"You all have emerged," Pastor Runford said darkly. "But are you all sane? You were laughing crazily when the mist lifted."
"We are all sane," Brother Paul said. "But it wasn't easy."
"Not easy at all!" Lee agreed shakily, running one hand cautiously over his chest.
"You must rest," Mrs. Ellend said. "Tomorrow we shall hear your report."
"I'm not sure we're ready to make a full report," Brother Paul said, glancing at Lee.
"You make me very curious what occurs within those Animations," Mrs. Ellend said. "We perceive only the fringe effects. When you went in this time, there seemed to be a landscape with a river and a tree, but then a storm obscured the tree. When it cleared we saw the Sphinx."
"And the Great Pyramid," Pastor Runford put in gruffly. "The Bible in Stone. Analysis of its measurements reveals the coming of Armageddon. Jehovah inspired Pharaoh to build it according to a secret key—"
"But the Pyramid is Matter," Mrs. Ellend protested. "The realm of the real is Spiritual, not Material. Matter is an error of statement. All disease is illusion; Jesus established this fundamental fact when he cast out devils and made people well."
"Jesus was a good man," Lee murmured, his eyes closed. "We would do well to pay better heed to his values today."
"At any rate, after a time the Sphinx faded, replaced by what seemed to be an Earthly airline terminal," Mrs. Ellend continued. "Then it became opaque until just now when there seemed to be giants moving in flames. Could that have been someone's concept of the Infernal Region?"
"There is no Infernal Region!" the Pastor exclaimed. "The concept is a mistranslation of the Hebrew word Sheol, meaning the grave."
"There is Hell," Mrs. Ellend said. "It exists in life. It is error, hatred, lust, sickness, and sin."
"Yes!" Lee agreed. "Nothing in the Afterlife can match the tortures we inflict upon ourselves in this life."
"Oh, I don't know about that," Therion began. "Satan has resources—"
"Please, can we go home?" the child asked plaintively. "I'm very tired."
"Of course, child," Mrs. Ellend said, softening. "Your father will be happy to see you—" She broke off.
"Condition unchanged?" Lee inquired guardedly.
Mrs. Ellend nodded gravely. "I shall try to talk to him; perhaps I can make him understand that his malady is illusory. But perhaps—" She turned to Amaranth. "Perhaps this child could stay with you tonight. You have shared much experience—"
"What's the matter with my father?" Carolyn demanded. She was a brown-haired girl of about twelve, somewhat dark complexioned in contrast to the rather fair girl of the Animation. Her dress was rumpled and soiled by her long stay in the wilderness, and her locks were tangled.
"The Swami is unconscious," Pastor Runford said. "He sought you during the last rift in Animation and suffered himself."
Brother Paul was chagrined. "The Swami—her natural father?"
"He was opposed to this experiment," Pastor Runford said. "As many of us were. I differ with him on many things, but on this he was reasonable. But since we were overruled by the majority, he felt a representative of our view should be within the Animation area. His daughter agreed to be a Watcher. When all emerged safely except her, he must have been distracted. He has already suffered grievously from the things of this planet."
"Bigfoot killed my mother," the girl said. Brother Paul still thought of her as Carolyn.
"This is horrible!" Brother Paul exclaimed. "I never suspected—"
"Perhaps we should have informed you of these things," Mrs. Ellend said soberly. "But under the Covenant—"
"Come home with me," Amaranth told Carolyn.
"No! I want to go with Brother Paul," she cried.
Surprised and flattered, Brother Paul put out his hand to her. "I am staying with the Reverend Siltz. I'm not sure he would approve."
"Go with him," Lee said. "We can make other arrangements as necessary."
Carolyn flashed Lee a grateful smile. "Thank you, sir."
"The group of you appear to have developed an unusual rapport," Mrs. Ellend observed. "My female curiosity wars with my scientific detachment. I wonder whether the entire colony would benefit from immersion in Animation?"
"Appalling!" Pastor Runford exclaimed.
"We have undergone phenomenal mutual experience," Therion said. "But I doubt the full colony would survive it, let alone profit by it."
