“Alexa, I …” His words faded into a still hush.
I lifted the small pink book and opened it up. Tyler looked down briefly and raised his head back up, his face hard and faraway. He reached for my hand and we both quickly stood as I pulled my fingers from his grip.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” Sentiment cascaded through my head, evolving into pure outright seething, pissed-off anger. I wanted answers. I wasn’t leaving until I had them.
“Won’t you even give me a chance to explain?” Tyler reached for me again.
“What is there to explain? You were in a Dominant/submissive relationship with my cousin. You quite possibly gave her heroin. And you lied to me, Tyler. Then you led me to believe you might actually care for me. You’ve done nothing … but betray me.”
I snatched up the journal and crammed it back into my purse, gazing into his cloudy eyes.
“You knew from day one I was related to Becca. You fucked my cousin, Tyler! You lied straight to my face about knowing her. So really, your explanation doesn’t mean shit!”
He reached out, catching me by the wrist and pulling me into his chest. I slapped him across the face, the impact so great that his head jerked.
“Don’t you ever fucking hit me again, Alexa!” he hissed. The look in his eyes gleamed with warning as he lifted a hand across his cheek.
“Then don’t come near me.” I took two steps back and swallowed the lump filling my throat as I fought the urge to be sick. Tyler remained silent and still, other than the hand that brushed across his face.
“What hurts the most, Tyler, is the fact that you knew from the very beginning that we were related. Were you just playing me all this time? Was I just another one of your victims you planned on training but never intended on keeping? Or did I mean so little that you weren’t even going to show me what you did her? Since all this happened, I’ve read a lot on Dominant/submissive relationships and I know vanilla could never satisfy you in the end. You threatened to spank me once, so why didn’t you? Why haven’t you? Plus, Katherine came to visit me today at the restaurant, warning me that she had a claim on you and I could never be enough to satisfy you. I guess she pretty much hit the nail on the head, didn’t she?”
I angrily swiped at the tear threatening the corner of my eye. Crying be fucking damned! It would be a cold day in hell before I gave him the satisfaction.
“Was I even another twelve-week fuck buddy? That is your normal cut-off, isn’t it, Doctor?” A choke lifted up my chest as I gave up fighting the tears that clouded my eyes.
“Alexa.” He took a step closer. “Is spanking what you’re after, angel? Have I missed something here? Do you want more?”
“You can’t be serious,” I spit out. “There’s so much more to this than spanking.”
My emotions overloaded, nothing was making sense. Besides the huge fact hanging over us that he lied … about everything. “You know what? You make me sick. I’m sorry I ever met you, Tyler. You’re nothing but a pretty face with an ugly soul, just like your father. And I’m even more sorry that I was beginning to actually trust you. And have real feelings for you.”
Before the words left my mouth, I knew I’d made a mistake mentioning his father. His face reddened as he screwed his eyes shut for a few seconds. The veins in his neck were tense as he glared at me. Was he going to say anything at all? Or was he going to just stand and stare?
Slowly, he lifted his hands and shoved them through his hair, his jaw tightening. I reached for my purse and strapped it on my shoulder. Obviously, he wasn’t even going to give me an explanation.
Once an asshole…
I walked toward the door. I couldn’t get away from his lying eyes quickly enough.
“Victim … ugly soul … just like my father…” His voice was soft as he mumbled the words I’d just spoken.
“Please. Please wait, Alexa.” His voice cracked. I turned to look at him, my eyes dropping toward the expensive pair of shoes underneath his scrubs. Had he worn those same shoes the night he broke Becca’s heart? Or when he stripped her of her virginity? Surely, he’d worn them at some point around her. Maybe when he was tying her up. Or better yet, maybe when he was standing with his pants down over his ankles, wetting his lips as she sucked his huge cock. The same overworked piece of muscle that had been in my mouth just yesterday.
“Alexa. Look at me.” He towered over me as he gently placed his hands on my shoulders. My body tensed as I fought throwing up. “Please, angel.”
