But then he pulled me in close to him and my hands snaked around his waist. He pressed his lips to my ear and his hand came around the back of my neck. When he whispered, chills ran down my body.
“I’m trying to be good, Ms. Martin. I’m telling myself I need to get back in that cab and go back to my bike, but it’s a fight. God damn it, it’s a fight.”
I moaned a little and his grip tightened. I pressed my lips to his ear and said, “I feel the same, Danny. Jesse wants to take you inside, but Ms. Martin wants to reprimand you and tell you that while she appreciates you bringing her home, you really need to go.”
We were both breathing heavy and I could feel his fingers digging into my back and my neck with the tension building between us. He pulled me even closer, his thigh pressing to move mine apart. I gasped at the pressure against my core and my head fell back further into his hands.
“I want you so bad, Jesse,” he whispered and his lips pressed a kiss against the side of my neck. I was gripping his back so hard I was afraid I was going to leave bruises, but if I let go, I knew I’d completely fall into him.
“You can’t rely on the bad boy to make the right choice here.” He moved and I could feel his hardened length against my lower abdomen. I almost crumbled right there.
“Danny... I...God! I hate being a responsible adult sometimes!”
He chuckled in my ear and kissed my neck one more time before stepping back and removing some of the temptation. I groaned and he laughed again.
“Good night, Danny. I’m going to go take a cold shower now.” I opened the door and turned back around. “You don’t have to go with me tomorrow-”
He held up a hand for me to stop and then pointed to his watch with a questioning look.
I smiled at him. “Ten o’clock?”
He nodded and blew me a kiss before turning to jog down the steps.
I closed the door and fell against it, gasping for air. “Holy shit that was close,” I whispered to myself and started giggling hysterically. I touched my neck where he’d kissed me and ran my hands over my abdomen where I could still feel the pressure from his excited state. I wasn’t usually one for masturbating, but I could see its value tonight. There was no way I was falling asleep any time soon.
I realized I’d left Danny’s iPhone and my phone at home tonight, so I took them both out of my bag to charge and flipped open my phone to check the voicemail I’d missed.
“Hey Jess, it’s Dad. Just wanted to check on you. Your mother wanted to tell you that your old dance studio is having a reunion. Thought maybe you’d come home for it, but I told her you were busy. I need to get her a scooter soon. She can’t get around much anymore. I hate for her to be cooped up all the time. She’s too young. I picked up some hours at the gym on the weekends, so I can swing it. Anyway, we love you. Talk to you soon.”
Sometime during the message I had sunk down on the couch. I wiped at my tears and dropped the phone in my lap. My father was a proud man and I knew how hard he was already working. Another job would put a strain on him and at his age that scared me. It was only the three of us. They only had me to rely on for help. On the table next to the couch sat my summer school check. Without giving it a second thought, I endorsed the check over to my father, put it in an envelope with a short note, and I trotted down the steps to the mailbox to put it in the slot. My paychecks were spread out over 12 months, so I knew I would be fine through the summer to pay my rent. I might have to pick up some extra classes at the dance studio to afford extras, but I would make it work.
I picked up the phone Danny had given me and numbly typed in a text to him.
“I think I’ll just run by the dealer in the morning early so I can be to your house by noon. I don’t want to delay you being able to take your tests. Thanks for seeing me home tonight, but it was really unnecessary. I’ll get your car back to you tomorrow.
I couldn’t let myself depend on him right now. I had to draw a clearer line with him or else I was going to blow this opportunity, and now that the money was gone, I had to be sure I lived up to his expectations. I wasn’t going to be another woman draining him. His generosity was too tempting.
Sleep was fitful and when I woke up, my hands were stiff and sore and my hips were unhappy again. Stretching was an ordeal. I barely made it through my routine. I was out of breakfast options so I showered and dressed in light linen pants and a sleeveless blouse.
At 9:00, I arrived at the Ford dealership to find that my meager $5000 would get me absolutely nothing. I stopped at a Starbucks and booted up the district laptop. Twenty minutes later, I found a 1998 Honda Civic hatchback for sale for $4500. That wouldn’t completely deplete my savings. I called the number and arranged to look at the car. The seller turned out to be a girl a couple years younger than me who was finishing college and moving back home out of state. It didn’t give me a great feeling about the maintenance, but she showed me the records and the car seemed to be in good shape.
I asked her to give me a minute and she said agreed. I called Cosmo and woke him up.
“Jesse? You ok? Where are you?” I heard groaning and cussing in the background.
“Yeah, sorry to wake you. I’m at the Starbucks down by our place. I found a car. It’s a 1998 Honda Civic. The girl has maintenance records. It looks ok. What do you think?”
“I think you should give me five minutes and I’ll be there.”
He hung up and I laughed. I walked back over to the girl and her boyfriend, who were snuggling up against his SUV.
“Hey, my friend is going to come over and look at the car, is that ok?”
She said that was fine and the two of them headed into the Starbucks.
Four minutes passed and Cosmo pulled up in his pickup. He hopped out and walked over to me rubbing his eyes.
