“Good morning. Are you ready to work?”
His brows pulled even tighter and I stepped past him calling out a hello to Nora. She came out of the kitchen and said, “Oh, sugar, so good to see you.” She pulled me into a hug before I could stop her and I cried out. She stepped back. “What’s wrong?”
I gritted my teeth. “Danny, would you give us a minute, please?”
He looked confused, but nodded. Nora took me by the hand and brought me into the kitchen. “Are you ok?”
I winced and whispered to her, “I am but I’m in a lot of pain. Whoever pulled me out of the pool wrenched my shoulders and I’m bruised all over from that jerk.”
She lifted up my blouse before I could stop her and sucked in a breath.
“Holy shit! Baby girl!”
Danny came flying in and he gasped. He ran to me and I quickly pulled my blouse back down and threw my shoulders back.
“I said I needed a minute.” He pushed past Nora and reached for my blouse. “Danny! Don’t.” Too late. He already had it up around my ribs and I was too weak to pull away from him. “Danny, please let go.” The pain in my voice got through to him where my anger didn’t.
He cupped my face in his hands and whispered, “God, Jesse, I’m so sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!” Tears were running down his face as he gingerly pulled me into a hug. He buried his face in my hair, whispering over and over how sorry he was. I fought to keep my composure and patted him on the back.
“Danny, I’ll be ok. I’m just sore, not broken. Now are you ready to get to work?”
He flinched at me like I slapped him. Then he got pissed. “Are you just going to pretend like this didn’t happen,” he whispered sharply.
I shook my head. “It happened, it’s over. We have more important things to worry about, so let’s go. I just hope you haven’t scheduled any more pool parties this weekend because we have a lot of work to do.”
I turned on my heel and walked around the kitchen and dining room into the bar. I wasn’t even that upset about what had happened. Sure, I was embarrassed, maybe a little humiliated. The important thing was that I was fine and it finally got through to Danny that he needed to wake up and realize what he had in front of him.
I sat gingerly at the bar and looked over the work. All he’d accomplished the night before was correcting his tests, which were now As. I finished grading them and turned to Danny, who was pulling at his lip.
“Good work on these tests. Now what did you want to work on today? You still have some tests on the computer-”
He held up a hand. I stopped speaking and waited for him to communicate. He stared at me for a long minute before he pulled out his phone and started to type. It took him several minutes to craft his response.
Are we going to talk about what happened? Can you forgive me for letting you get hurt? I’m sorry they were even here. The guys were sick of my attitude and thought a party would pull me out of my shitty mood. Guess I’ve been more of a dick than usual this week. I told them you were coming, but they said you’d appreciate a party as much as the next person and I didn’t know how to tell them that we, well, whatever it is we’re doing. Or not doing.
I read it thoroughly before looking up at him. “Danny, this is your house. I only came at 4:00 because we hadn’t decided on another meeting time. You could have called me or texted me and told me not to come. You’re allowed to throw parties.”
He looked frustrated and angry and started typing again.
I didn’t call or text because I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. I don’t even know what you’re still doing here.
Ok, that hurt. I swallowed hard and kept my voice low. “I thought I made it clear to you this week, last weekend, this whole time I’ve known you that I’m here to do a job and that is to help you get your diploma. You hired me, you paid me, and I always do what I say I’m going to do. Now if you’ve changed your mind, tell me. Otherwise, I’m going to keep coming at those times to meet with you, whether you are here or not, or even prepared. I can’t return the money to you because I sent it to my parents so I’m here to work.”
He flopped down in the chair next to me and whispered, “I don't care about the money, Jesse."
I took in a quick breath out of frustration. “That’s not the point. The question is, do you still want me here or not? If you’ve decided not to finish your diploma, I’ll tell the district to take the money out of my paychecks for the next year.”
He was shaking his head. “No! I want you! I just want you. Please don’t leave.” A tear rolled down his cheek and I nodded.
“That’s all you had to say. Ok. Let’s get to work then.”
Danny took some time to get over the shock, but he tried his best to concentrate. We worked diligently on his subjects until 8:00 Saturday night at which time I quietly packed my things and said goodnight. Sunday I was back at noon and we picked up where we left off. Monday Janey moved in so we postponed until Tuesday. From then on we worked every day from noon to eight at night, weekends included, with the exception of Tuesday and Thursday nights when I had to go to the dance studio. There was no playful banter, no off-topic discussions, only schoolwork eight hours a day.
Every day I’d come home exhausted but pleased with the progress we made. By the end of June, Danny had earned a total of 160 credits, including the 50 he started with. Jane sat with us a lot and asked questions. Danny still wasn’t speaking because the doctor refused to clear him, said he still had too much swelling. His little screaming fit irritated things even more, setting back his recovery. He gave him until the end of June to rest his vocal chords or he was going to have to go back in and do more surgery. Danny stopped whispering almost completely at that point, using his phone to communicate.
We started preparing for the exit exam in earnest. He earned credits for taking the preparation classes in both language arts and math. We also managed to finish his science classes, working in some fun kitchen experiments with Nora’s help so he could get his lab credits.
