by Shyla Colt
“Xia.”
Stopping, I glance over my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
The two words I’ve longed to hear, do little to repair the fissures that have occurred in our relationship. Too little too late, with no action to fix the damage done.
“Me too.” I walk out feeling stronger. I’m convinced now more than ever that the steps I’m taking are the right ones for me. It’s nearly a foreign concept, doing things where I place myself first. That saddens me. The tinge of guilt clings tightly to the self-involved thoughts running through my head. I struggle against my desire to people please. It’s now or never. If I don’t choose myself, how can I ever expect anyone else to? We all have our scars and burdens to bear. I refuse to remain imprisoned by mine.
***
“Jas, I think I screwed up.”
“With what?” she asks, peering up from the Little Mermaid tank top in her hand.
“Shayne.”
She smiles. “So, we’re talking about him again? I thought you said he’d been a good boy since you went out?”
“He has. That’s not it.”
“Okay?” She inclines her head.
I sigh. “The dynamics are different between us.”
“I’d think that would be a good thing. It’d be miserable if you couldn’t get along.”
I think of the flutters in my stomach when his body brushes mine, and the way my heart speeds when he jokes. We’ve created our own world in the truck, and I like it more than I should.
“It is, and it isn’t.”
“Okay, Riddler. Do you want to be more specific?” Jas asks, exasperated.
“He’s …” My tongue ties and I shake my head as I try to explain his charisma and wit. “Charismatic and attractive, and we’re in a small space working closely together.”
“Oh my God. Are you admitting to having less than honorable feelings for him?”
“Jasmine.”
She laughs. “Ohhh hoo. You’re breaking out the full name.”
“This is a mess.”
“Is it effecting your ability to do your job?”
“No.”
“Then why not just enjoy it?”
“Because I’m training him as my replacement. I’m going to leave, and it’ll be awkward. Besides, he’s not here forever.”
“Are you husband shopping?”
“No.”
“Then enjoy the moment.”
I shake my head. “What we have going is too intense to be casual, Jas. That night we went out was like a dream date because being with him felt right. It was easy. He got me when my own family doesn’t. He’s funny, charming, and so sexy, my ovaries tremble when he talks in that baritone of his. He has an alpha vibe. I like it. God, I can’t believe I’m saying that.” I cover my face, embarrassed.
“Wait. You who likes to refer to alpha as alpha-holes. Why is Shayne different?”
“He doesn’t try. He just is, and I’m drawn to that strength and confidence. I’d even say I admire it. He does what he wants on his terms, and not in a ‘screw everyone else to get it done’ way. In a ‘take me as I am’ way. When he pushes, it’s a gentle nudge, an urge to stretch myself beyond the tight perimeters I’ve set into place.”
“And that’s everything you’ve longed to do for years. I think he’s good for you. There’s no coincidence that the universe gave you exactly what you need right now. You’re supposed to be changing things up, so go with the flow on this one.”
“Jas—”
“No, listen to me. What’s the worst that can happen? You’re not eloping.”
“I don’t do casual sex.”
“She tsks. Dirty girl. I never even mentioned sex.”
“Believe me, there’s no need to say it. It’s always there between us.” My body grows warm as I think of his heated stare, and that perfect mouth I want to taste.
“Oh, I bet it is.”
“Jas.”
She giggles. “Look, if it’s not going away, maybe there’s a reason for that.”
“Yeah, hormones and a tiny space.”
“Hmm.”
I growl. She’s not buying a word I say. With good reason. “I hate it when you make that noise.”
“What? You know I won’t lie to you.”
“You haven’t even seen us together.”
“Yeah, we should really fix that soon.”
“Please don’t embarrass me. I have to see this man every day.”
“All I’m saying is now is the time for gambles. You’re already going out on a limb. What’s one more risk? He could be the love of your life, and you’ll never even know it if you block him out.”
“You really believe that could be a possibility?” I ask.
“I’m issuing you a challenge. Be as adventurous with your personal life as you are with your professional one.”
Her words make a connection click inside me. She’s right. I’m putting everything on the line for Magical Munchies. I have T-shirts coming, social media accounts set up, and my first contest ready to launch. The fans will be choosing the name of the mascot, a unicorn who will be on the side of the truck, on T-shirts, magnets, and all advertisement. What’s one more daring decision when an ocean of change is sweeping its way through my life and altering everything?
Her words resonate with me. “I’ve been thinking of taking the plunge with hair dye.”
“Yes! It’s past time.”
“My family is going to hit the roof of the food truck,” I mumble.
“Let them. It’s your time, Xia. Don’t think you switched the subject on me either.”
I roll my eyes. “Why would I think that? You’re like a flipping elephant. You never forget anything.”
“Which is lucky for you, because I know just the right person for your hair. Let’s call her and see if we can get you in for an appointment.”
