by Jeff Strand
Nothing happens.
I guess I'm supposed to walk a path, but I don't see any path. I assumed I'd be going through the tunnel that's blocked by the bars.
I crouch down and try to lift them. They don't budge.
I stand back up. Now what?
Should I just be walking around the room? There's no freaking path! Unless we're getting into really messed-up territory like "your possessions also include the fillings in your teeth," I've done what I'm supposed to do.
I stand there for a while, feeling ridiculous.
"Hello?" I call out.
"Sorry, sorry," an unfamiliar male voice responds, from behind the bars. "Hold on a second."
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I am so startled by the voice that I step backwards, slip, and land on my uncovered ass. At least I don't strike the pedestal. It would really suck to come this far only to crack my skull open.
I hurriedly get to my feet as a man, maybe thirty years old, crawls into view right behind the bars. He's wearing glasses and a blue polo shirt.
"This was supposed to open for you," he says. He pounds on something, and the bars rise out of the way. "Ah, there we go." He crawls out of the tunnel and stands up.
"Uh, hi," I say.
"Hi," he says back. He looks like a totally normal, clean-cut guy. He wipes his palm off on his jeans, then nervously extends his hand to me. "I'm Jake."
I shake his hand. "Evan."
"Sorry about the nudity," he says. "Not my idea, I assure you."
"Whose idea was it?"
Jake shrugs. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions, so I want to say upfront that I'm not some all-knowing being. My dad built this place, and I helped him keep an eye on it. He died a couple of years ago."
"So...what is this place?"
"It's where we keep the weapon."
"The Cyclops-slaying weapon?"
"Yeah."
"Are you saying that there really is a Cyclops?" I ask.
Jake shrugs again. "Damned if I know. I'm just here to make sure the weapon goes to the right person. Gun to my head and forced to commit one way or the other, I'd say, yeah, there's probably a Cyclops. But I haven't seen it or anything. It's all in the prophecy."
"This whole maze is in the prophecy?"
"Yeah. Sucks that my dad didn't get to see it play out. It was really frustrating for him to put this much work into the place and never have anybody show up to venture through it. Fate can be a cruel beast."
"So that's how you spend your life? Watching over this place?"
Jake laughs. "Nah, but that would be nice. A recliner, big-screen TV, ESPN and I'd be set for life. Sadly, no, I've got a job and wife and kids and all the normal stuff. A sensor went off when you climbed into the well. I sped out here and then I've been watching you through the hidden cameras."
"I didn't see any cameras."
"That's why I said hidden cameras."
"Oh, right. Of course." I'm suddenly very conscious of how ridiculous it is that I am standing completely naked in an underground cavern chatting about a prophecy. "Mind if I get dressed?"
"You've got to get through one more room to prove that you're worthy."
"And if I'm not?"
"I guess I hose the place down and wait a couple more decades."
"Just for the record, that riddle needed at least one more draft. Multiple answers would've technically been correct."
"Multiple answers were correct. Pretty much any variation on 'storm,' as long as it was spelled correctly, would've gotten you through. It was a trick question to see if you would answer 'Cyclops,' since the horn part didn't make any sense."
"Oh. Still, for future prophecies, a riddle like that should have a definitive answer."
Jake grins. "You can fill out a comment card as you exit."
"How would I have died if I got it wrong?"
"Spikes."
"Dropping from the ceiling?"
"You still have one room left. You probably shouldn't get too distracted. I'm really not even supposed to be talking to you."
"What would it take to get you to skip the last room and just give me the weapon?" I ask.
"Are you offering me a bribe?"
"No, just asking."
"You've come too far not to see this through. And I've been waiting my whole life to see what's going to happen. So crawl on into that tunnel and fulfill your destiny."
I kneel down in front of the tunnel. "It's not my destiny. I'm helping a friend."
"Whatever."
I crawl into the dark tunnel. I wonder if I should have tackled Jake and forced him to give me the weapon. He might not have put up that much of a struggle against a middle-aged naked dude.
At least this is the last tunnel, presumably. I'll never have to crawl naked through a dark tunnel again. Maybe on the twentieth anniversary of this adventure I'll crawl through one, just for old times sake, but it will be strictly voluntary.
After about fifty feet, the tunnel ends and I emerge into a large room, about the size of a basketball court. This time, the floor is wooden, and it's carved into a ridiculously complex maze.
If I step off the maze, my foot will come down on a metal spike. There are lots and lots and lots of opportunities to step off the maze.
An inscription covers the far wall: When darkness falls, begin your walk. Reach the end by the count of twenty or all is lost.
No way in hell can I memorize this maze.
No way in hell can I carefully make my way along the path in twenty seconds.
So, yeah, I get how this works. I have to just go for it and trust that each step is the correct one.
By the end of this, I'll either be a believer, or I'll have a great big metal spike jutting out of my foot.
The lights go out.
No time for silent reflection about how much this sucks. Time to go.
It's completely dark, but I close my eyes anyway, hoping that it will help me tap into whatever guidance Harriett has been receiving all this time.
I just walk. Fast.