Now they reached the village and separated. Brother Paul took Carolyn to Siltz's house. The Reverend was not there—but Jeanette was. The diminutive suitor of the Communist's son sat with her back against the door, weaving a basket from flexible strips of wood. "I am lurking for the Reverend," she announced. "I want to know what he thinks of trial marriage."
Reverend Siltz would explode! But this was not properly Brother Paul's business. "I think it would be all right to wait inside," he said. "I am his house guest, and if you could help—" He indicated the bedraggled Carolyn.
"What is the Swami's child doing with you?" Jeanette demanded.
"She is tired from a long ordeal in Animation, and her father is ill," Brother Paul explained. That was an oversimplification, but it would have to do.
"Of course I'll help," Jeanette said, deciding in a flash. "Come on in, child; we'll get you cleaned in a jiffy." She took the girl by the arm, guiding her. The woman was barely taller than the child, but there was no confusing the two: Carolyn was thin and somewhat awkward, while Jeanette was full-bodied and decisive. In moments they were busy in the wash area, and Brother Paul sank into a wooden chair, relieved.
Soon they joined him. Carolyn was now clean, and her hair was neatly brushed. "You're awful nice," she told Jeanette. "Since my mother died, I never—"
"No need to dwell on that," Jeanette said.
"I have to," Carolyn said. "When I get tired I get scared, and I'm awful tired, and I have to tell someone or I can't sleep."
Jeanette's brow furrowed. "What are you afraid of?"
"Bigfoot. He prowls around, and he killed my mother, and now he's prowling for me. I hear him coming, and I scream—"
"I would have thought that was a foolish fear," Brother Paul said. "But I met Bigfoot when we were searching for you. He went after Amaranth—"
"Who?" Jeanette asked.
"The woman of I.A.O.," Brother Paul explained. "I don't know her real name, but she watches the amaranth field, so—"
"She does look a little like my mother," Carolyn said. "Bigfoot probably got confused."
"I tried to stop Bigfoot," Brother Paul continued. "But it was stronger. If the Breaker hadn't come—"
"I know," Carolyn said. "I was coming out, but then I saw Bigfoot, and I had to run back into my fantasy city."
"Bigfoot ran into the Animation too," Brother Paul said. "I'm glad he didn't catch you." Understatement of the day!
"I made a big river, and he couldn't get across," she said, smiling. "When I was alone, I could control the effect some. Bigfoot stormed and ranted, but it couldn't get me. But oh, it scared me!" Her shoulders shook.
Brother Paul got up and put his arm around her shoulders, holding her close. "You father the Swami can surely protect you."
"Bigfoot only comes when he's away!" she cried. "That's how Bigfoot got my mother! It waited until my father was away, and—"
Jeanette frowned. "Bigfoot does prowl around a lot. I thought it was just a nuisance from when the storms bring the Animation fringe. But with your father out of circulation—" She glanced up. "Why is Bigfoot after you? Why did it kill your mother?"
"I don't know"! Carolyn cried. "It hates my father, and—"
Brother Paul squeezed her shoulders reassuringly. "It is a comprehensible, if not defensible syndrome. The Swami knows martial art and has very strong psychic force. Bigfoot may resent him, but be unable to overcome him directly, so it tries to hurt him through those close to him. His family."
Carolyn put her face against his chest and cried. "That's why I wanted to be
with you," she sobbed. "I'm not close to my father, really; we're of different religions. I thought somehow—you're so strong and patient, you'd make such a good father—I thought we could just get on an airplane and go away somewhere where they never heard of Animation, where Bigfoot couldn't ever find me—oh, I'm sorry!"
"So it was your Animation, rather than mine," Brother Paul said, amazed. "I thought I had emerged from Animation—"
Carolyn tore herself away from him—but Jeanette caught her and held her instead. "Dear child! There's nothing wrong in wanting a real family. That's worth fighting for! That's what I'm fighting for. The only thing wrong is to give up your dream."
