“But we still have an hour before dinner.”
“So, maybe we can just take a stroll together? Have a chance to speak to one another?”
“We’ve been talking all day.”
“Not exactly.” He slipped his arm through mine. “I need a little down time. Okay?”
“Okay. Look, let’s walk past the shops, though. I’d like to take a peek in the windows.”
“Anything not to look at me?”
“Max, stop!” I laughed and gave him what I thought was a playful shove.
Maybe there was more power behind the movement than I expected, because Max stumbled backward, catching the side of his leg against the edge of a fountain. In the span of a second, he went from being just behind me, to splashing into the fountain.
“Oh, Max, I’m so sorry!” I reached for his hand. “I didn’t mean to do that. You have to believe me.”
“You didn’t?” He stared at me and grabbed my hand. “Are you sure about that?”
“Of course I’m sure. Here, let me help you.” I started to pull him up out of the water.
“No, let me help you.” He tugged hard and pulled me right into the water with him.
In the middle of a busy square in London the two of us were now splashing at one another.
“Max! What are you doing?”
“I’m giving us what we need!” He sent a wave of water in my direction. “It’s time we had a little fun.”
I was shocked and soaked and not sure whether to be annoyed or elated. When he sent another wave at me, I had to send one back. By the time we sloshed out of the fountain we were both soaked from head to toe.
“You said a stroll, not a swim!” I laughed as I dripped beside him.
“Hey, you pushed me first.”
“Not that hard. You fell in on purpose, didn’t you?”
“Maybe.” He smiled at me. “I’m sorry, Sammy. I just wanted to break the tension.”
“What tension?” My eyes widened. Had he felt it despite the fact that I’d tried to hide it all day?
He looked into my eyes for a long moment, then tilted his head toward the street. “We should get back to the Inn and change for dinner. I don’t want to be late.”
“No, we shouldn’t keep Michelle waiting.”
He studied me a moment longer, then slipped his hand in mine. “You’re right, we should hurry.”
When we arrived at the restaurant, Michelle was waiting out front. She waved to us as we walked up.
I did my best to put on a friendly smile.
“Hi, Michelle. Sorry we’re a little late.”
“Not at all, I just got here early.” She grinned at me. “I’m sorry, I just feel like I want to hug you. Would that be okay?”
“Uh, okay.” I opened my arms to her.
She hugged me and I returned the embrace with an awkward squeeze.
“I know we don’t know each other that well, but Max never stops talking about you. I feel like I know you. Plus I read your book.”
“Oh, you did?” I smiled.
“Yes, it’s great. I really enjoyed it. I have to admit that I’m a little star-struck.”
“Star-struck?” I glanced at Max.
Max grinned and shrugged.
“Your book is really popular with my friends and now with me too.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I’ll let you know when the next one is ready.”
“Great, I can’t wait.”
“We should head in.” Max held the door open for us. “Don’t want to lose our spot.”
Even with all of Michelle’s compliments, it was hard for me to hold a conversation with her. My mind wandered to every look she seemed to be giving Max—every light laugh, every memory they seemed to share.
After we’d eaten, she excused herself to use the restroom.
The moment she was gone, Max turned in his chair to face me.
“Sammy, this has to stop.”
“What?” I raised an eyebrow.
“You know what.” He sighed and rubbed his hand across his forehead. “I told you before, if seeing Michelle is a problem, we don’t have to do it. You just have to be honest with me.”
“It’s not a problem. Did I say something wrong?”
“You don’t have to say anything, I can feel it.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that he was wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The truth was, his instincts were right. “I’m trying, Max.”
“If I can feel it, then I’m sure Michelle can too. I’m not asking you to be best friends with her, but I would prefer it if you treated her nicely.” He frowned. “I don’t know what there is not to like about her. She reminds me so much of you.”
Chapter 27
Max’s words struck my heart like spears. If Michelle was so much like me, then what was he doing with me instead of her? Did he fall in love with me because I reminded him of her? Did he try to replace her with me? My heart raced.
“I’ll try harder.” The words felt forced out of my mouth.
He clenched his jaw and looked away from me. When he looked back, I could see the tension in his knitted brow. “This isn’t like you, Sammy. Not at all. I don’t understand it. Is it being here in London? Is it because you didn’t like my plans for Valentine’s Day?”
“I did like it.” I bit into my bottom lip. Even though it was clear that my emotions impacted him in a hurtful way, I couldn’t get them under control. “It isn’t about anything, Max. There’s nothing wrong.”
He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. When he spoke again, it was in a tone I hadn’t heard him use in some time.
“There’s something very wrong if you’re lying to me and keeping things from me, Sammy. I don’t understand why you seem to think I’m blind to your feelings, or that I don’t know you well enough to see that something is off.”
My heart fluttered at the thought of confessing everything to him. Did I really want to reveal that jealousy had overtaken my rational mind to the point that I already had Max married off to Michelle with three kids and a field full of cows? What would he think of me then?
