‘Just say “bobble hat” and I’ll undo it right away.’
‘You’re giving me a safe word?’ she queried. ‘I guess you’ve done this before.’
Why else would he keep tape designed for this express purpose in a bedside drawer?
Of course he’d done this before. In the right circumstances and with the right people he was even prepared to play switch. He wasn’t seriously into dominating his women; he just enjoyed a flight of fantasy once in a while.
Of course, this wasn’t so much about fantasy as practicality. Getting inside her wasn’t going to be nearly as much fun if she kept trying to hide bits of herself from him.
Dani gulped another deep breath. ‘What now?’
‘Lie back. Hands above your head and open your legs wide. I think I’d better see if you really are ready for me.’
Good girl, she did as she was told. Xane explored her clit with his tongue, waking it so it peeped out from under its hood, before he confirmed her readiness with his fingertips. His own need was riding him hard, but he loved the way she bucked when he thrust not two but three fingers right inside her. She was so slippery and wet from her recent climax that she took it readily, and rode him with a sort of frantic determination.
‘Maybe I’ll come all over you after all,’ he said, not actually intending to. ‘Maybe I’ll leave this hungry puss empty and come between your breasts instead. What do you think about that?’
She shook her head.
‘Maybe I could come in your mouth then. You do suck me so well.’
‘Afterwards,’ she gasped. ‘Then I’ll suck you. I’ll suck you until you’re hard again.’ She said it with such conviction he believed every word.
‘Planning seconds already?’ he remarked, furrowing his brows into a frown. ‘And maybe thirds and fourths too. Tut tut. Don’t you think that’s a little greedy? You know nice girls aren’t really supposed to like this sort of thing.’ Dani twitched as though he’d hit a nerve.
‘You make me enjoy it.’
‘I aim to please.’ Xane kissed his way up her body. He concentrated on her breasts. Judging by her reaction, he didn’t think anyone had played with them to this extent before. All too soon, her breathing took on a sort of tortured heat. ‘That’s right,’ he encouraged. ‘Tell me how good it is. You love me putting my dirty hands all over you, don’t you?’
‘I shouldn’t let you,’ she said, breathlessly, while shaking her head. ‘It’s wrong. I’ve heard you’re really depraved, and that you do things to girls … that they shouldn’t let you … do.’
‘Oh, really?’ he replied, cocking an eyebrow. It seemed Dani was adept at inventing her own games. ‘What sort of things?’
‘Well …’ She licked her lips. ‘I’ve heard that you touch them in private places and that you … you put your thing in them.’
‘Do you want me to do that to you, Dani?’
‘No,’ she squeaked in alarm. ‘I mean that would be wrong … it’d be really wrong.’
And totally right. ‘You know you want it. That’s why you’re here. You knew what I wanted, and you came because you’re really desperate to feel me fucking you. You’ve heard about what it’s like. You’ve imagined it a thousand times over, I’ll bet, but nothing beats the real thing.’
Her breath whooshed out, telling Xane he’d got her properly sussed.
‘No,’ she hissed. ‘That’s not true. I’d never consent to anything so sinful … so dirty.’
‘That’s not what I heard. Your girlfriends were talking. I know you’ve already been with other guys. They said you were up for bedding me and Ash together. One in your mouth and one down here.’ His fingers led the way, stroking, pinching …
‘No,’ Dani hissed. ‘Not Ash.’
Xane stroked her hair reassuringly. ‘You don’t think he’s hot? Girls go crazy for him. They can’t stop rubbing up against them.
‘I don’t want Ash.’
‘Then maybe you’re one of the real crazies who are into Spook.’
‘You – I only want you.’
Music to his soul.
‘That’s good,’ he crooned into her ear, ‘because you’re the only one I want too.’
Chapter 22
Xane knelt between Dani’s thighs. His attention – thank God – was not focused on her scars, which she prayed the concealer still covered, but on driving her completely insane.