"But it didn't work!" Carolyn sobbed. "We had such a wonderful time for a while, visiting his old school, but then I started being afraid he would—would—something terrible would happen to him. Because of me. And then it all went wrong, and we got on the wrong plane and lost in the station, and it was all my fault—"
"It wasn't your fault!" Brother Paul cried. "It wasn't your Animation, either! You may have started it, but I—"
"So I sneaked away, so as not to be a burden to him anymore—"
"You nearly destroyed me!" Brother Paul cried. "I was afraid you would get abducted or run over—"
"No, I just got in another Animation, like the other one, when I played the Buddha—"
"You played Buddha?" Brother Paul demanded. Yet her size and appearance jibed. Change the hair—easily done in Animation!—and she could resemble a little man, sitting under the Bo Tree. He had found her without knowing it!
"Yes. I know about Indian history because of my religion, so it was easy to—"
"What is your religion?"
"I worship the Nine Unknown Men. My mother taught me. My father didn't like it too much, but since it relates some to his religion, he let it be."
"I don't know that religion," Brother Paul said. "Tell me about it."
Carolyn disengaged from Jeanette. "I'm okay now, I think. It—I'll have to start at the beginning, if it doesn't bother you. After what I did to you—"
Brother Paul looked her in the eyes. "One thing we must get straight. You did nothing to me. Nothing bad, I mean. You showed me something about myself I never suspected before. I want a family too! I want a daughter like you."
She brightened. "You do?"
"I was confused at first in that Animation. I thought I was back in—in the mundane world, as I said. I knew I didn't have a daughter, so it took me some time to acclimatize. But when I did—" He spread his hands. "I took over that sequence and carried it forward the way I wanted it to go. Now I can't get used to the notion of not having a daughter like you."
"Daughters are good too," Jeanette agreed. "Sons and daughters."
"But you are the child of another man," Brother Paul said to Carolyn. "I am here for a few days; then I will be gone. I cannot take anyone with me; Earth spent more energy than it liked sending me here, and that's the limit. The Swami is your real father. I would not contribute to the alienation of—" He had to stop. Why couldn't she have been his child? He would so gladly have taken her away from all this, back to Earth and—"
He came up abruptly against reality. And what? Even if Earth were to allow another person to mattermit, there was no life he could provide for her back on Earth! In the Animation he had been married with a home to take her back to. In real life his home was the Holy Order of Vision. A fine institution, but no substitute for a personal family. "Explain your religion," he concluded.
"Well, it started with Asoka," she said. "The Emperor Asoka of India who was born in 273 B.C. He was the grandson of Chandra-gupta who unified India. But there was still some land to add. So Asoka conquered Kalinga. His army killed a hundred thousand men in battle. When he saw all that gore he was horrified at such massacre. He renounced that kind of conquest and declared that the only true conquest was to win men's hearts. By being kind and dutiful and pious, and letting all creatures be free to live as they pleased. So he converted to Buddhism—"
"Beautiful!" Jeanette murmured.
"He was such a good Buddhist that a lot of other people joined too. Buddhism spread through India and Ceylon and Indon—Indon—"
"Indonesia," Brother Paul supplied.
"Yes. I can't remember all those otherworld names as well as my mother could. But Asoka respected all religions; he didn't make anybody turn Buddhist, and he didn't prosecute—is that right?"
" 'Persecute'," Brother Paul said.
"You sure would make a good Daddy! He let each religion do its own thing, a little like the way it is here, only without all the screaming. He was a vegetarian, and he wouldn't touch alcohol. I think he was the best monarch ever!"
"History agrees," Brother Paul said. "Asoka was one of the finest."
"But he knew he wouldn't rule forever. He wanted to stop men from using their minds for evil. So he founded the wonderful secret society to do this. That's the Nine Unknown Men."
"But that was thousands of years ago," Jeanette protested. "What happened after they died?"
"They trained new men, each generation. So there have always been nine, right up till today, and each one is the wisest man there is. They have a secret language, and each one writes a book on his science. One knows psychology. Another knows fizz—"
"Physiology," Brother Paul said.
"Yes. He knows so much about it that he can kill a man just by touching him. Some of his secrets leaked once, and now they are used in judo."
"Judo!" Brother Paul exclaimed.
"That's a way of fighting," she said helpfully.