“I’m just going to use the restroom.” I stood up from the table and did my best to ignore the way that his gaze followed me as I did so. Max did have his moments when he seemed to be able to peer right into the depths of me.
As I made my way back to the restroom, I coached myself.
You need to calm down, you need to get control of these feelings. Max doesn’t deserve this. He’s a good man, a trustworthy man, and you have no reason to doubt him. Get a hold of yourself Sammy!
I paused outside the door of the restroom and resolved to apologize to Michelle, or at least be more friendly to her. Just as I was about to push open the door of the restroom, I heard her voice, followed by laughter.
“You have no idea. I thought I was going to melt right then and there. I had no idea that he could kiss like that. If I did, I would have been demanding it from the start. Too bad it took so long for us to share it.” She laughed again. “No way, I’m not sharing him. He’s all mine. I just can’t wait until everyone knows it.”
My heart dropped. Max was all hers? She couldn’t wait to tell everyone? I narrowed my eyes and listened close.
“It doesn’t have to be a secret much longer. It was such a relief to be able to tell him the truth after all these years. Anybody who doesn’t like it is just going to have to get over it, because nothing is going to stop us this time. I let him go once and it’s not happening again. That kiss told me everything I needed to know.”
Tears filled my eyes at the thought of the passionate kiss that Max and Michelle had shared. Never did I expect my marriage to turn out like this.
I backed away from the door. My cheeks burned hot and my chest heaved with the sobs that I was desperate to hold back. My mind spun in a panic as I raced toward the door of the restaurant.
“Sammy?” Max stood up from the table as I rushed past him and out the door. I didn�
��t wait to see if he would chase after me. What would be the point? He’d only end up telling me the truth—that he’d rekindled things with Michelle—and soon everyone would know it.
Alone in London, I had no idea where to go. After I’d run far enough away from the restaurant, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Poppy’s number.
“Hello?”
“Poppy, it’s me, Samantha. Are you busy?”
“Just having dinner with Robert.”
“Oh, okay. Never mind.” I tried to hide my sniffle.
“Samantha, are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m okay.” I swallowed hard and forced my emotions down. I didn’t want to ruin Poppy’s night with my problems. I also didn’t want to be reminded that she and Robert were at that priceless part of the relationship where they were full of passion. “I just wanted to thank you again for everything.”
“You’re welcome. But are you sure that you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m sure.” I hung up the phone and began to walk toward the Inn.
What would I say to Max when I saw him? A part of me wished he would continue to lie to me—just for a little bit longer. It hurt too much to think of those words coming out of his mouth.
“I’m sorry, Sammy, I didn’t expect this to happen. I would never want to hurt you. I hope that we can still be friends.”
I clutched at my stomach as it churned with revulsion. The life I’d planned now belonged to someone else. How could I ever be okay with that?
For over an hour I wandered, surrounded by strangers.
Max called me a dozen times but I didn’t answer. Then out of the blue I heard his voice.
Chapter 28
“Sammy!” Max was jogging across the street toward me.
I thought about running again, but that would be ridiculous. I kept my eyes to the ground as he stopped in front of me.
“Why did you take off? Do you have any idea what you’ve just put me through?”
I stole a glance up at him. His red cheeks and swollen eyes told me all I needed to know. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“How would you disappearing in the middle of a foreign city not scare me?” He narrowed his eyes. “If I hadn’t been able to track your cell phone, I would have called the police. I thought somebody took you. I thought there couldn’t be any other explanation, because the Sammy I know would never just leave me behind like that, not even answering your phone to tell me that you’re okay.”
“I’m sorry.” I tried not to look into his eyes. I didn’t want to think about the kiss he’d shared with Michelle. My heart broke every time I did. “I just want to go home, Max. I just want to leave.”
“We can go back to the Inn right now—”
“No, I mean home.” I reached up and wiped at my eyes before fresh tears could fall. “I want all of this to be over.”
Max stared at me. “You don’t mean that. This is your career we’re talking about.”
“I don’t care.” I shook my head. To my surprise, my words were true. I didn’t care about any of it. If I didn’t have Max, I didn’t see how I was ever going to move forward with my life. There would be no recovering from his loss. “I’m done.”
“What happened, Sammy?” He stroked his hands down my arms and tried to meet my eyes. “Tell me. I won’t be upset. Just talk to me.”
In that moment I should have told him what I’d heard. It was my chance to hear his side of the story. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to speak the words that would end our marriage. I wanted to stick my head as deep into the sand as I could.
“It’s just too much.”
“We’ll be in Ireland soon, Sammy. It’ll be a nice long visit. We’ll have plenty of time to rest up.”
I sniffled and nodded. “You’re right.” I opened my arms to him. I just wanted to be held by him again. Maybe it wasn’t healthy to still want his love after he’d betrayed me, but I couldn’t imagine his arms never wrapping around me again.
He pulled me close and held me snugly against him.
“We’ll figure it out, Sammy. Whatever it is. We’ll figure it out together.”
I wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t sure if I even believed in anything any more.