Xane had his fingers rather than his cock inside her, and they kept hitting some hitherto undiscovered and bewilderingly sensitive spot. The stimulation kind of made her want to pee, and yet simultaneously sent her central nervous system into raptures.
When he began sucking her nipples again, the ache built ever more ferociously, drawing her closer and closer to climax.
‘Please,’ she pleaded, uncertain even as she spoke what she meant to beg of him, whether for release or … release.
Xane apparently opted for the latter, because – God, yes – he was lining them up. She closed her eyes tight. The thick head of him sat poised against her entrance, rigid and warm. Xane covered her completely, hugging her close, surrounding her with his scent and heat.
‘Dani, look at me.’
She hardly dared move, even her eyelids. She peeped through her eyelashes. He was looking down into her face. His dark hair fanned around them. It tickled her skin where it touched. Xane’s expression was so open, his grey eyes blazing with passion.
‘There you are. Stay with me.’ He held her gaze. He pushed, possessed her. Even as relaxed as she was, he still filled her ridiculously well.
‘Oh-oh, that’s good.’
‘Yeah,’ he sighed. ‘Yeah, it is.’ He lifted her arms so they were looped around his neck, and then lifted her up into his lap. ‘And that … that is even better.’ Xane kissed her hard as he directed the movement of his hips. ‘I know I promised you slow, but I don’t think I can do slow any more.’ Perspiration peppered his upper lips. He tasted salty as she kissed him.
‘You can do me any way you like.’
‘Like this?’ he asked, rolling his hips in a smooth rhythm.
‘Yeah,’ she sighed, bracing her forearms against his shoulders, and arching her back a little so he nudged up inside her into the same place he’d been massaging with his fingers. Oh, yeah, she was buzzing. She hugged his head close to hers so that they were looking one another right in the eyes. ‘It’s coming. I’m going to … Oh, Xane, I can’t …’
She came hard, jerking against him, her body moving of its own volition.
‘That’s right, sweetheart, you take it. Enjoy it.’
‘You too.’
Taking her at her word, Xane began bucking into her much, much harder. Sweat trickled down the thick muscles of his back. His limbs were in knots around hers. ‘That is too fucking good.’
‘Let go.’ The aftershocks of her orgasm were still pulsing through her body. She wanted to ride the last waves of it along with him.
‘No choice,’ he gasped.
Dani cried out when Xane’s climax ripped through his body. His back arched and he held himself immobile, though she still wanted to move. He looked her in the eyes the whole time, exposing himself to the depths of his soul. She couldn’t turn away. She saw love and darkness, desperation and a minefield full of fears. He needed her love, her trust, but he was wary of offering the same. Sex he could give her. Sex in abundance, hence his determined and steady rock, once he’d relearned how to breathe.
His erection might be fading, but he was still set on making her his.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered when, completely spent, he finally slipped from her body. His lips traced her cheek and sought her mouth for one more breathless kiss. ‘I shouldn’t have put it off so long. Then I could have gone on longer.’
‘You don’t have to be,’ she replied. He’d given her far more than any other man; than any other human being.
A yawn stretched his jaw. Xane lifted her arms from around his neck and laid her back against
the mattress. Then he climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. She heard the toilet flush and the taps running.
Dani rolled onto her side, biting her lip. The duvet lay too far away to grab easily, while she remained tied. She didn’t hear him come back into the room.
‘What is it with you and balancing yourself on the edge of the mattress?’ He snuggled up behind her and rested his hand on the top of her leg, exactly where, she realised the moment he touched her, she didn’t want his attention.
Dani stiffened, but so did Xane. He’d felt them – the tiny scores etched into her skin. His fingertips brushed over the scars as though he were trying to decipher them. ‘What is this?’ He sat up, to seek with his eyes the answer to what his fingers had found.
Dani turned over, denying him the discovery. But the scars were there on the top of her other leg too. Even with the make-up she’d camouflaged them with earlier, they were still obvious if you were specifically seeking them out. Each individual line was tiny enough to overlook, but they were bunched together in rows like marks in a tally chart.
