by Lane, Bayli
His eyes widen with question and … is that hope I see? Could he know? Does he still want me? Then as quickly as it came, that look washes from his eyes and worry fills them. He walks towards me and I take a deep breath, trying to remember exactly what I want to say to him.
Colton stands in front of me and the smell of him overwhelms me. The smell of soap and fresh linen with just a hint of something inherently manly—what I’ve learned is his natural scent. I gulp, hiding my nerves for this conversation and from what he might say is becoming a bit much. What if he tells me he’s over me? What if he tells me he has found someone else, that he’s finally realizing he deserves better? I don’t think I could handle it.
Running his calloused fingers from playing guitar down my cheek, he steps even closer and forces my eyes to look into his.
“What happened?” he questions as he cups my cheek.
I shake my head, clearing it. I can do this. Just tell him how you feel, Lilly. Just do it.
I start rubbing my neck, a nervous habit I’ve had for as long as I can remember. Colton watches me for a moment. He looks at my hands as it rubs and reddens my skin. He glances back at my eyes and moves his hand from my cheek down to my hand and stops me.
“What are you so nervous about?” A small grin plays on his lips, but his worry is keeping it from becoming a full-fledged smile. It shocks me how well he knows me. I’ve been dating Sander for over four years, and he would never know what I was feeling at this moment. Just another reason why I know I’m making the right decision.
I squeeze my eyes shut tightly for a couple of moments. I take a deep breath and open them to see his beautiful, heavily lashed eyes staring into mine. I don’t let myself think any more. I grab his t-shirt and pull him into me. I look into his eyes one last time, and then I press my lips to his.
He doesn’t kiss me back at first. I begin to worry that he’s going to stop me and tell me to leave when finally he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him. My body is pressed against every piece of him. We fit like puzzle pieces. Where I end, he begins. The kisses are sweet at first, but are quickly lit with fire.
I latch on to his lower lip, biting and pulling on the hoop until he takes control and begins nipping at mine. His right hand roams down my body slowly. My eyes close as every nerve ending lights up with his touch. First his hand graces my neck but continues down the right side of my breast. My breath hitches as he continues down my ribs and finally to my waist. He squeezes and then moves his palm across my ass. He grips me and pulls me into him. His lips leave my mouth and go to my ear.
“Are you mine, Lilly?” he growls.
I nod.
“I need to hear you say it. Are you mine?” he asks again and jerks me closer.
My breath hitches before I answer. “Yes,” I whisper.
“Only mine? I’m not sharing you anymore.”
“Just yours, Colton,” I say confidently.
He pulls just enough away to look into my lustful, green eyes. A small smile hides on his face, but it’s the best smile of his I’ve ever seen. I smile back wanting to say one last thing before we take this any further.
I feel the small, happy-but-nervous tears glisten my eyes as I deliberate the best way to say this to the beautiful man holding me. I bite my lower lip and look into those hazel eyes that have the power to turn me to mush.
He watches me expectantly, knowing I have something on my mind. The fact that he knows me so well after such a short amount of time melts my heart. He’s paid attention to my every move, my every word. He’s opened up to me, something that has shocked not only me, but also Clarissa and the guys. He doesn’t trust people very often.
“Colton?”
“Yeah, babe… Go ahead. What do you wanna say?”
“Please don’t freak out,” I mumble.
“Babe, you’re killing me,” he says and places a small kiss against my lips.
Just say it, Lilly. “I love you,” I blurt out and then continue quickly, “God, I love you so much. I think I’ve loved you for a long time… Maybe even since the beginning, but I was so scared. I didn’t know how to let go of the old me! I didn’t know how to let go of my past, and I didn’t know how to make these sorts of choices. I know I made a lot of mistakes. I know I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your friendship let alone your love. But I want it. I need it. I crave it. I’ll take whatever I can from you, Colton. If you want me, I’m yours…” I end in barely a whisper looking at his chest instead of his face.
