by Jess Dee
Oh, and packing was a more effective means of prophylactics? She gawked at him in disbelief. It would be so easy to throw her sarcasm in his face, to haul insults back at him, but one of them had to remain level-headed and Adam wasn’t exactly volunteering for the job. “Please, think calmly for a minute. We can’t just assume this…mistake will result in a pregnancy. In fact, it’s most unlikely.” At least she prayed it was unlikely.
“But just in case, we have to work out how we’d deal with it if I were.”
Adam froze, but just for a second, then he pushed his arm into a shirt sleeve. “This is all I need. Two weeks overseas wondering whether the hell you’re pregnant or not.” He pushed his other arm into his shirt. “Goddamn it. How could I be such an ass? So hot to get into your pants, I couldn’t think logically for one minute. Couldn’t act like a man and put a condom on.”
Lexi couldn’t repress her snort. Oh, he’d acted like a man earlier. Now he acted like a boy.
He shot her a nasty look. “Think this is funny? You’re as much to blame as I am.
You could also have used your head a little.”
She bristled at the cruelty in his tone, tried unsuccessfully to ignore it. Their discussion had brought down his defenses—she mustn’t forget that. She’d pushed him on issues he might not have been ready to tackle. He was vulnerable and hurting.
Still, it didn’t give him the right to act like an animal—or to treat her like one, no matter what the circumstances. “Are you saying it’s alright for you to get carried away by the heat of the moment, but not me?” Her spine bristled. Shit, remaining even-tempered wasn’t so easy. At the best of times, Lexi had trouble controlling her tongue. A potentially explosive dilemma like this one didn’t help at all.
“No. I think we both made a huge mistake tonight.” He grimaced. “You knew my thoughts about babies. What the fuck do you think we just discussed? I told you I don’t want to have more kids.” His voice turned hoarse but no less angry. “I told you about Timmy and you didn’t remind me to use protection.”
Timmy. Her breath caught in her throat. That was a low blow. It was bloody unfair of him to use his son to make his point. A point she already knew and understood all too well. How could she defend herself against a dead child?
She didn’t want to try.
“Don’t do it,” she warned, her own temper seconds away from erupting. “Don’t try and use your son against me. Yes, you told me about him and about your refusal to have more kids.” Pain flashed across his face but was quickly masked by fury and loathing.
“Timmy has nothing to do with what happened between us tonight.”
“What happened tonight was the action of two careless, stupid adults…” Adam’s eyes narrowed to dangerous slits and his lips thinned in fury. “Unless…”
Prickles of apprehension tapped on her spine. “Unless what?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Unless only I was careless, and you did this on purpose.”
“Pardon?” She had not heard him correctly.
“You did, didn’t you?”
“I did what?” she asked, aghast. No way could he think that.
“You did this on purpose.”
Lexi’s jaw dropped open. He did. He honestly believed she’d tried to get pregnant.
The prickles of apprehension turned to stabbings of rage.
“What did you want, Lexi?” he seethed. “To trap me? You knew I couldn’t make a commitment to you. Did you think you’d just try and get one anyway?”
Lexi stared at him, too stricken to answer. The very thought had bile rising in her throat. Was he out of his mind? Was the man deranged?
“You think it would be that simple? You’d get pregnant and I’d suddenly want to be with you forever? Is that what all the talk was about? I should get over Timmy so I could accept another child into my life. A child that was a mistake? A set-up?”
Her chin hit the floor as the impact of his accusation hit home.
How dare he? They’d shared too much for him to believe that of her. Sure, he was angry and vulnerable, but even in that state he couldn’t think so little of her. Could he?
“Sorry, lady, it doesn’t work that way. You don’t stoop so low and get away with it.”
Lexi pulled back her hand to slap him, then stopped herself. Fury bubbled in her belly. She’d likely break his nose if she hit him now. As enticing as the thought was, it was not very practical. It would just compound the whole screwed-up situation. Not only would he think she’d tricked and deceived him, he’d probably sue her for damages too.
