I don’t know when it was I first noticed. Even if I weren’t in my present state of mind, there was no way of telling time in the hospital. As it was, days and weeks had lost their meaning after Mel’s appeal. It was all just one continual block of time. Day and night became one. It was hard to differentiate between the two when I was lost in a dark part of my mind where not even the light of the sun could penetrate.
A female nurse came into my room with a tray of food. She was in her late twenties, slim and fairly pretty. But it was her body I was interested in. Her natural scent was more powerful than any brand of perfume she could have worn. She set the tray of food on my bedside and took her leave. Hungrily I followed in her wake.
We were in another patient’s bedroom before I realised what I was doing. Feeling foolish, I ran back to my room and wondered what it meant. Sex might have been on my mind a hell of a lot in my teens but I’d never done anything like that. And I hadn’t given it much thought since Fiona’s death. The constant state of depression suppressed any such desires.
But suddenly I found I could think of little else. The instinct had grown as powerful as the unearthly hunger, and with a jolt I realised I’d been ready to rape the woman. As if I didn’t have enough to deal with. I would have found it funny before all this began, thinking it just a new kind of insanity, but I knew it was more serious than it sounds. If I couldn’t control myself I was going to be in a whole new lot of trouble. Of course, if I just gave into the urge and found a girl who wanted it, there was a good chance the instinct wouldn’t be so strong, though I wasn’t too sure about that. For all I knew these instincts could persist throughout the entire mating season. Yet even if the act of mating could help lessen my urges, I refused to give into the beast. It had killed Fiona. I wasn’t going to make anything easy for it after that. I was better than the wolf, I was stronger. It wouldn’t rule me. Besides, it was pretty sick that the monster considered humans as both prey and potential mates, in the absence of its own kind. I assumed that meant they could bear its children, something I couldn’t allow. I didn’t want to think about how many people would die if there were more of us roaming the streets.
My will power grew weaker by the day as the lupine instincts grew stronger. Roughly halfway through the month it reached its climax and there was little I could do to fight it. I might have remained human in form, but as the lupine instincts became more powerful, I became more bestial. It was like the wolf had taken over my mind and there wasn’t any human left. Some small part of me knew the lupine half of my mind was still separate, but the human half was becoming more like it every day, until the human was dead and only wolf remained.
At first it had been little things that showed signs of lupine behaviour. I grew hostile towards other males, shouting at them if they came too close. I had the urge to follow females around, particularly the nurse it had all started with, though I fought it before the behaviour could go any further. As the days passed, the shouting turned to snarling. Words made little sense anymore. I began to pace my room like a caged animal again. I pissed up the walls to mark my territory, losing the last of my self control, and then before I knew it I was wandering the hospital looking for a female in season. There weren’t any. A couple were just coming out of heat, and a couple just coming into heat, but somehow I knew they weren’t at the right stage yet to be sure of a pregnancy. So I broke out of the hospital through the window in my room. It was easier than it should have been. The glass wasn’t strong enough to withstand a blow from a werewolf, and long before anyone would find I was missing, I was loose on the streets.
Dusk came before I found what I was looking for. The scent was fresh, and I tracked her to a nightclub. I stepped inside but the scent became confused with so many others, lost in a sea of humans, and the sound of the music blasted into my ear drums, the beat throbbing painfully as it had before in wolf form. I howled in pain and frustration, but the animal sound was lost in the noise. Snarling, I backed away and waited just outside.
Hours passed and finally she emerged, alone. She was beautiful, curves in all the right places, her skin pale, her smooth blonde hair flowing down her back like water, spilling around her shoulders and onto her breasts, her blue sapphire eyes gleaming in the night.
I advanced towards her, growling softly with anticipation. She heard me coming and looked round. Spotting me she grinned, probably used to boys approaching her all the time. I paused as she spoke, trying to make sense of her words. Failing, I growled again and she laughed. She came closer and kissed me. She was playing with me but I didn't care. I snapped at her playfully and suddenly she drew back as a male voice called out something behind us.
"My boyfriend..." she gestured.
Though I didn't understand the words, I knew the meaning behind them and snarled, preparing for a fight as a boy advanced angrily towards me, older and more muscular than I was.
"That's my girl buddy, so you can back off," he said, fists raised.
Studying him for a moment, warily sizing him up, I gave no warning when I struck first. I drew back my fist and punched his nose, still snarling. He fell to the floor, crying out in surprise, as the girl stood watching us with interest. The guy quickly got to his feet, his nose a bloody mess, and we circled each other, then he punched me in retaliation but I blocked it with my arm. I punched him again and the fight was over in seconds, the force sending him back to the floor. Then I was standing over him, pinning him to the ground, my jaws around his throat. Terrified, he didn’t know what to do and squirmed, trying to wriggle free.
"You're insane! What do you want from me?" he screamed, afraid of what I would do next. Fortunately for him, he looked towards his girlfriend for help but to do so he had to tilt his head to the side, exposing more of his throat and underbelly, a sign of submission to my lupine instincts. I stood up and let him go. He ran off, his girlfriend forgotten, and I turned back to her. She seemed amused by me, and so she led me back to her house. Her parents were out and she had no siblings. We were alone, in her bedroom...
