by J. L. Beck
“I am nothing like you! Nothing. We might share DNA, and you might legally be my father, but saying you’re someone’s father and acting like one are two very different things.”
I was within a second of lurching across this table and making him eat his words. The tension that filled my muscles begged me for some type of release. I needed to release the aggression, to suppress the anger. I had no other option. If I didn’t, people would get hurt. People I cared about.
“I didn’t have you come in here to fight with you or to try and compare us, so my apologies. I simply wanted to let you know of the plan your mother and I have come up with. We feel it will benefit everyone involved especially you. I know it was a struggle for you and your mom growing up, and I’d like to fix that now.” HA, what a fucking joke. I almost laughed. I’m almost fully fucking grown and now he suddenly wants to fucking man up and help with finances? To pretend like he cares because I was shoved on him, because my mom forced him to finally take some responsibility for the night where he fucked her and just left.
“I will provide you with a car, whatever make and model you want, a college education if you would like one, and an endless supply of money so long as you keep yourself out of trouble.” What the fuck? He couldn’t actually be real about all this bullshit that was filling the room. Let’s hear the strings that are attached because I know he’s not just going to give me all this shit for nothing. There’s always a fucking price to pay, and I’ve been the one paying for the last seventeen years.
“Go ahead. I know there’s more. You haven’t done shit for me and Mom in seventeen years, so I know damn well you aren’t you going to give me all this shit for nothing. What are the strings attached to this fancy offer? Say something that will set me off. I’ve been contemplating laying your ass out my entire life.”
Mark didn’t seem to care about what I had to say. It was as if he actually expected me to act the way that I was, as if it was just a reaction that would never change.
”Hate me all you want but the offer will always stand; no matter what you think or how you feel about me. There are no strings attached because the things that I want you to do are things that you should be doing anyway…” He raised an eyebrow up at me, getting ready to ramble off his list of bullshit.
“For instance, going to school and staying away from any illegal activities. I get that fighting is an outlet for you, but there are other ways to help with your emotions. Fighting isn’t something you can do for the rest of your life.” That was a ballsy response.
“You hope I can’t do it for the rest of my life, but the truth is I’m my own keeper and if I want to head down a destructive path then I will,” I said, correcting him. I cracked my knuckles as he rolled his eyes at my response.
“Whatever you say, son, just know I’m more than willing to build a gym here at the house or we can get you a membership somewhere so you can rid yourself of that hateful tension.” I allowed him to finish speaking because even if I didn’t want to admit it I wanted to know what else he had to say.
That and I wanted to take the entire offer and shove it back down his throat. I didn’t need shit, and I most certainly didn’t want his money. I wanted nothing from the man I knew only as a sperm donor. If he thought he could glitter me with gifts and I would listen, he was in for an enormous wake-up call.
“I can’t be bought. I can’t be told what to do. I make my own choices, Daddy… You’re going to have to do better than that because nothing you say or want from me is going to happen.” I couldn’t help my reaction to what he said and done. Comparing me to himself, and then thinking I could be bought into servitude. Fuck him and his perfectly perfect lifestyle. He might be able to buy other people, but I wasn’t one of them. Not now, not ever.
No fucking way! A ripple of rage hit me, and I kicked the chair over that was behind me, and then I raised my already battered fist to his bookcase, slamming my knuckles against the solid wood panel.
“Royal!” my father bellowed out for me, and I ignored him, walking out of his office, my fist slamming into the study door. I needed more than what he could offer me; hell I needed more a long time ago. There was no saving me from myself, and trying only made me want to squish you that much more.
I needed to call my mom and find out if she really was part of all this bullshit. Part of me didn’t believe she would side with Mark and try and buy me into listening with a bunch of expensive shit that I didn’t need. Then again, the mother I knew my entire life also wouldn’t send me hundreds of miles away to live with the loser that left both of us for this perfect life that he now had.