The end of the first week of July I told Danny I wouldn’t be able to work with him Friday or Saturday night.
“It’s the dress rehearsal and summer show for the dance studio. I’ll be back Sunday at noon.”
He nodded and Jane said, “Oh! Daddy, can we go watch the show? I love that kind of dancing, please?” He looked to me for permission.
“I can get you tickets if you’d like to go.”
He smiled shyly and nodded. Janey hugged him and kissed him. The two of them had been seeing a therapist once a week and Jane went on her own once a week as well. We didn’t talk about it, but Nora called me when I wasn’t there and filled me in.
“He comes home looking dazed but the two of them together are so wonderful. She’s so much happier. This was truly a great thing, her coming here.”
I think it was good for all of them.
Thursday night before the show I was working with a duo who were to be dancing to "Sing Sing Sing" when all of a sudden one of the girls collapsed, her knee giving out.
“Jasmine, I’m so sorry! Has this been bothering you?”
She nodded as I gave her an ice pack. “Yeah, I just didn’t want to stop because I knew how much this number meant to Sarah.”
Sarah cried for her friend, whose knee was swelling rapidly, and told her she wanted her to take it easy.
“It’s ok, we can always do it in the winter showcase.”
Jasmine and Sarah were in my advanced teen class and had danced together since they were nine. There was no competition between them, just love and support. I admired them and felt bad for them for missing this opportunity.
“Hey Jesse! Why don’t you dance it with Sarah! That way she doesn’t miss out and we can always come up with a new number or do it again by winter!”
I shook my head. “No, honey, it’s fine. We can wait.”
But Jasmine was shaking her head. “Sarah’s grandmother will be here from the Philippines to watch her danc
e. You have to do it with her!"
They both coerced, begged, whined and threatened until I agreed. Jasmine and I were the same size so I could wear her costume. I couldn’t believe I was agreeing to this, but I couldn’t let them down.
Dress rehearsal went without a hitch Friday night. The entire studio watched me dance with Sarah and the applause was thunderous.
“Wow, Jesse! You are amazing! Why aren’t you dancing,” the inevitable questions were asked.
“My body can’t handle the abuse. This much dancing is fine, but that’s my limit.”
Saturday morning I woke up feeling nauseous. At first I thought I had the flu, then I remembered it was a case of the pre-show jitters. It had been so long since I’d experienced them, I’d forgotten what it felt like! I prayed I wouldn’t fall and break something, or irreparably damage a vital limb, and drove to the theater to get ready for the performance.
Danny had asked for four tickets to the show and I wasn’t sure who he was bringing. The pain in my chest was still raw whenever I thought about the fact that we were getting close to him being finished with his diploma. I didn’t know what I could have done differently, but I knew in my heart that I’d finally found love and prayed that I survived losing it when this was all over.
The number I was dancing was near the very end so I busied myself with lining up kids, spraying on last minute hairspray, and tightening loose screws on tap shoes. I loved seeing the kids all dolled up and the theater always made my blood rush with pure joy. I forgot all about who may or may not have been watching the show.
It came time for Sarah and I to take the stage. We hugged backstage and went over our positions so we didn’t run into each other. The music started and I felt my stomach lurch with excitement. We stepped out onto a dark stage as the intro built and built with intensity. When the spotlights hit us, my lips found their perfect stage smile and I put my all into the routine. Sarah’s tap skills were almost equal to mine. We made a great pair tapping and spinning and leaping around each other. Her youth and dexterity set her apart from me and I watched her out of the corner of my eye, thrilled with all she’d accomplished.
When we finished, the crowd roared on and on with applause and cheers. We held our ending pose and then took a bow together. Roses were thrown on the stage and we gathered them up in our arms before running off stage together, laughing.
“Jesse that was amazing! Thank you so much for dancing with me.”
We hugged and then I ran back to change out of the costume and she got ready for the finale. When I entered the dressing room I found a humongous bouquet of red roses. There had to be more than forty! The card said, “Have a great show and please don’t break a leg, Love Janey and Danny.” Tears threatened, but I wiped them away, careful not to disturb my makeup. I changed quickly and hurried back to the wings to watch the finale. The kids were perfect and I was proud of their hard work. After the show there were hugs and kisses and giggles galore. It took about an hour to clear everyone out and clean the place up. When everyone was gone, I went back to the dressing room for my flowers, which I could barely carry, and headed out to my car.
The black Range Rover was parked next to my Honda, and Danny and Jane were standing next to it.
“Jesse!” Jane ran for me, her ankle now healed for the most part. She still wore a brace and had a couple weeks until she could ride again.
“Jane you shouldn’t be running,” I admonished her and hugged her with my free arm. “What did you think of the show,” I asked her.
She was beaming. “It was terrific! I asked Daddy if I can come take lessons from you when my ankle gets better and he said I could!”
I looked to Danny and he had such a look of love on his face, it shoved more shards of glass into the gaping hole where my heart used to be.
“I’d love to have you in class, Jane. New classes start in September if you are interested. I’ll give the information to your dad.” She hugged me again.
