Am I?
Finn offered a soft smile and gave a nod of encouragement. With it, I placed the pen to paper, and told myself I wasn’t leaving her behind, I wasn’t abandoning her, I was setting her free.
I was setting us all free.
‘Hi, pretty lady.’
And I’m seriously tempted to set Bluebeard free at the next rest stop. Finn kidnapped him from Seth’s office, and Jas swung by and picked him up. That was his errand, the sneak. Worst going-away gift ever. Which means it’s the best, because it’s typical Finn.
Thinking of gifts, before I left, I called in another yearly subscription for Mrs C. This one’s for wine, and I sent another baby swing so they wouldn’t fight over where it should be stored. I think Ollie would approve.
I also sent a small present to Dr P. as a thank you. It’s just a new retro sweater to replace one of his worn-out ones, and it’s not enough, but really, nothing could be. I fought him the entire way, but he never quit on me, not once. He patiently listened, prodded, explained, and in the end, he freed me. Not from the pain, but from the guilt of feeling it, and that’s more than huge. That’s life-changing.
I think about the who am I essay. The one I finally finished. The one I included in Dr P.’s present. And I think I got it right.
Dear Dr Papadopoulos,
I’ve accepted your challenge to write an essay on who I think I am. In the simplest terms, and in the most convenient definitions, this is what I’ve found:
I am a Brain: someone who runs her own business and, without a college education, has attained success.
An Athlete: conditioned to grief, but able to fight through and survive.
A Basket Case: to quote Ferris Bueller, ‘Sooner or later, everyone goes to the zoo.’
A Princess: a woman deserving to be treated like one.
And a Criminal: someone quite capable and worthy of stealing another’s heart.
And although I believed labels to be limiting, I’m now grateful to learn they clinically exist and do in fact apply to me. Instead of defining my identity, they defend it. Who am I? At thirty-three, I’m finally ready to find out. I hope this answers your question.
Sincerely yours,
Libby x
‘You’re smiling,’ Jas says, with a sideways glance.
My brows furrow. ‘What? No, I’m not.’
He rests his arm high on the oversized moving van’s steering wheel and glances from the road to me. ‘What are ya thinkin’ about?’
‘Um . . .’ I’m half-tempted to ask if I’ll meet his family when we get to LA, or if he’ll ever share who his famous rock-star dad is. Maybe he can come to our new shop and do a signing? ‘I was thinking of our new store. We still need a name.’ I straighten in the seat, still looking at Jas: ripped jeans, crap concert shirt and dirty blonde hair. The setting sun casts an iridescent gleam to his faded-denim eyes.
He reaches out and turns down the radio. ‘Well?’
‘Well, Pretty in Pink is clearly Eighties, but High Fidelity was released in 2000, and they had a vintage store called Championship Vinyl—’
He pulls a face that means he doesn’t care for it.
‘Yeah, I’m not crazy about the name either, but . . .’ My brows lift. ‘Top Five? It’s the main character’s record label, and he makes musical lists for everything, which is where I got the top five game from.’ I shrug, knowing we have a long trip to play around with names.
Jas smiles crooked. ‘In the movie, does he get the girl? ’Cause in Pretty in Pink, he didn’t.’
My face screws up. ‘What does that have to do with anything?’
‘Just answer the question: in High Fidelity, does he get the girl?’
‘Yes . . .’ My mouth contorts as I hold back my smile. ‘But only after a while.’
‘OK then,’ he says softly, his smile pulling wide. ‘I say high five to Top Five.’ When I reach over to oblige the customary slap, he takes my hand instead and holds it.
After a beat, he glances sideways again. ‘You do realize we’re riding off into the sunset?’
With a full smile, I give his hand a little squeeze. I always said he was clever.
THE END
‘Wait. You’re still here? The story’s over – close the book. I’m gonna be just fine. This end is a brand-new beginning, I promise . . .’ #LibbyLondonLives
‘Hi, pretty lady.’ #BluebeardMightNot
A note from Victoria . . .
Dear lovely reader,
Thank you for reading Libby’s story of forever friendship and her bumpy road through life and love. Knowing what she’s been through, what she struggles with, I’ve become quite protective of her and hope you have too. To empathize with Libby’s journey is to be surprised by its development, so I need to ask the most important of favours . . .