I lay my entire soul out in front of him. He can pick it up or throw it away, but I don’t want it back now that I gave it to him. I’ll never be able to give it to anyone else anyway. It’s him or nothing.
It’s my worst nightmare. Colton drops his arms from my body and steps away from me. I automatically cringe from the loss of his touch. I continue to look down, except now at the floor. He doesn’t want me. Now that I’ve told him how I feel, he realizes that this isn’t a game anymore. It matters. I love him, and he doesn’t want to mess with someone that loves him.
“Lilly,” he says huskily. “Lilly, look at me.”
I consider hunching my shoulders and escaping before I have to hear him reject me. However, I’ve come this far. I’ve bared my all to him. I might as well finish this as strong as I can. I lift my head and meet his gaze.
I audibly gasp. He’s not looking at me like I’m some poor pathetic girl declaring her love to someone she’ll never have or who will never love her. He’s looking at me the way I’ve always dreamed a man would look at me. A tear trickles down my cheek as Colton steps forward and runs his fingers down my cheek and across my lips, watching his fingers as he goes.
“I love you, baby.” He shakes his head like he can’t believe it himself. “How could you even question that?”
He wraps his arms around my neck and pulls my head into his chest. He starts rubbing my hair and then massaging my neck. “I love you, Lilly. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.” He chuckles, “I never thought I’d love anyone like this. I didn’t even think it could exist. I always thought happy-ever-afters were for little kids that have both of their parents reading them bedtime stories before they go to sleep. I thought it was for the kids whose parents fake being happy in their monogamous relationships. I intended to stay single for the rest of my life.” He pauses and I look up at him, devouring his every word. “But that was until you.”
I run my hand up his stomach until I reach his pecks. I move my hands up just a bit further and grip his shoulders, pulling him towards me. My lips meet his greedily. “Make love to me,” I say against his lips. I’ve never said those words, and I never thought I would. ‘Making love’ has always sounded bizarre, awkward. But now that’s the only way to word what I want from him.
I feel his teeth against my mouth as he smiles and then grips my hips and grinds into me. “Hell yeah, babe. I’m going to take my time tonight, getting to know every single inch of your body,” he says gruffly. “But first I need to get these clothes off of you.”
He slips his fingers under the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head, leaving me in my black lace bra. He looks down and appreciates my apparel, then moves down to my jeans. He flicks the button open and unzips. He starts pushing them down and goes down on his knees to get them entirely off. I step out of each leg and stand there, looking down at him. He looks up at my bare legs and up to my matching pair of black lace boy shorts. His eyes heat and he lets out a low rumble from his throat. He lifts my left leg and kisses my calf and then my knee.
“Mmm,” he hums. “I’m going to kiss every part of you tonight, and then I’m going to do it again until every inch of you knows what my lips feel like. You’ll never forget that all of this is mine.”
My knees buckle under his words, and he takes hold of my sides and holds me up as he kisses up my thigh, along the top of my panties. I moan softly as he continues up my stomach, around my belly button, and finally to my chest. He latches on to m
y right nipple on the outside of my bra and palms my other breast. I throw my head back and grab a fistful of his hair in my hand. He moves over to my other nipple and then up to my neck where I feel his tongue flick out and move from one side to the next.
I let go of his head and start pulling at his boxer briefs, wanting to pull them down. He slaps my hands away and kisses my ear. “Nuh uh… Not yet.” I growl… I actually growl at him. He laughs, “Stop rushing me you stubborn girl.” He rubs his hands down the center of my back. I arch my body against his trying to press every piece of me against every piece of him. I kiss his shoulder and then bite into it.
“Ahh, fuck.” he says and kisses my shoulder. He flicks my bra open and pulls it down from my shoulders and off of me, leaving me completely naked from the waist up. “You’re so damn beautiful,” he says and runs his hands over my naked skin.