“Hey, Jesse Baby. This the car?”
I nodded. “Thanks for coming. It looks ok, but I don’t know enough about the engine to make a good decision.”
He nodded and walked around the car. He got down and looked underneath, checked the tires, and looked under the hood. He climbed in and started it up to hear the engine. When he climbed out, he nodded to me.
The girl and her boyfriend came back out and she said, “Well? What do you think?”
I looked to Cosmo and he shrugged. “I don’t see any glaring issues. Did she drive it here?” I nodded. “Should be fine. Did you check the blue book?”
I said, “Yeah, I looked it up before I called her. It’s a fair asking price.”
He held up his hands and said, “I’d go for it then, if you like Hondas.” He gave me his half smile and I made arrangements with the girl to get her a money order. She agreed to meet me back in thirty minutes to make the exchange.
I walked Cosmo back to his truck. “Thanks for coming, I just wanted another set of eyes.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “How come you didn’t call Danny?”
I took a deep breath, determined to be patient with my friend. “Cosmo, it’s not like that. I mean, it can’t be like that. I could lose my job. I am his teacher until he gets his diploma. I have to take care of myself. I shouldn’t have even accepted his car, but I was desperate. I’m fixing that today.”
He stared down at me. “You like him though, don’t you?”
I blew out a breath. “I don’t know. Yeah. It doesn’t matter if I do. Look, thanks for coming down. I’m sorry I woke you. You guys were great last night.”
He smiled and stretched out his arms with a big yawn. “You liked?”
“Yeah. But did you really have to sing a song about my legs? Maybe you guys will have a huge hit with that song and I’ll have to get them insured with Lloyd’s of London.”
He laughed. “Maybe. They are worth protecting. A valuable commodity.” He was mentally undressing me so I smacked his arm.
“Go back to bed. Sounded like you weren’t alone.”
He shrugged. “A rock star’s got to do what a rock star’s got to do.” He
waved and got back in his truck.
I was relieved that he was taking it so well. I was grateful he was still my friend. I went to the store and got the money order, then met the girl to make the exchange. When she handed me the keys, I smiled gleefully. I was glad I’d done it on my own, although I was sorry for the loss of the Pinto.
The Pinto! I’d forgotten to ask Danny what happened to it. I needed to get in touch with my insurance... So many things to do and so little time. I left the car there and climbed into the Range Rover to drive back around the block to my place. My intention was to walk back to the car and bring it back here. Instead, I had a visitor waiting for me.
Danny was sitting on his bike in front of the building. He made quite a picture. He rode a black Harley with high handlebars. Definitely not something you saw in this neighborhood often. He checked his watch as I pulled up and I grimaced, realizing my text was probably a really bad idea. I stepped out of his car and gave him a weak smile. Surprisingly, he wasn’t scowling at me but had his ‘gimme what I want’ smile plastered on his smug face. He held out his phone as I walked up for me to read.
“You didn’t check your texts this morning. I sent you one saying I was coming anyway because I realized you were being stubborn last night and I know stubborn. I have a lot of experience with it. Am I too late for car shopping?”
“Yeah, I bought a car. Here are your keys.”
I gingerly handed him his Range Rover keys. He accepted them reluctantly. He looked around for my car and held out his hands.
“I left it at Starbucks where I met the girl. I was going to walk over and drive it back. Care to join me?”
He looked around nervously and nodded. He reached into a saddlebag on his bike, pulled out his Giants cap, and put on his sunglasses. At least he wore the right team’s logo. He was wearing a long sleeved black shirt and what appeared to be his favorite pair of worn Levi’s with heavy boots. He started to take my hand, but I pulled back.
“Danny, I know I shouldn’t have sent that text last night. Can I explain where I was coming from?”
He nodded and motioned for us to walk and talk.
“Last night was... Well, it was...”
He whistled and I looked over at him. He was rubbing his chest over his heart and he blew out a breath.
I laughed. “Yeah, it was like that. After you left, I thought about how badly I don’t want to screw this up for either of us.”
He nodded and looked down at his feet as he was walking. His face was drawn in concentration so I continued.
“I think it would be best for both of us if...”
He grabbed my arm and stopped me, whipping off his glasses. “Jesse,” he whispered in a near panic.
I smiled at him and said, “Danny, let me finish. I was going to say that it would be best for both of us if we lay some ground rules.”
He let out a relieved breath and smiled, blushing. He started walking again and looked as though he was waiting for me to speak.
“I don’t know what is happening between us but it can’t happen, not while we are working together. So I think it would be best if we make sure we are not alone together.”
He laughed and nodded.
“I also think that we should be sure that we are only together for school-type activities. No more outings on the town, especially since you were recognized last night.” He gave me a sober smile. “And probably the biggest rule we should follow is no more touching.”
He burst out with his soundless laugh and stopped walking. He pulled out his phone and started typing away. It took him a minute, so I waited patiently. He held it out for me.
“Yes to chaperone, yes to no public outings with the exception of officially sanctioned field trips. No touching? Can you be specific about that one? Like none at all or...”
His ‘gimme what I want’ smile had me melting inside.
