by E. L. Todd
“Neil!” Stacy yelled into the phone. “We’re so happy to hear your voice. You have no idea how good this feels.”
“Honey, it’s me.” His mother stopped crying and came closer to the phone. “Honey, I love you. I love you so much.”
His voice turned soft. “I love you too, Mom…”
I cried just listening to this.
“I love you, Neil,” Vic said. “I can’t believe this is happening… I thought I lost you.”
He was quiet for a bit. “It’s gonna take more than that to keep me away from you.”
Vic’s eyes welled up with tears as he stared at the TV, looked at his brother talking to him on the phone. “Man…I can’t wait to see you.” He sniffed loudly, his voice breaking.
“Me too, Vic. You have no idea…”
We sat together at the dining table, still overwhelmed by the whole thing but a little calmer than before. Now that we’d all seen Neil’s face on TV, we knew he’d returned in one piece.
“I don’t think I can wait two weeks.” Vic had his arms on the table, his head tilted to the surface. “I’ve already waited two years. Why does he need to be in quarantine anyway? They think he’s got an alien living inside him?”
“They’re just being safe,” Stacy said. “And two weeks is nothing after what we just went through. We can wait.”
I’d seen him with my very own eyes, but I couldn’t believe he was alive. Every time I looked at the nighttime sky, I assumed his soul was up there, combined with a glowing star. But now, he was here again. Unbelievable.
“You think he’ll be different?” Kyle asked.
“I mean, he lived on a ship with five other people for two years,” Vic said. “I guess he’s got to be different. But he didn’t seem that way on the phone.”
Stacy looked at me. “Are you going to tell him?” Her eyes moved to Kingston in my lap.
“No.” I rested my chin on Kingston’s head. “At least not for a while.”
“How long?” Vic asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered. “He was just on a long mission where every decision he made had dire consequences. The last thing I want to do is burden him the second he gets home. Let him unwind. Let him get used to life again. Let him relax. Kingston isn’t going anywhere. No reason to rush into it.”
“That’s fair,” Vic said. “But one problem…”
I shifted my gaze from Stacy to Vic.
“He looks just like Neil,” Vic finished. “Brown hair, brown eyes…he looks nothing like Kyle.”
“Neil doesn’t know what my parents looked like,” I answered. “And you guys believed me when I said he was Kyle’s.”
“That was when he was a baby,” Vic argued. “Now that he’s older, it’s impossible not to see.”
I hadn’t anticipated that as a problem. “It doesn’t really matter because we aren’t going to see each other.”
“What do you mean by that?” Vic asked.
“I mean, we aren’t going to hang out or anything,” I said. “Why would he see me or Kingston?”
“You aren’t going to see him when he gets back?” Stacy asked incredulously. “We’re gonna have a big party and everything.”
I considered us to be friends, but I also considered us to be strangers. “He didn’t send me any videos. He didn’t talk about me when you were in communication with him. If we saw each other, I’d talk to him, of course, but I’m not really a part of his life, you know? I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be one of the first people to see him. It’s been two years… I’m kinda just his ex-girlfriend, you know?” I was grateful that Kyle wasn’t jealous or uncomfortable, that he could be a part of this conversation with no consequences. “It just doesn’t make sense to me.”
“I guess I see what you mean,” Stacy said. “But what about when we invite you guys to barbecues and stuff?”
“That’s fine,” I said. “I don’t mind seeing him. I’m just saying, I’m not going to go out of my way. So, we won’t be seeing each other for a while. That’ll give him time to decompress, enjoy life again, and then when it’s time…I’ll tell him. If you just came back from an almost three-year space mission, would you want your ex-girlfriend to tell you you’re a father right away? Especially when you don’t even want kids?”
Vic shrugged. “I see your point.”
“Besides…I’m not eager to tell him. I really don’t know what his reaction will be. If he wants nothing to do with Kingston, it’ll hurt. But I won’t think less of him since it wasn’t his fault. And anyway, Kyle and I can give Kingston everything he needs. We don’t really need him.”
Kyle moved his arm around my waist. “Yeah, we got it.”
Vic let the argument settle. “I can’t wait to see him and hear him talk about everything that he saw. I mean, that asshole went to Mars. That’s insane. Fucking insane.”
“I know,” Stacy said. “And he’ll probably tell us stuff he can’t tell anyone else…it’ll be juicy.”
Neil was an honorable guy who wouldn’t share NASA secrets, but I didn’t rain on their parade.
“We should get his house ready,” Stacy said. “Put his car in the driveway, buy some groceries for the house, make sure the sheets are clean, just make it cozy for him. That way, he’ll never want to leave.”
“He promised me that was his last mission, so he better not leave,” Vic said.
“You think he meant it?” I asked. “Maybe that journey was an adrenaline rush, and now he’ll want to do it again.”
“My brother wouldn’t make a promise unless he meant it,” Vic said. “So yes, I think he’s here to stay.”
I wasn’t completely convinced, but I didn’t say that. “Yeah. I’m sure you’re right.”
