Desiree paused to observe him. ‘I’m getting there. There’s a guy in my building I’ve been on a date with. He might just be a new start for me. We’ll see.’
Jake grinned. ‘Well, I’ll expect to analyse that in the New Year. Deal?’
She patted his arm. ‘Deal. And I’ll bring New Year cookies for you as my belated Christmas gift – no arguments.’
‘You’ll get none from me. Merry Christmas, Desiree.’
‘Merry Christmas, Doc.’
When Desiree left, Jake set about tidying the desk in his office. He wanted Jess to see his new practice in its best light and, while his PA always ensured the reception and other consulting areas were kept in military-precise order, his desk had become a dumping ground for the detritus of his day.
As he worked, he considered the twists and turns of the last few days. He had been devastated when Bea blurted out her news about her boyfriend’s proposal and had spent the best part of the next day attempting to sweep up the pieces of his shattered illusions. But now he could see it had all been for the best. He had come dangerously close to declaring his feelings for her, when in reality only one man was enough for her to break her side of The Pact. It was what it was, and Jake didn’t need to spend any more time considering what might have been.
And then there was Jessica: still in New York and resolutely committed to addressing the issues that had splintered their marriage. Jake reasoned that his unwillingness to hear her out weeks before came from a place of defence: the confusion over his feelings for Bea merely a tool to allow him to discount anything Jess might want to say. If he didn’t have to listen to her, she hadn’t the power to hurt him. It was a classic case of evasion. He would have recognised it instantly in anyone else.
‘Hello?’
He looked up from his cleaning to see the familiar figure of his estranged wife standing hesitantly in the doorway to his practice.
‘Jess, hi.’ He walked into reception and greeted her with a polite kiss on her cheek. ‘Thanks for coming.’
‘I wanted to see you. So, this is your new practice?’
Jake looked around the calming interior of his offices. ‘Not bad for a few months’ work, huh?’
‘It’s great. And right on Broadway, too. I imagine it’s a good location.’
‘It’s worked so far. Won’t you sit down?’
‘Thank you.’ Jessica took off her camel-coloured wool coat to reveal a delicate lace shirt, figure-hugging blue jeans and tan boots. ‘It’s cold out there. Snowing again.’
Jake hung her coat on the stand by the door and poured two mugs of coffee from the percolator. ‘It’s a shock after so many West Coast winters. But I kinda like it. Christmas works better with snow.’
‘You always were a big kid.’ She took a sip of coffee, her eyes never leaving his. ‘I was surprised to receive your call yesterday. Have you thought any more about what I said?’
Ordinarily, her directness would have kicked Jake’s defences into action, but not today. There was much to discuss and very little time to waste avoiding the inevitable. Better to jump in …
‘I have. And I’m sorry for leaving like I did before. I wasn’t ready to hear it then. But I think I am now.’
Slowly, they began to pick apart the events of the year, beginning with Jessica’s decision to leave and working through to her recent change of heart. There were many questions Jake needed answering and for once he didn’t hold back, willing to hear the bad things as much as the good. He needed to understand why their once so seemingly perfect marriage had crumbled.
‘It was never you,’ Jessica confessed. ‘I know you’ve thought it was. I was unhappy, but you didn’t cause it. I saw what all my friends were doing and wanted what they had. I saw them either divorced or still single, managing their own lives and having fun. Setting up the design practice took its toll and I had begun to feel like an automaton caught in an endless circuit of activity. None of it felt like me any more. And then I came home to you every night and I could see how relaxed and fulfilled you were in your job … And I guess I was jealous.’
‘But my job was just one aspect of me,’ Jake protested. ‘Our marriage mattered more.’
‘I know. But at the time all I could see was you living your life and me feeling trapped with nowhere exciting to go.’
It was hard to hear. Jessica had always given the impression that her career was paramount, that it challenged her and gave her reason to keep forging forward. Jake never considered she could feel hemmed in by it. ‘Did I make you feel that way?’