Wolves can remain 'tied' for up to thirty minutes. It didn't last that long.
I nearly lost myself in the pleasure and struggled to remain in human form. As it was, I still couldn’t control myself and was more wolf than human. While she moaned with pleasure, I bit her several times, often drawing blood. But afterwards the instinct to mate was satisfied, and gradually I regained what little humanity I had left. I didn’t know where I was and had little memory of the past few days, but I knew I should have been in the hospital. When I saw the girl lying in bed next to me I knew what it meant. Confused and afraid, I fled her house, though she begged me to stay.
I had no desire to return to the hospital now I was free of the place. Besides, the moon would soon be full and I’d only escape again. People would die regardless of where I was.
Mum was shocked to find me stood on the doorstep.
“Nick, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the hospital?” she asked.
“Don’t make me go back there Mum, please? I’m okay now, I promise,” I said. She looked like she was going to argue but she let me in. Mostly, I think she was just pleased to have me home. Dad wasn’t. Either he didn’t think I was ready to come home or he didn’t want me back. I didn’t give a damn either way. I wasn’t going back and a mere mortal like him couldn’t make me.
Chapter Seventeen
A New Crisis
February soon became March. People had died during the full moon as I knew they would. More disturbing was the fact that the horror seemed to have lessened slightly. It was still there, but numbed a little as if I had taken a painkiller that wasn’t very effective. As if I’d taken something just to take the edge off but not strong enough to completely nullify it all.
Back at school, they wouldn’t leave me alone. The rumour that I had been taken to a mental hospital had spread like wildfire. Everyone wanted to know what was it like, had I been in a straitjacket, had they sedated me? Somehow they
didn’t have trouble believing I’d been insane. Some were still scared of me, others found it funny. When I wouldn’t talk about it, more rumours spread. They told their mates I’d said what they wanted to believe, and there were more stories flying round than I care to remember.
We learnt we were to have our TB jabs some time that month. They wouldn't tell us when, knowing some of us would have skived to avoid the injections. But we didn't have to wait long, for that Wednesday we were sent to the hall where the nurses awaited us. I felt like I’d seen enough of nurses to last me a lifetime.
While waiting in the queue outside we were given forms to fill in. I was one of the first into the hall. A nurse beckoned me over to her and motioned for me to sit down. She asked me a few questions, like if I had any allergies, was I on drugs, did I drink, and then rolled up my sleeve.
I’ve never been good with needles. No matter how hard I try not to look, I always end up watching, and even before the needle touches my skin I end up fighting them. Usually I would win unless a couple of people held me down. The odds would be different this time with my lupine strength, though I was hoping it wouldn’t come to that. People were already giving me more attention than I wanted; I could just imagine their reaction if they saw me struggling. They’d call me insane and say I wasn’t safe, that I should be locked up again in the padded cell. They’d say that I was a danger to them and myself and they would be right.
I took a deep breath and tried to relax. I looked away until I sensed her bringing the syringe closer and my eyes were drawn towards it. The needle drew closer to my arm, glinting in the morning light. I could’ve sworn I could already feel it sliding under my skin, its contents being forced into my bloodstream. Then would come the unpleasant feeling that the needle was still stuck inside my arm once it had been withdrawn, which was in fact the liquid, slowly dispersing into my blood. This was the point where I usually started to struggle, though I was determined to be still that day. But now I was also half wolf, and I guess the wolf didn't like needles either. It also knew what was coming, and the combined fear almost drove me mad again. With an animal cry I tore my arm from the nurse’s grasp and pushed her backwards. She cried out in surprise as she fell to the floor, the needle embedding deep in her thigh. The fall caused it to snap, leaving most of its length stuck in the muscle. I swore, realising what I had done, and ran from the room to catcalls of “Loony!” and the like. Just as I’d predicted, people were already gossiping about it, saying I should be locked away again. It was hard to pick out individual voices in the babble. I didn’t know whether my friends believed the rumours or whether they would defend me. I hoped so, otherwise I was truly alone and I couldn’t deal with that.
In the corridor outside, I leaned against the wall with my eyes shut, panting, until the sound of someone approaching caused my eyes to snap open again. A girl from my year was coming towards me, one I felt I should remember though she was in none of my classes. But I couldn't put a name to her face. And yet the feeling that she was vaguely familiar would not go away. She obviously recognised me, however, as she walked up towards me and said "I'm pregnant, I thought you should know."
I looked at her confused and asked "Do I know you?"
She sighed impatiently and said "Don't you remember any of it? February fifteenth, we met outside a nightclub. You were obviously drunk from the way you were acting. You fought with my boyfriend and then we went back to my place, I'm sure I don't need to remind you of the rest."
"Oh God," I moaned.
"Oh God is right. I checked the dates. You're the father."
"Are you sure you're pregnant?"
"Yes, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't!"
"Then you've got to have an abortion," I told her.
