“But I feel guilty.” Mirisa turned and looked at her husband.
“Did you feel guilty when you threw me in?”
“Absolutely not.” Meeks lit his cigar and wondered whether or not Mirisa was angry.
“Then I am sorry that I was too drunk to enjoy it.” She climbed up on the bed and straddled him. He reached up and undid her robe.
“I thought I wasn’t going to get sex?”
“No, I said you weren’t going to use it to apologize. I don’t think I have ever not accepted any offer you have made.” She slid down so she was lying on his chest and he lightly rubbed her back. “Sometimes I just like the warmth of you next to my skin.”
Meeks put down his cigar and rolled Mirisa over realizing that she had bruises down the outside of her thigh to her knee. “You were awfully beautiful last night lying in the hay.”
“Thank you but I’ll have to take your word because I don’t remember much of last night.”
“Well, you haven’t been that drunk since the wine cellar but I really must apologize for hurting you.”
When they came downstairs, the breakfast dishes had already been cleared off the table. The butler appeared and asked them what they would like for breakfast. Mirisa sat down across from James as Meeks poured them both a cup of coffee.
“Mirisa.”
“Yes Dominic.” Mirisa put sugar in her coffee and slowly stirred it. She was wearing a light purple wool dress with her hair tied back with a ribbon. He thought she looked so innocent and last night stripped him of what control he might have possessed when near her. Dominic thought about the first night he watched her sleeping and how young she was, the first time he kissed her and the first time she made love to him. He realized that she always controlled the sex and yet none of them ever realized it.
“Dominic?”
“I’m sorry; I forgot what I was going to say.” Dominic poured another cup of coffee and sat back. Mirisa nodded as they put a bowl of hot oatmeal in front of her.
The night was pretty much seared in James’ memories. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“My grandfather always told me if you drink the best whisky, or maybe it was bourbon, straight up you never regret it in the morning. I feel fine other than the bruise on my ass from the rock I landed on in the pond.”
“Do you want me to look at it?”
Meeks looked up at him. “James, bruises don’t require any kind of medical attention. The fact that Mirisa thinks you saved her life is enough to convince me to keep you away from her for a while.”
“Well, I admit that I did go to great measures to pull her out of the pond after you threw her in.”
“James, it was only two feet deep. I don’t think she would have drowned.”
Garnett stood trying to cradle Elizabeth without waking her. He took her up to the nursery laying her down on her stomach as she stretched and began to suck on her hand settling back down. Garnett put the little pink and white blanket over her and brushed her hair off her face.
As Garnett walked past the large library, he saw Mirisa sitting behind her grandfather’s desk. It was so big and ornate. Mirisa opened the middle drawer and pulled out his magnifying glass. She turned it over in her hand and the tears filled her eyes. Mirisa hated the high emotional periods that she went through. The memories, the losses and the dreams just seemed to pull her down. Even though they didn’t come often they were always so uncontrollable when they did.
Garnett walked over and squatted down as he turned the chair to face him. Garnett reached up and took her right hand in his. “Mirisa, what’s wrong?”
“For once I can’t give you an answer.” She curled her fingers in his. “Life just seems to roll over me with all these emotions and responsibilities that rob me of my confidence. I want to just go back to the first years when there was nothing to lose.”
“Sweetheart you are doing fine.”
“Are you going to be here for the meeting with Mr. Sinclare?”
“Do you need help?”
“I think I’m too withdrawn and emotional today to deal with men.” Garnett realized last night was about her needing reassurance from them.
“We’ll go over your notes when you are ready.” Garnett stood up and went back into the dining room. “Meeks, I think you need to go talk to her. Whatever led her to get drunk last night is finally emerging in tears. James and I can go over her notes with her and handle the meeting on the fund raiser.”
Meeks got up and went into the library. “It’s a beautiful desk but you look awfully small sitting behind it.”
“I feel awfully small.” She was doodling on a piece of paper. He walked around looking at the drawing of the ducks in the pond and pulled her up and sat down with her on his lap.
“We’re going to handle the meeting for you today. I think you need to go upstairs and soak in a hot bath for a while then we’ll go over your notes.” She put her head back and looked at him.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Mirisa got up and went up the stairs. The maid immediately went into the large bathroom and filled the tub. Mirisa laid her clothes on the bed and climbed in the tub. She had just closed her eyes when the sweet little whisper appeared next to her.
“Mommy?” Mirisa opened her eyes and both of her daughters were standing next to the tub completely nude with their clothes crumpled on the floor.
“Do you want to climb in with me?” Mirisa reached over and lifted Maggie in before she put Sara on her lap. They all washed their hair and made bubbles with the soap. They splashed water on the floor and lost the soap as it went flying across the room causing uncontrollable giggles. Meeks came in to find the bathroom covered in soap and water. They all looked up at him with the most innocent looks he had ever seen.
“This isn’t exactly what I considered relaxing.”
“No, this is what makes me realize that life shouldn’t always be so serious. Can you help get them out so they don’t slip on the floor?”
