by Lynn Rider
“Who’s your sister?” I ask, sinking down against the wall on my side of the hall.
“Emma Williams. She lives here, but she’s never home or she doesn’t answer.”
“She’s not home. What do you want to tell her?” He looks at me wearily. “I can tell her when I see her again,” I offer.
“I need help.”
“What kind of help?”
“Help to get off this shit!” He runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t want to do this anymore, but I can’t quit. It’s too powerful, man.”
“Would you go to rehab?”
“I don’t have the fucking money for that!”
“If money wasn’t an option, would you go to rehab?”
“I don’t know. Who are you? Why are you asking me all these questions?”
“My name is Austin and I was just like you. I used for years, powerless to it, man. I get it, but I’m clean now and nothing will make me fall back to using. I’ve got my girl back and I’m a father now.”
“You’re a father?” I hear the tenderness in his voice. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, but I was too caught up in my own mind to realize. I thought I wanted to be a rock star, and I made her second when all along she should have been first. Amber will always be first from now on.”
“Wait a minute. I remember you.” Clarity briefly overtakes the fog that using has put across his face. “You’re that rocker from that group. Em’s roommate was dating you. I’m Edward, Emma’s brother.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Edward. I’m sorry that I don’t remember you. The years when Amber and Emma lived together aren’t some of my best.”
“Yeah, I remember. Hell, look at how the tide has shifted. You’re a fucking star and you’re clean. I was on my way to making partner when I fucked it all up. She left me. She fucking left me. I started with some pills to stay on top of my game, you know?”
“Yeah, Edward, I do know.”
“Aus?”
I look up to see the alarm in Amber’s eyes as she takes in the sight of Edward’s slumped body leaning against Reeder and Emma’s door.
“Babe, go back to bed. My new friend Edward and I are having a talk about cleaning up his life. Isn’t that right, Edward?”
“Yeah. Congratulations on your baby,” he says, surprising Amber.
“Thank you,” she answers hesitantly as her eyes look back to mine in silent question. I nod, and she closes the front door quietly, leaving Edward and me in the hall to finish our conversation.
“What’s up, bro?” Ashton answers happily.
“Just checking in. How’s school?”
“Kicking my ass. I may want my spot back in the band.” He laughs.
“Yeah, well, if Amber won’t move you can have it,” I only half-joke back.
“Whoa, don’t start talking crazy, grasshopper. You’ve only just begun your journey.”
“Journeys sometimes change when dreams do.”
“That they do. That’s why I have an exam at eight in the morning.” I hear the smile in his voice, and I’m happy that for once I can tell him my worries without his overprotective, big brother instincts kicking in.
“My dream is here with her and my daughter.”
“I can imagine, but you need to stay in control. Take your time. You and Amber are in a good place now, right?”
“Yeah, all is good except the looming invisible elephant in the room. Her living in Seattle and me living in Manhattan.”
“Yeah, that’s a challenge I didn’t have, but you’ll work through it. Don’t go making any knee-jerk decisions.”
“I won’t. I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. Kyle booked studio time for us this week.”
“Yeah, I heard. Were your ears burning last night?”
“No, why?”
“The entire band was ready to come to Seattle to kick your ass all the way back to New York. You need to get your practice time in, man. You can’t expect to stay on top without making the time.”
“Yeah, I know, Ash. I’m actually gonna see if Reeder wants to get together. I don’t know where they practice, but I sure as shit can’t practice in Amber’s apartment. The walls are thin as shit. Thank god the old lady next door doesn’t get any action.” I laugh.
“I met Reeder. Great guy.”
“Yeah, he seems to be. Amber’s fucking heartbroken they’re moving and I feel responsible.”
“Don’t, man. This is what Reeder’s been dreaming of and working for.”
“I know,” I sigh. “I guess I need to be going. Sophia will be up from her nap soon.”
“How’s daddy duty going?”