“I expected more from you, Lexi.” He tackled the buttons on his shirt. “Way more.”
She curled her hand into a fist next to her leg and reminded herself that blood was hard as the devil to clean up.
“I never thought you’d stoop to such levels,” he ranted. “I told you how much I could give. You didn’t listen.”
Why, the arrogant son of a bitch. Lawsuits and bloodstains be damned.
Her hand landed with a resounding crack on his cheek. She kept it well clear of his nose and watched in satisfaction as a dark red impression of her hand formed just below his cheekbone.
For once, Adam was speechless. He looked from her hand to her face and did not say a word. For a couple of seconds, astonished disbelief replaced the anger in his eyes.
“You think I planned this?” Lexi took advantage of his silence to have her say. “You think I want to get pregnant—or open myself up to the prospect of a sexually transmitted disease?”
His face was ice cold. “I assure you, you won’t get a sexually transmitted disease from me. Can you give me the same assurances? Can you assure me you won’t get pregnant?”
“Fuck you, Riley.” She couldn’t possibly give him that guarantee and he knew it.
“You know what? I was right about you from the beginning. You’re a cold, callous bastard. A heartless, cruel, vindictive bastard.” She glared at him. “How dare you make such unfair assumptions about my behavior? How dare you take our night of beautiful lovemaking and turn it into some cheap scam on my part?”
His glared back at her, but before he could speak, she beat him to it. “Yes, we’re facing a crisis. Yes, I may well be pregnant, but accusing me of such treachery is not a solution to our predicament.” Goddamn it. They had to face it together, come up with a plan that suited both of them. “I know you don’t want children, Adam. I get that. It doesn’t reduce my risk of pregnancy now.”
They’d come so far together. They’d made real progress. Why did he have to cut it all short? Push her away again? Damn, he didn’t just push, he picked her up and threw her. Was she too close? Had she scared him? Made him see how lonely he really was?
Was his only means of defense to attack?
Logic told her it wasn’t personal. Adam was angry and hurt and he took it out on her.
Her clients did it all the time. Only Adam wasn’t her client. He was personal. He’d hurt her. Pissed her off. No one pissed her off and got away with it. No one. Not even the man she loved, and not even under dire circumstances like these.
“You know what?” she asked, her voice a venomous whisper. “I tried. I really tried to like you. For a while there, I did. I started to care, even fell a little in love with you.” A little? That was a laugh. There wasn’t a cell in her body that didn’t love him completely—even if she detested him right now. “And what did it get me? Nothing, apart from your contempt and your accusations. Well, guess what? I’m through trying. I’ve had enough. I will not stand here and allow you to abuse me like this.” She stalked to the front door, pausing only to pick up his shoes and socks. Then she yanked the door open and threw them out.
“Leave, please,” she told him dispassionately, though her stomach and heart yelled for him to stay. To top it all, her head reeled at the prospect of facing a possible pregnancy alone. “Get out of my home and out of my life, and this time—don’t come back.”
He stared at her f
or a minute, his face grim and set. Then he gave a short, sharp nod, fastened his pants and walked out the door. He didn’t even give her a backward glance as he leaned down and picked up his shoes.
Lexi’s temper ignited. The asshole could at least have tried one more time. Could have turned around and apologized. Could have begged her forgiveness. Could have promised he’d stick by her if she was pregnant. Could just have said goodbye. He could have, but he didn’t. He just walked out, and she lost it.
Before she could stop herself, she called after his retreating form, “How does it feel, Riley? To think that I may be pregnant with your child, and to know that you will never find out—one way or the other?”
—
Lexi collapsed against the front door, aghast. Had that really just happened? Had Adam accused her of trying to trap him with an unwanted pregnancy?
She didn’t know which was worse—the prospect that she may be pregnant or the weight of his accusation. Nausea, which had threatened to engulf her for the last ten minutes, seized control.
