After the driver sped off, Amelia turned to Jenna. “Sorry about that. I didn’t think they would find me. I made sure my plans were kept as quiet as possible, but sometimes they are able to get their hands on my flight plans and track me down that way.”
Jenna’s pulse still raced and her pupils burned from the constant flashes of the cameras. She sighed and rubbed at her eyelids.
“It must be horrible to live like this, constantly looking over your shoulder and never knowing who is lurking to get a picture of you.”
“I wish I could say you get used to it, but the truth is I’m still not. I don’t have a private life, which means I have no love life.”
“I’m beginning to know the feeling. Everyone in town looks at me different now, and I know they talk and gossip about Kim and I, and even Kris, behind my back. Sometimes, I feel like I’m dragging Kris down by her being associated with me.”
“Do you love Kris?”
“I always have and I still do. We’re engaged now.”
“Congratulations. I guess they left that part out of the paper.”
“Thanks,” Jenna said as she looked down at her left hand imagining a wedding band on her finger. Would they ever be able to move on past this entire ordeal?
“Anyway, if you love her, that’s all that matters. Screw everyone else and their opinions.”
The SUV stopped in front of the diner Jenna had given the address of. The driver opened the door for Amelia. Jenna stepped out and looked around to see if anyone had followed them. No one had pulled in behind them and no annoying flashes from cameras yet. She turned back to see Amelia pulling a baseball cap over her hair and pulling her ponytail through the back of the cap. Amelia tugged the hat even lower making it hard to see her face, especially her eyes.
“Not much I can do, but every little bit helps,” Amelia said. “I think sunglasses would be pushing it a bit too much. The key is trying to fit in without attracting even more attention.”
They enjoyed breakfast together and kept the conversation light. Amelia asked her questions about growing up and what Kim was like as a kid. For once, Jenna could talk about Kim to someone and not have to worry about sounding like she was taking Kim’s side.
***
After breakfast, they returned to the hotel and Amelia followed Jenna to her room again. Amelia resumed her seat on the couch as she had earlier, and Jenna sat on the opposite side. They both rested their backs against the arms of the couch and drew their knees up facing each other.
“So, tell me what it was like having Kim show up out of nowhere after all those years.”
“It was wonderful. Part of me had already said goodbye, fearing she was gone for good. Seeing her again was one of the happiest moments in my life. She told me everything that had happened, which it seems now that only bits and pieces were the truth. I welcomed her back and didn’t bother to ask too many questions. I was just glad to have her back.”
“What was Kris’s reaction to having Kim back?”
“She was a little skeptical from the beginning, but I brushed it off to the side. Our relationship began to suffer a little with Kim staying with us. I was more blind and willing to overlook inconsistencies than Kris was.” Tears formed in Jenna’s eyes. “Why didn’t I listen? Maybe if I had listened and paid better attention, I could have saved Kim and no one would’ve gotten hurt.”
Amelia wiped a tear from Jenna’s cheek with her thumb. “We can’t live our lives thinking about the what if’s. We have to keep looking and moving forward. It’s done. You can’t change any of that and it’s no use beating yourself up over it. What you can do is figure out what you want now, where it is you want your life to head. Once you figure that out, everything else will fall into place.”
Jenna closed her eyes upon feeling Amelia’s hand wiping away her tears. A brief instant of longing rushed over her feeling the contact. She heard what Amelia said, but her mind drifted. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been touched or had sex. Amelia sitting an arm length away with her hand on her cheek made the reminder even more painful.
Jenna opened her eyes to find Amelia looking at her, but not with an expression of desire. It was a look of concern. Jenna breathed an internal sigh of relief. Seeing her in the baseball cap and not made up like a movie star made Amelia look different to her now. More like a normal person and not someone famous. If Amelia were to make advances like she had last time, Jenna wasn’t sure what her reaction would be this time. She cleared her throat and her mind.
“I know you’re right, but knowing and changing my thinking are two different things. I wish it was that easy. I wish I could flip a switch and leave the past behind. I feel like my entire life I’ve spent living in the past. Finally, I met Kris and looked forward to a future, but the past crept into that as well.”
Amelia moved closer and put her arm around Jenna’s shoulders. “Hey, I’m just giving you advice here. Trust me, I’m good at giving advice, but not necessarily following it.”
Jenna allowed Amelia to pull her in closer so that her head rested on Amelia’s shoulder. “I feel like the only way for me to move past this is to talk to Kris, but I’m afraid once I open that door I may lose her. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to walk on eggshells keeping my thoughts to myself for the rest of my life either.”
Amelia rubbed Jenna’s shoulder. “The one thing I do know from the few and very brief-lasting relationships I’ve had is that secrets are the one thing that will destroy any relationship no matter what the reason was for keeping it a secret. That includes even if it was meant to protect the one you were hiding it from.”
“I know.” Jenna sighed and closed her eyes again. It felt good to have someone hold her and not judge her for her mistakes or Kim’s mistakes.
“Do you want my opinion?” Amelia asked.
“Yes.”
