by Holt, Leah
Whatever it takes, she'll be mine.
I'd never in my life felt such a drive to have one single thing. As a kid, I'd followed everyone else. I never went for what I really wanted.
I had spent an entire lifetime trying to please others with what I thought they wanted.
When I got here, things changed.
To have no one but yourself is a lonely and yet fulfilling feeling. This place gave me the ability to find myself, a chance to truly think about what I wanted for once.
And now, what I wanted was Charlie. Her entire body had overrun my brain, to the point where no other thoughts flowed. I pictured my hands running through her hair and softly down her neck.
Her collar bone... It makes my cock so fucking hard.
That part of a woman's body is the sexiest, it's always made me tremble inside. I can't help but want to nibble on it.
I could see it the other day. The shiny, red silk blouse she wore had slipped to the side, exposing her bare skin. I wanted to make her body shiver, feel her flesh sweat from the arousal I'd cause.
Was all of this just because I hadn't been around a woman for so long?
It had to be. Why else would I lust for a stranger so quickly?
The muffles around me grew louder. I lifted my head to watch my surroundings for a moment. One of the guards to my left yelled at the cluster of guys in the back corner. I couldn't make out exactly what was going on, I just assumed it was a fight.
There was a lot of that around here, one testosterone driven man against the next.
The yelling intensified until one of the guards intervened. It took the guard threatening to spray them with mace before the crowd dispersed.
Once the multitude of voices faded to a normal volume, the men scattered around the cafeteria; back into their self-imposed separation.
I looked down at my food, prodding it. I wasn't interested in the commotion, I'd never egged on a fight or involved myself in any disputes.
Normally, this whole meal would be gone in a blink. I was eager to go back to my cell to get away from these animals. But my appetite today was invisible, the grumbles I would normally hear in my gut didn't exist lately.
Charlie filled me, she replaced my need to eat—to drink. I had to have her or I'd starve.
Somehow, I'll claim her for myself.
Otherwise, it was likely I'd go insane... if I didn't starve first.
“Hey, Owen, you see that man?” The voice rose from behind my right shoulder. I didn't answer at first. I'd heard him, but I had been so far in my own head I had to climb back out.
“Owen? You alright, man?” The speaker was a tall, slender man with a nose half the size of his own face. He called himself Vince, and embezzlement was his crime of choice.
His hair was kept short and tight against his head and he had a high-class walk. He always held his arms around his waist, like he was carrying a stack of books.
That's a habit you get as an accountant or banker. It didn't matter what the actual job was, so long as it involved wearing a suit and a lot of money.
After spending so much time here I had a general idea of what any new comer had done previously in their life before. It was all in how they carried themselves. They wore their status in their stride and appearance.
“What?” I asked as I tried to pull myself to the present and focus on the figure next me.
“Did you see that? Fucking Ricardo,” Vince said, the last part under his breath.
“Nah, I didn't and I don't really care to.” It wasn't my problem, if it didn't involve me I didn't give a shit. I wasn't here to make friends, my only worry was escaping.
“That guy is such a fucking asshole. He really thinks he's in charge of everyone here. Trying to push the new guy around, I don't get it.” He began to examine the 'steak' that rested on his tray. “I bet this is rat. There's no way this is an actual piece of meat. I get that we're in here for punishment, but come on. I wouldn't even feed this to a stray dog.” He poked his food as if he expected it to jump off his plate and runaway.
“Yeah, well, it's better than nothing,” I said.
“Really? Because the way you're staring at it makes me doubt you.” Vince let out a deep, raspy laugh, closing his eyes and shoving the unknown piece of meat into his mouth.
I sat quietly, still focused on Charlie as Vince rambled on and on about what he used to eat. The filets, the caviar, all the expensive cuisines that most people couldn't ever afford.
My head nodded as if I was listening, but inside, her face loomed. I couldn't wait to see her again, it was unbearable. I felt obsessed with these mental images, I wanted to see her now.
When we'd been together last, I'd thought about running my hand up her thigh and over her curves. The chance had been there, she'd come so close to me when her pen had fallen.
I wanted to know what it felt like to have her lips touch mine. Would they be as soft as velvet?
“Hey, you there?” Vince asked, his words cutting into my daydream.
“What?” I snapped.
“I said I heard Ricardo has been causing a lot of problems with that guy Chris, supposedly he's planning something, not sure what yet, but I guess he doesn't like him. I was told he thinks Chris needs to learn a lesson, he doesn't like his mouth.” He chewed, his jaw open to expose his teeth grinding down.
I found it ironic that someone with so much class and refinery ate like such a pig.
“I don't really care what Ricardo does, so long as he doesn't bother me,” I said.
Ricardo was here for double homicide, he'd gotten two life sentences. He'd already been here for more than twenty years. When this is all you have, you feel the need to own it.
He'd once tried to 'show me my place.' It didn't work in his favor. The guy ended up at the infirmary, while I endured a few days in solitary.
I hated that fucking place.
After I came out of confinement, Ricardo never glanced crookedly in my direction again. The guy in charge had been knocked off his high horse; my status here was set.