"Uh, yes, I understand. That strikes me as an excellent religion. But how do you know the identities of these Nine Men?"
"I don't. Nobody does. Except themselves. But I worship what they do because they are working to save us all. They are around somewhere, and—" She paused shyly. "Well, I think maybe—I don't know—my father the Swami Kundalini might be one. He knows so much—"
Brother Paul looked past her—and there stood the Reverend Siltz in the doorway. Brother Paul jumped up. "I didn't see you, Reverend!" he cried. "We were just—"
"I have been here for some time," Siltz said. "I did not wish to interrupt the child."
Jeanette turned. "Reverend, I came to—" She looked at Carolyn, not wanting to bring up such a subject in the hearing of the child. "It doesn't matter now. I'll go."
Siltz pointed a finger at her. "The first grandson. Also the first granddaughter. Communist."
Jeanette's eyes widened. "You proffer compromise?"
"Granddaughters are good too," Siltz said defensively. "Sometimes even better than grandsons."
"I will not bargain for religion!" Jeanette said. "Anything else, not that. All will be Scientologist."
"Now who's the pighead?" Siltz demanded. "My son is outside."
"That's dirty fighting!" she cried.
"All's fair in love and war," Siltz said. "I am not certain which one this is or whether it is both. The first two children—even if both are female. My final offer!"
"I will not speak to you!" Jeanette flounced out. It was an impressive exit.
Siltz looked after her. He smiled grimly. "Two granddaughters like her. Church of Communism. They would convert the whole planet!"
"I did not realize your son was back," Brother Paul said. "I—"
"You want a daughter. So do I," Siltz said. "Do not be concerned. There is room. My son will not sleep here tonight."
"Oh, I would not think of—"
"I do not know where Ivan will sleep or what he will do," Siltz continued sternly. "But tomorrow—we shall see who is ready to compromise."
Brother Paul thought of Jeanette, vibrant in her ire, encountering the young man outside. The man she loved and wanted to marry. "She's right. You are fighting dirty."
Siltz nodded with deep satisfaction.
"It's like the Dozens," Carolyn said, smiling. "You have to turn the other person's thrust on himself."
"A dozen
what?" Siltz asked.
"Never mind that!" Brother Paul snapped more to her than to him. From whose mind had come those sickening insults of the Dozens in that scene? He squeezed out that conjecture and oriented on Siltz. "I have a problem. As you may have overheard, we had considerable adventures in Animation—but I cannot say we found God. I am not sure it is possible to find God this way. Yet I hate to disappoint the colony."
Siltz considered. "I have only imperfect knowledge of your experience in Animation. But from what I overheard, you found the greatest meaning in the personal visions, not those of religion. Could it be you are looking in the wrong place?"
"But my mission is to find God, not to amuse myself!"
"You seemed closer to God when you put your arm about this child and comforted her, than when you talked religion." Siltz glanced at Carolyn who was in a chair. "She sleeps."
Just like that! One moment she was ready to discuss the Dozens; the next she had clicked out. Adults tended to lose that ability, which made them safer drivers but also less endearing. "She had a long, hard haul," Brother Paul agreed. "How can I find God by catering to my wish for a child?"
"You made the obvious plain to me, a better way to heat my house—by not heating it. Perhaps you could find God better—by finding yourself. You must believe you are worthy to judge God."
"I'll never believe that! I'm not worthy to judge God! I have seen depths of depravity in me that make me unfit to judge anyone! I—" Brother Paul stopped. "That's why I can't complete this mission. I know I'm not—"
"Then what are you worthy to find?"
"Satan," Brother Paul said morosely. "We had a small vision of Hell just before we emerged from Animation. I seek God—but I fear my affinities are closer to the Devil."
"Is not Satan also a God?"
Brother Paul stared at him. "You mean—I should search for Satan?"
"I cannot answer that. I only know that when I looked well at the little devil who pursued my son, I found a certain affinity for her. I saw how gentle she was with the child. So in examining the devil, I discovered instead an angel. I do not believe in your Satan—but is it possible he too would have merits? Perhaps he only seems evil because we do not understand him well enough."
Vision of Tarot Page 25
