And then BAM, there he was, in all his hot Texas glory, and suddenly the world made even less sense. It had been nearly a decade since I’d seen him last. A decade. Yet at the same time it felt like just yesterday. He was different now, older and more mature, yet somehow exactly the same all rolled into one. And his eyes, his voice, his mouth . . . Oh God, his mouth.
And what happened last night!
Suddenly, my heart tugged and I flung a bare arm up over my face, covering my eyes as humiliation washed over me once again. Jake’s rejection rose up to the surface, through the deep, murky waters of confusion and grief, and bobbed up and down screaming like a banshee demanding to be heard.
I swallowed a moan and rolled onto my side, pushing long, tangled hair away with my hand. What had I been thinking, kissing him like that? Well, technically he’d kissed me, but how could he not after I threw myself at him? Straddling his hips, the feel of his hard body between my legs, the catch of his breath as I—
Oh, God! Just stop it, would you?
I curled into the fetal position and squeezed my eyes shut, praying what happened in the loft had all been a dream. But I knew it hadn’t. Not with the way my body hummed now, as if it was hopped up on crack and fifty shades of lust.
For a long while after he left, I sat in a chair and stared out the window into the dark, my mind replaying the image of his truck driving away—and of it driving away ten years before. Jake said I’d broken his heart. That I’d broken his heart. Who would have thought? That entire summer I’d been consumed by the idea of him breaking mine, it never occurred to me it would be the other way around. I’d been so preoccupied by protecting myself I never once thought about protecting him. And that made me bad. That made me very, very bad. Even worse than bad. That made me a coldhearted bitch.
Almost an hour went by before the bright headlights of my parents’ SUV turned into the drive, snapping me out of my masochistic stupor. I hurried up the stairs, kicked off my shoes, flung my dress on a chair, and scurried into bed, burying myself deep under a mass of thick blankets. A few minutes later, I heard the bedroom door crack open, and the soft light from the hallway filtered inside.
I fought to stay still so they’d think I was asleep, and it worked. My parents closed the door gently and left me alone, alone with my thoughts and the memory of Jake’s touch still sending currents of heat to my core.
I rolled onto my back, a frustrated breath depleting my lungs. And today. Today. How could I face him again? And how in the world was I supposed to deliver a eulogy for a woman I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to? Giving myself a mental shake, I reached for my phone to check the time and noticed I had three missed calls and several texts, every last one of them from Ruby.
Call me as soon as you get this, I don’t care what time it is! the final message read. Did that mean right now? Would she really want me to wake her up at 6:30 in the morning? There was nothing my best friend hated more than waking up with the sun; in fact, she designed her whole business around not having to do it.
A minute later, I was listening to the ring of the phone, waiting to see if Ruby would pick up. After what felt like forever, she finally came through. “Addy?” she began, her voice thick with sleep. “What time is it?”
“It’s about six thirty,” I whispered, not wanting my parents to know I was awake. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to call you this early—”
All at once, Ruby revived, her voice crisp and clear and laced with a desperate enthusiasm. “No, this is fine. I’ve been waiting to hear from you all night! What the hell happened, Addy? How did you end up with Jake?”
My heart jumped at the mention of his name, and a series of quivers shifted through me. “I just—we just—sort of ran into each other,” I stated lamely.
“You ran into each other? Obviously,” she said wryly. “Come on, what happened? Is he still as gorgeous as he was before?”
I sighed. “Even more so.”
“Holy shit,” I heard her say slowly underneath her breath. “So, is he married?”
I shook my head, amused by the irony of it all. “Nope. He’s single. And perfect. With an amazing body and features so chiseled they could cut glass.” I sighed again, then added offhandedly, “You know, he almost got married once. To a beautiful fashion designer from Dallas. Seriously, beautiful isn’t even the right word—maybe breathtaking? Or stunning? Flawless?” I let out an ill-humored laugh. “But he said he couldn’t go through with it.” I paused, still unable to believe his words. “Ruby—Jake said I broke his heart. He said he never got over me.”