“You really need me to spell it out for you?”
He nodded innocently.
“Fine. First of all, no holding hands. It’s not that I don’t like it, but it’s definitely not student-teacher appropriate.” He looked dramatically crushed. I smirked at him. “And you must attempt to keep your arms to yourself, when we are sitting next to each other. You have a proprietary habit of putting your arms over the back of the seat and... Don’t give me that look, Danny Black! You’ve got to start thinking of me as an old, school-marmy kind of lady or something! You wouldn’t try anything with, like, one of your old teachers would you?”
He thought about that for a minute and I elbowed him. He gave me an indignant look and started typing.
“So throwing elbows is ok??? And how do you know my old teachers weren’t smoking hot like you?”
I blushed and shook my head at him. “Danny you are incorrigible! I’m trying to be serious here. I don’t like it either...”
He stopped me and started typing. “I’m sorry Jesse. I know this is important. I just don’t know if I can do it. I can’t help it. I am so into you. But I respect you and I’m just happy I get to spend this time with you. I promise, no more groping. Although, last night...”
“Yeah, last night definitely can’t happen again. That was way too close to-”
He stopped me and whispered, “To what?”
I looked up at him and the yearning I saw there matched what I was feeling inside.
“Danny... I really like being with you. Too much. But I can’t, ok? More than ever do I need to not screw this up. This car fiasco really put me in a bad spot. And you getting your diploma is too important. So we have to put those feelings, whatever they are, away.”
He looked really hurt. His head dropped down and he put his hands on his hips. I saw him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. When he looked up, I could see he was really bothered by this.
“And after I finish,” he whispered.
I didn’t have an answer for that. “I don’t know. I don’t know how I would fit into your life.”
He stepped closer to me, shaking his head. “That’s not what I’m asking,” he whispered.
I felt myself tearing up. I already felt too much for this man. “What do you want me to say, Danny?”
He huffed. “I want you to tell me we can have something. I don’t want you to walk away after handing me my diploma with a fucking handshake and a ‘have a nice fucking life.’” He pushed a lock of hair back over my ear and stepped closer. “I told you last night, Jesse. I want you. I’ll wait, I will. But I need you to tell me whether you want me, too.”
I smiled up at him, my heart fluttering in my chest at his words. “We definitely have to add touching my hair to the list. And talking about wanting,” I whispered breathlessly.
His lips quirked into a smile and he tucked another lock behind my other ear. “Jesse, I’ll be good, I promise. Just don’t tell me we can’t happen.”
I felt our bodies drawn together again on some invisible tether. “I won’t tell you that. I will tell you that if we don’t start putting one foot in front of the other we are going to be in trouble again. This is going to be hard,” I said and his eyes got wild.
“You’re telling me,” he whispered.
“Alright, enough whispering! When are you cleared to talk?”
He typed out, “two more weeks at least. I see the doc next week and he’ll evaluate.”
I started walking again towards the car and I couldn’t keep the stupid smile off my face.
It was about another ten minutes of walking before we got to where I left the car. When we approached, I pointed to it and said, “There she is! What do you think?”
His face fell and he looked at me with confusion and concern. He started typing fast and kept screwing up so he was cursing silently.
“What’s wrong with it,” I asked, taken aback. “I know it’s not a Range Rover but it’s what I could afford.”
He stuck his phone in my face. “I thought you would get something better, not another beater. What happened to the summer school money
?”
I frowned and took a few steps away to catch my breath. I hated how stupid I felt when I was faced with my life circumstances. I’d turned my back on him, but now he was holding his phone in front of me again.
“I’m sorry. I’m an ass. I didn’t mean to offend you. Please don’t shut me out!"
“I don’t mean to shut you out, but this is my life! And I’m not trying to be petulant. This is really my life! I have obligations!”
He frowned and typed, “obligations? do you have a kid?”
“No! I don’t have a child. But I have student loans and medical bills and, well, I have to help my parents, ok? My mom has what I have and she can’t work. I’m the daughter of a school custodian, Danny. That’s me. That's who I am!”
I wrapped my arms around myself and looked down, unable to hold back the tears anymore. When I opened my eyes, his phone was in my line of vision again.
“Please don’t cry. I didn’t know. Talk to me.”
When I glanced up, he looked as heartbroken as I felt, but I didn’t see pity in his eyes. I saw a man who always helped other people struggling with how to not step in and fix things for me.
“I hate telling you this stuff. It makes me feel weak, like I can’t handle things. But I can, and I do.”
He put his hands on my arms, forcing me to look at him. “You are not weak, Jesse,” he whispered harshly. “I know you can take care of things, but I can’t stand seeing the people I care about suffer. That's who I am. And I care about you, Jesse. Don’t shut me out. It’s ok to let me in, if only to hold you when you need it.”
Damn if he didn’t know the right thing to say. The waterworks really kicked on then and he pulled me to him. He stroked my hair and held me as I drenched the front of his shirt with the tears I’d been holding in for a long time.
I finally got a hold of myself and pulled a tissue out of my purse. He was typing again.
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