Stacy texted me. Neil is on one of the late-night shows. Turn on your TV.
I thought he was in quarantine? I was about to go to bed, Kingston finally down for the night after being fussy for a few hours.
They’re doing it through Zoom.
I moved back to the couch and flipped through the channels until I saw his face. He was sitting at a desk with the camera pointed at his face. His jaw was clean like he’d just shaved, his eyes were bright, and he looked so handsome in that navy-blue jacket. He smiled, showing all of his perfectly straight, white teeth, looking just as handsome as he had before he left. “No aliens, Jim. Sorry.” He chuckled.
“Come on,” Jim, the show host, asked from his studio. “What about the Martians?”
“Jim, we were the Martians,” Neil responded.
The audience clapped and Jim grinned. “You got me there, Neil. So, how did you guys manage not to kill one another?”
“Pretty easy since we aren’t gorillas.” Neil still had his sense of humor, which was remarkable after being away from home for so long. “We all had our separate rooms when we needed space, but honestly, that companionship kept us mentally healthy. I’ve developed a strong bond with every member of my crew, and that connection will last a lifetime. We experienced something incredible…and we’re the only ones who will possibly understand.”
“I can only imagine,” Jim said. “What was Mars like when you got there?”
“Big and red.”
“Like the gum?” Jim teased.
Neil chuckled, his shoulders just as broad, the cords still in his muscular neck. “Yes. Just not with cinnamon.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s nothing like Earth, but you see the universal constants that are prevalent on Earth and in other parts of the universe. Elements occur in the same ratios. The same requirements for life are necessary. But the weather patterns are different. Tornadoes are constant, the topography is unique. It’s beautiful in its own way…but also desolate.”
“You think humans will inhabit the planet someday?”
He considered the question for a long time, his eyes shifting away as he considered the question seriously. He was such a handsome man… I’d forgotten how handsome he was. “Someday. But far beyond our lifetim
es.”
“Yeah?” Jim asked. “It has everything we need.”
“In time, yes.”
“So, what’s the first thing you ate when you came back home?” Jim asked. “Probably sick of that space food.”
“Taco Bell.”
Jim laughed, and so did the audience. “Really? Taco Bell.”
“Yes, I got a couple of burritos.”
“Keeping it real, huh?” Jim asked. “What else have you eaten?”
“The crew here is keeping us comfortable. We had steaks last night, twice baked potatoes, tacos for lunch today… I don’t miss that space food at all.”
“I bet,” Jim said. “So, everyone wants to know…what happened up there? NASA classified the mission as deactivated, all the crew presumed deceased. Everyone around the world was devastated that we lost our American heroes. But then your ship somehow crossed half the solar system. How did that happen?”
Neil was more serious than he had been before, as if thinking about the past was a little painful. His head was bowed slightly as he considered his words, and the pause didn’t seem to be for entertainment purposes. “Hyde was working on the rear of the ship, and somehow a hydrogen spike mixed with our oxygen tanks and caused an explosion. Engineers are currently trying to figure out exactly what went wrong. That knocked our comms, so we were only able to communicate internally.”
“And you weren’t in touch with NASA that entire time?”
“Correct,” Neil answered.
“So, how did you handle that?”
“We tried to repair it ourselves, but no matter what we did, we could never establish communications. We debated what we should do, because without communications with NASA, we couldn’t upload our data or be given instructions on what to do next. We decided to keep working as planned, to the best of our ability.”
“Why didn’t you come home then?”
“The planets were too far apart at the time, making the distance of our journey twice as long. We had to wait until the planets were in the right place since we didn’t have enough fuel to make the journey at any other time.”
“Wow. So, you guys were stuck there, knowing with every passing week, your loved ones would give up hope and assume you were dead?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah…that was rough. Most of the crew have children. That made it a lot harder.”
“Unbearable,” Jim said. “So, without communication with NASA, how did you manage to travel almost one hundred million miles back to Earth?”
Neil shrugged. “It wasn’t easy. Without our comms, we were unable to use satellite feeds, convey our distance to Houston, to determine our location in space. So, we had to rely on the placements of the stars and planets. We used a few moons to pick up velocity but also determine our orientation in space.”
Jim’s eyes widened. “You figured all that out…by yourself?”
“No. With my crew.” There was a note of pride in his voice. “We had a lot of brilliant minds on that ship. We did our calculations to the best of our ability, adjusted those numbers when necessary, and figured it out.”
Jim shook his head. “Neil…that leaves me speechless. You really are American heroes.” The audience clapped.
He bowed his head, like he didn’t know what to say to that.
“How did you reenter the atmosphere without Houston?”
“We located the ISS and used their trajectory to land in the Atlantic.”
“But you trusted they would be there to grab you.”
Neil nodded. “I knew what they would do, and they knew what we would do. Kinda worked on blind faith. But within a minute of that capsule hitting the water, that hatch opened…and they were there.”
“Incredible. So, who do you want to play you in the movie?”
Neil chuckled. “Hyde wants Tom Hanks. I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Well, you’re a famous man now, Neil Crimson. Enjoy it.”