I was met by silence on the other end. “Ruby? Are you there?” I asked, shaking my phone. As if that was going to help the connection any, but I wasn’t exactly grounded in reality at that moment.
“I’m here,” she finally whispered. “You have got to be kidding me. I mean, what the hell? I can’t believe this is happening now that you’re engaged. What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean, what am I going to do?”
“I mean, what are you going to do? Did you feel any of the old feelings? Were there any sparks? Would you say you were hot and bothered being with him?”
Hot and bothered? Yeah, you could say that. Shaking my head, I sat up in bed and cradled my face in my free hand. “I kissed him.”
“You what?” Ruby gasped. “You kissed him?”
“Yes, I kissed him. And then he pulled away.”
“He pulled away?”
“Yes, Ruby. He pulled away,” I answered with a huff. “Would you please stop repeating everything I say? I need to hear words of wisdom right now, not some stupid echo.”
“I’m sorry, Addy, I’m just in shock! This is not at all what I expected to hear at the ass-crack of dawn! Holy shit . . . I’m speechless.”
“Oh, great. For the first time in your life you’re speechless. Just what I need.”
“All right, all right. Just give me a second, okay? What do you expect? You dropped a bomb on me before I was even fully awake. And not just any bomb, I might add. A freakin’ hydrogen bomb!”
Okay, I’d give her that. I waited and waited for what felt like an eternity before she finally spoke again.
“I’ve got nothing,” she said, her voice unusually flat.
Wait. What? “How the hell can you have nothing? You always have something—whether I ask you or not!”
“Jesus, Addy! I’m not a shrink!” I heard her release a long, drawn-out sigh. “Let me get some coffee in me, okay? I’ll be able to think much clearer after that. In the meantime, do not panic.”
Really? Do not panic? That was her advice? I was already way past panic. I was quickly approaching straitjacket time.
“Addy, are you listening to me? Do not panic!”
“Yes, Ruby. I heard you. Do not panic. Thanks for that. That’s some pretty sage advice there.”
“Just give me some time, all right? I promise, I won’t let you down.”
After we hung up, I didn’t feel any better. In fact, I felt a whole lot worse. Flipping onto my stomach, I pushed my face in the pillow and let out a long scream.
* * *
Several hours later, I stood at the back of the church with my family, greeting the guests as they made their way inside. So many of them wanted to share memories or little threads of wisdom Mags had imparted over the years. Most of the stories made me laugh, but some made me tear up, and the last thing I wanted was to open the floodgates. After a while, I could barely listen anymore, couldn’t let myself feel, or the tears would come and there would be no stopping them.
The casket was centered at the front, near the altar, the top open to allow everyone a final farewell. When Ruby arrived with her parents, I gave each of them a hug before they settled into a pew in the middle of the church. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Ruby, waving me over. I hurried up the aisle, the hem of my black dress grazing my ankles, and moved into the pew. Ruby shifted down, giving me room to squeeze in
.
“I know you’re busy,” she said quietly, “so I won’t keep you. Nice boots, by the way,” she said, glancing down at the red leather. “I’m sure your mom’s thrilled you decided to wear them today.”
I smiled. “You know it. It just felt right. Like I’m supposed to wear them, and I don’t care if it’s appropriate or not.”
“I think you look incredible. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you’re absolutely glowing.”
I sat back, stunned. “Glowing?” I moved my hands to my cheeks. “I’m probably just flushed. It’s really humid outside today, I couldn’t even straighten my hair,” I said, running fingers through persistent brown waves. “It must have rained last night.”
Ruby cocked her head and gave me a look. “It’s humid, but it’s not that humid, Addy. You look—I don’t know how to say this without sounding crazy. But you look . . . awakened, somehow.”
“Well, I have been awake for several hours now. I barely slept. I must be ruddy with exhaustion.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” She gave me a small smile and touched her hand to my cheek, her brown eyes filled with affection. “Whatever happened last night certainly agrees with you.”
I lifted my chin. “Oh, you mean being rejected? Yeah, I think so, too. It feels pretty good, almost like a badge of honor or something.”