“Tell Kris what you’re feeling and thinking. Don’t hold anything back. If you have a strong relationship worth fighting for, you’ll know it. She may sit there and listen, she may scream and fight, or she may pack her bags and leave, but those are all consequences you need to face sooner rather than later. You have a right to feel how you feel just as much as she has the right to deal with it in her own way.”
Jenna was in turmoil over everything. She loved Kris, but why was it so easy for her to imagine lifting her head and kissing Amelia right now? Was it because Amelia was listening without judging or was it something more than that? Was her relationship with Kris dissolving with one foot out the door already? She fought the strong urge she had to test the different theories. Amelia’s words coming in breaths against her scalp, the soothing arm and hand on her shoulders, the thigh pressed against hers made her mind swirl. This was the same woman she had threatened to break her fingers if she ever got close to her again.
Jenna opened her eyes and looked up at Amelia. Their lips were so close their noses touched. Amelia licked her lips, but her eyes stared back with confusion. Jenna leaned in resting her forehead against Amelia’s and nuzzled her nose against Amelia’s cheek. She watched Amelia’s eyelids flutter shut and could feel Amelia’s breath against her lips. It wasn’t too late to turn around and forget about it. Nothing had happened. All she had to do was pull away from her at this moment. Right now, any second, but she couldn’t. She swallowed hard. What am I doing?
Her phone rang and Jenna reached back to grab it off the side table. “It’s Kris.”
“I think that’s my cue to exit,” Amelia said. She stood up.
Jenna stood up with the phone still in her hand. She hit the button and muted the ringer, but it continued to vibrate in her hand like a lifeline desperately clinging onto their relationship.
“Amelia, I…I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“I understand. You need to figure out what you want right now. I didn’t mean to complicate things for you.” She looked back over her shoulder as she opened the door. “It was nice seeing you again, Jenna. I sincerely do wis
h the best for you. Kris is a lucky woman.”
The door closed and Amelia was gone. The lifeline in her hand had lost its ringing pulse too, leaving Jenna alone on the threshold of figuring out what she really wanted.
Chapter Four
Jenna arrived home and Jax greeted her at the front door. He almost knocked her over with his enthusiasm.
“Hey, boy. Did you miss me?”
He continued to bark and dance circles in front of her preventing her from being able to walk any further.
“He did, but he’s not the only one.”
Jenna looked up. “Hello, Evelyn.”
“Hello, Jenna. Why didn’t you tell us you were coming home today? Kris is out with Allie, but she would have loved to have been here when you got back.”
“It was a last minute decision. How is Kris?”
“Physically, she’s okay. It’s her mental and emotional health I’m worried about.” Evelyn crossed her arms in front of her.
“I’m not sure we should be having this conversation without Kris.”
“Oh, I think we should have this conversation right now, especially since Kris is out. Have a seat.”
Jenna picked up her bags. “I should take my things upstairs first.”
“Jenna, please sit. We need to talk.”
She dropped her bags back to the floor and made her way to the couch trying not to trip over Jax.
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“Kris was really upset when you left, but she didn’t want to upset you and keep you from going since that’s what you wanted.”
“You make it sound like I went on vacation. It was my twin sister’s funeral. I think sometimes people are quick to forget that Kim was still my sister.”
Evelyn leaned forward in her chair. “I’m not here to attack you. I just want to let you know that Kris is hurting too. She needs to talk to you, but she’s scared. I like you, Jenna, and I want to see you and my daughter happy.”
“What is it you’re trying to tell me? Has Kris told you she’s not happy?”
“Kris has told me several things, but that’s the problem. She should be telling you how she feels, not me.”
Jenna knew she would break at any moment if the conversation continued, but she needed to hear more.
“I know we should talk. I know we need to talk, but it’s not that simple. I don’t want to upset her more, and I’m sure she feels the same way.”
Evelyn walked over to the couch and held Jenna’s hand. “It’s what the two of you aren’t saying to each other that will be the death of this relationship. Just be honest no matter what.”
She hugged Jenna and left her to her own thoughts.
***
Kris returned home to find Jenna already in bed reading. She stood at the foot of the bed with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back today?” Kris asked.
“It was spur of the moment and I was on a waiting list with the airline. I didn’t want to mention it in case I had to wait for the next flight.”
“Why didn’t you call me when you got home?”
“I didn’t want to interrupt your time out with Allie.”
Kris pulled a T-shirt and shorts out of the bottom dresser drawer. She grabbed the clothes up and disappeared into the bathroom.
Jenna tried to go back to reading, but her mind wasn’t in it any more. She laid the book down on her nightstand and waited for Kris. She heard her brushing her teeth, and a few minutes later Kris came out already changed. She balled her clothes up and threw them into the hamper so hard the lid slammed shut.
“Is something wrong?” Jenna asked. She knew how stupid the question was, but she didn’t think before she had already asked.
Kris threw back the covers and got into bed, pulling them back up to her chest. The look she gave her made Jenna feel like now was not the best time to have a discussion. After the menacing glance, Kris stared at the ceiling. Jenna noticed the muscles in Kris’s jaw clenching. Part of her wanted to leave the question unanswered, but part of her wanted to get through whatever this was and move on.