His voice was still calling out to me as I walked down the hall with heavy footsteps, each one landing precisely against the wooden floor. Air filled my lungs, each breath coming out in a pant. My vision blurred, and all I could see was the need for vengeance, a resonating urge to destroy everything in my path.
“Are you okay?” Noelle’s eyes were huge, and in them I could see worry. It stuck out to me more than anything else on her. I looked down to where it was she was staring. Blood dripped from my fist and onto the pristine white carpet. How didn’t I notice that before?
Oh shucks, I stained their perfect white carpet.
“Don’t you have something to do, princess? Maybe something that involves perfect grades and focusing on your studies…” I spoke to her the same way her mother did earlier.
Sadness filled her eyes as she straightened her back and tipped her chin up. That’s right, princess, make yourself look strong, make yourself look unbreakable, and I will tear down every single wall you build up. I’ll destroy you, and smile like the wolf I am the entire fucking time I do it.
“You’re nothing but a man with a big fucking daddy issue. A man that’s far too afraid to handle the past, a man on the verge…” I heard enough come from those full lips of hers. I took my bloodied hand and gripped her by the throat. My hold was loose but could easily be tightened in a blink of her eyes.
I could hear her breathing spike, and the fear and panic that filled her eyes just added to the raging inferno inside of me.
I slammed her back against the wall, and looked straight into her hazel eyes. She seemed scared, but even more than that she seemed concerned. She seemed to care, and caring meant something that I didn’t want to explore.
“You know nothing about me.” I squeezed the soft flesh of her throat in my grasp as I spoke. “Don’t make assumptions, and don’t fucking assume it’s an issue I have with my father, when it could be an issue I have with you.” I had no idea where the last part of that sentence came from. Maybe I wanted her to think she was the reason I was angry, or maybe I just wanted her to know I had been thinking about her. I couldn’t even fucking understand the thoughts that were rattling around inside my brain.
“If it was me, you would’ve already made it known.” Her words were scratchy as she spoke against the hold I had against her throat. I could feel the thump, thump of her heartbeat against my palm. The erratic beat told me just how frightened of me she really was. Would I hurt her? I didn’t think so. Then again, I wasn’t myself right now and anything could happen.
An understanding flickered in those beautiful eyes of hers, and I looked down at the blood covering my hand. It was dripping down onto her pale white skin, a stark reminder of the person I was and how different we were from each other. I wasn’t made out for this world. I was carved out from a perfect picture. I had ridges and sharp edges that were made to cut if anyone got too close. I had to let her go, because if I didn’t I would end up hurting her.
“Watch yourself, Noelle, because next time I might not be so gentle. Next time I might hurt you without meaning to.” I released her with a shove knowing that there was nothing more for me to say. She was starting to understand things even I wasn’t ready to explore myself, and that frightened me.
It scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
Noelle Weston scared me because she understood what no one else
seemed to.
Chapter Eight
-Noelle
Fear. It wasn’t something that I ever experienced, at least not fear like this. I would be lying if I said Royal didn’t bring it out the most in me. He scared the ever-loving-shit out of me. I could still remember the look in his eyes as he spoke, the pressure he had against my throat, and the warm blood that dripped from his hand and down onto my skin. It was almost like he wasn’t himself. I could tell that it wasn’t me that he was angry with and that he didn’t actually want to hurt me, but it was like he couldn’t stop himself. Not that that was an excuse or a reason for him to put his hands on me. It just seemed like that’s all he knew how to do.
Pain.
Anger.
Rage.
It had been a week since our confrontation with one another. My mother was on my ass about staying focused and as far away from Royal as I could be, but she didn’t know Royal. At least not like I did. Sure he was angry and had a violent streak, but he was also misunderstood and hurting. There was good in him, I could see it. If there wasn’t then he wouldn’t have walked away last night or any other time that I provoked him.