‘Not directly, no. But I wanted more than the routine we’d settled into. I wanted excitement, something new to work towards.’
‘Then why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because –’ she looked away, emotion catching the edge of her voice ‘– I didn’t want you to see me as weak.’
Jake stared at her. How could anyone in his right mind think Jessica Steinmann was weak? ‘I would never have thought that. I was in awe of your career and drive, Jess. Always was. I thought that was what you wanted.’
‘It is – it was. To be frank, I didn’t know what I wanted.’ Her baby blue eyes met his again. ‘But I do now.’
Jake ignored the knots his stomach was contorting into. ‘What do you want?’
‘I want to start again.’
The pull of her words on Jake’s heart stole his breath. ‘Oh Jess …’
‘I mean it. We were in love for almost ten years of our lives, Jake, and I can’t believe I was ready to throw that all away. But we still have time. The final divorce consultation is on December 29th. We can call it off then. Both our lawyers will be present and they’ll see that we’re agreed this is the best course of action for us. If I told Don now that I was reconsidering he’d pressure me to continue. This way, we make sure they know what we want.’
Jake considered her suggestion. A week ago he would have argued that the 29th couldn’t come soon enough: that he wanted the divorce over and Jess out of his life for good. But that was when he was confused about Bea. Now, they needed more time: if for no other reason than to fully discuss what went wrong so they could learn from the experience. ‘I think you might be right. I don’t want to rush this any more than you do.’
Jessica’s smile was like the sun rising over the San Francisco Bay. ‘Then shall we do it? Call off the divorce at the meeting?’
Thrilled and terrified in equal measure, Jake agreed.
Harry’s Bar was packed with New Yorkers seeking refuge before the festive season finally arrived. It was five o’clock in the evening and already several of the drinkers were three sheets to the wind. Ed grinned as he slid a beer bottle to his brother.
‘I think we earned this, bro.’
‘I think we did. So how come Rosie let you out so soon after the wedding?’
‘Hey, I’m the man of the house, I’ll have you know,’ Ed protested. ‘OK, truth was she thought it would be good for me to see you. She’s worried about you, what with Jess back in town and Bea doing – well, that’s what I’m here to find out.’
Jake might have known that his new sister-in-law would be behind the surprise invitation from his brother. ‘Bea’s ex proposed. She asked me what she should do, so I told her to go for it.’
‘Really? Wow.’
‘Why are you so surprised?’
‘Nothing. It’s just – OK, I kinda have a confession to make. Rosie and I were hoping you guys would get together at our wedding. I know, you never needed us meddling in your life, but you and Bea had a connection, man! I mean it: both Rosie and I saw it and we were sure that, given the right conditions, it would grow into something special. I saw how you danced with her and the look on both your faces. You can’t manufacture that. It was more than friends.’
Jake turned his beer bottle on the polished wooden bar. ‘Turns out, it wasn’t. She didn’t want me that way: if she did she would have broken The Pact. As it is, she was willing to do that for Otis. And that w
as the answer I needed to hear. So, I told her to accept his proposal, if it was going to make her happy.’
Ed raised his eyebrows. ‘Well, your advice triumphed again, Dr Steinmann.’
‘I don’t follow …’
‘She accepted his proposal. Their engagement party is happening on the 28th. Rosie spoke to Bea this morning and she invited us to the party. I’m sorry, man.’
Jake found it hard to swallow as he knocked back his beer, but forced himself to smile. ‘It’s all good. Besides, Jess wants to call off the divorce.’
Ed nearly choked. ‘Say what? When did that happen?’
‘This afternoon. She came to my office and we talked it over. I think she’s right: things are happening too fast for us to take stock of it all. A little more time might help us repair what broke before.’
‘And this is what you want?’ Ed clearly didn’t buy it.
‘I think it is. I love Jess, bro. I always have. And yes, she hurt me, but nothing is ever irrevocable, is it?’