The maid came in with hot tea and hot cocoa for the girls. She cleaned up the bathroom and took out all of the wet towels. Mirisa slipped on her jeans and walked over and wrapped around Meeks who was reading to his daughters.
Mirisa was surprised as she watched Mr. Sinclair dismount and tie up his horse in front of the house. She was standing on the landing knowing that her husband would handle most of the meeting. Mirisa decided that she really needed to do something for all of them for Christmas. Dominic walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Mirisa leaned back and he bent down and kissed her under her ear.
“You drive me crazy when I can touch you and you haunt me when we’re apart.” Mirisa wrapped her hands around his arms and felt so safe. Dominic never realized how often he hurt her but he never allowed anyone else to. Dominic was always extremely over protective of her. “No one could ever love you as much as I do.”
Mirisa bit her lip because she didn’t want to fight so she just listened. Mirisa didn’t doubt his love despite the fact that there always were and would be other woman even if she went back to him. Mirisa reached up and ran her fingers over the small silver heart and thought about her husband. Meeks allowed her to make mistakes and to face the consequences and he always built up her courage and confidence unless she scared him. He was always making Mirisa push the limit, to reach for what she wanted and to think hard before she did something. He taught her the hard lessons while offering Mirisa a safe haven when she did get hurt. Mirisa looked up at Dominic and he reached up and brought her lips up to his.
“Dominic, you can’t change who you are and I am not happy under your restrictions.”
“He’ll slip one day when you least expect it.”
“If he does, I will forgive him.”
“You didn’t forgive me.”
“I did. You didn’t listen. I forgave you so many times, I punished myself over and over and finally accepted that nothing would make a difference. Even now you place a seed of doubt in my heart
knowing I am struggling. Would you rather break my spirit then wish me happiness. Is your heart that cruel?”
“Is that how you see me?”
Mirisa looked down biting her lip. “I will never leave Alexander.”
He pulled her closer. “I know but my heart doesn’t.”
A cold chill filled the alcove where they were standing and Mirisa pulled away from Dominic. He started to say something when Mirisa put her right hand on the scar across his heart closing her eyes.
Dominic could smell the acrid smoke from the corn stalks and the dampness of the night enveloped his entire body as he stood in the darkness. Sara was calling out a name as the panic ran through her cries. Dominic felt disoriented and slowly, slowly everything came into focus. Dominic watched Sara as she ran through the burning field then Dominic turned and looked at his house which was lit up from the flames on the lower floor. He felt the emotions as Jake picked Sara up and he reached out to touch the small baby handing it to Conrad. Mirisa could feel his emotions as the story unfolded. It even surprised her as they stood in the small cottage in the woods.
Conrad supported Algonquin as the labor progressed. When Conrad had returned from an assignment finding Algonquin in front of the fire rocking and chanting as the pains would come and go. It had been a difficult pregnancy not only physically but because it prevented her from traveling with Conrad and her brother, Sequasi. They had tried to convince Algonquin to remain with her people but she felt more comfortable in the cottage and refused to leave. Sequasi poured water on her lips and held her hands. Men were never allowed at the birthing of children but neither cared about tradition. Conrad had wanted to get Dr. Ross but again she said that she did not need anything except her strength.
The baby was born in the early morning hours as the sun was rising. He was small and had trouble breathing. Algonquin wrapped him in the suckling cloth and sat and rocked him while singing. Conrad again told her he wanted the doctor to look at them but she refused. He watched Algonquin for a week as she cared for the baby and she finally came to Conrad and placed his son in his arms.
"He’s so little." Conrad moved the cloth from near his face and his initial thought was that he looked so much like Jake. He thought about the night that Sara had Rachel on the edge of the river as the house burned and how Conrad never thought Sara would make it through the night. He was always amazed at the power of a mother when trying to bring a child into the world. "Are you going to take him to your village?"
"They do not accept us yet and therefore they will not accept your son or allow him to be part of the village."
"I’m sorry. I know how much it hurts you to be separated from them."
"My love for you is strong enough to carry me through the nights and your children will always wake me in the mornings as the birds rise to greet the sun."
Conrad took Algonquin in his arms and the three of them sat in front of the fire. As the weeks passed the baby became stronger, Conrad talked to her about naming him and she told Conrad that they could not have a naming ceremony though she called him her connection between the worlds. Conrad named him Philipe Dominic and when he was strong enough to leave the cottage he took him to Sara and Jake and asked that they record him in the family Bible. Sara was so taken by the small face that looked so much like Jake. She inquired about Algonquin and whether or not she could do something to help.
"She is not comfortable with being around our family and she only speaks French or her own language."
"I know she was with me at the river that night and I hope she understands that I owe her my life and that of my child." Conrad smiled and told her that Algonquin did what any woman of the Natchez would have done.
"Too many babies are lost to the world before they have a chance to even know they have been given life." Sara cradled him gently as she rocked back and forth before the hearth. "I love them when they are so little. I think he looks more like Jake than you but that is because his eyes aren’t as dark blue. He is going to be an extremely handsome child."