I turn left, then right, then left again.
My foot doesn't step off the maze.
I go forward a few steps, then left, then forward some more.
I can't believe my foot hasn't been spiked.
How the hell am I doing this?
I suddenly feel like I should leap over a gap that I can't see, so I do. I land on the other side, slip a bit, but keep going.
I'm not sure how much time I have left. I haven't been counting in my head.
I turn right. My toes slip over the side of the maze but not far enough for me to lose my balance. I keep up the fast walk.
I'm doing this. I'm really doing it.
Am I doing it quickly enough?
Can't worry about that.
No, I should worry about it a little. I've got to be almost out of time. I feel like I'm close to the end, but I've got to pick up the pace or I'm going to die a couple of seconds from the finish line.
I start to run.
Then I smack face-first into a stone wall.
The lights come on.
I did it! My face hurts like hell, but I did it!
I stand there for a moment, basking in my victory. I'll worry about the disruption to my belief system later.
Okay, now what?
I glance around the room.
Jake's voice sounds over a speaker: "Sorry, sorry, a panel was supposed to slide open. I guess we should've done more regular maintenance on this place. How about you just head back and get your clothes, and I'll meet you there?"
I walk back across the maze, which is actually more difficult when I can actually see where I'm going. I have to retrace my steps several times to get to the other side, but at least I don't accidentally slip and skewer my foot, which would be annoyingly ironic.
I crawl through the tunnel, and then get dressed. I'm simply not a naturalist at heart. I'll keep my nakedness in the shower and the bedroom, thank you very much.
While I tie my shoes, Jake crawls through the same tunnel. "Congratulations," he says. "I watched you through the night-vision camera. That was some impressive navigation."
"Thanks."
"The footage is already online."
"Seriously?"
"Nah, I'm kidding."
"I thought maybe there was an audience for naked maze-walkers."
"A missed opportunity," Jake says. He reaches into his pocket. "Anyway, there would've been more fanfare if the sliding panel had worked, but here's your weapon."
He takes out a chain bracelet and hands it to me. It's like a charm bracelet with only one charm: a tiny little silver eyeball.
"That's it?" I ask.
"Yes, sir."
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"
"Slay a Cyclops."
"One the size of an ant? I guess if it's gerbil-sized I could strangle it with the chain." I put it around my wrist. It's not even very stylish.
"I'm not impressed with it either," Jake admits. "But that's the weapon I'm supposed to give you. And now my role in the prophecy is over. However, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you e-mail me when this is all over and let me know what happened?"
"Sure, no problem."
"Thanks." He hands me a slip of paper with his e-mail address written on it.
"What are you going to do with this place now that it's served its purpose?"
"I'm not sure. Theme park, maybe?"
"Not very conveniently located."
"I'll probably just let it sit here. You can have it if you want. A great big underground souvenir."
I smile and shake his hand. "Thanks for your help."
"Good luck in your quest. I opened one of the hidden passages in the tunnel. Just crawl through there and you'll find your way out."
I kneel next to the tunnel, then glance back at him. "Would you have let me bleed to death if I slipped off the maze?"
"Life is full of mysteries."
I crawl into the tunnel. As soon as I'm inside, I can see light streaming from a side passage, so I crawl in there. From that point, the tunnel doesn't curve at all except for a slight incline. It takes several minutes, but finally I climb out of a hole into the woods.
If I've gone through all of this only to discover that Harriett and the others have been devoured by coyotes, I'm going to be really miffed.
I wander through the woods for a bit, hoping I'm not going the wrong way, but after a couple of minutes I see Seth, Maraud, and Jeannie still standing around the well, peering down into it.
"Hi guys!" I call out.
It's kind of heartwarming how thrilled they all look to see me. Seth leans further over the side of the well. "You can come back up!" he shouts. "He's here!"
I hurry over to the well and am greeted by hugs from Seth and Jeannie and a polite nod from Maraud. A minute later, Harriett climbs out of the well and then gives me a hug that almost knocks me over.
"I was so worried about your safety," she says.
"Me too."
"What happened?"
"Lots of stuff. I was naked for part of it."
Harriett raises an eyebrow.
"It was a very weird time in my life," I say.
"Did you get the weapon?" Seth asks.
I hold up my wrist.
Seth frowns. "Pretty small nuclear device."
"Yeah. I guess we're going to kill it with a charm bracelet."
"May I see that?" asks Harriett.
I take off the bracelet and hand it to her. "Sure. It's yours. My gift to you."
Harriett closely examines the bracelet for a moment. Then she pinches the eyeball charm between the thumb and index finger of her right hand, and with the thumb and index finger of her left hand she very carefully turns the iris, which I guess is like a twist-off cap. She removes the iris and looks inside.
"What's in there?" Seth asks.
"Poison, I assume." Harriett screws the cap back on.
"That's not very much," says Jeannie.
"Not very much at all," says Harriett. "I was hoping for something more destructive. Perhaps we can taint its food, once we're absolutely certain of what it will eat. But we have the weapon, and Evan didn't lose his life."
Maraud taps the "Send only your disbeliever" inscription. "You a believer now?"
