‘Yeah,’ she said, gritting her teeth. Yet he slid in with a single steady push, only the tip at first, until she was used to it, then the rest, inch by inch.
‘Oh-my-God-oh-my-God!’
‘Sh,’ he soothed her, trying to keep still. ‘Relax, it’s OK. You’re OK.’ He wasn’t so sure he could say the same about himself. ‘Fuck, Dani. You’re so tight.’ Inferno-hot, too. Almost immediately he lapsed into groans, which she echoed.
‘I’m not hurting you, am I?’ he asked, realising he might be taking it too fast.
‘It feels weird,’ she replied, lifting her hips so her bottom met the forward thrust of his loins. ‘Not painful, just odd.’
‘Good weird?’
She grasped his hand and moved it to her clit. ‘Interesting weird.’
‘Does that mean I can move a bit more?’
‘Try it.’
Xane matched his strokes to the tempo of his finger movements, coaxing her, coaxing himself, until the ache in his balls turned into an urgent tingling stream that ran along the length of his shaft, and that he couldn’t stop.
Rather than risk thrusting too hard and hurting her, he pulled out. He tore the condom off, stroked himself quickly and came all over her lovely bottom.
Was he a sad fool for wanting to mark her as his in that way? Yes, but he did it anyway.
Spent, he rubbed the mess into her skin. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered, before rolling her over and finishing her off a couple of times with his tongue.
He held her a long time afterwards, needing the post-orgasmic cuddle as much as he knew she did.
‘Do I have permission to do that again?’ he asked as she was drifting off.
‘Maybe.’ She held herself stiffly. ‘Xane, I think I need to explain about earlier.’
‘You already did. It’s forgotten.’
Dani shook her head. ‘Not properly. Ric said I ought to be honest with you, and think he’s right. Leastways, I hope he is.’
‘Go on.’
‘My dad hid the fact he was gay. He seduced the young man from next door and ran off with him.’
‘So, because your dad was a dick, the fact I like men automatically means I’m going to behave in the same way?’
She shook her head. ‘When I’m thinking rationally, I know that’s not true, but fear isn’t necessarily very rational.’ She gave him a sad little smile.
Xane pulled her tighter against his body. ‘What did he do? Did he just walk out?’
Dani started to nod, then changed her mind and shook her head instead. ‘That’s the story mum puts out. That we arrived home to an empty house, but it’s not actually what happened.’
‘What did?’
‘It’s kind of hazy, and I’ve had one version fed to me for so long that it’s hard to weed out the lies. I know he wasn’t gone, though, because I saw him with Greg. That was the guy from next door. He was a student, I think, and still lived with his parents. Seeing Ric and Zach reminded me. They were in the same position. I think mum saw them together too – she used to get home a couple of minutes after I did. She sent me out to the corner shop, and he was gone by the time I got back. He didn’t even say goodbye.’
‘Dani, I think your mum probably chucked him out. I doubt she gave him the option of saying goodbye.’
‘Yes, but to then never contact us again?’
Xane shifted his head on the pillow and tucked Dani against his chest. ‘Are you so sure he didn’t? It seems to me your mum likes to be selective with the truth.’
‘I have wondered that before, but I think it’s probably wishful thinking.’
‘You mean like me swooping in and stealing you away?’
She tilted her head to peep up at him. ‘Part of me still believes I’m imagining all this. That I’ll wake up and find out I fell over and hit my head, and none of this has happened.’
He strained forward to kiss her lips. ‘Go to sleep, Dani. I promise you, I’ll still be around in the morning. In fact, I’m not sure you’re ever going to get rid of me now.’ It took a while, but she eventually drifted off in his arms.
Chapter 41
‘My bottom aches,’ Dani complained as they ate breakfast. Actually, pretty much all of her ached, and no wonder, since she, unlike Xane, wasn’t used to having athletic sex six or seven times a day. If they kept it up, she’d be sleek and svelte within weeks. ‘It sort of feels like you’re still poking me there.’
Xane snorted into his cornflakes. ‘You’ll get used to it,’ he wheezed.