Please do leave your insightful thoughts and reviews (so appreciated!), but avoid any spoilers which would take away another reader’s experience of discovery. Now that you understand and love Libby too, I know I can trust you with her secret. xo
As a thank-you for your candour, please accept this invitation to a private Facebook group – Libby London Lives (https://www.facebook.com/groups/LibbyLondonLives) where Libby’s journey can be openly discussed, and I share behind-the-scenes bonus material on Holding Out for a Hero.
I also wanted to briefly touch on the very serious and real struggle with depression that affects so many. Libby describes depression as being under water, a slow drowning, and while under, asking for help is almost impossible. She explains, however, that there are also moments of coping. I want to urge anyone who personally battles depression to reach out in these moments of in-between, so the next time the water rises you’ve secured that needed lifeline. Your life, just like Libby’s, is worth celebrating.
With much love and many, many thanks,
Victoria xo
When it comes to finding her leading man, will it be Love, Actually or a Runaway Bride?
Kenzi Shaw has her life scripted-out down to the last line – the career she’s building as an up-and-coming marketing exec, the gorgeous fiancé (Bradley) she’ll marry in a fairytale wedding, the children they’ll raise in her dream home. But when heartbreaking ex, Shane, comes back onto the scene, life starts going off the script . . .
Shane tries to win Kenzi over by re-enacting all the rom-com movies they used to watch together – Sleepless in Seattle, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Pretty Woman and Dirty Dancing to name a few. He’s just a guy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to trust him again. But has he really changed? Not only is her head in a spin over Shane, but now her job is on the line. And with her perfect sister-in-law showing up every tiny thing Kenzi does wrong, she feels like she’s permanently in the corner.
Should she risk her sensible life for the chance of a Happy Ever After? One thing’s for sure, when Shane meets Kenzi (again), she’s suddenly not so sure just who her leading man is . . .
HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO
Victoria Van Tiem is an artist, gallery owner and a former creative director, with a background in marketing and brand development. Just like Libby in Holding Out for a Hero, she is obsessed with the 1980s.
Also by Victoria Van Tiem
Love Like the Movies
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
‘Thank you’ hardly conveys my vast gratitude to so many, but nonetheless . . .
Thank you to the entire Pan Macmillan team, especially Victoria Hughes-Williams (your enthusiasm and spot-on editorial eye have meant the world), Caroline Hogg, and Ami Smithson in the Pan Mac art department.
A special thanks to Jenny Bent of The Bent Agency for nurturing Libby’s potential early on; and a million thank-yous to Lorella Belli, my lovely agent at the Lorella Belli Literary Agency, for all your hard work, resounding encouragement and no-nonsense business savvy. You are a brilliant agent and overall class act.
Love and many, many thanks to my insanely talented writing buddies. Amy McKinley – you honestly ‘save
d Libby’ more than a few times with your resolute belief in her story, making you my hero as well as hers. Kaci Presnell – my reader since the absolute beginning, and my truest friend ever since. Emily Albright – what would I do without your eyes? Genius crit partner – lovely girl. John Kang and J.C. Nelson, I’m so grateful to have the two of you in my corner as both crit partners and friends. Thanks for all the writerly chats. And thanks for the zillion beta reads, Kris Kisska!
A heartfelt thanks to my amazing readers, especially to those that reach out through email, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, leaving such wonderful reviews and kind, thoughtful words. Your messages and posts mean the absolute world!
And finally, an extra-special thanks to my family – Marvin, Kirklen and Garrett – for encouraging, believing, and being quiet (sometimes). You are each my favourite, and I love you madly. xo
First published 2016 by Pan Books
This electronic edition published 2016 by Pan Books
an imprint of Pan Macmillan
20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
ISBN 978-1-4472-6976-2
Copyright © Victoria Van Tiem, 2016
Cover images © Shutterstock
Cover concept by Victoria Van Tiem
The right of Victoria Van Tiem to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
The extract from ‘Holding Out for a Hero’ on the front cover is reproduced with kind permission. ‘Holding Out For A Hero’ Words and Music by Dean Pitchford and Jim Steinman © 1984, Reproduced by permission of Sony/ATV Melody, London W1F 9LD
Pan Macmillan does not have any control over, or any responsibility for, any author or third party websites referred to in or on this book.
You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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