“Please, angel? Really? You … just tell me you had nothing to do with her using heroin. Please tell me you didn’t convince my cousin, the same woman you rid of her virginity, the same woman who was clearly in love with you, to stick a lethal needle in her arm. The Becca I grew up with would never do that. She absolutely despised needles and drugs!”
The grip on my shoulders lightened and I pushed myself out of his grasp, raising both hands to wipe away the ocean of tears running down my face. I silently begged him to promise me he had nothing to do with Becca taking her own life. He was a doctor! He was supposed to care for people. He just couldn’t be the cause of her committing suicide.
“Tell me, Tyler. Tell me my cousin didn’t take her own life over you.”
My eyes burned. My head was pounding. I wrapped my arms around myself, letting all my emotion out, giving up on the fight with crying. I couldn’t stop no matter how badly I wanted to. The deplorable events of the day I’d looked so forward to were more than I could handle. I looked at Tyler, hugging my mid-section. Sobbing.
“Alexa … please. Don’t cry.” He inched toward me. The heart-filled look on his face guaranteed his answer wasn’t going to be what I wanted to hear.
“I’m sorry, angel. I’m so fucking sorry.” His hands clenched at his sides.
“Sorry? I don’t want your fucking sympathy bullshit. And the cops, Tyler. What do you intend on telling them? It’s only a matter of time before they hunt you down. I know from my mother that they’re checking every fetish club in the Metroplex.”
“I’m sorry, Alexa. I’m so goddamn sorry about everything. I had no idea Becca would take her own life. As for the police, you’re absolutely right. They’ve already been to Venture. Justin wasn’t there, but they’ll be back. I’m a sleeping partner. Chances are fifty-fifty that the detectives will look for me. But all that aside, I’m planning on going to them on my own free accord when I get the chance. I have nothing to hide. I’ve fucking done nothing wrong!”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Alex
Trying to collect any semblance of forgiveness, only one thing bared certainty. Tyler couldn’t give me the words I needed to hear. Because they didn’t exist. His answer pounded loudly through my head over and over as I fought the urge to lay down and die. Nothing but lies. Nothing but betrayal.
I sucked in a shivering breath. Nothing made sense anymore. Tyler was Becca’s Dom partner. My own cousin. What were the incredible odds? One in twenty-seven billion? Yet, here we were. And he’d just admitted to possibly being responsible for her death. I had to get out of here.
Before I could get one foot in front of the other, Tyler reached for me and spun me around, the beaten look in his eyes a look I’d seen before. As much as I wanted to fall into his arms and hear him deny any wrongdoings, nothing but nagging doubt filled my body. The man I’d considered my lover was nothing more than a twelve-week fuck buddy. The same man I had confided in.
The man I’d fallen in love with.
Angry pain swallowed me. I wanted to pound out my frustrations against his ripped chest, yet, I desperately wanted this man I’d seen naked, who’d brought my body to incredible highs, to wrap me in his arms and make it all go away. Promise everything would all be okay.
Was this the same agony Becca felt when he betrayed her? Is this what pushed her to the limit?
“Alexa, please, angel. Look at me. Give me a chance to explain.”
I understood perfectly. “Marriage isn’t someth
ing I will ever consider.”
Women were all just a game to a man like Tyler.
I was no different.
Knowing this, why was it still so difficult to walk away?
Tyler reached for me, his hand landing on my arm. “We can get through this.”
“I’m begging, Tyler. Don’t touch me.” I shoved at his chest, my stomach rolling with harrowing disappointment and hurt. “I have to get out of here. I have to go.”
“Motherfucking hell, Alexa,” he hissed. His eyes watery and bloodshot, they held something I’d never seen. Panic. Distress.
With a long, piercing stare, another desperate stab at getting me to listen to his reasoning, he held out his hand again. That same hand was one of the key things that first attracted me to Tyler. His eyes latching on mine, I studied his face for a few seconds, a heartrending ache in my chest. When I thought I was getting to know Tyler, deep down I didn’t know him at all.
Alarmed by my reaction, I nevertheless took his hand, somehow allowing him to lead me back to the couch. Me the weak one, handing him the control again. We sat down in unison, his fingers warm against mine. He lifted my wrist to his lips, where they lingered.