Dani poured him a glass of juice. ‘I’m still not sure I’m going to let you do it again.’
‘Course you are.’ He leaned over the table to kiss her cheek. ‘Even if it’s only for birthdays and Christmases.’
Dani lowered her head and grinned to herself, tickled that he was thinking in the long term. The air between them seemed to have cleared overnight. As promised, he had been right beside her in the bed when she’d woken. Even she was beginning to think an actual future together was possible.
All right, so there were still knots in her stomach over certain issues, but they would work them out. Bisexuality didn’t equal infidelity, she repeated mantra-like to herself. It only meant that he was an equal-opportunity lover.
The kitchen door opened and Ric entered with two muddy dogs.
‘Good walk?’ asked Zach, who was by the stove rustling up bacon and eggs for them all.
While the Dalmatians trotted around whining for food and leaving paw-prints everywhere, Ric tugged off his walking boots and waterproofs. ‘Those helicopters we heard last night are still circling. I think there’s one up there for each news channel. I know you’re a big star, cuz, but your band bust-up ain’t that exciting. Is there something else you’ve been up to lately you’ve failed to mention?’
Xane shrugged. ‘Must be a lean news week. I’m sure they’re not that desperate for shots of Dani.’
Dani lowered her fork, sickened by the thought. ‘I think I’d better call my mum later.’
Xane squeezed her hand and gave her a nod of reassurance. ‘I’ll speak to her too, if it’ll help.’
‘It won’t.’
‘I’m just glad the restaurant’s not opening properly until next week,’ Zach remarked. ‘There are enough crazies that come to visit without having hordes of journalists hanging about. I prefer serving ice cream to the under-fives. They’re far more easily contented.’
‘I’m sure some disaster or other will have grabbed their attention by then,’ Xane reassured him.
While Zach was distracted, Ric reached around him and stole a mushroom from the frying pan, earning himself a smack on the butt with the spatula. ‘How many times do you need to be told?’
‘I love mushrooms,’ Ric said, hunching his shoulders apologetically. He stole a second one the moment Zach turned his back.
‘Those ’copters are getting pretty darn close,’ Zach remarked, he crossed to the window to take a look up at the sky.
The whir of the blades had grown particularly loud since Ric had come inside. ‘That sounds as if they’re coming in to land.’
‘Can they actually do that?’ Dani asked, suddenly fearful. She grabbed Xane’s hand.
‘Sure, there’s space enough for them to do so,’ Ric said. He crossed to the door and pulled on his boots again. ‘This place used to have a proper helipad. As for whether they’re supposed to – no, they’re blinking not. I’m going to give them such a ruddy earful.’ Ric launched himself out of the door again, the dogs bounding out after him.
‘I wonder if I should go as backup?’ Zach remarked, after the door had closed. His thick brows furrowed in concern.
‘I’ll go.’ Xane pushed his chair back, forcing Dani to release her grip on his hand.
‘Is that wise?’
‘They’re here because of me. It only seems fair.’ He kissed her. ‘Stay here. I’ll be back in a sec.’ He followed Ric and the dogs outside.
Zach came over and put his arm around
her shoulder. ‘They’ll be fine. They can handle themselves. Besides, Ric’s probably sent them packing already. I can’t hear the noise any more, can you?’
It had gone quiet.
Within a minute or two, Ric returned to the kitchen, but without Xane and the dogs. He came and sat opposite her at the table.
‘Where’s Xane?’ Dani asked.
Ric shook his head when Zach tried to set a plate of food in front of him. ‘Sorry, I’m just not hungry.’
‘Has something happened?’ Dani asked. She didn’t like the watery sheen to Ric’s blue-grey eyes. The fact that he reached out and squeezed her hand instead of answering her only increased her agitation. ‘Where is he?’
Ric moistened his lips. ‘The band are here, including Elspeth. They’re talking.’
‘Oh! Well, I guess it’s good that they’re talking. That’s an improvement. Xane hasn’t exactly been prepared to do that so far.’
Ric nodded. He gripped the edge of the table. ‘They’re not really talking about the band. Something else has happened.’