"I'm not sure what I am."
I tell them everything that happened down there. Maraud suggests that we should have kidnapped Jake, because the guy probably knows more than he shared, but everybody else agrees with me that I should not have done such a thing.
Do I believe in the Cyclops now? I'm not sure. Technically, going down the well only confirmed the existence of the weird-ass ability to sense the right direction in which to travel. But I already knew that; I'd just never experienced it myself. So I suppose that my stance on the Cyclops issue is: "I believe in the possibility more than I did before."
"I cannot apologize enough for what happened," says Harriett. "I had no idea you were descending into that much danger."
"Me either. It's fine."
"I feel bad about the other attempts to end your life, but I feel particularly bad about this because you had to go through it alone. This wasn't supposed to be your destiny."
"It's totally okay," I assure her. "I made it out alive and without any new injuries. We're cool. What's next?"
"We get back in the vehicle and travel to the town."
"Do you know where it is?"
"I will at the—"
“—at the right time. Gotcha."
* * *
We're all crammed into the car again. I'm not looking forward to another long twisty bumpy drive along the path, but at least it's better than crawling around in underground tunnels.
After a couple of minutes, Seth slams on the brakes.
"Was that there before?" he asks, pointing through the windshield.
A sign on the side of the road reads, "Welcome To Rapport."
"No," says Harriett. "It certainly wasn't."
"Do you think maybe that Jake guy from the well snuck out here and put it up really quick?"
"It's possible."
"Is Rapport the town with the Cyclops?" Jeannie asks.
"Yeah," I say.
"Interesting."
"Well, this is good," says Seth. "It'll save us some wear and tear on the car."
He resumes driving.
It's just a sign. Nothing to get weirded out about. It is, in fact, entirely plausible that Jake came out here and put it up. Or that we simply missed it, since we'd have been looking at the back of it and it wouldn't necessarily have stood out from the rest of the trees.
A couple of minutes later, we see something to get weirded out about.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Unless I'm somehow misremembering how we drove on a narrow winding path for well over an hour, there should not be a paved road here. It should not have buildings on each side, like a quaint small town Main Street.
Seth stops the car again. "I guess I...accidentally took a shortcut?"
"Mass hallucination," says Maraud. "Some kind of chemical in the well water and we inhaled it."
"There wasn't any water in the well," I say.
"Then we rubbed up against the chemical somewhere else. Doesn't matter. Either way, we can't be seeing this town for real."
"It looks pretty real," I say. I'd just reached the point where I was mentally prepared for the possibility that the Cyclops existed, and now I have to deal with a town appearing out of nowhere? This adventure isn't being kind to my brain.
"Was this in the prophecy?" Jeannie asks Harriett.
"No, but apparently there are quite a few glaring omissions."
We all just sit there for a moment.
"Anybody's hallucination faded yet?" asks Maraud.
"Nope," says Seth.
"Not mine," says Jeannie.
We sit there for another moment.
"We might as well just drive on in, righ
t?" I ask.
"Yeah," says Seth. "Everybody keep an eye out for a Cyclops."
He resumes the drive. The town looks like any other small town. There's a diner, a drug store, and, wow, an actual video store? They all have cars parked out front. The sign on the building clearly says "Rapport Video."
"It doesn't feel much like a town that's in the grip of terror," Jeannie notes. "But I guess I didn't really know what to expect."
"I have to admit, I thought there'd be more screaming populace," says Harriett. "We certainly can't read anything into what we've seen so far. We need to stop and talk to somebody."
Seth parks in front of Ginny's Diner. We all get out of the car. It's a beautiful day, sun shining, not a cloud in the sky. The air has the faint smell of cotton candy.
"I should probably wait out here," says Maraud. "Some say I'm intimidating."
"They're correct," says Harriett. "You can explore while we're inside."
"I'll come with him," says Seth. "Until we know for sure what's going on, nobody should wander around alone."
"Yes, I'll feel much safer with you by my side," says Maraud.
Seth ignores the sarcasm. "You probably already know this," he tells Harriett, "but don't lead with any Cyclops questions. Feel the situation out first. Maybe Evan could nudge you or something when the time is right."
"I promise to consider the proper timing," Harriett assures him.
Harriett, Jeannie, and I walk into the diner. It looks like any other diner that I've ever been in. There are eleven or twelve other customers, and they're all staring at us. They aren't even pretending to do otherwise.
A sign tells us to please wait to be seated, so we wait. Everybody continues to stare at us. I'm surprised that the jukebox didn't stop with a record-scratch sound.
A young big-haired blonde waitress pushes through a swinging door with a tray of food. She hesitates for a moment as she sees us, but then smiles. "Be right with you."
We wait patiently as she delivers sandwiches, a side of veggies, and drinks to a table of customers who don't look away from us as they receive their lunch.
"C'mon now, everybody, act civilized," the waitress tells the diners. "We don't want our guests thinking that we're rude." She walks over to us, smoothing out her apron. "I'm sorry," she says. "Everybody in Rapport is in everybody else's business, and we don't see much in the way of new people."