From that point on, no one messed with me. People who had previously snuffed my existence gave me praise. Those who were weak attempted to gain my friendship.
For the first time ever, I was not the man in the shadows.
I had been recognized.
“You say that now,” Vince scoffed. “But when something goes down you'll probably care. I get it, just don't cry to me later that you missed out on something good, I know how sensitive you are,” Vince said as he let out a chuckle.
I laughed slightly at this; he was good for that, always busting my balls. “I'm pretty sure you're the one who's sensitive. If I remember right, didn't you cry when we watched Bambi?”
“No! I had something in my eye, I told you.” He shook his head while looking down at his plate.
“Oh yeah, that's right, the eye issue. I forgot that,” I said with a laugh.
“And even if I did, there are some sad moments in that movie! Maybe I'm just a man in tune with my softer side.” He motioned his hand towards his heart.
“I'm sure that's it,” I said with over the top sympathy. Vince gave me a dirty look.
The bell sounded to end our dinner and the guards did their ritual line up to escort us all back to our cells. Vince stood behind me as we walked back. I could hear him breathing from his nose, it sounded like a mouse squealing between two pillows.
His cell was to the left of mine, so I knew that noise well. It used to bother me but after so many years, I was used to it.
The bars clanked shut and the guard released my cuffs. I rubbed my wrists to ease the soreness. The assholes always put those things on too tight.
I wondered if I would still feel their presence once I was free. Didn't they have a name for that, phantom sensations or something? Like when you lost a limb, but could still 'feel' it attached to you?
As I sat on my bed, her face appeared in my mind. Charlie seemed to satisfy my need for relief, an escape
from my own demons. She was magnetized, drawing me in the more time we spent together.
She's amazingly tough, I thought to myself. It took a lot to handle a guy like me, I knew that for sure. I hadn't been easy on her, but in spite of that, she kept returning to our meetings.
Her ability to handle me in the way she did... well, it turned me on.
My cock started to stiffen. I loved that she was fierce. It made me ache to break her down, to watch her give in. Challenges are the best damn thing.
She's determined, and she doesn't back down. When I'd told her I wouldn't talk about my brother, she still asked. Even after I lost my cool, she still questioned me.
Thinking about the heat that crossed her cheeks when I flirted with her about Mardis Gras caused my dick to rise in my pants. I grabbed the tip gently and squeezed. I was horny, I hadn't had a real woman in years.
I laid back and couldn't help but start to stroke my swelling shaft. I wanted to touch her body, I imagined her tits pressed against my chest, wondered if they were as firm as they looked.
There was a fierce need inside of me to feel her pussy warming from the touch of my fingers. I pulled my cock out to stroke it; it was solid, ready to be gripped firmly as my hand slid up and down.
I imagined I was back at her office, no chains, full range of motion with both arms. I wanted to grab her and pull her in, run my thumb down her cheek and over her chin. I would see her lip glisten after her tongue ran over it, ready for me to kiss her.
Quicker, I pumped my shaft, picturing how I'd grab her blouse and tear it from her breasts, exposing her soft, supple nipples for me to suck. I wanted to run my tongue over each one, feel them harden against my lips. I could see her tilting her head back and moaning, wanting me to keep going.
My erection was in full force, my fist strengthened around my length. I pretended it was her hand wrapped around me, my eyes closing tight as the dream continued.
Charlie gripped forcefully around my hardened member, it was ready to explode. I could see myself sucking her tits, squeezing them between my hands, her body arching with excitement.
I would run my fingers over her stomach and across the top of her panties, teasing her, waiting for her to force my hand inside them. Her hips would sway with anticipation, my fingers reaching for her dripping pussy.
I have to fuck her, I need to feel that pussy wrapped around me.
Heat rippled down into my belly. Panting, I ground into my own palm with desperation. Groaning through my teeth, I fought to stay silent while the pleasure turned my core into a furnace.
Charlie... fuck, Charlie!
I exploded all over my hand. The warm ooze flowed down my palm, tension leaving me in waves. Shit! I thought as I realized I hadn't prepared for this self gratification, I had no rag for clean up.
Fuck it. Doesn't really matter, it's just me in here.
My body was loose through every muscle; a good hand job does wonders for the mind. I would have preferred having Charlie in the flesh, but the fantasy would do for now.
I can't leave here without making her mine at least once. I'll get what I want, I need her. That woman was all I dreamed about from the moment I woke till I drifted into sleep.
She's going to be a challenge, but one I'll conquer.
I shifted around until I found a sock stuffed between the bed and the wall. This will do. I cleaned my hand and threw the sock down next to the sink.
It was late, the lights had gone out a little while ago, but no hint of exhaustion rested in my body. My mind was in a state of turmoil over how strongly I wanted Charlie, how essential it was for me to have her.
I couldn't leave here without getting my way with her.
I wanted more... so much more.
But once would have to do.
All these years I'd waited for the day I would be free, that was what drove me. Charlie drove me now, she gave me energy and desire and too much heat inside my body.
I had thought my lust for freedom could never be shadowed by anything else.
I was wrong.
