She looked so sad. “You are too nice to him. I would have dumped his ass by now! I looked all over for you the other morning and he told me he’d sent you home. I told him he was being ridiculous and he was nearly in tears. He just said, ‘It hurts, Nora, but I can’t have Janey hurting. Better me than her.’ So I told him he needed to realize that it didn’t have to be all or nothing, but he was a mess. He hasn’t slept since you guys got back. He’s been either playing guitar, reading, or watching her sleep.”
I swallowed hard. “I hate this for him. I hate it that he’s trying to do this alone. How can we help him?”
She narrowed her eyes. “You hold his hands while I dunk his head in the toilet?”
I laughed.
“No, but trust me, that sounds good right about now. Let me think.” She nodded and I went to find Danny.
I sat next to him at the bar and he was typing up an essay for Catcher. I read over his shoulder.
“Sounds good so far. I sent Jane to choose movies for your Film Appreciation class and you have to watch whatever she chooses. After we watch a film this afternoon, I have to leave because Cosmo and the guys are taking me bowling tonight. Do you want me to come tomorrow?” He stopped typing and cracked his knuckles.
“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth. “And I don’t like it that Julian came to your class last night. What the fuck, Jesse?”
I took a deep breath and spoke calmly. “Danny, they asked in front of you whether they could come and you didn’t say anything to them, so they probably assumed it was ok. And please don’t swear at me like that again. I am doing my best to be here for you, as much as you’ll let me. You sent me away, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take your anger out on me.”
He had the disgusted look on his face as he went back to typing.
“How’s Jane been,” I asked him.
He nodded, still not looking at me. “She’s good. We went to the therapist this morning and she seemed much better. She said she’s worried about her mom, but understands why she can’t be with her right now. She seemed really happy to be here. She talked about how fun it is here, how much she loves Nora, how much she is looking forward to taking dance class with you and watching you boss me around.” He snorted.
“Sounds like she’s in a good place, Danny. You’re doing a great job.”
He finally looked at me and sadly shook his head. “No, I’m not. I keep fucking things up with you. I overreacted, I...”
“Daddy! Hurry up and finish your work so we can watch a movie! I picked a great comedy for us to watch, you’re going to love it!” She held up the DVD of Fred: The Movie and Danny groaned.
“No! Janey, please! You’re killing me!”
I laughed. “Oh, it must be a good one if your dad is having such a strong reaction to it. Hurry up and finish your essay, Danny. I can’t WAIT to watch this!”
He shot me a dirty look, but couldn’t hold back a snicker. He worked on his essay for another half an hour while Jane and I talked about books. It seems she liked to read but didn’t have many books.
“Maybe your dad would let me take you to a bookstore sometime.”
His eyes darted to mine, surprised. “I don’t mind. Whenever you want to go.”
I smiled at him, trying to express to him that I wanted to make things work and he seemed touched by that. I saw him wince as he looked back at his computer and start pulling at his lip.
“Great! Maybe tomorrow?”
She nodded. “Daddy, can we go after I go ride Misty? The doctor said I’m ready.”
He smiled at her. “Whatever you want, baby.”
She bounced up and down. “And when can I go to dance class?”
He looked at me and shrugged. “What do you think, Jesse?”
“I teach jazz on Tuesdays and tap on Thursdays. Which class did you want to take?”
She frowned. “Maybe jazz to start. I’m not sure I could do the tap. It seems complicated.”
I knew she would be fine with either, but I didn’t want to pressure her. “Well then, Danny why don’t you bring her to the Tuesday class at 6:00?”
His eyes lit up and he nodded. “Sure. Does she need anything for class?”
I looked over at her. “She can just wear some leggings and a pair of ballet slippers or jazz shoes. I can pick some up for you if you need them. What size are you?”
“I’m a six in women’s, but I already have some ballet slippers. Oh, but they’re at mom’s. Can you find some for me?”
I nodded. “Of course. This will be fun!"