His gaze lowered to my face. “Alexa, I had no idea Becca was this upset. I never meant to hurt her. I never meant to hurt either of you.” He lowered my hand, leaning over and kneading both temples with his fingertips, his gaze focusing on the ground for what seemed like an eternity.
“I would never give anybody drugs. Surely you know me better than that. I’ve never touched heroin. And your cousin sure as fuck didn’t do drugs. That much I know.” He rubbed at both eyes and pinched the end of his nose before standing and pacing the floor.
“Then how, Tyler? Why would she end her life? Becca was a happy person. She loved living. You were the last person to be close to her. Did you hurt her so badly that she wanted to die? I think you were involved somehow. It just feels that way. And is evil Katherine connected with you in all this? Please. Make me understand.”
The room suddenly seemed so quiet. Even Bono had disappeared. A pin dropping would have been deafening in the thick tense atmosphere. I blinked, exploring his eyes for answers. The veins in his neck expanded and tightened as I watched him fight his anger.
“You think? You fucking think I was involved?” He forced both hands through his hair. “Those are pretty severe assumptions, Alexa.”
“Then tell me what happened, Tyler. Be honest, if that’s even a possibility.” For seconds, he was silent, then he took my arm and lifted me from the couch. With his strong hands on my shoulders forcing me to look at him, I fought to break away. His grip only tightened.
“Alexa, fucking look at me.”
I shoved at his chest again
“I hurt your cousin. I’m guilty for that. I should have never gotten involved. It was obvious from the beginning that she wanted something I wasn’t willing to give, and I waited too long to end things. For that, angel, I’m truly sorry. But I did not inflict pain on her. Not in the way you think. I never pushed her into any fucking thing she didn’t ask for. She wanted submission, Alexa. Your cousin pleaded with me. She thrived on pain.” He lifted my chin upward with his finger again, his face wrenching with grief.
“I didn’t know Becca that well, angel. I don’t know why she did the things she did. Either believe in me … or don’t.”
“Is that it, Tyler? Your story … it’s still not good enough. I need to know exactly what possessed my cousin to kill herself. Her family needs closure. And I need you to admit that you lead a Dom lifestyle. That you never intended on spending more than twelve weeks with me. I need to hear the words from your mouth.”
I turned away, feeling defiled by a man who had made me feel better than I’d ever felt before. Who I’d sadly developed real feelings for when his were nothing but temporary. I waited for the obvious response that I already knew.
“Alexa, stop turning away. Look at me.” His fingers felt warm as they brushed the side of my sticky cheek. For seconds, my strength withered, remembering those same fingers brushing my body as his thick lips kissed my neck. My vision of something real was nothing but imaginary.
His palms cupped my face. “Angel, yes. I lead a Dominant lifestyle. And I generally only spend twelve weeks or less with a sub. This is something we need to discuss. But I don’t know why Becca would do something like this. And Katherine sure as fuck doesn’t have anything to do with my personal life. I give you my word I’ll take care of her.”
“Okay,” I choked out, tears building again.
I turned and walked to the door. Tyler didn’t try stopping me, which felt worse than any of the words I’d just heard.
“I know this is all kinds of fucked up, Alexa. And either you stand beside me or you walk away, but know this—I will find out what happened to Becca.”
Seconds of silence that seemed closer to an eternity lingered in the air like a thick fog before finally, I closed Tyler’s door and left his house.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Alex
“Crap,” I screamed at the sound of my ringing phone, swiping at the small trace of blood on my forehead. “Double crap!”
Cleaning out my bathroom cabinet sucked. But then so did everything else. I stood up and glanced in the mirror at the small cut over my brow, pretty confident it would leave a scar. I lowered the volume on my Bluetooth speaker.
“Hi, Maci.”
“Hey, Alex. I stopped by the restaurant to pick up lunch for the office. Are you sick?” She knew I never took time off. Knew I couldn’t afford that luxury.
“Nah, I’m not sick. I just needed a little me time. I just needed to…” Before I could finish getting the words out, tears kicked in.