‘Do you want to tell me what they are?’
She shook her head.
Xane pursed his lips and considered for a moment. ‘OK, then I won’t push. I hope you’ll tell me when you feel ready. Is this why you’re always trying to hide?’
She bit her lip.
‘Don’t,’ he reassured her. ‘You don’t have to hide any part of yourself.’ He bent and kissed every mark on the top of her left thigh. ‘Are they elsewhere? They’re almost like aboriginal markings, they’re so precise.’
She turned stiffly, allowing him to see the band of scarring that covered her lower back. Xane kissed each of those too.
‘Wanna see some of my scars?’ he asked.
The first formed an S-shape over his left shin. ‘I had an accident when I was nine. I fell down a ravine.’ He rolled over next, to show her a star-shaped one on his butt. ‘That one’s courtesy of my brother – complete wanker that he is. This one –’ he pointed to an indent, almost invisible because of the black ink that covered it ‘– was a present from my sister. She put a toy arrow into my arm, having stripped off the rubber plunger and sharpened the end.’
‘Oh, my God! That kind of makes me glad I don’t have siblings.’ She was doubly thankful for his effort to make like her scars were no big deal.
‘I can’t say I’d recommend them.’
‘Do you still not get along?’ She snuggled up close to his chest.
Xane cocked one leg over hers. ‘I can’t abide them. They’ve no great love for me either, so we see mercifully little of one another. It’s been that way since our parents died.’
‘Oh! I didn’t realised you’d lost your mum as well.’
Much as her own mother was crazy, she couldn’t imagine life without her, because even having a slightly psychotic mum was better than no mum at all. And her mum meant well. Most of the time.
Dani scoured his face for signs of grief, but Xane seemed remarkably composed about the situation.
‘Was it long after your father died?’
‘Same time. The fuel tank in the light aeroplane they were in blew up. They both died instantly.’
The fact that he said it in such a matter-of-fact way served to amplify her horror. ‘Xane, I’m so sorry. That must been awful for you, I mean to lose both parents when you were so young.’ Sadness tingled in her nose.
Xane only shrugged. ‘It never really felt like I had any to start with. I didn’t exactly see much of them. I spent most of my time away at boarding school or hanging out at my cousin Ric’s place.’
‘I thought you said you’d spent time here in Monaco.’
‘Yeah, but not hanging out together being a family. Arthur and Maude got to go places with them, but I can’t remember ever going anywhere with my parents, not even the beach. I spent all my time with a nanny or one of many au pairs.’
‘I’m sure there must have been times,’ she said optimistically. ‘Perhaps you don’t remember.’
‘Maybe.’ The shadows in his eyes said he didn’t believe it for a minute. ‘I guess, on the plus side, I had a lot of independence and a boat-load of free time. No one worried about noise at Ric’s place, either. We could caterwaul and play thrash guitar all day without anyone complaining.’
‘Is that the original Halo line-up? You and your cousin?’
‘We were half of it. There were four of us. I played rhythm. Ric was on lead, Steve …’ He paused a moment, recent events clearly co-opting his train of thoughts, and then cleared his throat. ‘Steve Matlock played percussion and his kid sister sang for us. We were bloody awful, especially Jilly. Cats could screech better than she did.’
‘But you were Halo even then?’
‘Yeah. Then we were Moonshine, and Usurper,’ he screwed up his face in thought. ‘Then Mudslinger and Crocodile Embrace, and probably a dozen equally bad things in between. We started being Halo again after we went to uni and Jilly quit. Then Black Halo when resident goth boy Ash joined us.’
‘And now?’ she asked, praying that Ash and Spook had somehow convinced him to reconsider splitting the band. It still caught her in the chest every time she was forced to acknowledge they might be no more.
He shrugged. ‘Probably time I moved on.’
So much for her prayers.
‘Truly, there’s no hope? You won’t work with any of them again?’
