Robin felt an overwhelming emotion that took over every single cell in her body. It centered in her heart, over her chest, and spread out, magnifying by the second until she felt like something would physically burst out of her chest. She gripped the back of the chair in front of her and felt her knees start to tremble, and feared she'd fall.
The music grew a little louder and the choir sang a little stronger. "Come home, come home; ye who are weary come home."
"Are you weary?" The pastor was back and looking at her again.
The music poured through her very essence, the words wrote themselves on her heart. "Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling, O sinner, come home!"
"Come home." He held his hand out, as if he looked beyond the rows and rows of filled pews and spoke directly to Robin, personally. "Come home."
Not even certain that her legs would carry her, Robin stepped out in the aisle. She wasn't aware that Tony walked with her, his hand on the small of her back, but when she reached the front, an older woman with the most kind eyes she had ever encountered came forward to meet her.
She held both hands out and Robin placed hers in them. As soon as their skin touched, Robin fell to her knees, sobbing. "I'm so weary," she sobbed.
"I know." On her own knees, the woman put her arms around Robin's shoulders and wept with her. "I know, child."
With Tony kneeling beside her, his arm around her waist, Robin listened to the woman as she led her in prayer, taught her the words to say, how to say them, so that as she spoke the words, "Jesus, please forgive me of my sins and come into my heart," the pressure that had built and built inside of her chest during the sermon burst forth, like a million tiny sparks flooding from her chest through every vein in her body. It left her tingling, weak, and as it subsided, she felt strangely complete and fulfilled, and a peace settled over her shoulders like a mantle.
She didn't feel embarrassed about the storm of emotions that propelled her earlier as she thought she should. Instead she looked at Tony and saw the joy in his eyes and felt elated. He helped her to her feet and after they each hugged the woman, they held hands as they walked back up the aisle to their seats.
Robin lifted the damp hair off of her neck and took a few steadying breaths. She took the bulletin that she had placed inside of her Bible to mark the spot from where the pastor had preached and used it to fan her flushed face. Tony put his arm around her waist and pulled her into his side, cradling her next to him as they remained standing, singing the song that the choir had sung earlier, while more people flooded the front of the auditorium and sought their way home, too.
CHAPTER 14
ROBIN propped her elbow on the kitchen table and rested her forehead in her hand. She stared at the calendar in front of her, with horror. Somehow, the week snuck up on her and here she sat, the morning of the night of Tony's mega Viscolli Corporate Christmas party. "What am I supposed to wear to something like that?"
Maxine groaned and stretched, graceful as a jungle cat and with just as much pent up energy. "I wish you'd mentioned this before the actual day of."
"Honestly, I was hoping that something would happen that would keep me from having to go."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Flood? Meteor? Locusts? Terrorist attack?"
"Okay. Let me think." Maxine rubbed her forehead, wishing the sinus headache would quit interfering with her thoughts. "Ugh, my brain is not functioning this morning."
"I knew that live Christmas tree you bought would mess with your allergies," Robin said with a touch of humor and a dose of concern.
"You enjoy saying, 'I told you so?'" She took a delicate sip of her orange juice. "It's in the back alley. Maybe a cat will use it as a scratching post. Or something more heinous."
"All I could find is Midol." Sarah came into the kitchen and set the bottle in front of Maxine, who sighed and popped open the tamper proof lid with one thumb.
"Well, my headache might not go away, but at least I won't have cramps."
"It has aspirin in it. Your headache will be taken care of."
"I was joking, Sarah. Sarcasm. Ever heard of it?"
"Only since I moved in here."
Robin groaned. "What is wrong with you two? You've been snapping at each other since yesterday morning."
Maxine stared at Sarah. "If you don't tell her, I will."
Sarah tore her eyes from Maxine's and stared at the table in front of her. "It's just that … um, I mean … well … "
Maxine swallowed two of the pills with her juice and slammed the glass down, wincing at the sharp sound. "What little sis here is trying to get out is that she isn't going down to Florida with us for Christmas."
The words cut straight to her heart. Hoping she could keep her expression under control, she glanced at Sarah. "Oh? Did something come up?"
Her sister refused to meet her eyes. "Well, it's just that mom and dad have never had Christmas without me. I mean, I know I've never been with you, either, but – "
Maxine tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Her mommy started crying."
Sarah gasped and looked up. "You are horrible."
"No, you are. Robin works so hard, and you're constantly putting your parents in front of her. That was great when you were fifteen or even seventeen. We were happy you didn't have to live our lives, then, but you're an adult now, Sarah, and you need to learn that your mother manipulates you to keep you right there by her side."
"That's not true!"
Maxine raised her voice. "You want to bet? The woman cried when her nineteen year old said she had the opportunity to fly down to Florida in a private jet and spend three days in a mansion on the beach."