“You’re upset. What’s wrong?” Jenna asked again.
“Why am I upset? Where do I start? There’s the fact that you left me here to attend my attempted murderer’s funeral. There’s the fact that you left me here to recover in this house full of bad memories. You don’t talk to me any more or answer my calls. You barely respond to my texts.” Kris paused to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. “Oh, and there’s the fact that you seem to have no problem talking to Amelia Davies and hiding that from me too.”
Jenna swallowed hard while her mind raced trying to figure out how Kris knew about Amelia. Had Amelia called her? She stared straight ahead afraid to look at Kris.
“Were you ever planning on telling me about Amelia?”
“There’s nothing to tell really. Her mother read about what happened in the paper and told her. She called me to talk.”
“She called you to talk? Really? I think you did more than just talk.”
Jenna fast forwarded through the entire time she spent with Amelia. There was the almost kiss, but there was no way she could know about that.
“Well? You’re the one who started this conversation, so talk. Tell me why you were with Amelia.”
“I told you already. Her mother—”
“That doesn’t explain this.” Kris threw her cell phone in Jenna’s lap.
Jenna looked down to see a picture of her and Amelia that the paparazzi had taken in front of the hotel.
“Does that picture change whatever story you were going to tell me?”
“Kris, that picture means nothing. It’s not what it looks like.”
“Really? Because to me it looks like the two of you are holding hands. The story behind the picture varies depending on which tabloid you read, but they all give the same general idea. They think that you are her latest fling.”
Jenna looked back down at Kris’s phone and studied the pic. She scrolled down to find another picture that was zoomed in on them holding hands.
“I told you the truth. She met me at my hotel to talk. We went out to get something to eat for breakfast. On the way out, the paparazzi took some pics. I was stunned and quite frankly blinded by the flashes. This picture was taken when she grabbed my hand to guide me into the SUV waiting for her so we could get away.”
“So, she came to talk and to grab a bite to eat for breakfast? It seems the more you talk, the more you add to the story. Anything else you feel like adding?”
“No. That’s what really happened.”
“How am I supposed to react to this? You leave me here. You didn’t even invite me to go home with you, but you invited her. Let me guess, you picked where to eat breakfast, probably a place you like? That’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to share with me.” Kris stared her in the eye. “Me, your fiancee, your lover, your best friend. Me. Not some gossip rag queen.”
Jenna’s heart squeezed hard in her chest and a lump formed in her throat. She knew it was wrong that she didn’t tell Kris. She also knew it was wrong to withhold the near kiss with Amelia that Kris’s call had interrupted. Still, she didn’t feel that would be of any benefit to the conversation now. She would be guilty by omission, but she still wasn’t sure if she would have kissed her in the first place.
Jenna turned to Kris and wiped her tears. She kissed her on the forehead and cradled her face in her hands. “I love you, Kris. I love you and only you. You’re the only person I have ever loved and you will be the last. I meant it when I proposed to you.” She gave her a soft kiss on the lips. “I’m sorry for leaving you, and I’m sorry for not inviting you. I thought I was doing you a favor by keeping you away from my family.”
Kris put her hand on top of Jenna’s. “I understand why your family didn’t want me there, but I could have gone with you to support you. I could have stayed at the hotel while you were with them.”
/> “I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly and the entire situation is extreme. None of what happened is normal. I also think we have a lot to talk about. We’ve both been avoiding it, but it’s time to get everything out and deal with it.”
“I agree, but not tonight. I’m happy to have you back. I was worried you may not come home.”
“Well, you were worried for no reason. Of course, I was coming back. I was worried you didn’t want me back when I saw your reaction tonight. You even changed in the bathroom.”
“I certainly wasn’t going to reward you after seeing you with Amelia.”
“Reward me, huh?” Jenna asked. “And what about now? Can I collect my reward now?” She kissed Kris with passion and in that instant, she knew this is how she wanted to spend the rest of her life, with Kris by her side. Every doubt and fear she had before melted away in that one moment, that one kiss.
Chapter Five
Jenna was happy to be alone with Kris again for the first time since Kim showed up. Evelyn had stayed another two weeks before returning home. Evelyn leaving also meant they would have to face each other and get everything out in the open. While Evelyn was still there, they promised not to have the big talk they had been putting off. They planned on having it the upcoming weekend, which was only a few days away. Jenna dreaded it. She knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Kris, and she felt that Kris wanted the same thing, but once they both said what they needed to say, she wasn’t sure how much damage would be done and if the damage could be fixed.
Tonight she just wanted to go home and relax, try to think about anything besides the upcoming weekend. As soon as she walked in the front door, she heard voices coming from the kitchen. She turned the corner to find Kris and a woman with long red hair preparing dinner. She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms watching the two of them. She didn’t know the woman or why she was in her kitchen, but Kris kept the conversation flowing like they were old friends. Jax looked back at her, but he was more interested in begging for table scraps.
Jenna's Future (Dr. Jenna Harper Series Book 3) Page 4