“Incredible. I can’t even explain how much I love her. I can’t wait for you guys to meet her.”
I hear Ashton’s quiet laugh through the line, and I know I sound like a pussy. “We can’t wait either. Meagan went to your place a couple of days ago and said the paint smell is gone, and it all looks amazing.”
“Tell her thanks for me.”
“I will, man.”
“We’ll see you in a couple of days.”
“Hey, Austin?” He catches me before I disconnect.
“Yeah?”
“Mom called me a couple of days ago. She asked about you.”
“Oh yeah?” I can’t hide the hurt in my voice.
“Yeah. I didn’t tell her you were in Seattle, but I know she’d love to see you. She can have visitors now.” His voice is flat, telling me there are no expectations.
“Okay, I’ll think about it.”
“Are you okay?” Concern consumes Amber’s tone and expression.
“Yeah… Come here, babe.” I say, extending my arms out to her. She obediently comes without question and settles on my lap. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. When she’s sitting with me, all is right in my world. Nothing else matters.
“What’s going on, Aus? You’ve been quiet since I got home from work.” Her eyes catch mine and hold them captive with genuine concern.
“I talked to Ashton today and he mentioned my mom. She asked about me, and I kind of feel that I need to go see her.”
“So what has you upset about that?”
My mother was never mother of the year. In fact, anyone who used her name in the same sentence as that title should be shot. Ashton raised me when he was a boy himself and Amber knows that.
“Have you forgotten who she is?” I ask incredulously.
“Of course not. But how long should we be judged by our past missteps? Forgiveness is the foundation for second chances,” she says confidently.
“Second chances? Really, Amber?” I shift under her body, signaling I need up, and she climbs off my lap. “She’s had so many chances I can’t even count them,” I say as I pace the floor. “Her life is one long series of missteps. Not a few and certainly not two.” I pause and look in her direction. She’s unrelenting, sitting tall, unfazed by my tone.
“Austin, I can’t take back all the pain and abandonment you felt growing up. I can only focus on today and help you to be happy and healthy. I have issues with my parents—”
“Is that what this is? Comparing the pain or neglect of our childhoods, Amber? Well, you have me beat. Unlike you, I didn’t grow up in an abusive home, but you can damn sure believe that if your father were alive today I wouldn’t be questioning why you wouldn’t want to see him.”
“Austin, be quiet for a minute and let me talk. You’re putting words in my mouth. I asked why that upset you. I didn’t say you should or shouldn’t go to her.” She walks toward me. “I haven’t forgotten the mother she was. Each day, when I look at Sophia, I’m amazed by the path she chose for herself, and ultimately you and Ashton.”
I soften with her gentleness as she reaches out and touches my face. “There are no surprises in our pasts. I was there, remember? We’re in this together. You’re my future, Austin. If she upsets you and you’re not ready to let go, I want to know, but I�
��ll never judge you,” she whispers with tears in her eyes.
I frame her face with my hands and, with the pads of my thumbs, wipe the flow of tears I’ve caused. “I love you, Amber,” I say before pressing my mouth to hers.
Amber…
The dancing of the candlelight flickers against the wall casting a soft romantic glow through the bedroom. My eyes scan the space. Austin is standing near the edge of the bed. He’s a vision, his pajamas sitting low enough on his hips to allow the hard ridges of his obliques to tease me. My eyes are drawn to the ink that beautifully covers the firmness of his bare chest before trailing to his stomach of tightly coiled abs. I knew he had filled out, more muscular than before, but damn if I’m not heating from the mere sight of him. He closes the distance in two steps and holds me gently in his arms.
“What’s this?” I ask, glancing around the room.
“I needed enough light to see you.”
“See me?”
Hmmm. His soft hum vibrates over my skin as he buries his head in my hair, placing featherlight kisses over the delicate spot under my ear. “I need to see you when I make you come.”
His husky whispered words send a jolt of electricity that leaves me tingling deep into my core.