Danny finally finished and we went into the theater to watch Fred. Danny groaned the whole time, and I could see why. I couldn’t help laughing at his reactions. He and Janey argued playfully for most of the movie, throwing popcorn at each other. She looked like she was having so much fun with him. It warmed my heart.
After the movie, I went out to the bar to gather my things and Jane followed me. “You’re leaving? But don’t you usually stay for dinner?”
I smiled weakly at her and said, “I do, but I wanted to give you and your dad some space. I know this has been a rough week for you.”
She shrugged. “But I like it when you’re here. I think he does, too. Jesse, do you have a boyfriend?”
I gulped. “Um, I...”
Danny walked in and looked at me expectantly.
“It’s complicated. I am very much in love with someone, but we aren’t together right now.”
She frowned. “Oh, that’s too bad. I hope things work out for you."
I looked at her and smiled, catching Danny’s eye. “I do, too. Thanks for choosing such a great movie, Jane. That was fun. I can’t wait to see what you come up with for next time. Goodbye, Danny.”
He walked me to the door and said, “Janey, I’ll be right back. I’m just going to walk Jesse out.” She walked towards the kitchen, eyeing him inquisitively, and Danny followed me out the door. He had his hands in his back pockets and stood next to my car with his head down.
“I’m sorry, Danny. I didn’t know what else to say to her.”
He lifted a corner of his lips but didn’t smile. “I know.”
He was quiet. “I don’t know what to do, Jesse. This is killing me. I miss you,” his voice was so weak.
I wanted to wrap him in my arms and tell him everything would be ok. “I miss you, too. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, Danny. It’s hard not to touch you, but can’t we just spend this time together? With Jane? If she gets used to seeing us together, maybe it won’t be weird for her. Think about it?”
He nodded. “It’s all I think about. I have my two girls, I should be the happiest man on earth, but I’m not. Not until I can be open about my feelings for you.”
“You can share your feelings with me, Danny. Whatever they are. Why don’t you write to me if you can’t sleep tonight? Or call me? I know I can’t be here, but we can still talk. I miss talking to you.”
He smiled, a little more hopeful.
“But Danny I have to say this. I’m not sure I can handle it if you turn me away like that again. I love you with all of my heart, but if you can’t have enough presence of mind to at least tell me you need some space without just shutting me out, then I’ll have to let you go for real. I’m not going to beg or hang around if you don’t want me here.” I swiped at a tear and he reached for me. “No, please. I just needed to say that. I understand why you did what you did. But next time I’m going to take you at your word and that will be it. Ok?”
Danny put his head down and the look on his face tore me in two. “I understand,” he said softly. “Goodnight, Jesse,” he said and walked away from me.
I got into my car and drove home. The tears stopped by the time I parked the car.
Cosmo and the guys were waiting for me. “C’mon Jesse! Let’s go bowl some balls! It’s Big Lebowski night!”
I smiled weakly at them. “Sounds great. Let me go change.”
Cosmo gave me a look that said he knew
I was struggling. I held up my finger to let him know I needed a minute.
I changed into jeans and a tank with sneakers and stepped out the door. I was putting my hair into a ponytail as I noticed a beautiful young woman climb the stairs. Cosmo held out his hand to her and she threw her arms around his neck. He kissed her erotically and she melted into him.
When they came up for air, Cosmo turned to me and said, “Jesse, this is Maria Gallegos. She works at my dentist's office.”
She turned to me and took my hand. “It’s so nice to meet you, Jesse. Cosmo says you are a teacher?”
I nodded. She was dressed in jeans and a tight fitting black t-shirt, wearing just enough makeup to highlight her stunning features. She wore her long black hair loose to the waist and she was just about my height. He wasn’t kidding. She had legs for days. Her caramel skin was flawless and her smile was blinding.
“It’s nice to meet you, too! I’m glad you could join us tonight.”
She smiled at Cosmo and he winked at her. Jinx, Johnny and Sam hugged me tight and fought over who would sit next to me in Jinx’s van. He’d put the seats back in so we could all go together.