"This is our child we’re talking about. I'm not killing it!"
"You must. Trust me on this. If that monster is allowed into the world innocent people will die. You have to kill it!" I was getting desperate, the thought of the trail of corpses it would leave in its wake twisting my guts with fear. “Please, you have to kill it before it’s too late!”
"I’ve no idea what you’re talking about or why you’re talking like this but I'm not murdering an innocent child and that's final!" she said. "I don't know why I bothered telling you. You're all the same, you only want one thing! Then when you get it you want nothing more to do with us." She walked off.
"Please, don't do this!" I called after her. "You'll regret it! You think you'll be able to love it? You'll hate it. You have to kill it!"
She shot me the finger in reply and disappeared around the corner. I couldn’t believe the wolf had picked someone in school. It couldn’t have picked a complete stranger, someone I would never see again. I could have been blissfully unaware of the thing growing in her womb.
She had to think me insane from the way I’d reacted, her and the rest of the school. People were taking the liberty of pointing me out to their friends and whispering rumours to them. I realised I’d blown it. If I hadn’t have panicked maybe it would have gone differently, maybe not. There was no way of knowing. But calling the baby a monster sounded insane, even to me. Anyone who didn’t know the truth would not understand why I would call it that.
"Shit!" I said and banged a fist against the wall in frustration. And just when I didn’t want them to, a teacher appeared.
Needless to say my language didn't go down too well, and the episode with the injections had landed me straight in isolation. Indifferent to this latest dose of school discipline, I followed the teacher up the stairs to the IT floor and into the isolation room. I was sat at a desk with wooden boards either side of me so that I couldn't see or talk to the other students, and given some work to do.
The time passed slowly, my mind on the girl and the monster I had spawned. I realised I didn't even know her name. Not that it mattered; the thing she was carrying was all that was important. I had to find a way to get rid of it before it was born, but if she refused to have an abortion how could I kill it? I could see no way to force her without showing her what I really was, which was suicidal if I didn’t want the Slayers to find me. And now I had something to live for, I wasn’t going to let them get to me first. I had to kill that baby somehow. If I left it until after the thing was born, it would be virtually impossible. Unless the Slayers would do it for me, but if its birth went unnoticed until the first few bodies started turning up it would already be too late. No, I had to take care of this myself.
The girl wouldn’t let me near her again after the way I’d acted, and she’d be in a hospital surrounded by doctors and nurses when the baby was born, too many witnesses. Once she was home there might be a chance, if her family disowned her, disgusted at her for getting pregnant while she was still a child herself. But I’d rather not leave it that long. That left only one other option: kill the girl before the pregnancy could reach full term and the unborn baby would die with her. That was something I knew I couldn’t do. There was always the chance of a miscarriage but I didn't hold out much hope for that. Unable to see how to resolve the problem, I decided to follow her over the next nine months and do what I could, and if no other way presented itself I'd be forced to kill her and the monster we had created, though the thought of this filled me with little comfort. I'd be killing one to save many but I didn’t know whether I would be able to kill in cold blood when it came down to it. I could plan to do it if I became really desperate, but actually doing it was another thing entirely. Still, I could follow her for the time being and hope a better idea would present itself.
My mind made up, I began to follow the mother of our child whenever I could, starting as soon as I got out of isolation. Or that was the plan, but she’d already gone home. I couldn’t remember the way to her house and I still hadn’t learned to pick out her scent amongst the hundreds of others. How I had done it that night when I first found her I had no idea. I’d been more animal than human, otherwise I would never have been able to find the right female to mate, let alone tr
acked her down. My sense of smell was still pretty overwhelming. Sound I was learning to deal with, but without the wolf’s help I wouldn’t be able to make the most of scent. It might seem easy to you, but imagine being in a crowd of ten thousand people, all shouting and screaming to each other, and then imagine trying to pick up a single voice from the other end of the crowd. That’s what it felt like. If I’d really taken note of her scent earlier that day, maybe I could have tracked her without the wolf’s help, but by then the trail would be faint and lost in all the other scents. I had no choice but to go home and spend another sleepless night worrying about the monster she was soon to bring into this world.
The weeks passed, the full moon came and went, and it became clear the thing would be born, regardless of how much I pleaded with her to be rid of it. More worrying, the pregnancy was already far more advanced than it should have been, or so it seemed. She already had a noticeable bump. If I was going to do something I would have to do it much sooner than I had expected. God knows what the hospital thought, assuming she’d been for a check up.
So I awaited the fated day with growing dread, so afraid of what would be spawned that day that I barely noticed the deaths I had caused at full moon. That should have bothered me too. Maybe I was just too afraid of the new evil soon to enter this world, or maybe I was too distanced from the pain to care. Even now, I’m not sure which it was.
And then it came, on the twenty second of April, exactly sixty three days since it first began; the gestation period for most species of wolf.
She was aware of me following her that day, and doubled back down an alley in an attempt to lose me. She’d already threatened me with the police once. And there I emerged from the shadows to find her bent over in agony. It had begun.
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