His father stepped aside to allow Rick to enter.
After years at war with his dad, he sensed a glimmer of hope as he stepped inside. And for the first time in his adult life, Rick felt as if he was finally his own man.
China rubbed bleary eyes. She’d practiced her first speech for class a dozen times, tweaked it until it sounded exactly the way she wanted, and practiced it again and again. Her stomach got queasy each time she thought about tomorrow’s assignment. It was necessary, though. She’d made the decision to take the lead in her life, instead of letting her past control her.
After one last speech rehearsal, she gathered up her paperwork for the community fair the next weekend. She studied the list of participants, made check marks by those who’d already committed themselves, and highlighted the people she still needed to contact.
At close to one a.m. she crawled into bed, satisfied that in every other aspect of her life, except where Rick was concerned, things were going well.
Making herself a promise that she would deal with Rick the following week, after the community awareness fundraiser for safe teenage driving, she turned off the light. The thought of facing him sent a hailstorm of fear through her heart, but she owed herself one last chance at happiness.
Something woke her at a quarter to four. Disoriented, China sat up and tried to gather her wits. Was the alarm going off? Was it already time to get up? She followed the piercing sound to the phone and picked up the receiver.
“Hello?”
“It’s Sierra. Come quick. Mom’s on her way in to the ER.”
The next moments blurred by. China blew through her house. She threw on her clothes, splashed water in her face and brushed her teeth. In the car, driving faster than she’d ever allow herself normally, she shot onto the freeway.
Shaking and fumbling with the combination buttons on the entry pad to the ER door, she dropped her purse and tried again. Her mind was in a shambles, her hands jittered, and she couldn’t remember the code to get in. The doors swung open. Someone from inside must have seen her and pushed the buzzer to allow her to enter.
The night charge nurse, with an empathetic glance, pointed to the cubicle swarming with paramedics, doctors, nurses, her sister, and Rick.
Rick? He must be doing a double shift. A bolt of hope for her mother coursed through her.
Sierra rushed to her side, grabbed China’s arm and held tight. Intense eyes glowed out from her white face. “She woke up with severe jaw pain and at first thought she was having indigestion, but it got worse. She called me and I called 911. I told her to take an aspirin, breathe deeply and cough hard and often until the paramedics arrived.”
China understood that heart attacks manifested themselves differently in women than men. Her mother’s jaw pain may have been more indicative of an MI than the usual chest pain and extreme pressure for a man. Taking deep breaths would have forced oxygen through her lungs and deep coughing would have massaged her heart. Doing both together might even have generated enough energy to break the life-threatening heart rhythm. Sierra had thought of everything and the suggestions may have bought precious time and saved her mother’s life.
They hugged each other in relief. “You did good, sis.”
“Her heart rhythm is all over the place. Looks like an elevated ST segment on the EKG. Rick gave her nitroglycerin and morphine. The labs have been drawn and oxygen is in place. All we can do is wait and hope for the best.”
“She’s in good hands now,” China said.
Sierra nodded, and together they watched the emergency technicians leave and the on-call doctor and Rick take over. One nurse fussed with the IV, as though it had stopped running.
Rick applied a tourniquet to Cass’s other arm and expertly slid in a new intravenous line in no time at all, switching the saline bag from the infiltrated IV to the new one.
The heart monitor alarm started blaring. China watched as Rick’s head shot up. The other doctor said something to him and he dashed for the crash cart. She fought the impulse as a nurse to run into the room, but knew her emotions about her own mother being the patient would make her useless.
Sierra squeezed her hands and they stood helpless and frozen in place as Rick announced, “Code blue. We’ve got a code.”
Though out of fashion, the doctor gave a precordial thump to Cass’s sternum to help jump-start her heart before Rick returned with the cart.
Rick helped the nurse set up the ambubag for ventilation, and once in place and aerating her mother he began external compressions. A second nurse applied the pre-jelled defibrillator pads and turned on the machine. An eerie mechanical voice announced the dangerous rhythm. “Ventricular tachycardia. Deliver shock.”
The doctor called, “All clear.” Everyone stepped away from the bed. The machine automatically delivered the shock via the pads. After the shock was delivered, Rick immediately continued compressions as the nurse used the ambubag to breathe for her mother.
The on-call anesthesiologist and pharmacist both arrived, looking rumpled, with their emergency equipment, as if they’d been awakened from the sleeping rooms. One doctor stepped toward Cass’s head and the other stood by the IV.
The pharmacist injected a bolus of what China assumed was epinephrine into the IV as CPR continued. The anesthesiologist tilted Cass’s head back and attempted to slide an airway into her throat. The first try wasn’t successful. He repositioned her head, and re-applied the bellows over her mouth and nose to artificially breathe for her while CPR continued.
“Deliver shock,” the machine instructed again.
“All clear.”
Rick stopped his compressions and stepped away. So did the anesthesiologist. Rick briefly glanced at Sierra and China, his face contorted with concern.
China held her breath.
After the electrical jolt and a straight-line pause, a slow sinus rhythm blipped across the monitor screen.