The bowling alley was crowded, but Cosmo had called ahead to reserve us a lane. We bowled as a team against a group of guys from a local butcher shop. They were showing The Big Lebowski film on the wall and we all called out our favorite lines. Cosmo brought us pitchers of beer and I had a glass, going along with the spirit of the evening. I knew it might be a bad idea, but I just wanted to have fun. Three glasses later I was beyond tipsy. Our team lost tragically, but we still had a blast. Maria and I talked girl talk and she shared that she and Cosmo had been on a couple of dates, but she was old fashioned and refused to let him have his way with her.
“If he’s worthy, he’ll wait,” was how she explained it. I admired her fortitude. The way he’d cleaned up for her and was watching her with full-on bedroom eyes, I don’t know that I would have been immune. He’d even taken a shower for her and it was only Friday! He was different in her eyes than the Cosmo I knew and loved. He was trying really hard to be respectable and seemed to welcome the challenge.
Johnny, Sam and Jinx asked me about Danny and I told them things were on hold.
“Does that mean I can ask you out, Jesse?” Sam had the cutest puppy dog eyes and I wished the girlfriend fairy would grant him a wish.
“No, Sam. I appreciate the offer, but I’m in a bad way over Danny. And I’m too old for you.”
He pouted for a minute and then shook it off. He put his arm around me and said, “I’m sorry you’re in a bad way, but it’s his loss, Jesse. At least we got to see you. It hasn’t been the same without you yelling at us. I’ve missed you.”
In a weird way I’d missed them too. By midnight I was exhausted and feeling pretty loose-jointed. I leaned on Jinx on the way out to the van and they all teased me about being a lightweight. Cosmo scolded me and said I better take medicine and drink lots of water before bed or I would regret it in the morning.
“Ok, Dad,” I giggled. When we got back to the apartment there was a huge bouquet of flowers in front of my door.
“Fuck me, Jesse! That’s one of our most expensive products! Dude’s got good taste, that’s all I gotta say,” Jinx exclaimed. I was still a little wobbly so he picked it up and carried it inside for me. I wished them all a good night and they thanked me for coming with them. Cosmo peeked his head in a few minutes later.
“Hey Jesse?”
I was just in my bra and jeans, but too loopy to care. “Yes, Cosmo?”
He smiled and his eyes bugged out. He swallowed and said, “Did you feel like you had a life?”
I nodded. “I did, and you better be nice to Maria. She’s a keeper.”
He blew me a kiss and shut the door, telling me to lock it. I stumbled over to lock it and then promptly went into the bathroom and threw up.
I felt better after a couple more trips to the porcelain god. I brushed my teeth and put on one of Danny’s shirts. It smelled like him and I held it up to my nose so I could breathe in his scent. I looked at the flowers and smiled. I reached for the card with a hesitant smile.
For the woman who gets me
who holds my hand and lets me
cry, laugh, scream, rage and breathe
For the woman who has stolen my heart
taken my breath, my fear, and my sanity away
Who loves me even when I am the hugest jackass on the planet
You asked me to be patient, but now I ask the same of you
Please don’t stop loving me. Please wait for me. Please don’t give up on me.
Love, Danny
I laughed and cried and reached for the phone before I had time to think. I typed out a text to him
You are a huge jackass and I love you anyway
I will be patient as long as you give me reason to
I am not even going to try to write something profound because I tried to have a life tonight and I just threw it up in my toilet.
I love you, Jackass
Jesse
I must have passed out with the phone in my hand because it started buzzing and I thought I was being tickled. I started giggling uncontrollably and when I figured out it was Danny calling and answered, I couldn’t speak.
“Jesse, you ok? Are you sick?”
I just giggled and giggled and he kept trying to talk to me. “I’m sorry, baby. I think someone turned on the laughing gas. I can’t stop giggling.”
He exhaled loudly in the phone. “Are you drunk?”
I giggled some more, which led to more loud exhales. “I think I might be, Danny. Cosmo bought beer and then we had to have White Russians! It was Lebowski Night!”
He grunted into the phone and maybe cursed, but it was hard to tell over my giggling.