His brother said nothing, but Jake guessed his reaction to the news.
‘And look at it this way: both Bea and I will have what we truly want by the end of this week. She’ll be engaged, I won’t be divorced. Next year could be pretty significant for both of us. And we’re still friends, which means the most to me.’
Ed patted Jake’s shoulder. ‘Sure. If you say so. Just be certain this is what you want, OK?’
So much had changed this week and Jake felt he was still coming to terms with it all. But today had galvanised his decision: he was calling off the divorce.
CHAPTER FIFTY
Christmas in New York
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Please be happy, darling!
Dearest Bea,
Forgive the use of blasted email for this purpose, but I am writing a quick note to let you know that I won’t be at home over Christmas for our annual telephone chat. I am so, so sorry, darling, but I’m afraid it is unavoidable. Suffice to say that I will call you myself, very soon.
Well, even in the era of electronic mail, it seems life moves at a speedier pace! Since your last message I hear you are engaged? Congratulations of course and you already have my blessing if this is what you really want. I suppose the clarity afforded you by your recent experience with Jake helped your decision?
All I will say for now is this: please be happy, darling! You owe it to nobody but yourself to make the very best decisions for your life. Trust an old lady when she tells you that. My wish for you is that you never waste a second of precious time regretting decisions you made or should have made. To dust off an old cliché, life really is too short.
I trust you, my beautiful Bea, and I know that whatever your heart tells you to do will make you happy.
Have a glorious Christmas and I will speak to you soon.
Fondest love as always,
Grandma Dot xxxx
Bea had to hand it to Otis: once he’d received her answer to his proposal he had sprung into action. Before she knew it, the engagement party was planned, booked and paid for, Otis insisting on taking care of everything himself. Even Russ had been surprised by the speed with which his friend had organised everything. He had taken Bea’s hands in his after they closed the bookstore on Christmas Eve and smiled.
‘This is what you both needed to happen. I truly believe that.’
‘Do you think so?’
He nodded. ‘I do. And I’m happy for you. I know you think this is happening so fast, but maybe you’ve both been working towards this all along.’
Now, enjoying the cosy, romantic Christmas Day Otis had arranged for them at his apartment, Bea smiled to herself as her new fiancé worked in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to a lavish meal. Snuggled up beneath a faux fur throw with Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown playing on television, she looked at the sizeable diamond on her left hand. It was a beautiful ring and one she would have chosen for herself: maybe Otis knew her better than she had given him credit for. He certainly seemed happy. Last night she had woken in the early hours to hear him whispering promises to her. Lying still in bed, not wanting to break the illusion, she had listened as he had spoken of his determination to put her first, to give her the love he had failed to deliver in the past. When he finally rolled over to sleep, she had sobbed soundlessly into her pillow.
This is what you wanted all along, Bea James. This is the stability you need.
After a romantic Christmas Day with Otis and a riotous Boxing Day with Russ and Imelda, featuring too much alcohol and too many awful jokes, the day of Bea’s engagement party soon arrived. It was to be held at a gorgeous loft-style restaurant, which Otis had booked exclusively for the celebration. Bea dreaded to think how much it had cost him, but this – along with everything else Otis had arranged this week – indicated that money was no object to the delighted art gallery owner.
‘You look beautiful,’ he told her as she nervously awaited the arrival of their guests that evening.
‘Thank you.’
‘Smile, baby. This is what we both want, remember?’
Bea smoothed down the gunmetal grey satin of her Fifties-style evening dress, straightening the diamanté-studded black velvet sash at her waist. ‘Of course it is. Just pre-party jitters, that’s all.’
The restaurant waiters were hard at work making last-minute preparations for the party and Bea retreated to the bar to gather her thoughts. On one hand she was relieved to see everything happening so quickly – the concerns of the past week lost in the whirlwind of activity. But on the other, she felt a little like a leaf caught in a tornado, tossed and turned by forces beyond her control. Everyone had seemed to support her decision to marry Otis, which led her to believe that any reluctance she felt was down to nerves alone. Jake had given his blessing, Rosie had called to congratulate her and Russ and Imelda seemed convinced that her decision had been the right one.