The anesthesiologist tried again to intubate Cass, but her hand shot up and grabbed his wrist, startling him.
China smiled as her heart quivered with hope. She squinted to watch the monitor above the bed.
Finally, the alarm stopped.
She glanced at her sister and burst into tears. They clung to each other like they might disappear if they didn’t hold each other tight. She thanked the heavens for delivering their mother into the best hands possible when having a heart attack and, more importantly, for their mother having the sheer will to survive. The ever-rebellious Cass would have nothing to do with death, not tonight anyway.
The specialists cleared out of the patient cubicle. Only the doctor, one nurse, and Rick remained.
China saw Rick linger, pat her mother’s hand reassuringly, smile and say something, when he thought no one was looking.
She’d heard him say it before to other patients after codes, and if she remembered it correctly, it went something like, “Welcome back, Ms. Seabury. It’s going to be a great day.”
Her heart lurched when her mother reached up and patted his arm. She ran toward her mother, Sierra following quickly behind.
The other doctor scribbled orders on a green admission sheet. He stuck his head out the door and called to the charge nurse. “We’re sending Ms. Seabury to the cath lab stat.”
“If you’re short on nursing staff, Sierra and I can help transport our mom.”
“Since she got to the ER in less than four hours, and she’s well under seventy-five, I could go with timely thrombolytic therapy,” the doctor said to them. “But I think cardiac catheterization is the right thing to do this morning. We’ll see where we need to go from there. Oh, and her blood pressure is low, so I’m adding a dopamine IV piggyback. And if you ladies want to help transport her to the cath lab, that’s fine with me.” He placed his pen behind his ear. “I don’t have too many nurses to spare this morning.”
“I’ll go, too,” Rick said in a guarded tone. He glanced at China and quickly away, all business.
China held her m
other’s limp hand and cast her a worn-out, reassuring glance.
“I’m not ready to say ‘when’ yet,” Cass said in a raspy voice. “So let’s do this thing and fix me up for another twenty or so years.”
The doctor squeezed out a smile, retrieved his pen, and finished his notes. Rick placed the portable heart monitor on the foot of the gurney before he placed the oxygen tank by Cass’s side. It hissed through the mask over Cass’s face.
“I’ll steer the infusion monitor,” Sierra said, rolling the IV to the head of the bed.
China kicked the bed lock free and joined her sister at the front of the gurney. Rick pointed for them to go to the rear of the bed and guide it, while he pushed. Together, the three of them headed out of the ER at six a.m., and toward the hospital employee elevators for the second floor cardiac catheter lab.
China concentrated on her mother, making sure the oxygen mask was properly in place and that the heart monitor remained intact with a normal sinus rhythm.
“Oh, quit fussing with me, China baby. They gave me something that’s making me feel pretty damn good right now.”
“Mom, we almost lost you tonight. I’ll fuss all I want.”
She helped navigate through the quiet hospital corridors to their destination, pretending to be incensed but secretly thrilled her mother was already bouncing back to her previous brazen self.
“What are you doing, working tonight, Rick?” Sierra broke the silence.
“I switched with Gavin so I can catch a plane to Seattle this afternoon. I’m interviewing for a position at the veterans’ hospital there.”
China’s stomach dropped to her knees, and she almost tripped on the bed. What about, “When you’re ready to talk, you know where to find me”? Hadn’t he meant it? Had she waited too long? How foolish of her to think after the community fair would be soon enough to tell him how she felt. Her mind raced furiously with questions and fears about losing Rick, but almost losing her mother was foremost in her mind, and she brushed them away.
“But what about fighting the system and going to the union?” Sierra said, guiding the gurney a bit harder and faster.
“I’ve finally made peace with my father, something I came here to do two years ago. He still hasn’t come around, but I’m OK with that. I don’t expect him to any more.” He cast a sideways glance at China. “Maybe it’s time to move on.”
A dagger in her chest couldn’t have hurt more than the pain she felt at his words. Rather than let on, she pretended to be preoccupied with pushing the elevator button.
The rest of the transport was a blur. All that was real and exciting and treasured in her life had crumbled in one night. She studied her mother, the bold, grab-life-by-the-tail woman, who now looked alarmingly frail. She thought about Rick, ready to cut his losses and run. What was left for her? Endless fundraising?
They arrived in the cardiac cath lab and Rick gave his report to the on-call doctor and nurses. No sooner had he finished than his beeper went off.
He nodded at Sierra, then toward China.
A look that she could only describe as uncertain clouded his gaze when he lingered and searched her eyes for the beat of one breath.
“I’ve got to go,” he said.
She couldn’t find her voice to respond, so she stood mute and watched him leave until her eyes fluttered closed.
Once their mother had been rolled into the procedure room, Sierra impaled her with a fierce challenging stare. “Do you love him?”
Tears welled and China swallowed hard, fighting the urge to cry. “No. Yes.” Her hands fisted. “I don’t know.”
“Are you going to let the catch of the century walk out like that? What the hell’s the matter with you?”
“I don’t know.”
Fear for her mother, pain for Rick, every thought and feeling she’d suppressed over the course of the last few hours rushed out at once. She convulsed into tears.