Zach stiffened. Likewise, Dani froze. ‘What?’ she asked. ‘Tell me what’s going on.’
Chapter 42
Xane stared at his band mates, convinced they had to be figments of his imagination. Flying in by helicopter in order to take him to task was a bit much even for them, especially as there were at least a half dozen other choppers up there looking on. However, what he found totally incredible was the fact that they’d brought Elspeth along with them.
Seriously? They brought her and expected him to cooperate?
She stood before him looking wan and insubstantial, as if a moderate wind would knock her over. The guys, all rock-solid, formed a wall of granite around her, Ash, as ever, a step in front of the rest, attempting to lead. He’d always aspired to Xane’s position. Too bad he couldn’t sing a note. Rock Giant and Spook brought up the rear. Only Steve was missing. But then Steve and he were already square. No, he wasn’t going to pretend he was happy about the outcome, but he didn’t feel so wrung out as he had even twenty-four hours ago, and he was working hard on that falling-out-of-love programme. Having Dani around to fall in love with made it a lot easier.
What he did realise, on seeing Elspeth, was that he no longer felt much of anything for her, even anger. The chills that had at one time raced up and down his spine when she walked in the room no longer afflicted him. He no longer got hot under the collar at the thought of her naked in his bed; in fact he hadn’t felt like that for a long time. Instead, her presence merely irritated him. She’d played with his affections, used him to accomplish her own ends and discarded him like a worthless piece of junk. Well, he was still angry enough to want some payback. ‘What is it? Why the fuck have you come?’ He directed the remark at Ash, since he was playing leader. ‘I’ll assume you’re not here for a serious chat, or you wouldn’t have brought her.’
He supposed, since they’d gone to so much effort, he might condescend to speak to them. Well, all except Elspeth. Whatever decision he made about the band, she was definitely out.
‘Let’s just stay calm, shall we?’ Ash spread his fingers wide as he gestured for Xane to lower his voice. ‘We’re not here to cajole you, or twist your arm over anything. There are some things you need to hear and it’s best you hear them from us.’
Xane crossed his arms over his chest. ‘Well, it’s a bit over the top for a resignation.’ That was the only thing he’d accept from her. Apologies wouldn’t staple together the incision she’d made in his life, and when it came to the things he loved – like his friends and his band – he wasn’t a forgive-and-forget kind of guy. He expected grovelling before he gave any of them the time of day.
Paul, ever Elspeth’s loyal guardian, shouldered his way to the front. ‘Back off, Xane. For Christ’s sake, this isn’t about you. Can’t you shut up and listen for a moment? She wanted to be the one to tell you. That’s why we’re here. Otherwise, we’d have rung the phone you never bloody bother to answer, or let the vultures up there tell you.’ He flicked his gaze upward to the bank of helicopters.
Elspeth pressed a lily-white hand to Rock Giant’s chest, silencing him. ‘Paul, don’t. It’s not helping.’ She turned her luminous eyes upon Xane. ‘I’m here because I think you deserve that much. I’m not apologising to you, Xane. I’d do it again. I came because –’ her voice cracked and she crumpled, actually sank onto the paving ‘– because …’
Since she’d always affected a melodramatic personality, Xane watched impassively as she strung out whatever it was she so desperately needed to say.
‘Well?’ he asked, exasperated.
She looked up at him, her liquid eyes filled with tears. They spilled even as he watched, and rolled down over her bloodless cheeks. When her lip trembled, Rock Giant put his hand on her shoulder.
Dammit, all three of the guys formed a protective huddle around her, as though he was the bad guy for making her cry, when it’d been her actions that had brought them to this juncture in the first place. That left him feeling betrayed all over again.
He was ready to turn his back on them and return to his breakfast when she blurted out, ‘He’s dead.’
‘Sorry,’ he muttered. ‘Maybe if you elaborate a little.’
They all stared at him as if he’d grown an extra head.
‘Who are you talking about?’