“Alex, what’s going on? I’m coming over.”
“No. You don’t have to come over,” I said between sobs. Too depressed for my body to handle, it felt like a ton of bricks rested behind my chest. Everything hurt.
“Fuck, Maci. I’m so tired of crying. I’m just so tired of everything.” I pressed a hand against my forehead at an oncoming headache. Between all the hours of crying and emotions that had stormed through my head the last week, combined with more reading I’d done on BDSM and dominance until all hours of the night, I was at a complete lack of ideas on what to do next. Images of Tyler with Becca sickened me. It made me feel physically ill.
Ridiculous to think he hadn’t been with other women, I was no angel either. His cock wasn’t the first I’d sucked bone dry. Even though Ryan didn’t like performing oral on me, he never refused my head between his knees. But, I didn’t think it would be physically possible to erase images of Becca and Tyler being intimate from my head. And really, none of it mattered because just as he hadn’t been able to give my cousin what she needed, he never planned on giving it to me either. We were both nothing more than victims.
“Hey, Alex. It’s me here. Your best friend. Remember? The one that you tell everything to. Now, what the hell is going on? You never say fuck.”
I forced a small laugh at the sarcasm of her comment. I didn’t say the “F” word often, but in the week since I’d discovered the truth about Tyler, I found myself using it constantly.
“It’s just a lot of stuff, M. God, I just feel like my brain is in overload. It’s Becca. And work. And then there’s Tyler.” My words were shaky just mentioning his name, swiping at my running nose. “I’m twenty-five years old and still working as a freaking waitress. And I have a damn degree that I have no idea what to do with. What the hell is wrong with me?”
My chest raced. Every muscle in my body clenched. I felt like I was losing my complete shit. And maybe I was. Maybe that’s exactly what was happening. Was this how Tyler’s dad felt in the beginning of his meltdown?
“Stop, Alex. Come on. Just stop this.” Her voice was stern, and honestly, I didn’t feel like a sermon. Nonetheless, it was Maci. She was the best friend I had. And the only person I felt close enough to confide in.
“What’s going on? I talked to Justin this morning and he mentioned Tyler coming by the club last night. He said he seemed pre-occupied, but you know Justin. He didn’t say much else.”
“Tyler went to the club last night?” Not sure why the comment surprised me, for some crazy reason, I wanted to believe that maybe he hadn’t. “Maci, do you think he already has another sub?” The sound of her loud, dissenting sigh rustled me with disappointment.
“Oh, never mind. Justin wouldn’t ever say anything even if he did.”
“Alex! Clearly, Tyler wasn’t at the club to get laid. What’s happening here?”
“We broke up a week ago, Maci.” I clutched my stomach, fighting the urge to throw up Honey Nut Cheerios I’d eaten earlier. “Tyler is Becca’s mystery man, M. He was the Dom that my cousin killed herself over.”
For seconds, Maci was silent before she exaggeratedly asked, “What? Please tell me you aren’t serious. How the hell did Becca know Tyler? Son of a bitch! Justin fucking knew! The bastard knew we were trying to find out information on Becca and he didn’t tell me one single thing.”
“Maci, don’t blame Justin. You know he can’t give out information like that. Besides, you barely know him and he’s Tyler’s best friend.”
“I guess,” she whispered. “But how did you find out? Did Tyler tell you?”
“Tell me? Hell to the no. He didn’t tell me jack shit! The damn detectives sent me her journal and it was all there. Word by every descriptive word. All about meeting a doctor. Surprising him at work and sucking his dick dry. Going to a club with him and becoming his sub. Showing up with dog treats for Bono. Oh, and did I forget to mention he was her first? It was all there, Maci. Every damn bit of it.”
“Jesus Christ, Alex. I don’t even know what to say right now. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know right now, M. Honestly, I just want to pack my shit and get as far away from this town as I can. I want to go visit Mom and Dad, but I need the money. I can’t miss more work. Not getting a paycheck for this one week is gonna set me back.”
Pink Lilies (Beautiful People Book 1) Page 14