She made it to the bathroom in the nick of time. The contents of her stomach emptied themselves into the toilet bowl. She threw up twice before the bile began to settle.
This was not how she’d perceived her future. This was not the white-picket-fence happy ending she’d always dreamed about. She existed in a nightmarish world of bad mistakes. The first bad mistake had been Adam. The second had been forgetting the condom.
Now she faced her third bad mistake alone—the possibility of a pregnancy with a child whose father despised her.
Chapter Fifteen
Adam was in hell. No two ways about it.
He swore and rubbed his hands over his eyes as he sat up in bed. His shoulders ached and his neck was in spasm. Every time he tried to turn it to the left, sharp jabs of heat tore through his shoulder, straight up to his chin. Christ, he was barely awake and he had a tension headache. Another one.
The hotel bed was not to blame. It was perfectly comfortable. No, the headache had nothing to do with the current five star accommodations and everything to do with the hellcat whose home he had stalked out of the previous night. Or was it the night before?
He’d lost track of time.
He checked his watch. Six forty-five in the morning. Which meant it was eight fortyfive back home. He reached for the phone and for the umpteenth time since he’d landed in Hong Kong, punched in the code for Australia, and then Lexi’s mobile number. For the umpteenth time, he got her voice mail. He swore, not bothering to leave a message.
Next, he dialed the hospital.
“Department of Social Work, this is Penny speaking.”
“Lexi Tanner, please.” If he couldn’t get her at home, he’d get her at the office.
“One moment please and I’ll connect you. Whom may I say is calling?”
“Adam Riley.”
“Oh, um. AJ Riley?”
“Yes, AJ Riley.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Riley, Lexi is not taking calls at the moment.”
“You just said you’d connect me.”
“I know, but Lexi’s signaling to me that she’s not accepting calls.”
“She’s there?” Thank God. “Let me talk to her.”
“Uh, she’s not available now. Would you like to leave a message?”
“No. I want to talk to her. Put her on.”
“I’ll try.” There was a moment of silence and then Penny said again, “I do apologize for the delay. Lexi can’t speak right now. If you leave a number, she’ll get back to you.”
Yeah, right. “Never mind. I’ll try again later.”
He heard Penny sigh over the phone. “You can try. I’m just not sure you’ll have any luck.”
Adam swore silently. “Thank you for your help,” he said before hanging up.
Fuck it.
He threw off the covers and went to shower. She wasn’t going to answer. Not if he phoned every day, five times a day, for the next two weeks.
The spray of water did nothing to relieve his mood and the soap did not wash away his remorse. His disposition only worsened when a knock sounded on the hotel door.
“What?” he snapped.
“It’s me. Open up.”
Adam clamped down on his irritation and let Matt into the room.
“We leave in thirty minutes. Thought you might want to grab a bite first,” his friend said by way of greeting.
Adam checked his watch. Even if there were time, it was pointless phoning her again. She wouldn’t answer. He nodded at Matt and grabbed his briefcase. “Let’s go.”
Brodie followed him out of the room. “You going to talk about it?”
He pursed his lips. “About what?”
“About whatever the hell it is that’s bothering you.” Of course. Matt had to say something sooner or later.
Rather than riding in the elevator, they chose the stairs. Adam took them two at a time. “Nothing’s bothering me.” That should cut the conversation short.
“Cool,” Matt said amiably. “And by ‘nothing’, I assume you’re referring to Lexi Tanner.”
Okay—maybe not quite as short as he’d figured.
“Do you know when last I saw you this bent out of shape?” Matt asked. “Ten years ago.”
The vigorous walk downstairs didn’t seem to affect Matt. His own breathing, however, was substantially heavier than usual. “You remember how I behaved ten years ago?”
Matt stopped Adam at the entry to the dining room. “Mate, you were fucked up. You couldn’t sit still. You couldn’t look me in the eye. You couldn’t smile. Same as now.”