Sierra wrapped her in her arms then rocked her. “Oh, kid. This all sucks so bad.”
China collected what control she had left and wiped her eyes, trying desperately to recover. At least their mother had survived, and she had her community project to keep her distracted. And heaven only knew how much more work she had to do before all would be ready by that weekend. Weary and drained, she leaned against her sister for support.
She refused to succumb to pessimism. Feeling life spinning out of control, she refused to give in, and steeled herself for the days ahead—her mother’s recovery, Rick’s departure and the possibility of never seeing him again, and the biggest community event of her life.
Now the only question was whether she was strong enough to make it through it all alone. And more importantly, when the time came to finally set the public record straight, would she be ready?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHINA hardly slept for the next few days. What with her mother’s recovery, the demands of work, and Saturday’s community event, she was too nervous. She’d lain awake at night and stared at the ceiling, going through every aspect of her plans. Everything was set and the weekend loomed ahead. There was no turning back.
She practiced her welcome speech one last time before rolling out of bed to prepare for work. She’d switched with one of the day shift nurses in the ER to allow for Friday night off. There would be too many last-minute details she’d need to attend to early the next morning to work the evening shift the night before.
An hour later, she parked in the usual place in the parking lot and strolled toward the hospital. Up ahead, she thought she saw Rick’s distinctive frame—tall, broad shoulders, long legs, and narrow hips but he was in street clothes instead of scrubs. He’d been gone for several days. Her heart hopped and she inhaled a quick breath. What would she say if she ran into him face to face?
Fearing that, and knowing she could never stand another farewell glance like he’d given her in the cath lab earlier in the week, she steered away and entered the side door to the first hospital floor. She stuck her head inside the double doors and peered one way and then another. The coast was clear, so she made her move and dashed toward the ER entrance.
Inside the ward, Rick stood talking to the charge nurse. They laughed and hugged awkwardly. He bade her goodbye and turned to leave. Emotional coward that she was, China ducked for cover where she could watch him unobserved. Hands now in his pockets, he came to a stop and lingered for a second with a nonchalant glance around the room.
She couldn’t allow herself to hide. Hadn’t she turned to a new page in her life? She took a deep breath and stepped into his path. His eyes widened with surprise.
“If you’ve got a minute, I’d like to talk.”
“Gosh, China.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve got a meeting I’m already late for.”
“I need to tell you how sorry I am for the way I acted. I want to apologize for the things I said about your relationship with your father. It was none of my business.”
“Can we talk about this some other time?”
Realizing she’d lost him, her heart ached. He must have read her expression.
“Listen, don’t worry about it. You did me a favor. I’ve got to go.”
Yeah, she’d done him a favor all right. Next time, before he gets involved with anyone, he’ll check out the merchandise before it’s too late.
If she’d held out any hope of working things through between them, they dissolved before her eyes when he walked out the door. At least she’d made amends.
“You’ll live. You can do this. It’s for the best,” she muttered, as she put her purse in her locker, biting back tears, and prepared for the nurses’ report.
Sierra arrived in the medicine room fifteen minutes before the change from day to evening shift, breathless and excited. “I just heard they’ve hired someone for ER supervisor.”
“Who is it?” China said, more hopeful than she cared to admit, preparing to count the narcotics with her sister.
“It’s all hush-hush,
but they’re going to announce it on Monday.”
China counted and called out numbers. Sierra carefully recorded them on the goldenrod class II drug sheet. They countersigned and took a quick break together in the nurses’ lounge before China’s shift ended and Sierra’s began.
“I may have an announcement of my own by Monday.”
Sierra’s eyes widened. “What? Tell me?”
“Stay tuned, big sister.”
Sierra shook her head. “You’re a pain, you know that? Speaking of pain, here’s Mom’s grocery list. She’s playing us like the lottery since she got discharged.”
China took it and rolled her eyes. “Half of this stuff isn’t even on her cardiac diet.”
“Do you think it matters to her?”
They studied each other, both knowing that Cass would never be one to bend to conventional wisdom about anything.
“Mom and Timmy and I will drop by the park tomorrow around eleven, OK?”
China nodded, and her mouth went dry. Eleven was when she intended to give the welcome speech at the community fundraiser. A flutter of nerves made the fine hair on her neck stand on end. How would she manage to not fall apart?
The late fall weather, in typical Indian summer fashion, had taken a decidedly warm turn by Saturday morning. China pulled on a new pair of khaki shorts, the first phase of her fresh start. She hadn’t shown her legs in public since her senior year in high school, ten years previously.
She stood before her mirror and examined her thin thighs and misshapen calves, covered in gashes and scars. Were they as horrible as she’d thought all these years? Bottom line—her legs were functional, and she was grateful, but still the thought of displaying them in public made her tremble.
She buttoned her short-sleeved white blouse, threw on some sandals and swept up her hair into a long ponytail. She collected her clipboard with the massive amount of papers she needed, and by seven a.m. was heading out the door for the neighborhood park.
Her L.A. Knight Page 13