“Kiss me, Colton,” I say and grab his neck. He obliges and smothers my mouth with his, his tongue tearing through my lips and meeting my tongue with fervor. They tango together as we explore each other’s mouths, not even bothering to come up for air. My arms and hands go everywhere on his body: his ass, his legs, his cock, his stomach, his back, around his neck. My legs fight to find a way to get closer to him, but I can’t seem to push my body close enough against him. He seems to think the same thing. Because right when I’m about to beg for something (though I’m not sure what), he takes one of my legs and lifts it to his waist. I instinctively wrap it around him. He then takes his other arm and wraps it around my ass and lifts me up, giving me the push I need to wrap my other leg around his hip. He continues to hold me up by my ass but the first hand wraps around my neck pulling my lips even closer to his, forcing us both to open our mouths further and digest one another. I tip my groin against his stomach, a silent beg for him to take this further. I don’t want to wait any longer.
“Babe. God…” he says into my chest when I roll my hips again. He turns us and pushes me against the wall. His hands go to either side of the wall by my head, and he moves his face so it’s directly in front of mine but not touching. “Are you sure you’re ready? We don’t need to do this right now. We can wait… I’ll wait.”
I let out a sigh and nearly roll my eyes. I’m dying here waiting for him to douse out this pain from the dire need to have him inside of me. “Colton… I swear if you don’t sleep with me tonight, I’m going to kick your ass.”
He presses his forehead against mine. “What my woman wants my woman gets,” he says in a low voice. I start squirming in his arms from the excitement of what’s to come.
He doesn’t disappoint. He moves us away from the wall and towards his bed where he lies me down gently on top of his covers. He unwraps my legs from around his waist and sets them on either side of him, bent. He sits back on his knees and looks at me. “So, Lilly, what do you want first?” he asks and teases the skin right under the rim of my panties. I close my eyes and lift my hips. Too quickly he leaves from there and moves up to my chest, “Should I start here?” he asks and leans forward flicking his tongue out and on my nipple. I curve towards him. “I think my girl likes that.”
He runs his tongue over to the valley between my breasts and down to my belly button where he swirls his tongue and then further down still. My eyes are still closed tightly when I feel his hot breath over my wet core. Oh God. I’ve never had any guy down there before. Not even Sander. He kisses me right there, right over my panties. I should be embarrassed by the loud moan that escapes me, but I’m not. I feel animalistic and needy with passion when he repeats the action and kisses me again.
Colton moves my panties to the side and slides his fingers over my wet folds. I throw my head back with pleasure and let out a heavy sigh. He kisses the apex of my thighs, and then I feel his hot breath right where I want him the most. I suck in a breath when I feel his tongue on me.
“Oh God,” I stutter, running out of air. My legs shake with the new feeling and exciting pleasure I’ve never felt before. My hands move at their own accord and search for something to grab on to. I find Colton’s messy hair and latch on.
His tongue continues its lazy torture, working me near climax. He pulls back and looks at my heavily hooded eyes and shaking legs. Then he looks at my panties. “These have to go,” he states confidently and then grabs a hold of them with both hands and rips them away from my body. Hearing the tear of lace about sends me over the edge. Colton sighs, “Now this is a beautiful view, babe.” He rakes his eyes along every curve and crevice.
His heated eyes are driving me crazy, and I’m about to beg him to put me out of my misery when his head dips back down between my thighs. He swirls his tongue along my bundle of nerves and then pushes a finger inside of me. I buck up and my legs tense around his head. He pumps his fingers in and out of me, pushing me up and up until I’m soaring. My body twitches and convulses from his tongue and fingers; my legs shake uncontrollably. Colton continues to lap up my wetness until my shaking ceases.
He stands up on the side of the bed and watches me while he quickly rids himself of his underwear. My eyes widen at his length. Every inch of this man is perfect. He climbs back over me and settles himself in between my legs and holds his body up with his forearms. He lightly kisses my lips, my nose and then my forehead.