Chapter Five
Charlie
The chime went off as I entered the Coffee Bean. I had an hour before I needed to be at work. A good friend of mine, Sara, was meeting me here so we could catch up some.
I had gone to school with her, we'd had a class on group therapy together. After school she'd moved here, to Greene.
Seeing her would be a relief. It's a good feeling, having a friend so far from home.
I glanced around the room, looking for her recognizable red mane. I'd never been here before. The walls were pasted with famous people, bright red chairs were perched at every table. There were multiple outlets against the walls of each nook.
This place has some character for a coffee chain.
“Hey, Charlie! Over here!” Her loud New Yorker accent filled the room. Sara stood and waved me over. Every head in the coffee house turned, their attention on me and my friend. Around here, the folks were quiet and reserved.
They weren't ready for women like Sara.
Sara had a very different type of personality for this area; she was bold and outspoken. Here, everyone talked behind closed doors. It was an old school town were whispers crept as you walked by.
We both had a tendency to say too much. I think that's what made us such good friends.
“Hey lady, how are things?” she said as she leaned in for a hug.
“Ah, they're good I guess.” My nose wrinkled when I spoke the words. I had so much conflict with the feelings I had for Owen. I knew I couldn't tell her about it. It was unethical for me to have any desire for him at all. Unethical, and illegal.
But I couldn't stop thinking about him.
She blinked, holding me by the shoulders. “What's wrong?”
“It's nothing really, just the usual stuff. New job, new town, new boss. A whole lot of changes for a southern girl.”
“Yeah, well, it could be worse,” she said with a hollow laugh. “You could be in the midst of an ugly break up, like myself.” Sara released me, toying with her hair. “Frigging jerk, doesn't call me for two days and I'm the bad guy. I don't think so.”
I bit back a small smile. “Isn't this the third or fourth time you guys split?”
“It's the third, but that's not the point!”
Eyeing her pout, I shook my head and chuckled. “You really are something. Well, I'm sure you guys will work it out.” As much as the world around me might have changed, other things stayed the same.
“Yeah, we probably will,” she said. “I guess I love him. A little.” Her laugh echoed through the building. Again, every set of eyes turned to us. “So tell me about your new job, how do you like it? I can't believe you're working there. That prison is creepy, even from the outside.”
I watched her pour three sugars into her coffee and sip it. “Still have a sweet tooth, huh?” I had to say it, the woman had been sweetening everything for years, even her vegetables. It was no wonder she was so high strung.
“Ha! Yeah. It's good, I swear. I don't just do it to help me get through the morning.” Sara squinted at me, pointing with her coffee cup. “Don't change the subject. How's work?”
“I like it, it's definitely different. I don't really care for the warden, but overall it's going well.” I wanted to yell, I have a crush on an inmate! I can't get him out of my head! But I couldn't do that. She would definitely disapprove, and probably smack me.
Maybe I should tell her, I could use a good slap to bring me back to reality.
Even the mere idea of touching—god, fucking—Owen was breaking a major rule for patient and doctor relationships. I really wished I could tell someone what was going on in my head.
“That's it, huh? That's the reason you give me when I can see things for you suck face? I don't buy it. When you're ready to tell me, let me know.” She sipped her espresso and rolled her eyes. Sara knew me too well, she'd realized I wasn't being honest.
I sighed violently. “It's
complicated, let's just leave it at that.”
We spent the rest of the time catching up on her social life and laughing about our college days. It felt good to have my mind redirected for the moment. I was relieved to be thinking about something other than him.
Yet, he still weighed on my thoughts. The issue was just paused for the moment.
Glancing up, I saw the room was clearing. The morning coffee rush was over, but that meant... “Shit! What time is it? I have to be at work for eleven.” I glanced down at my phone and saw I had fifteen minutes to get to the prison. “I have to go, sorry! We need to do this again!” I stood up swiftly and frantically grabbed my things.
She jumped up, sticking her arms in her coat. “I have to go too, I'll walk out with you.”
We exited to the street, getting blasted by the cool air. The snow fell at a steady pace, a thick layer already covered the ground. The road was hardly visible beneath the white blanket that coated it.
“I'm over there.” I pointed to the right. Just then, I noticed a small dog briskly walking across the street in my peripheral vision. He looked mangy, most likely a stray.
Poor thing stuck out in the cold. I hated seeing pets without a home. Who would abandon an animal like that?
My ears pricked at the sound of tires squealing. In front of me, a car slid into the intersection. I knew something was wrong when it twisted, losing traction as it glided on the snow.
I watched in slow motion as it barreled towards the defenseless dog.
No!
I threw my purse down and burst into the road. I pushed myself, desperately trying to reach the dog before the inevitable happened. There was no care for my own safety. In that moment, all that mattered was the frail animal.
I'll save it, I have to! Oh god, please!
My eyes grew large and my heart raced as I watched the dog make a feeble attempt to run out of the way. His small feet tried to scramble, but the icy conditions made it impossible.
A high pitched whimper split the air.
I was too late.
The car slid into a snow bank, coming to a halt with a metallic crunch.