Xane breathed slowly through his nose. ‘Honestly, I don’t know. To some extent that depends on them.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Dani, I don’t really want to talk –’
‘Can I ask you something?’ Now seemed a good time to come clean over what she already knew. ‘Did you end it, or did she?’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Elspeth. The pair of you were an item, but you broke up, right? And now she’s married to Steve Matlock.’
Xane scrubbed his face with both hands. He didn’t immediately answer, but instead stared at her as though she’d just slapped him in the face. ‘Should I ask how you know?’
‘Spook – I overheard him say something about a wedding this morning. It was easy enough to figure out the rest. There’ve been rumours about you and Elspeth circulating for years. And I’m guessing she ended it, because she’s moved on, and you kind of … well, you kind of haven’t.’
Pale lightning shot through Xane’s eyes. He worried his lip ring. Dani felt him stiffen too. It was only a slight change in his position, but he might as well have moved yards away. Their closeness had gone.
Refusing to give him up, Dani smoothed her hand against his chest, bringing it to rest over his heart. ‘You can talk about it to me, if you need to. I won’t get weird.’
Initially, he rebuffed her with a swift shake of his head, but Dani waited patiently. She knew how valuable it was to have someone to whom you could talk. It’s why she’d spent years talking to him as if he were there, when all he’d been was a shadow in her brain.
‘She told me five minutes before we went on stage last night.’
‘About the wedding?’
‘That we were over.’
Dani’s mouth dropped open. ‘She got married and then finished with you.’ Whoa! Talk about dropping a bombshell. ‘So she’d been two-timing you for some time then? Nice.’ No wonder he wanted to sever all links with them. ‘That’s so slimy. Xane, I’m so sorry. Hadn’t you any inkling?’ Not that it would make things better, but she prayed it hadn’t come completely out of the blue.
‘You don’t have to be sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s not your fault.’ Xane shuffled into a sitting position with his back against the headboard, and his arms folded across his chest. ‘I knew something was up when they stayed behind in Vegas after the gig there. Jilly turned up, and she’s not been interested in the band since she left. I figured her and Steve were just catching up. Turns out she was there to be his best man. I suppose I should be grateful that they didn
’t ask me to fill the role.’
It was really no wonder he’d walked off stage.
‘Ash thinks we can mend everything by making like nothing happened and carrying on as normal, but it won’t work. I don’t want to be in the same town as them, let alone on the same stage. It’s not as easy as replacing them either. Sure, we can hire other musicians, but that doesn’t transform history. I’ll still be reliving it every time we perform.’
‘The songs … some of them are about her, aren’t they?’
Xane ran his thumb and forefinger below the line of his eyelashes. He pinched the brow of his nose before answering. ‘Yeah.’ He let out a slow, hard breath, and then pulled back his shoulders. ‘And some of them are about Steve too. We’ve been friends since primary school.’
She thought for a moment that he meant to say more, but in the end he shook his head. In the meantime, she forgot to ask him which songs. ‘I guess the rest of the band are pretty pissed off with them too right now.’
He made a small ‘hmpf’ sound, and then covered his mouth with his hand. ‘You think.’
‘You mean they’re not?’
Xane curled his fingers, leaving only his thumb pressed against his lips. The sheen of the lamp reflected off his pupils, giving the impression of fragility. He was fighting to maintain his composure, but a deep wrinkle nevertheless formed in the centre of his brow.
‘They don’t necessarily approve, but they don’t disapprove either. Spook doesn’t believe in taking sides. Paul’s Elspeth’s BFF and Ash doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. Do you know, not one of them has asked me if I’m OK? It’s all about what’s best for the band, meaning what’s best for them.
‘“Write some songs, Xane. Do this for us, Xane. Give some more of yourself. Give all of yourself.” It’s a friggin’ miracle I’m not zoned out on a cocktail of drugs and alcohol.
‘You’re the only one who gives a toss about me, Dani. The only one.’ His voice cracked as he reiterated the point, making her heart well up with sadness.
‘I’m sure that’s not true. I can’t believe they’ve so little respect.’
‘Believe it.’ He solemnly shook his head.
Come Undone Page 16
