped behind him, pulling at the reins.
She peered up at him from under her lashes and gave him the smile he desired, parted her lips, filled her chest with air. “As you wish, my lord.”
She almost laughed when his eyes once again dropped to her bosom. Perhaps this would not be so hard. “It is good to see you again, Colton. I have missed our morning walks. I always enjoyed being with you before the city was fully awake.” His eyes grew serious and she hurried on, not wanting to make him reconsider. “I daresay Maggie feels differently.” She glanced back at the maid.
His lips curled in the faintest grin. She had missed that look. She tried to shake off the feeling. She didn’t care if he was happy; she was not trying to make him smile—or at least only as much as the game required.
His face grew solemn again, as if he read her thought. “I will meet you tomorrow evening at Madame Rouge’s. I trust I do not need to advise you to hide your identity.”