“I’m going to New York to see my mom tomorrow, so I won’t see you for a whole week. Promise you’ll start showing me some moves when I get back?”
I nodded. “Sure. Whatever you want. Have a great time.”
She climbed into the car leaving me and Danny alone in the parking lot. He held up his phone.
You were absolutely astonishing to watch.
I felt my face heat up. “Thank you, Danny. I’m glad you enjoyed the show. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”
He shook his head.
I can’t stand this anymore. I miss you so goddamn much, Jesse. I know I see you every day, but I can’t stand it. I can't stand feeling like this.
“What do you mean,” I whispered, afraid of the answer. His eyes held mine for a moment. He looked utterly heartbroken. Tears filled my eyes. I tried to blink them back before he noticed.
I know I fucked things up. I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to be with me if I had Janey with me all the time, like it might be too much pressure. And when you said we could take a break, I thought that was you telling me you didn’t want to be with me anymore. If I was right, then I guess we’ll just finish my diploma and that will be it. If I was wrong, will you please tell me? I can’t stand this silence anymore.
Oh God.
“You having Janey in your life is a gift. I want to be a part of your life, too, but I would never want to be in the way. I was only trying to keep from being another burden on you. I never wanted to give you up, but I was willing to if that’s what you needed.” This hurt so much. “I need to go. Thanks for coming tonight.”
I climbed in my car, leaving him standing there with his phone in his hands, the disgusted look on his face. The smell of roses in the car carried me home and when I brought them into my apartment, I put them next to the bed so they’d be the last thing I saw before going to sleep and the first thing I’d wake to.
Chapter Sixteen
Physically, I felt surprisingly good the morning after the show. I chalked it up to the adrenaline rush and got ready to go to Danny’s. Emotionally, I was just numb. I made myself forget about Danny’s words from the night before because it hurt too much. I heard a buzzing and rummaged through my purse for Danny’s iPhone.
Taking Jane to Brooke’s today to get ready for their trip. Can we meet later, around 5:00?
I texted him back saying that was fine and crawled back in bed so I wouldn’t have to think anymore. When I woke up the second time it was to a loud banging on the door. I threw on Danny’s shirt that I’d conveniently never given back and opened the door. Cosmo was there with his hands on his hips.
“How is it that I had to hear from my little cousin that you danced last night? Why didn’t you tell me you were performing? I’ve only been bugging you for five years to see you dance!”
I laughed and held the door open for him to come inside. He plopped down on my couch and looked up at me, waiting for an answer.
“I’m sorry. It was a last minute fill-in deal. A girl got hurt Thursday and in I went. It’s not like it was ‘So You Think You Can Dance!’ It was one tap number. You didn’t miss anything.”
His mouth broke into a grin. “You’re right. I didn’t. Her mom recorded the whole show and I watched it already! I even posted your number on YouTube!”
I threw a shoe at him. “Why would you do that!?”
He was laughing hysterically. “Because you were fucking amazing, that’s why! Damn, those legs were even hotter than I ever imagined. I had to say hello to my best friend after I watched it.”
He motioned getting himself off and I screamed at him. The other shoe hit him in the chest and he laughed harder. I plopped down at the other end of the couch.
“Seriously, Jesse Baby, you are one helluva dancer! I hope I get to see you perform again sometime.”
I gave him a dirty look and said, “Thanks a lot.”
He mocked my scowl and then laughed some more. “Still no smile, huh? You still holding out on Black?”
I shook my head
. “There’s no holding out. There’s nothing to hold out. He will be done soon and that’s that.” A fact that was killing me inside, but I didn’t need to advertise.
“You ain’t fooling me, baby. You’re totally in love with the guy. Does he even know?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. He was there last night with his daughter and he asked me after if I really didn’t want to be with him and I just told him that I had to let him go, that I didn’t want to be a burden.”
Cosmo shook his head. “You are too much of a damn martyr for your own good. A burden? Christ, you don’t ask for anything from anyone! How the hell can you be a burden?”
I really didn’t want to cry anymore and I was getting dangerously close. “Look, Cosmo, I can’t do this anymore! I love him, ok? I do. But it’s over. Now, unless you have anything productive to add, I’m going back to bed. I’m not going to his place until 5:00 so I have all day to lay in bed and pretend like my life is going somewhere.”
He groaned. “Alright. I don’t have time for a pity party today. I’ll see you later. Oh, and nice undies.” I looked down to see that Danny’s shirt only barely covered my panties when I sat on the couch. I threw another shoe at him, but it missed and hit the door as he closed it.
I didn’t make it back to bed. I stayed on the couch for several hours just dozing off and on. Around 3:00 I decided I should check with my parents so I called.
“Hi Jesse! How are you sweetie?” My mom sounded in good spirits.
“I’m good, Mom. How’s the new scooter working out?”
She said it was a lifesaver, that she started going to bingo with some friends from church and that she was getting out and around the neighborhood every day to get fresh air.
“That’s great, Mom. Listen, I am working with a student on his diploma for another couple of weeks. When I’m done, I’ll try to come up for a weekend, ok?”
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