So why did she feel so shaky this evening?
I’m just getting engaged, she reassured herself, it isn’t like this is my wedding day …
She and Otis had discussed possible ideas for their wedding, but she had made him agree that they would take their time before setting the date. After their rollercoaster relationship history, she needed to feel they had time to establish the new path they had embarked on. To be fair to Otis, while he would quite happily have married her on the spot, he accepted her suggestion to wait. So, once the engagement frenzy died down, they would be free to focus on the important task of building their lives on firm foundations.
Downing a small glass of brandy to calm her nerves, Bea prepared herself to meet her guests.
Celia and Stewart were first to arrive, Celia marching straight over to Bea to hug her so violently she was almost asphyxiated.
‘Darling, I’m so happy Otis came through for you. This is going to be a success, I can feel it!’
Otis strolled over to Bea’s side and shook Celia’s hand. ‘Thanks for being here, Celia. I know it means the world to my fiancée.’
Rosie and Ed arrived soon after and Bea was glad of their encouraging smiles. As the guests slowly filed in, Otis and Bea were wished happiness for their future and Bea could feel her confidence growing with every blessing bestowed.
When a lull in the arriving guests appeared, Otis moved a stray copper-red hair from her cheekbone and kissed her. ‘Baby, I have a surprise for you. Come with me.’ Taking her hand, he led Bea out of the main restaurant area to the entrance hall, where a noisy group of guests were peeling off coats and jumpers to hand to the startled cloakroom attendant.
Bea gasped and burst into tears.
There, laughing with Bea’s mother and father, was Grandma Dot. When she saw Bea she beamed and walked stiffly towards her, holding out her hands.
‘Bea, darling! Surprise!’
Overcome, Bea hugged her grandma. ‘I thought you couldn’t travel?’
&nb
sp; ‘I made an exception for my darling granddaughter,’ Grandma Dot replied, her watery blue eyes welling with tears as she cupped Bea’s face with her cold hands. ‘Your mother and father insisted I should join them. Me, a jet-setter, at my age!’
‘Did we get you, Bea-Bea?’ Bea’s dad scooped her into a large bear hug.
‘You did! It’s so wonderful to see you all. Especially when you’d only just got back home after your American adventure.’
‘Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,’ her mum grinned, joining in the family embrace. ‘This is a very special day: our little girl, settled and happy at last!’
Aunt Ruby, Uncle Gino and Gramps were next to arrive, Ruby already disgruntled about being ‘dragged out in the snow in the middle of the holidays’, but pacified with a glass of warm winter punch hastily thrust into her hand by Otis. As the family moved through to the restaurant, Grandma Dot held back, catching Bea’s hand.
‘I want to talk to you, darling, most urgently. That’s why I agreed to come to New York with your mother and father.’
Bea was delighted to have a few precious moments with her grandmother. ‘Of course, Grandma. Let’s hide out here for a while.’ She led the way to a candy-striped silk sofa in the reception hall and they sat down. ‘I can’t believe you’re actually here! It’s amazing …’
‘I don’t think this is what you really want.’ The abruptness of Dot’s statement stole the wind from Bea’s sails.
‘What?’
‘I don’t think you want to be with Otis.’ Her pale hand was cool as it rested on Bea’s.
‘I do, Grandma, I’m wearing his ring – look …’
Dot ignored Bea’s hand as she held it out. ‘A ring means nothing if there is no love behind the gesture. It might as well have come out of a Christmas cracker for all it’s worth.’
‘I think Otis spent a small fortune on it,’ Bea replied, suddenly on the defence. ‘He really has changed. I’ve never seen him like this before. We’ve talked so much about everything that’s happened and he’s determined to be the man I want him to be. I trust him. I know he’ll make me happy.’
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