"No! She's just worried about who …" Sarah gasped and jerked her eyes in Robin's direction.
The pain in her heart twisted like a knife. Oh, yes. What kind of element might the streetwise Robin and Maxine expose their precious Sarah to unchaperoned? The glow of a week of basking in the glory of God, in her newfound salvation, in her relationship with Tony started to dim. Robin put her hands over her ears. "Stop it! Both of you! I don't want to hear another word."
She stood slowly, feeling as if she were made of glass and if she moved too fast she might shatter. "Sarah, spend Christmas wherever you want. It won't be the same without you, but it wouldn't be for your parents, either." She looked at Maxine. "Do you have plans for today? I think I've decided to buy a dress instead of borrowing one of yours, but I'll probably need you to help me pick one out."
Maxine glared at Sarah one more time then looked at her watch. "No, I can't. I have to get some work done today."
"On Saturday?"
"Yeah, because I'm flying down to Florida with you, and the presentation is on the twenty-seventh."
"Okay." She started out of the room then stopped and turned. "You want to come, Sarah?"
Sarah pressed her lips tightly together and shook her head.
ROBIN hated shopping. She hated it with a passion. Her wardrobe had all the basics; jeans, sweatshirts, T-shirts. She could purchase them without much thought, and best of all, quickly. Christmas shopping was just as simple. Something silky or lacy for Maxine, something simple or cute for Sarah.
Some wicked part of her mind taunted her with the thought that she needed to update her wardrobe for church, church functions and such, but she tried to drown it out and focus instead on the task at hand. As much as she hated shopping, she found herself in a dress shop in the mall a week before Christmas. Oh, that's right. In a dress shop in the mall a week before Christmas Day buying a dress so she could attend a Christmas party and have everyone there wondering where they've seen her before, then realizing she was that waitress from Benedict's all "My Fair Ladied" up.
She audibly groaned when she realized that she hadn't even thought about buying Tony a Christmas present. Great. Now she not only had to buy a dress, she had to buy a present for a man. What did one buy for a man? Especially a man who seemed to own the whole world?
"
May I help you?"
She turned around and saw a salesclerk with brown hair and a Santa cap perkily perched on the top of her head. "Frankly, I hope you can, or I'm in big trouble."
"Well, let's see what we can do. What are you looking for?"
"A dress for a Christmas party."
"No problem." She managed to make the word 'no' into a six syllable word. "Is it a formal party?"
Robin huffed out a breath. "I'm not positive, so my sister suggested I get a dress that could go either way."
The clerk looked her up and down. "Hmm. Let me think." Suddenly, her face lit up. "I've got it. Right this way. I think I have just the thing."
ROBIN had to dip into the savings account. Her rational mind wanted to feel guilty but her heart wouldn't let her. She figured once in her lifetime she could allow herself the luxury of spending a little too much money on a dress. And shoes. Robin flinched inwardly at the cost of the shoes. But she felt certain that Maxine didn't have a silver pair she could borrow.
It was her first Saturday off in ten years and she had to spend it at the stupid mall among throngs of holiday shoppers. She glanced at her watch, calculating that about five hours remained before she had to be ready for the party. Maybe she had enough time to figure out what to buy Tony for Christmas. At least she could have this trip serve a dual purpose.
Before she'd even completed the thought, she saw it sitting in the window of a gift shop. Robin stopped in her tracks quickly enough that the person behind her nearly bumped into her. It was a panther carved out of some sort of black stone, looking as though it was on the prowl. The way the muscles were bunched, the way the head was tilted down at a slight angle gave the impression that it was in motion, as if it had just spotted its prey and was moving closer for the kill.
It was absolutely perfect.
She dashed into the store, terrified that someone would buy it before she could get to it. The place was packed with people, and it took her a good ten minutes to find a clerk to take it off the display and package it for her.
As she left the store, she found herself cringing for the tenth time in the last five minutes. At least she no longer felt guilty about what she'd spent on the shoes. Robin quieted the numbers screaming in her mind. She forced herself not to care. She'd spent more money this afternoon on things other than necessities than she had spent in ten years, but it didn't matter. In her heart she knew that Tony was worth it.
For the second time that day, Robin stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the crowded mall. When the realization came to her, came fully into focus in her conscious mind, it paralyzed her in the eye of a storm of conflicting thoughts and emotions such as she had never felt.
She was in love with Tony.
It felt right to think it, and terrifying. She felt like maybe she'd always been in love with him. Wow. What did that mean in the whole scheme of things?
God had worked so hard on her heart that she had focused only on that and those feelings for months. She spent almost her entire relationship with Tony running from the conviction of God that she had not even noticed how her heart had also turned toward Tony.