He gave a slight smile.
“What are you going to do when you go home?”
“See my family…the people I love.”
“Going back to Mars?”
He didn’t give a direct answer. “We’ve successfully pioneered the route to Mars. There’s a lot of other gifted astronauts in the program who would be great for the journey. My part in space flight may be over, but I have a lot to contribute in other ways.”
“Well, thank you for your service, Neil Crimson.” Jim saluted him.
Neil saluted back. “Thanks, Jim.”
The audience clapped, and then it went to commercial.
That old pain moved into my heart, that pain I used to feel every time I looked at him. He was such a wonderful man, always humble when he had a million reasons not to be. He was brilliant, beautiful, and so kind. I sighed quietly, knowing there would always be a piece of him inside me, always an affection I could never erase.
I would just have to live with it.
Nineteen
Neil
I was never in this for the fame.
But inadvertently, I got it.
I did long interviews with every major newspaper in the country, was on talk shows even though I never had any new information to impart. I was the number one hit on Google, not that I Googled myself often.
It was surreal, especially since I was in quarantine the entire time.
I talked to my family on the phone often. But I never called Charlotte.
It wasn’t because I didn’t want to.
I just didn’t want to have such a heavy conversation over the phone.
Vic never mentioned her, so I wasn’t sure what her life was like right now? Was she married? Did Kyle finally get her? I didn’t want to ask, not when my family was so happy for me to be back. It wasn’t the priority.
I was finally cleared to leave, but instead of taking a commercial flight like I was used to, the government flew me privately. It was totally unnecessary, but I also knew I would be bombarded at the airport by fans and then pestered throughout the entire flight. It probably was better to do it this way, at least for now.
My plane landed, and then I left the airport through a different entrance that was closed to the public. But I told my family about it so they would be able to greet me. They were anxious to see me in the flesh, to hug me, to actually be convinced I was there.
With my bag over my shoulder, I entered the building then moved to the sidewalk outside.
My mom was there, along with Vic and Stacy.
Stacy held Victor in her arms, who had to be almost three years old, and she was pregnant, her stomach noticeable like she wouldn’t be pregnant much longer. My mother burst into tears the second she saw me. “My baby…” She rushed into my arms and sobbed against me, much shorter than I was, visibly aged since the last time I saw her, like the stress nearly killed her.
I held her tight and rubbed her back, grateful that I was home to give her this. My father never returned…but I did. “I missed you, Mom.”
“I missed you too.” She squeezed me hard, getting tears all over my t-shirt.
I let her hold me as long as she wanted, let her enjoy the return of her younger son.
When she pulled away, I lifted my gaze and looked at my brother.
With red eyes, a watery sheen to them, and pained expression on his face, it was obvious he was battling the quiver of his bottom lip, the tears he wanted to shed.
Something inside me broke when I looked at him. The tears were immediate, making me sniff, making me hate myself for all the time I’d missed, everything I’d put him through. I had a connection to my brother that was stronger than what I had with my mother…because he was my best friend.
He walked up to me, unable to hold back his emotion. He started to cry. “You…asshole…” His chest heaved as he tried to stop himself from sobbing. He was a heartless litigator who could be absolutely cruel in a dark suit, but he was a different person with me, letting me see a side to him that only his wife knew about.
I started to cry too. “I’m home…”
He stepped closer to me and hugged me hard, his hand cupping the back of my head, his other arm across my back. He breathed shakily as he held me.
My chin rested on his shoulder, and I let the tears fall, let the emotion finally break through. I’d just gone on a mission anyone would kill to take, but I realized the greatest thing in the universe was right here on this planet. My need for adventure had been quenched. Now, I just wanted a normal life, a life next to my family. Simple, boring…it was the next great adventure.
He pulled away and looked at me, unashamed of my tears. “You’re gonna keep your promise, right? Because I can’t…” He shook his head, never finishing the statement.
I nodded. “This is where I belong.”
He clapped my shoulder before he pulled away. “Good, because I couldn’t go through that again.”
“I know. Me neither.”
Stacy moved next as she held Victor. “It’s Uncle Neil.”
Victor looked at me before he extended his hands, like he recognized me.
I smiled through my tears then took him from her arms, holding him close. “Geez…he’s so big.”
“Hi…” He stared at me, touching my shirt with his small hand.
“Hi.” I smiled and kissed him on the forehead, seeing my brother in his face, seeing myself. “You’re a big boy.”
He giggled.
I turned back to Stacy. “And you look more beautiful than you did when I left.” I hugged her with one arm before I kissed her on the temple. “Am I having a niece or nephew?”
“Nephew.” She hugged me back tightly, her eyes wet like her husband. “We picked out a name.”
“Yeah?”
She pulled away. “Neil…”
I held Victor and shifted my gaze between them, the pain in my chest even worse.
“We decided because…” Vic couldn’t say it. “You know…what happened. But we aren’t going to change it.”
I didn’t know what to say, how to process the honor. I just stared at them, my eyes still wet, holding my nephew. “I… That’s really sweet.”