Over the next few days I tried to find the perfect moment to mention the kiss. Max made sure that I didn’t see Michelle again. He prodded me with questions, but I ignored them. I tried to focus on the next leg of the book tour—Ireland. It was a place I’d always wanted to visit but never dreamed I would make it to.
That was all good and exciting, but when the lights were turned out at night, Michelle’s voice rang through my mind as I’d heard her describing the kiss. My world imploded—again and again and again.
On the day we were scheduled to leave for Ireland, Max stepped in front of me the moment I got out of bed.
“So it’s been three days of this.” Max paused in front of me and met my eyes. “I’ve been letting it go, because I know you’re dealing with a lot of things, but I don’t want to let it go so long that it doesn’t get discussed.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Out with it. I can take it—whatever it is.”
I searched his eyes for any sign of a change. If a man kissed another woman, shouldn’t there be some kind of rash? Some kind of telltale sign? A big C for cheater in the pupil or a splash of shadow on his skin?
“Did you kiss her? Michelle?” I blurted the question out along with every ounce of breath in my lungs.
“What?” His eyes widened.
For just a moment I thought he might lose his temper as his cheeks reddened. But he set his jaw and clenched his hands at his sides for a moment before taking a deep breath. I watched as his hands relaxed and his shoulders dropped.
“Is that what you think?”
“She was your first kiss, she was your first love—it’s okay, Max. I understand. If it was just a kiss for nostalgia’s sake, I’m okay with it—we can move past it. But if it was more than that, if you still have feelings for her—”
He cupped my cheeks and looked into my eyes. “I didn’t kiss her.”
“But I heard Michelle say that the kiss was amazing.” I curled my hands around his wrists and held on to him. All of the fear that had built within me over the last few days bubbled to the surface.
I wanted to believe him, but I was terrified of what would happen if he chose Michelle over me.
Chapter 29
“I met her fiancée.” Max narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know what you overheard, but the only kiss that happened was between Michelle and her fiancée. I did help make that happen. Her family doesn’t approve of him. They were meeting in secret at the old farm. When I found out, I gave her advice you’ve given to me and to your readers. I convinced her to take the next step and prepare to tell her family. I provided an alibi for her so that she could be with him.”
“Oh.” My heart slowed. Relief flooded through my body in cool waves. Everything Max was saying fit together like a perfect puzzle. If only I’d been able to see the whole picture from the beginning, maybe I would have thought twice before accusing him.
“Oh?” He let his hands fall from my cheeks and curl around my fingers instead. “That’s all you have to say?”
“I’m sorry.” I frowned.
The hurt etched itself across his features in the crease of his brow and the tension of his lips.
“You don’t need to apologize.” He spoke in such a quiet tone that I didn’t know what to expect.
“Max, are you upset?”
“Shouldn’t I be?” He shook his head. “I didn’t expect this.”
“I got a little crazy. I know that. I can’t figure out why.”
“Neither can I.” He pulled me a little closer and met my eyes. “But obviously I haven’t been showing you enough just how important you are to me. If you could even consider that I would do something to hurt you—”
“I know that, Max, I do. It’s not you, it’s me. I just—I don’t know
. I can’t make sense of it.”
“At least tell me the truth.” He held my gaze. “Don’t dance around it. This didn’t come from nowhere. So what have I said or done that made you think that I would ever even think of kissing another woman?”
“You didn’t do anything.” I sighed.
“No, I’m not buying that. Something is off between us, Sammy, and I respect your right to personal space and your own emotions, but this isn’t just about you. This is about us and our relationship. So why does Michelle, a woman I barely ever see, threaten you so much?”
“Because she was your first, Max. Your first kiss, your first love, and I just—” I cleared my throat and looked down at the floor. “I just wondered if maybe you felt more passion for her than you do for me.”
“We were kids, Sammy.”
“I know that.” I frowned. “But you said you weren’t sure that you believed in the notion of a one true love. I thought maybe that was because you’d lost yours way back then.”
“Sammy.” He hugged me and stroked a hand through my hair. “I’m not sure if I believe in a one true love, in the sense of everyone having a soulmate out there somewhere. That doesn’t make me less passionate about you. Instead, it makes me feel even luckier to have found you. I just don’t pin it all on destiny or fate. I don’t believe some star fell from the sky or a baby angel shot us both with an arrow. I love you for who you are, because of who you are, not because of some fairy-tale spell. That’s what I meant when I said that. There is no mystic force that compels me to love you, Sammy. I love you because of who you are—one hundred percent. Got it?”
“Yes, got it.” I grimaced. “I’m so sorry. I know that trust shouldn’t be an issue. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you. I guess my mind just got a little out of control.”
“If you’d just talked to me about it, we could have avoided all this.” He rubbed his hand back through his hair. “I had no idea that you needed me to express my passionate side more often. I guess sometimes I fall back into friendship mode with you and I just expect that you know how much I love you.”
Sammy in England (Single Wide Female Travels #4) Page 9