Paul refused to meet his gaze, actually going as far as turning his back, and since Ash had knelt to comfort Elspeth, who was even now sobbing into the shoulder of his leather jacket, that left Spook, the man of few words, to clarify what Elspeth had meant.
At least Spook had the decency to look him in the face.
‘They found him first thing,’ the rhythm guitarist said. He ran a hand through his tangled white-blond hair. ‘The maid who went in to clean his room raised the alarm. We think he might still have been breathing then, but he was dead on arrival at the hospital. The doctors confirmed it was a subdural haematoma – that’s bleeding on the brain – probably caused by a blow to the head, or, more likely in Steve’s case, his nose.’
Steve!
The spray of blood from his former lover’s nose as it broke splashed across Xane’s memory as though he were seeing it again for real. He reached out for something to hold on to, something to retch into, but there was nothing to hand. Regurgitated milk and cornflakes splattered the floor.
Spook gathered his hair out of the way as Xane’s stomach emptied. He patted Xane’s back and helped him straighten up once the purge was done. Xane clung to him a moment, using the other man as a crutch to stay upright.
‘Wait,’ he said, wiping the spittle from his mouth. This couldn’t be right. It had to be a mistake. He’d spoken to Steve, or rather they’d exchanged texts, only – what had it been? – less than eight hours ago. He’d been fine then. The doctors were going to look at his nose. He’d had a bit of a headache, but … ‘Shit!’ Reality sank in.
When his parents had died, he remembered, someone came to tell him the news. No one had held him then. He’d felt numb and more alone than ever. This time, he at least had Spook to cling on to. It didn’t make it easier. He had to fight not to scream.
‘It’s all right, mate. It’ll be fine. We’ll get through it.’ Spook patted his back.
Would they? God! He wanted Dani. Wished he hadn’t insisted that she stay inside. He needed her. She’d help him make sense of this.
‘How did you know where to find me?’ he asked.
‘Steve told Elspeth you were in the Netherlands,’ Spook explained. He made sure Xane was steady, then eased back a pace. Xane looked at him, awaiting the rest of the explanation. Spook began to stutter.
‘Within minutes of the news breaking, a whole host of sightings of you started cropping up on the Internet,’ Ash explained, as he helped Paul to lift Elspeth off the floor. ‘I don’t recommend you look. There are some really sick fucks out there.’
Not looking didn’t seem to be an option. ‘Te
ll me.’ Xane insisted.
‘Xane, you don’t –’ His lead guitarist rubbed his brow. ‘Fine. “Xane – living it up while his friends go down,”’ he quoted. ‘Happy now?’
Actually, he felt pretty sick again.
‘While we’re on the subject of shite things –’ Paul interjected. They all looked at him. Spook and Ash both shook their heads, but Paul continued anyway. ‘We know you had a fight.’
Oh, God! ‘If you think I did this – that I’m responsible –’
They couldn’t believe that. Xane stared at them, turning his head from one to another. Surely not.
‘He was fine when I left him, I swear.’
The reassurance he sought came, surprisingly, from Elspeth. She extracted herself from Paul’s embrace and came over and rested a hand on his forearm. ‘We know that. No one thinks you’re responsible. I spoke to him after he sent you his resignation. He told me what happened and what had been said.’ From the trembling of her lip and the shadow in her eyes, Xane knew their final conversation had not been a pleasant one. ‘Also, we’ve all seen the fight footage. Several people recorded it, so the police know exactly who hit him. There’ll be an enquiry, too, about whether security used unnecessary force.’
‘They probably fractured my ribs,’ he said, as if that automatically answered the question. He had a spectacular array of bruises around his throat too from how they’d restrained him. He saw Elspeth looking at them.
‘The police will need to speak to you at some point,’ she said.
‘Yeah, of course I’ll do that.’ Whatever they needed. He’d make sure Dani gave them her version too.
Suddenly, Elspeth crushed herself to his body. ‘Oh, God, Xane. I can’t believe he’s gone.’ As much as it tormented him to do so, he returned her hug, even allowing her to press her head against his chest. He hadn’t forgiven her. He’d never forgive her, but for the moment he could let it ride.
Come Undone Page 28