“Please tell me you are home, in your bed, by yourself, with the damn door locked,” he said in a tone that had me thinking he was probably clenching his jaw tightly.
“Yes, Mr. Bossypants, I am. But you better unlock that jaw of yours. Maybe you need a beer,” I giggled and I heard him curse again.
“You are impossible,” he whispered and I heard a chuckle.
“I’m impossibly impossible. It’s highly possible I’ll be feeling impossibly like shit in the morning, but I possibly had fun tonight.” I hiccupped loudly and this time he actually laughed.
“I’m glad you had fun, honey. Did you like the flowers,” he asked in a low voice and I moaned softly.
“They were beautiful, baby. I love them. But they don’t smell as good as your shirt that I stole.” More giggling.
“You stole my shirt? Which one,” he asked in a playful voice.
“Your Black Sabbath shirt. You left it on the floor and somehow it ended up in my bag. Oops. It’s just so comfy and it smells like you. I like your smell.”
It was his turn to groan. “Are you wearing my shirt, Jesse? Are you naked in my shirt?”
“Mmmm hmmmm. Naked in your shirt in my bed, yep. Are you naked in your shirt in your bed?”
I hiccupped again and he said, “I hate to say this, but you are so fucking adorable when you are drunk. And no, I’m not naked in my shirt in my bed. I’m just naked in my bed.”
Oh. Wow.
“In all that black satin, Danny? It’s so slippery. The first time I saw it, I wanted to jump on your bed and slip around on it, but I didn’t want you to think I was a silly fangirl.”
He laughed. “When was that?”
“When you and Janey were swimming. Nora sent me for towels. I didn’t want to go in your room, but I couldn’t resist a little peek.” More giggling and sighing. “I liked being naked in your bed even better than being naked in your shirt in my bed. It’s kind of lonely in my bed.”
“Fuck, Jesse. Don’t say that. I’m hard enough as it is just picturing you in my fucking shirt.”
Oh. Serious talk.
“So then I shouldn’t tell you that I have no panties on and my nipples are a littl
e bit hard.” More groaning and cursing. I could hear the sheets rustling.
“Oh, honey, you keep talking like that and I’m going to lose my shit over here.”
I moaned. “Are you touching yourself, Danny?” What started out as an innocent flirtation was getting downright hot and heavy.
“I am. Fuck me, I can’t help it, Jesse. Are you touching yourself?”
I purred as I reached down and felt just how affected I was by this conversation. “Oh, Danny. I’m imagining it’s you touching me. You make me feel so good.”
More groaning, cursing, rustling, panting.
“I want to touch you again, Jesse. I only just started making you feel good. Did you like it, honey? Do you want more?”
The combination of Danny’s sexy-as-all-get-out voice, his smell all over me, and my hands mimicking how he stroked me had my hips straining and my muscles tightening.
“Oh, Danny, I’m so close, I’m going to... I’m...”
“Fuck, let go, honey. I want you to come.”
I saw white as every synapse in my brain fired, every nerve ending exploded and my muscles blissfully contracted until I was screaming his name and panting through an insane orgasm. On the other end of the phone I heard Danny say my name hoarsely and then moan softly for several beats.
We just had phone sex. And that set me giggling again.
“Oh, honey, I don’t know what just happened. but I just came so fucking hard. Jesus, I fucking miss you. I want you here. I wish I could roll you over and get all up in you until we were both screaming.” I was still giggling and he said, “Are you still with me, Jesse or have I lost you?”
“Of course I’m still with you. I just can’t stop giggling. Hmmm, that felt so good. I’ve never had phone sex before. Did I do it right?”
“God, Jesse, the answer to that is all over my fucking sheets right now. I’ve done more laundry this past week.” More giggles. “You are killing me with those giggles. Seriously, honey, are you ok?”
I sighed. “I’m great now. I’m sleepy and I smell like you. Danny. I love you, Danny.”
The last thing I remember him saying was, “I love you so goddamn much, Jesse,” which set me to giggling again but then I must have dozed off.
Teacher Page 29