“Apparently there is a party at Sasha’s house this weekend? I didn’t know if you wanted to go or not?” Jordan questioned me as we headed out toward the student parking lot. The wind blew, and I could smell Royal’s cologne in the air. I guess he wasn’t that far behind me after all.
“Isn’t that an invite only kind of thing? I hate Sasha. I would rather stab her in the eye with a hot fork than have to listen to her talk,” I confessed, fishing my keys out of my purse. My thoughts were focused on Royal. On whatever it was that he was doing, or wherever he was for that matter.
“Who knows, better yet who gives a fuck?” Jordan snickered. I shook my head at her. She was such an innocent girl, swear words just didn’t seem right coming out of her mouth.
“I can tell you that I don’t give a fuck….” Royal boasted, snaking around us and stopping me from entering into the car.
“I can tell you neither of us care what you give a fuck about.” Jordan got the words out before I could. She looked at him with disgust, not enough though; I could tell she liked the bad boy image he put out, and so could he.
“You give a fuck about me…” His words were smooth as he shoved past me and right up next to Jordan.
“Seriously, just leave her alone. She’s immune to your bullshit anyway,” I spoke, finally getting my car door open. I threw my shit in the back seat, and ignored whatever kind of moves he was putting on her. Jordan was strong enough to stand against him.
If I could, she could.
“She wants me…” I wanted to punch him right in the face, but instead slid into the driver’s seat. Mark hadn’t gotten Royal a car yet. I believed it was because he wasn’t responsible enough to have one, but I never brought it up. At least I knew he wasn’t out hurting himself because he couldn’t get anywhere without me.
I could hear Jordan giggle and knew I needed to end the shenanigans that he started. “I’ll call you later, Jo! Royal get in or I’m leaving you here.” You could see the mesmerized look in her eyes. Clearly she wasn’t as immune to him as I had thought.
“I’ll see you later…” he whispered into her ear, jogging around the car, and getting in before I could leave without him. He had barely gotten in the car and his door closed when I slammed the car in reverse with much more force than needed. God, he was an asshole.
“Who pissed in your cornflakes?” His voice was so rough, and it caused parts of my body to tingle that shouldn’t. Royal scared me, but at the same time caused my body to awaken. I couldn’t think with him around nor could I be held responsible for the things that I did in his presence. I wasn’t myself when he was around.
“Just this guy named Royal, who thinks he can hook up with just about anything with a hole. Isn’t it enough for you that you have Sasha and most of the school eating out of your hands? Can you not just leave one fucking person alone? Please.” I shot him a dirty look as I shoved a few pieces of lingering hair behind my ear. I looked both ways before pulling out of the parking lot, but I guess I was too focused on whatever it was that Royal was saying because I failed to notice the Dodge Charger pulling in at the same time I was backing out, the front of my car nailing the Charger’s rear taillight.
“Fuck!” I cursed, putting the car in park. My first accident and it’s all Royal’s fault. The driver of the Dodge Charger rolled her window down and I just rolled my eyes. Of course it would be her. Could my day get any fucking worse? My stomach twisted into a knot as I took in the disgusted look plastered on Sasha’s face. Her and her groupies were staring at me like I just committed murder right in front of them.
“Chill out; it’s okay. I’ll deal with her. You just sit tight; it’ll only be a minute.” Royal’s demeanor changed. A switch flipped somewhere in him. He placed his hand on top of mine as if he was trying to reassure me, and then he leaned over to speak to his little girlfriend. My eyes lingered on his hand against mine; the warmth that it brought me, the crazy feelings it made me feel.
“We’re going to need your insurance information, babe.” He smiled at her, giving her his sexiest smile and a wink.
“Excuse me, but your bitch of a sister needs to pay attention to where she is going. I had the right of way…” Sasha lashed out, her friends adding fuel to the already explosive fire as they all chimed in with their own opinions from the back seat. I was in no mood to take her fucking shit today. If she wanted to be a difficult little bitch, then fine, but I wasn’t going to be the one to deal with it.