As tears fell from her eyes, she silently thanked God for the revelation. Now what? Did she rush to Tony's side and confess all of these feelings? What if he didn't feel the same way? Wait! Of course he felt the same way.
Think of the way he treats you, she thought. Think of the way that he talks to you, and smiles at you, and touches you.
Except that if he really did love her the way she loved him, why wouldn't he have told her by now? His confidence overwhelmed her sometimes.
As holiday shoppers thronged around her and brushed by her, she analyzed it. He must have been waiting for her to fall in love with God before he would allow himself to confess his love for her. She knew that there would be no future for them if she never became a Christian, if she hadn't accepted Christ. In the week that followed, he had allowed her the space to really soak in her newfound salvation and eternal security. He had spent their time together praying with her and teaching her and loving her the way that he always had.
She could not believe it, but could not longer deny it. She really was in love with him.
Her knees suddenly felt weak, and she looked around, spotting an unoccupied bench right beside her. She collapsed onto it before she draped the garment bag along the back of the bench and set the other bags at her feet. She'd just rest there for a minute. She needed to just rest.
What should she do now? Wait for him? Throw herself at him and confess her undying love? Even the thought of that made her giggle. She put her hands to her face and felt the silly grin and shook her head at herself. Giddy. Giddy in love. She wondered what would happen if she arrived at his office unannounced and suggested that he take her out to lunch. No, that was silly. The big company Christmas party was tonight and he was likely embroiled in all sorts of details about that. Managers and directors from all around the company were flying in and checking in to the hotel. She'd see him in a few hours. Maybe …
Just as she imagined how she would confess her love for Tony, someone sat next to her.
"Hiya, Robin."
She turned her head and managed a smile, though she sighed inwardly. "Hi, Sandy. Doing some Christmas shopping?"
She hadn't seen him since the week after the bar closed down at Hank's. It was odd seeing a bar patron in full light. The shadows in the dim bar always hid the flaws, and in Sandy's face, she could see the damage of years of alcoholism. The vessels on his face were broken, leaving little red marks. The skin around his eyes looked puffy and red and the whites of his eyes weren't quite white. She also noticed how much his hands shook.
"Actually, I was following you."
A touch of cautious fear twisted her stomach, but she kept her eyes steady and on his. She could handle Sandy. "Oh yeah? Why's that?"
He looked around him, his head moving in jerky movements. "Why don't we go somewhere more private?"
"No. I don't think so."
He leaned closer to her, and she had to hold her breath to keep from gagging on the stench of old beer that permeated the air around him. "You don't want to mess with me, little girl."
She rolled her eyes and chuckled while she adjusted her bags and stood. "What are you going to do to me, Sandy? Huh? Do us both a favor. Go home and sleep it off."
He stood with her, and for the first time, she realized how big he was. He was a good head taller than her, but he was also huge, bulky. He leaned down until his nose practically touched hers. "It's not what I can do to you, Robin, it's what my friends can do to your little sister. They're watching her right now, while she's at her parents' in Framingham. I just found out she's at the kitchen table, the one with the blue tablecloth, decorating Christmas cookies."
The finger of fear turned into a giant fist, tightening up and trembling in her gut. She believed him, and it terrified her. "Okay. Let's go somewhere more private."
He made a sweeping gesture with his arm, and she went ahead of him on stiff legs, through the mall, to the parking lot. Not knowing what else to do, she headed for her car. The whole time, he walked right behind her, half a step away, and her mind whirled while she tried to figure out what he wanted.
She stopped at her car and turned around, waiting for him to give her further direction. He did nothing but stuff his hands in the pockets of his worn coat and shiver against the bite in the air. Robin didn't even feel the cold.
"Do you know who I am?" he finally asked her.
She lifted her chin. "Should I?"
His eyes hardened. "I don't know why I thought that drunk slut would have told you anything about me." He huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes toward the gray sky. "I wouldn't have been caught if it hadn't been for her, anyway. I wouldn't have had to go to the pen for fifteen years if she hadn't screwed up the deal so bad. But still, not to tell a girl about her daddy, now that's just wrong."
Robin gasped and took a step backward. She opened h
er mouth, but no words came out. Then those watery eyes were back on hers. Eyes that would have been the same color as hers had they not been dulled by alcohol. He smiled, his teeth yellow against his pale skin. "Ah, you're quick. Just like your daddy. I had to be quick. It's what's kept me from being caught this whole time."
Somehow she knew the answer, but she asked the question anyway. "Caught for what?" she whispered.
He went on as if he hadn't heard her. "See, I called her when I got out, thinking we could start all over. Man, she was a looker. But what a nagging –" He paused and shook his head. "I'd just scored big time, and we were going to hit it big. But she had that boyfriend she wanted to pull in on the deal. I didn't even know about him until we got back to the apartment. You can't even begin to imagine how angry that made me."
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