Fear grabs me. What will everyone think? How will I be perceived? Am I ready for this? I battle the anxiety creeping in. I need to step out of this mold pre-made for me and become the Xia I see in the mirror begging to escape this life. I’ve subdued and denied enough.
“Let’s do it.” The old me is singing her swan song. There’s no place for her in the new life I’m working on creating.
Four hours later, I step out of the salon with dark green hair. This is the time for boldness. Go big or go home has never applied to me more than it does during this time in my life. I’m going to make up for all the chances I haven’t taken over the years.
***
Shayne
“How are things going, working boy?” Stone teases.
I roll my eyes as I pop the top on a beer. “Busy and exhausting, but good. It’s a whole new world inside a cage, Prez.”
Stone’s chuckle reminds me of my childhood. He was always a pretty jovial type, until you pissed him off, which we all try not to do.
“You learning a lot?”
“I am. He’s got his daughter, Xia, training me.”
“Make sure your charming personality doesn’t get you chased out of town.”
“She’s not the type to let that situation ever happen.”
“Might be a good thing,” he says.
I keep my mouth shut. The less he suspects, the better.
“I know that trick. Silence keeps you from admitting things one way or another. You got something going with this girl?”
What the hell? Is he a mind reader? “I’m working on it.” Better to admit it now than him to find out later and think I lied.
“Seems like risky business, messing with the boss’s daughter.”
“She’s worth it, and I’ll be discreet.”
“You can go down to the clubhouse and get your dick wet, kid. No need to dip into the store.”
&nb
sp; “That’s not what I’m looking for with her. That’s not what this is about all.”
“Does she know about your affiliation?” His voice turns stern.
“No. You know I can keep my mouth shut.”
“I know you can, son. That’s not where the problem comes in. Our life isn’t easy, and it’s important to know where your woman stands.”
I don’t even know where I stand with the club. How can I talk to her about it?
“That’s a long way down the road if ever.”
“Happens fast and hard for most of us. Best to be aware.”
“I hear you.”
“Sure you do.” His skepticism-laden tone makes me laugh.
“The whole lot of you are hard-headed little shits who are making me old before my time. It’s a wonder I don’t have a head full of white hair already. It’s like having too many sons to try and wrangle and teach right from wrong.”
“We keep you young, old man.”
“Ha, that’s what you tell yourself. What do you need from me on my end to help get the business ready?”
“Marketing research.”
“What now?” he asks.
“Xia is their marketing guru. She says it’s important to know what the locals like, what the current food trucks are selling, their prices, and what hole in the industry you can fill. It’s a difficult sweet spot to hit, but once you do it’s profit time.”
“Damn, you’ve really have been listening, haven’t you?” Stone asks. “I’m impressed.”
“Impossible not to soak it up when it’s repeated constantly. I can see why they’re successful. They had a reputation to launch from, but it’s the way they approach business that’s carried them so far.”
“I have to get some of the younger kids on this. I have no clue what these young fools around here want, and even less patience to find out.”
“Who do you have in mind?” I ask, thinking of the women in the club who don’t already have a career.
“Me? I got no clue. I’ll put one of the boys on to it. They got old ladies now. They’ll know who’ll be a good fit for this. I’m the banker. He’s not the one who gets his hands dirty.”
I snicker. We’re truly entering into a whole new phase. The club is growing in leaps and bounds. Brothers are getting hitched, becoming fathers, and running legitimate companies. We’ll never lose our edge, but survival has become about blending in, keeping the illegal operations far underground, and staying small enough to stay off the radar of the FBI. The local cops can only look the other way as long as we keep them from having a reason to dig deeper.
It’s crafting a new way of life. In another ten years, we won’t look anything like the original club. It’s not a bad thing. I think it’s a plus. We’re seeing power houses dwindle and die out, while we continue to remain. It makes me proud of the legacy we’re continuing to uphold. We’ll never be saints, but we are learning. The change to the by-laws that stopped the restriction on members strictly based on race showed that we could be better.
“When you get a chance, I want you to swing by the L.A. Chapter I want you to talk the V.P., Knuckles, and be my eyes and ears. Internal shit is about to go down there, and I want you aware of it. We’re going to have a change of power, and I’m not sure how well that’ll go over. I had Wizard down to whip them in to shape, and he noticed some weak points. I’m not going to punish all of them because Big isn’t on his job.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah. They had their time to get things straightened out. I ain’t impressed or feeling benevolent. A leader who can’t control his men is dangerous. There are too many wolves in that hen house, and we need to flush them out.”
“Did something happen?” I ask.
“Nothing that you don’t know about, I’m not going to wait around for the next offense.”
“You think they’re coming to right the wrong they feel Psycho did by raising Calla?”
“I believe them sneaking up here to spend time with Billie when Calla’s due to come out this year is a red flag I’d be a fool to ignore. We’re not losing anyone else on my watch.” The determination in Stone’s voice is clear.
“I’ll get down that way this weekend.”