“Austin, please don’t tease me.” My words are only a whisper, lost in the excitement of his closeness. He lowers his mouth to mine, kissing me briefly.
“I want you,” he says as his lips travel up my neck and across my jaw.
“I love you,” I say, looking into his eyes.
A hint of a smile plays on his lips before he kisses me softly. “I know you do.”
He pulls the towel that’s barely covering my body away and drops it to the ground before he steps back. His eyes scan my naked body and I see the shimmer of heat ignite before they find mine again. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
He places soft, chaste kisses against the corners of my mouth. His hand moves down my side before it settles between my legs, and a gentle roll of his finger over my clit has me pressing my naked chest against his. His finger wraps inside me, and I buck into his body when his middle finger joins the first.
“You’re so eager, Amber.” His thumb presses firmly over my clit, preventing my reply.
My head lifts as his mouth skirts my neck once again, sending a blanket of goose bumps over my body. “Austin…” My body involuntarily begins rocking into his.
“That’s it, babe… I want to hear you. I want to feel you come against my hand.” His words are thick with lust as his fingers work faster and his thumb presses with a firm circular motion against my clit. His mouth lowers, possessing mine and throwing me over the top. He swallows my groans of ecstasy as I ride his hand through the last shiver of my orgasm.
“That was fucking beautiful,” he whispers after pulling away and looking me in the eyes. Giving me no time to respond, he hooks my neck with his hand and pulls me back into him. The firmness of his shaft presses against my stomach as he deepens the kiss. When a soft groan vibrates through his mouth into mine, I reach between us, pulling the drawstring of his pants free. I push them down his hips until they fall to the floor. I barely register the shift of our bodies as he steps from them and guides me back to the bed.
When I lower to the bed, his thick shaft beckons for me to touch it. I need to touch it. I stroke it firmly several times, licking the spot of pre-cum that glistens in its center.
His body arches toward me as his head flies back. “Fuck,” he drawls through a deep breath as my mouth sheaths the tip.
My tongue dances around the rim before slowly descending toward the base. His body pushes into mine, urging me to take more. I retract several times, moistening his rod with my mouth before going all the way to the base. I ride his dick until I feel him thicken and then tug his balls with my hand just before he comes deep in my throat with a groan.
“Fuck, Amber. I’ve missed you,” he says, dropping to his knees.
He forces my legs apart, draping them over his shoulders, and his mouth lands on my pussy. His tongue slides into my center and swipes quickly. He holds my legs apart almost forcefully as he devours me. When his tongue lifts higher, skirting through my pussy and grazing over my clit, I rock into his face without thought. He does it again and again until I peak and shatter around him. He pulls back and watches until the last throb of my sensitive flesh convulses before his eyes.
He lifts his frame from the floor and begins to crawl over me. I crawl back, mirroring his motions before he lowers himself and presses into my body. I close my eyes, lost in the sensation as he slides into my body fully. He hisses as he pulls out and then back before lowering himself further, pressing me into the mattress while caging me with his arms. With the palms of his hand, he lovingly wipes the hair from my face. His eyes hold mine in a silent hold while rocking in and out of my body with deep, languid strokes.
“I love you, Amber,” he says, breaking our silent trance as we gaze into each other’s eyes.
I smile up at him, framing his face with my hands. “I love you too.”
Tears pool with the emotions coursing through me. I blink, trying to absorb them, and one lone tear falls from my eye and into my hair. Austin lowers his mouth, kissing its path and deepening his strokes. I roll my hips, increasing our rhythm with each thrust before I fall into ecstasy with a moan of his name. Austin stills after a few shallow thrusts and one solid push deep into my body, whispering my name when he comes.
Austin….
Ever since Emma called thirty minutes ago, Amber’s done laundry, cleaned the kitchen and if the spray bottle in her hand is what I think it is, the bathrooms too.