I heard Royal inhale a deep breath and then release it, as if he was trying to calm himself. He too annoyed just as much as I was. Royal glared at Sasha, which surprised me. I couldn’t blame him for being annoyed with her. Just looking at her pissed me off. However, things were different today, Royal never sided with me and yet here he was being all nice and shit.
“Just because you consider yourself the queen of the county, doesn’t mean you always have the right of way.” I rolled my eyes, pulling my hand out from under Royal’s so that I could get my insurance information from the glove box.
A horn blared from behind me. My gazed drifted to the rearview mirror where I could see a line of cars forming. Didn’t they realize that a car had been hit? Idiots.
“If it wasn’t against the law, I would beat the hell out of you right now.” I could hear the hate in her words and decided I was done listening to her shit.
“Go for it,” I growled, ignoring Royal and everyone else that was behind me as I stepped from the car, pushing my door open. I was totally going to give her a run for her money. That bitch couldn’t even tie her shoelaces without assistance.
“Royal. Make your dumb, bratty ass sister get back in her car and go back to the royal palace. She can’t handle someone like me.” Sasha shot Royal a smile, and when I looked at him over my shoulder I could see the coldness in his eyes.
“Enough, Sasha!” I could tell he wasn’t fucking around when he spoke.
“Seriously, Royal? You’re sticking up for her?” she whined, and my ears started to bleed. God how I wished she would go the hell away.
“That is the most unattractive fucking thing I have ever witnessed!” I couldn’t help myself; the words came from my mouth without warning. The beeping behind us continued, each blare of the horn was like a knife to the pounding that started to form in my head. Royal shifted his attention between me and the car that was honking.
“Better get moving along, Noelle.” I could practically see Sasha’s forked tongue slither out of her mouth.
“You’re such a bitch! It’s no wonder you constantly have to be sleeping with someone. You can’t hold a conversation to save your life, and have you seen yourself… I mean…”
“Noelle!” A stern voice said my name interrupting me from finishing my tirade.
“Royal!” I turned on him, furious with the entire situation. His lips lift
ed into a tight smile. What the hell was he smiling about? I couldn’t find one thing worth smiling about in this entire situation.
“I’ll get the information for the insurance to you right away, but right now you need to leave.” Royal didn’t give her a chance to say anything. Instead he got out of the car and came around to the driver’s side where I was standing, grabbing me by the hand and guiding me over to the passenger side of the vehicle before I could make a bigger mockery out of myself.
“Hurry it the fuck up!” The driver in the car behind us screamed at Royal and me. Sasha rolled her eyes, so much hatred in her icy glare that it rippled through me like a wave splashing against my feet along the beach.
“We’re going! Chill the fuck out, dude,” Royal countered back right before he slipped into the driver’s seat of my Jeep.
“Do you even have a license?” I questioned, ready to start a fight with anyone that would brawl with me. I hated very few people in this world but Sasha was one of those few people, and it had nothing to do with her infatuation with Royal. Okay, maybe it did a teenie, tiny, little bit.
He laughed gruffly, pulling away from Sasha’s stupid car and toward the exit, checking the roadway before pulling out into the street.
“I said I was a criminal. I cause a lot of fights. I beat the shit out of a lot people. Violence is my thing, but I never said I stole cars or attempted to rob banks.” He shook his head at me. My eyes glided over his perfectly messy hair, and down his dark red Henley tee. The tone muscles in his arms and chest made my mouth water. I needed to stop staring, or I would so something really stupid.
Boundaries, Noelle.
“Why do you do it?” I changed the subject. I knew he fought. I knew that causing pain was his thing. The last time I talked to him he had me pushed up against the wall, his blood marring my skin with a branding that caused butterflies to erupt in my belly. I couldn’t admit that his dark side turned me on, because it scared me to do so, but I could question him about it.