Jake knew that having more children was very risky for Sara though she refused to listen to either him or the doctor. She told him that she wanted to have a dozen children and she wanted to always lie in his arms. She was obsessed with living and he was obsessed with her not being able to handle birthing more children. Jake never wanted to live without Sara. They saw Conrad and Philipe regularly or as regularly as you ever saw Conrad. He was still disappearing frequently but suddenly would show up at breakfast either alone or with his son.
"Jake, I need to talk to you if you have a moment." He got up from the table and they went into the library and closed the door.
"What’s wrong?"
"The village is moving west in two moons. Algonquin’s parents have requested that we go with them and I think that it is time for Algonquin to return to her people. Her parents are old and frail and the trip will be very hard and probably impossible if she does not help them along the trail."
"Will we see you again?"
"Probably but what I need is to leave Philipe with you and Sara."
"That’s not a problem." He lit a cigar and leaned up against the mantle watching his brother.
"No, I need you to raise him." He had his back to his brother looking out the window. "He’s too young and weak to make the trip but Algonquin says that his life must be here with you."
Jake could hear the emotions in his voice as he was struggling with just talking.
" Algonquin says that he will bring peace to our family and that he cannot do so if he is raised in the village." Conrad turned and faced Jake. "She has sacrificed so much for my love but this is probably the most difficult thing I have ever been asked to do."
"You know that Sara loves him like her own and will make sure he is treated as if he is."
"I know. I don’t worry about that, I just don’t know how to let go of him."
"I can’t help you with that since it is something I don’t think I would be able to do." Jake sat down on the chair and wondered how his brother found the strength to do the things he did. Conrad didn’t even show this much emotion when their parents disappeared. They were made so differently. "I’ll talk to Sara but I know that she will do whatever you need."
"Thank you." He put on his hat and left the house.
Sara came into the library and stood waiting for her husband to address her. "Jake, what’s the matter?" He had her sit down and he talked to her for hours. He knew why Conrad didn’t want to talk to her because she cried during the entire conversation. Conrad started bringing Philipe to spend time with her regularly so that he would bond. It was difficult on all of them but they knew it was necessary.
"Conrad, will you come back?" Sara poured him a cup of coffee and sat down across from him.
"I will probably be back but his mother will not return." Sara nodded and thought how difficult it must be for her. He watched her face and knew that she could never consider leaving a child. The cultures were so different.
"Conrad, will she see me before you leave?"
"I don’t know. I don’t know if she’ll come." He stood up and told them that he would see them at the end of the week. Sara watched as he mounted his horse and her husband wrapped his arms around her knowing her heart was aching for him.
When Mirisa took her hand off of Dominic’s chest and released his hand, Dominic felt like they had been standing there for days when it had only been minutes. Dominic looked at her but she said nothing.
“Why are you doing this now?”
“I’m not. I’ve never seen this story.”
“Is Conrad here?”
“Conrad is always near the boys.”
“I thought it was you that he was protecting.”
“I was merely susceptible to his world.”
Mirisa watched as Dominic’s jaw set in anger. “Conrad doesn’t trust me?”
“With your sons? He trusts you completely and that is the only reason that I have allowed you to ha
ve them more. What he wants you to understand is your own history, your true family and why your sons are who they are and who they will become. It is Conrad who gives me the strength to live in your world and accept those things I still don’t understand.”
Dominic buttoned up his shirt, tucked it back in and asked her if she was coming downstairs for the meeting. Mirisa told him she would be down in a few minutes and Dominic turned and went down the stairs. Mirisa looked back out the window as the wind blew the snowflakes gently across her view. She put out her hand and touched the cold window pane. Conrad put his arms around her and was gone just as fast.
Mirisa walked into the library and they were all surprised that she was still dressed in jeans. Mr. Sinclare stood and greeted her though he was appraising her attire and it was obvious that he had never seen a woman in pants. She sat down and poured a cup of coffee sitting back to listen. They had everything under control and when he would make suggestions either James of Garnett would discuss the ideas before they agreed to a compromise. Dominic was quiet and she would find him watching her as though he wanted to talk. Mirisa hadn’t felt this unsettled since Conrad had first started invading her dreams. She was doubting the purpose of her life or her future.
“Mrs. Meeks, we need to discuss where you wish to put the Christmas trees.”
She turned from Dominic to Mr. Sinclare. “I think my husband as a sketch which has all the information you need.”
Mr. Sinclare shifted his weight nervously. “Do I need to pick up the decorations and bring them out?”
“The new decorations will be delivered here next Thursday.”
“Will I need any of the decorations that we usually bring out?”
“No.”
“Alright. I think that covers everything. The invitations have already been delivered and so far we have gotten a tremendously good response as well as quite a few special requests to be included. I think we might run out of invitations.”
Mirisa nodded. “Mr. Sinclare, is there anything you need from me?”
“No, well actually yes. I was told to inquire as to what you plan to wear to the event though for the life of me I don’t know why since you seem to dress very well though today you have been extremely distracting.”
The Visitor Page 10