Christ, not Matt too? Was the whole world conspiring to make him relive the last few months of Timmy’s life? Tough, he wasn’t going there again. He refused. He turned to his friend and forced his mouth into a tight smile. Anything to get the conversation back into the present. “Better?”
Matt grimaced. “Damn, don’t do that. You look like you just swallowed your own fart.”
This time, Adam’s grin was genuine, although he shook his head at Matt’s description.
“Better,” Matt approved. “Now tell me. What’s up?”
He suppressed a sigh. “I’m fine, mate. Nothing’s wrong.”
“You can feed the rest of the world that crap. I know you.”
“Don’t you ever mind your own business?” As if he needed to ask.
“Nope,” Matt confirmed as a waitress led them to a table. He had the grace to wait until they’d both helped themselves to food from the buffet before resuming his line of questioning. “What happened with Lexi?”
“Nothing,” Adam told him flatly. “It’s over.” Strange his voice could sound so even when his gut was tied up in knots.
Matt’s nod was full of sympathy. “You fucked it up.”
“Christ, give it a rest.” He knew he’d fucked it up. He didn’t need Matt rubbing it in.
“I can’t, and you know why? Lexi is the right woman for you. You’re an idiot to let her get away.”
Adam raised his eyebrow. He was an idiot all right, no denying that. As for letting Lexi get away…well, it wasn’t his choice anymore. She’d tossed him out on his ass—and he’d deserved it.
“I’ve been working with her for over a month,” Matt said. “I’ve gotten to know her a little. She’s the one, mate. You and I both know it.”
Adam ate his toast in silence. Matt’s words were immaterial. Lexi detested him and he couldn’t blame her. He’d been a complete prick—or should he say bastard?
“Does she know about Timmy?” There was none of Matt’s usual caustic humor in the question. Only a ton of empathy.
He chewed methodically, swallowed and stared at his plate. “Yes.”
Matt’s gaze burned his forehead. “Fix it.”
He glanced at his friend. “Fix what?”
“Whatever you did to screw up your chance with her.” His eyes blazed. “Fix it.”
Adam shook his head. If he could take back what
he’d said, what he’d accused her of, he would. In a heartbeat. “It’s too late.”
“You want this, mate,” Matt said. “You told her about your son.”
He stared at Matt for a long moment. Everything had changed. The stakes were different. It wasn’t just about him and Lexi anymore. There was a pregnancy to consider now.
He shuddered. A child.
“Fight for her, Riley.”
An unborn baby.
“She’s worth it,” Matt insisted.
Fear gripped his spine. Lexi and his baby.
“Mate.” Matt’s voice was sharp, snapping his attention back to the table. “She’s the right woman for you.”
He knew what he had to do. He’d known for a while now. Not that he wanted to, not on any level. Hell, he’d rather gouge his eyes out with a fork. There wasn’t a choice. If he didn’t act now, there’d be no way he could ever sort out this whole fucked-up scenario.
With hands as cold as ice, he reached in his briefcase for his mobile phone.
“You phoning her?”
Adam almost laughed out loud. He shook his head. “Travel agent. Change in plans, Brodie. I won’t be flying home with you when this trip is over.”
—
“You gonna tell me what’s got you so pissed?” Daniel asked. “You’ve been a bitch for weeks now.”
“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it,” Lexi snapped. She’d been mooching around the whole morning, wallowing in self pity.
“Yeah? Well, tough. Where’s AJ?”
She looked up sharply. “What’s he got to do with it?”
“You tell me.” He unwrapped a chocolate-chip muffin, broke off a piece and set the rest on her desk between them. “I know he’s been away. That the problem? You missing him?”
No. She wasn’t missing Adam. She was positively pining for him—which only made hating him more difficult. Misery plagued her like an impenetrable cloud. She couldn’t see through it, couldn’t find a single thing in her life to take away her grief.
Even the sibling program, which was about to be launched and was running more smoothly then she’d ever dreamed possible, had lost its sparkle. She found it impossible to get excited about much when her heart had been wrenched in two.