“Good, they’ll be expecting you. Play it cool, visit with them, and keep it casual.”
Even here, duty calls. Talking one-on-one with Stone reminds me of the best part of the Kings of Chaos—family that’s always there to listen, guide, and kick your ass when necessary.
***
“What did you do?” Ellis asks.
I look up from the fryer I’m setting up for the day toward the entrance where Xia is boarding. Her curly locks are a deep green that stand out against her golden brown skin.
“What you’ve never seen hair dye before?” she counters.
“Tell me that’s a washout,” Ellis says.
“Well, I would, but I’m not in the habit of lying.”
“I think you look amazing.” The words are out before I can think of the consequences.
“I’m glad you went ahead with it. I know you’ve wanted to dye it for years,” Casper says.
“I figured it was time to take the plunge.” She shrugs.
Ellis shakes his head. “I don’t want to be there when Dad see’s it.”
“Guys, I’m almost thirty, not thirteen.”
“I don’t think it matters to him, though,” Casp says.
“Then I guess it’s time he gets over it. You too, Ellis. Crack jokes about my hair and watch how quick I go on strike.”
“Don’t even joke about that, Xi.”
“Then keep your trap shut. I have been bullied by the two of you long enough.”
“Bully is such a strong word,” Casp replies.
“You call it character building, and I’ll knee you in the balls and then walk out. You can run the truck with a three-man crew. It wouldn’t be fun, but I’ve got confidence in my trainee. Maybe we should do a stress test.”
“No,” Ellis and Casp yell.
She smirks. “Thought so.” There’s an extra sway to her hips as she makes her way inside. The self-assurance calls me to her like a siren to a sailor at sea. The woman I first glimpsed in the depths of her dark gaze is emerging, and I’m lucky enough to have a front row seat.
“Morning, Shayne. Thank you for the compliment.”
“Hey, Xia. I’m only speaking the truth.”
I feel Ellis’s gaze hot on my back. I ignore it. It’ll take more than an overprotective muscular pretty boy to deter me. They make her feel less than. I’m not okay sitting idly by while they do it.
“How’d you do without me here to help you this morning?”
“Good. It all felt like second nature. I guess your relentless training regimen was worth it in the end.”
“You got to trust me on this stuff.” She winks, and I stare.
“What?” she mouths.
I lean in. “You really do look beautiful with that hair.”
“Thank you.”
I lower my voice. “I’ll be dreaming about it against my white sheets.”
Her mouth forms an O.
“You should be proud. Ask Casp, he said I was starting to look like a pro,” I say loud enough for everyone to hear.
“He did good, baby sister. Your training speaks for itself.”
I don’t miss the emphasis on baby sister. Everyone has to grow up sometime. We all fall into an easy rhythm as we get the truck up and running. For once both brothers stay, making the day a little easier on all of us. The day is steady, and before I know it, it’s time for our mid-day break.
Lunch usually consisted of closing the truck down between lunch and dinner, restocking, and heading somewhere nearby. Ellis and Casp tend to stick to themselves. I observe them from our table outside the restaurant.
Huddled together over their food at a booth with pads out between them, they’re in their own world.
I nod my head toward them. “What’s the deal between the three of you?”
“Sibling rivalry. Don’t you have a brother?”
“I do, and for a long time we didn’t see eye to eye, so I recognize that tension in others. It comes from a different vein than the usual rivalry.”
She purses her lips, and I wait to see if she’ll let me in on her life.
“My dad made a deal with all of us. We go to school, get our degree, work the business, and he’ll invest in one of our ventures as long as we have a solid plan. He’s never wanted me to have my own truck. He’s old school South and thinks women should be in the home or handling the monetary and customer service side of things. I knew that. Still, I always thought deep down my hard work and dedication would show him how serious I was about owning my own piece of Fresco. I never thought twice about the boys getting Smoke. They were older, and they decided to go into the ring together. It made sense.”
“Smoke II was different.”
“Yeah, that should’ve been me all day long, and I don’t believe for a second they didn’t know it. Yet, they remained silent. It changed the way I viewed them. The way I saw everyone, my future, and myself. I told you I had a lot going on.”
“Don’t we all?” I ask.
She chuckles. “I doubt it.”
“I know what it feels like to fall out of your family’s good graces and become the odd man out. To question everything and wonder who you are now and who you want to be.”
“Is that what you’re doing here? Soul searching?”
“Among other things. I’m learning what I really want.”
“Are you going to be cliché and say me?”
Her deadpan makes me laugh. “The chance to find out is all I want.”
“Something tells me you’ve broken a lot of hearts.”
I shake my head.“Nah, never got deep enough for that.”
“At least you’re honest.”
“Where I’m from, integrity means everything. Lying and being unreliable is the kiss of death. The label will follow you to your grave. I wouldn’t waste my reputation on something that petty.” Nor did I have to. The woman who hung around knew the score. Not that I could tell her that. It would require an explanation I can’t give.