“Come here, babe,” I say when I hear her heavy sigh. When she rounds the couch, I’m reminded of her beauty. I never take it for granted, but occasionally it renders me speechless and right now is one of those occasions. I grab her wrists and lead her to straddle my lap. I tuck the few strands of hair that have escaped her clip behind her ear as I drink in her beauty.
“What’s the matter, Am?”
“I don’t know,” she quietly groans. “I’m already missing Emma and Reeder. I know it’s crazy. The ink isn’t even dry on his contract, but I know when she gets home today it will be the beginning of our good-bye.” She frowns sadly.
I want to wrap her in my arms and tell her she’s moving in with me, but I can’t push her. Lord knows I’ve fucked up enough in the past to know this time around she has to do everything at her pace, not mine.
“You two have known one another since college and have stayed friends. It’ll be okay.” My attempt at reassurance falls short based on the deeper frown that creases her brow.
“You have me,” I sing as a last ditch effort to put a smile on her face. “There she is,” I say approvingly when her smile grows. “I was hoping after last night and this morning you’d have a smile permanently etched on your face,” I tease.
Her smile widens. “Have you already forgotten how happy I was this morning?” Her voice dips as the wistful look overtakes her eyes at thoughts of our morning love making session.
“Can I get a repeat? I may have forgotten,” I say, feigning thought. Her mouth presses against mine, making my dick stir beneath her. As I wrap my hands around her neck, a soft rap sounds at the door. Her body slumps with a disappointment that matches my own.
“That’s Emma and Reeder.”
“It’s not good-bye, babe. Remember when we were where they are right now? Let’s share in their excitement.”
She nods silently before climbing off my lap and walking toward the door. I stand, adjusting myself and beckoning my dick to calm down.
“Congratulations, man!” I call out, walking toward Reeder.
“Thank you, Austin, really. It was incredible. This is a great opportunity and I owe it all to you.”
“No, you’re talented, man. Amber told me to check you out. I’m glad I could help with the meeting. But I assure you, James David doesn’t like me enough t
o do me any favors, so you got this on your own.” I laugh as we move into the apartment.
“The guys are really stoked. We have a ton of shit to do and organize. I need to find an attorney. We’ve never had anything thrown at us so fast. That contract is confusing as shit,” he says in awe.
I smile. “I can help with that. I’ll give you my attorney’s name. He’s in New York City. He’s strictly contract law, so he can mow through a recording contract like no other.”
“Great, that will be awesome.”
We settle in the living room to hear about their week. I notice Emma’s lingering glance when my arm snakes around Amber, pulling her closer as we listen to Reeder.
My phone vibrates across the counter for what seems like the tenth time since Reeder and Emma got here. Amber looks at me, giving me silent permission to go to it. After I pick it up and read the screen, I look at Amber and her brow furrows when she meets my gaze. The phone vibrates one more time in my hand, telling me she’s left a message. Another message to go with the other thirty she’s left me this week.
“Who kept calling earlier?” Amber asks, breaking the silence between us. I mute the television and look down at her expectant eyes.
“Kelly. She wants to talk to you,” I only half-lie. Kelly did call, but she was only one of the missed calls.
“Should I go ahead and get this over with?” she asks, clearing my guilt away to focus on her question.
“Do you want to talk to her?”
“I guess it’s now or tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah, Kelly’s promised to work on being in everyone’s face, but there’s no way we’ll keep her away if we’re in the same city.” I laugh.
“Where’s your phone?”
I slide the phone from my pocket and hand it to her. A slight rise of panic hits me before I calm, remembering that I cleared her name from my received list.
Amber’s beautiful eyes look up for reassurance. “It’ll be fine. See this? If she gets on your nerves or starts lecturing you, press this button right here.” I look down at the phone, pointing to the power button on the top. “Guaranteed to shut her up.” I smile.
She laughs before placing a chaste kiss on my lips and leaving the room for privacy.