“You’re sure?” he asks, watching my eyes for any sign that I don’t want this just as badly as he does. He won’t find it. I want him.
“Colton, I’m positive,” I kiss his neck and then his chest and reach down to his length and grip it with my hand. He gasps, but doesn’t stop me. I move him to me and gently push him to where I need him.
His head moves to my neck where he takes a deep inhale and then he lifts his head back up and looks me in the face. “Baby, I need to see you. I have to watch you as I make love to you.”
Shivers break out over my skin as he pushes into me. I lift my hips up to meet his slow thrust. Once every inch is inside of me we both relax. Our eyes lock; his are sparkly with happiness and desire. I’m sure mine must be reflecting the same feelings.
“I love you, Lilly,” he says as he pulls out and then thrusts back into me.
I moan. “Colton,” I sigh as my eyes close. “I love you,” I say shakily.
Colton stops talking and shows me just how much he loves me.
I’ve had sex before. I’ve fucked before. I’ve had those moments where I thought I was in love and that what Sander and I did was as close to making love as it could get. I was wrong.
What was between Colton and I was so unbelievably beautiful, so unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. As we made love it was like every silent thought we ever had about one another was released. Every single touch from our past, every time his eyes would sparkle when he looked at me, every time he’d tease me, every single time I wondered if Colton could be the man for me was proven and laid out right in front of me—meaning to me that we didn’t just have this intense sexual chemistry, we were meant to be together.
Colton is supposed to be mine and I am, without a doubt, his.
As I lay there the next morning, my body wrapped tightly with Colton’s, our legs tangled and our arms folded around each other, my head across his chest, and my hair spilling across his body and my back, I couldn’t help but ponder how I got here.
I was so sure that Sander and I were going to outlast the span of time. I didn’t even consider that there could ever be someone else out there for me. When I came to college I was more than excited for the freedom and fun and all the parties; I never thought things could turn out this way.
Sander was my first love. First loves feel intense. I, and I’m sure many other people, confuse that kind of love with something more. People sometimes look back and think about the first person who held a place in their heart and wonder ‘what ever happened to them,’ but there is always a reason it didn’t work out. Most of the time we find that one person who shows us what true love really feels like. The kind of love that heals, strengthens, and
pushes you to be a better person. It’s the kind of love that’s passionate and enduring. It’s always forgiving. It’s what I have with Colton.
I didn’t deserve his forgiveness for choosing Sander over and over again. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness when I made excuses for Lauren’s behavior. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness when I broke his heart, but he forgave me anyway. He loved me despite my mistakes and despite my past.
What have I learned from this first semester of college? People change. Life throws curve balls and all I can do is take a swing. Friends are the people that love me for who I am. They are loyal and real. No one deserves to be physically or mentally abused by anybody. I’ve learned that sometimes the best thing to do is walk away. I’ve learned what love looks like (and he’s lying underneath me, sleeping soundly—his hair a messy brown, his eyes a beautiful hazel, his lip ring puckering out from his bottom lip, and a glorious display of tattoos splattered across his muscular body). Most importantly I’ve learned that I will always fight to make the right choices, becoming more.
One Month Later…
“Get your sexy ass up here!” Colton laughs as my face burns a bright red.
I shake my head, “No, I can’t do it.”
“Lilly Fairfield,” he says sternly but I can see the wrinkles around his eyes, smiling.
“Come on, Lilly!” Oliver exclaims from behind Colton on the stage in the bar they typically play in. “You’ve practiced with us a hundred times. You’re ready.”
I feel a small pinch on my upper arm, and I turn around to find Clarissa smiling largely with two shot glasses. “I come bearing gifts of joy and liquid courage.”
I laugh and take the shot glasses from her hands. I down one and then the other without pause. “You can do this,” Clarissa giggles. “Now go sing with your man before he drags you up there.”
“I can do this,” I say to myself and climb up onto the stage next to Colton. My stomach drops when I look out and see at least a hundred faces looking back at me.