Ruby dropped her hand and playfully pinched my side. “Stop being difficult, Addy. I’m giving you my advice.”
I bounced at her touch, then dipped my head lower as I leaned in close. “Oh, thank God. I’m going crazy trying to figure out how I should handle him today. I made such a fool out of myself last night,” I whispered.
Ruby shook her head, her glossy blond hair pinned up into a sleek, classic bun. “I don’t think you did. Jake said he never got over you, right?”
I nodded.
“Then he didn’t suddenly get over you last night, no matter how big an ass you were.” Her eyes widened suddenly and her voice dropped an octave. “Shit—can I cuss in church? Anyway, I imagine you told him about Christopher?”
“Yes, of course I did.”
She shrugged one shoulder. “Jake was always the good guy, you know? The noble protector of your good name. I just don’t think he wants to get in between you and Christopher. But I definitely don’t think you should rule him out.”
My eyebrows shot up. “What? How can I not? I’m engaged to be married.”
“Yes, but do you even have a wedding date?”
I felt my brows hitch. “No, but what does that have to do with anything? I have a ring on my finger,” I said, holding up my left hand.
Ruby’s breath caught as she stared at my diamond, and she lifted a well-manicured hand to her chest, momentarily distracted. “Would you stop waving that rock in my face? It literally takes my breath away. Anyway,” she said, shaking her head as I folded my hands in my lap, “maybe this is a sign?”
A sign? Come on! Who believed in that kind of stuff? “Or maybe it’s just a coincidence?”
“Or maybe it’s a signal from the universe trying to get you to understand something? Something you were too dense to pick up on before.”
I gave her a scowl, but bit my tongue.
“Maybe it wants you to become aware of your destiny and take action before it’s too late.” Ruby leaned in closer, her lips close to my ear. “Maybe it’s a sign from Mags?”
I jolted upright in my seat. A sign from Mags? My eyes drifted toward the casket as I remembered the last conversation we’d shared—the one about my engagement. Had I mentioned that to Ruby? I didn’t think I had. Could it be possible that my grandmother was playing matchmaker again, but this time from somewhere beyond the grave? No, stop it! You’re being ridiculous. Don’t let Ruby’s superstitions wear off on you.
“Think about it,” she continued. “Mags always liked Jake. Maybe this is her way of bringing you two together.”
“Are you suggesting she died to prove a point? Because that’s just sick.”
Ruby rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. But wouldn’t it be just like Mags to intervene in your life even after she passed?” Ruby and I slowly turned to stare at the casket as silence fell between us. “Love is a matter of following your heart, Addy,” she finally said, turning back to me. “We get a second chance every minute of our lives. What if this is your second chance with Jake?”
Oh crap. Where had I heard that before? I slumped back against the hard wood of the pew and took in a deep breath, lost in thoughts of what-ifs and second chances. Just then, Ruby let out a quiet gasp and I followed her gaze to the back of the church.
Jake. Looking downright edible in a pair of pressed jeans, his trademark boots, a navy jacket and tie. I shook my head, attempting to purify my thoughts. Especially since we were guests in the house of the Lord, for crying out loud.
“Daaaayum,” Ruby murmured underneath her breath. So much for not swearing in church.
Ruby and I exchanged a look. “Follow your heart, Addy,” she whispered again.
I leaned in and gave her a hug before standing up to walk down the aisle. Jake was shaking my dad’s hand when I approached, my mom and his aunt and uncle gathered nearby. It was impossible for me not to stare as I made my way toward him, and when he looked over at me his eyes latched onto mine.
“So, how long are you in town for, Jake?” I heard Dad ask, but Jake was still watching me, his eyes warm and kind. His smile tipped up a notch when I reached his side.
“He’s leaving after the burial,” Kathy Grady answered before pulling me in for a hug. “Addy, it’s been so long! You look beautiful. We are so sorry to hear about your grandma. She was a wonderful lady.”
I nodded and returned her embrace, but inside my heart plummeted. What did she mean Jake was leaving after the burial? Was it because of what happened last night? Ugh, how could I have been so stupid?
“Are you at least staying for the luncheon?” I heard Mom ask through the haze. “There’ll be a get-together in the church hall after the burial.”
Jake pulled his eyes away from mine. “Actually, I’ve had a change of plans. I’m in town until sometime tomorrow.”
“When did that happen?” Jake’s uncle John asked. “I thought you had an important meeting in the morning.”
“I spoke with my boss yesterday and told him there’s no way I would be back in time. I found someone else to stand in for me.”
Aunt Kathy looked pleased. “Oh, that’s so nice, honey. I’m glad you’ll be staying a bit longer. We don’t get to see you nearly enough.”
But I’d barely heard what she was saying. My mind drifted back to the restaurant when Jake had excused himself to make some phone calls. I’d assumed he’d called his aunt and uncle to let them know where he was. Perhaps that was when he spoke to his boss as well?
Aunt Kathy and Uncle John began to make their way down the aisle, but Jake lingered behind, eyeing me with concern. “Are you ready for today?” he asked, his voice deep and smooth.
I shrugged lightly. “As ready as I’m going to be.” My eyes searched his, wondering about his meeting at work. “How can you stay if you’re supposed to be back at work tomorrow?”
Jake gave me a smile and I felt my knees weaken. “I thought you could use a friend.” He leaned forward, enveloping me in his arms. “Good luck with the eulogy. I’ll be here rooting for you.” Planting a quick kiss on my cheek, he gently released me and turned to make his way up the aisle. Stunned, I let my parents lead me to our pew.
The church was overflowing, to the point where there was only standing room left in the back, and even that area was crowded with mourners paying their respects. From the altar came the sounds of the church organ playing, as the choir Mags sang in for nearly thirty years softly came in on the chorus.
My family took up the first four rows of seating—Gramps, my parents, me, my aunts, uncles, and cousins. The enormity of my loss threatened to swallow me whole, and I spen
t the next thirty minutes trying to let the pastor’s words comfort me.
And then suddenly it was my turn. My hands shook violently as I unfolded the speech I’d prepared and made my way to the podium on the altar. I passed Mags in the open casket but didn’t dare look inside for fear I would lose what little self-control I felt. Climbing the steps, I turned and stood behind the wooden platform, meeting the expectant eyes of the full congregation. Faces I hadn’t seen in a very long time, and others I’d seen more recently.
My gaze flickered across my family, and Ruby and her parents. I saw Nell sitting with the choir and a myriad of acquaintances I’d made over the years. Finally, my eyes locked with Jake’s and he gave me a nod.
With moist eyes, I looked down and realized I could no longer see the words on my papers. They were a blurred mess of shapes, fuzzy and unclear, and I knew there was no way I would be able to read them. I took a deep breath and folded the sheets, placing them on the raised surface in front of me. Adjusting the microphone to a more comfortable angle, I took another deep breath and cleared my throat.
“When I came back to Lakeside this past weekend to visit my family, the last thing I imagined doing was giving a eulogy for my grandmother, Magdalene Elise Monroe. But God works in mysterious ways, so here I am, and here all of you are, too.
“My grandmother was one of a kind. She wasn’t famous or wealthy, but she was rich in so many other ways—in the ways that really matter. She had the love of her childhood sweetheart, the love of her family, the love of her community, and that’s all she ever needed to feel happy and fulfilled. She was the salt of the earth, good, kind, trustworthy. She seasoned the world and everyone in it with her incessant faith.
“Mags was always a mentor to me, and I would take her my problems—always in her kitchen—and she would quietly listen until I was finished spilling my guts. Then somehow she managed to give me exactly what I needed to hear—even when it was something I didn’t really want to hear. I have so many happy memories in that kitchen, her teaching me how to cook, and heart-to-hearts over dirty dinner dishes. It’s where I’ve been nourished in so many ways since the time I was very, very young. Mags never held back, she always told it like it was. She didn’t believe in sugarcoating anything—unless she was making one of her favorite desserts. Then the more sugar the better,” I added with a soft chuckle.
Strawberry Wine Page 25
