Turning, he smiled. “Any time. Good night, Tess.”
She watched him walk toward his car, perplexed at her reaction to him leaving so abruptly. Wasn’t that what she wanted? To be left alone? Then why did it bother her that he didn’t fight longer for a date with her?
Mac sat in his car staring at the closed door to Tess’s apartment. Like her heart. Closed to the Lord. Closed to people who cared about her.
Heavenly Father, give me the guidance and strength to help Tess through her hurt and pain. She needs You. Help me make her see that.
As he started his sedan, he suddenly knew what he would do to help Tess. In the dark, he smiled.
Chapter Five
Tess stared out the picture window that overlooked the hospital parking lot, the mountains in the background. “Where is Johnny?”
“They’ll find him, Tess.” Delise laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Where would a ten-year-old boy go?”
“I knew he was going to run away.”
“And you told Mrs. Hocks your fears. That was all you could do.”
“He’s been gone for two days. It still gets cold at night here.”
Delise’s tightening clasp on Tess’s shoulder conveyed her support. “I know. About all we can do right now is pray.”
Tess rejected that option. She had tried it once, and it hadn’t helped. She whirled. “I can do more than pray. I know that when my shift is over I’m hitting the streets again.”
“You were out searching for Johnny the past two evenings. You don’t even know where to look. Let the police handle this.”
“I can’t sit home and wait. I have to do something. Even if it’s driving around looking, it’s better than sitting home and waiting for the phone to ring.” Or worse, the phone not ringing. Tess ignored her friend’s worried look as she headed to the nurses’ station.
Delise followed her. “I can’t go with you tonight. I’m working a double shift. I don’t like you going out looking by yourself. Some of the places we went last night weren’t too safe.”
“Delise, I’m—” Tess pivoted to face her friend and halted in midsentence. Mac stood behind her roommate. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” Some of her words lost their punch as she stared at Mac.
Delise glanced over her shoulder at him. “I’m glad you’re here. Talk some sense into her. She won’t listen to me. She shouldn’t go out by herself looking for Johnny.”
“What happened to Johnny? Did he run away?”
Tess nodded.
“How long ago?”
“Two days.” Seeing Mac made Tess’s heart lift. Somehow she knew things would be okay.
“I’ll go with you. When are you off?”
“In an hour. Why are you here?”
“I brought Casey in for an interview about that unit secretary’s job. You should have called me and told me about Johnny disappearing two days ago.”
“I—” Tess didn’t have anything to say to that gentle scolding. She’d dialed his number once and hung up. She’d known he would help and that he would want to know about the child’s disappearance, but she didn’t think she could handle being around Mac. He overwhelmed her, and this situation with Johnny made her emotionally vulnerable.
“Tell you what. I’ll call Mrs. Hocks, talk to her and see what I can find out. Then I’ll be back to pick you up in an hour. We’ll go from there.”
“I’ll be ready,” Tess murmured as she watched him stroll away.
Delise whistled softly. “My, what a take-charge kind of guy. He’s a keeper.”
And that was what Tess was afraid of. How do you resist an irresistible guy?
“I’ll take some more of that coffee.” Tess held her empty mug out for Mac to refill. “I know it’s April, but it’s cold out there.” A shiver flashed up her spine as she cradled the warm cup between her hands and stared out the windshield. She savored the aroma of the hot brew and relished the steam wafting over her face in waves.
Then she thought of Johnny, out in the cold by himself, and frowned. “Why did he do it? Leave a safe haven for this?” She gestured toward the vacant parking lot.
“He thinks he’s alone. We’ll have to show him he’s not.”
“They’re talking about a chance for snow tonight.” Another shiver assailed her.
Wind blew the limbs of the trees, shaking the tender new leaves in its angry grasp. Pieces of trash swirled across the deserted parking lot, the glare of the street lamp nearby casting a harsh light about Mac’s car as though it were a spotlight.
“Where else do you think we should look?” Tess took a tentative sip of the hot coffee.
“I’m fresh out of ideas. We’ve been to every place Mrs. Hocks could think of. Of course, the police have already checked those places, too, but it didn’t hurt to look again.”
“And again, if need be.”
“Tess, you need to prepare yourself in case they don’t find Johnny.” Mac caught her gaze and looked long and hard into her eyes. “He’s street smart. There are a lot of places a kid can hide in this town.”
“He’s sick and weak. We’ve got to find him.”
Finishing his coffee, he started the engine. “Then we’d better get moving. We’ll drive around the area where the police found him the last time he ran away. Maybe we’ll get lucky, Lord willing.”
Tess listened to the strong faith in Mac’s voice and wished she had it. But it hadn’t been the Lord who had rescued her in South America. It had been her hard determination to stay alive in the face of tough odds. That same determination came to the surface as Mac steered his car onto the streets.
“Johnny’s lucky to have someone like you on his side,” Mac said, making a turn onto the road where the police had found Johnny a few weeks before.
“I wish I could take him into my home, but as you know, the apartment I share with Delise is small. And besides, we both work quite a bit. Johnny needs someone there for him, especially at the beginning.”
“Maybe Mrs. Hocks will find a relative.”
“I’m not sure that’s the answer. Johnny has told me he doesn’t want to live with relatives he doesn’t know. To him they’d be no different than foster parents.”
The blare of Tess’s cell phone cut into the silence. Startled, she jumped. “I forgot I left it on.” She fumbled in her purse and pulled it out, flipping it open. “Tess here.”
“Johnny’s been brought into the hospital. He’s down in the emergency room right now. I thought you’d want to know.”
“We’ll be right there, Delise. Thanks for calling.” Tess clicked off and told Mac about Johnny.
He made a U-turn in the middle of the road and headed for the hospital. “At least he’ll be warm tonight.”
“And from now on, if I have anything to do with it,” Tess said, not sure how she was going to follow through with her vow.
“He’s lucky he didn’t freeze to death.” Tess stared at Johnny asleep in the hospital bed, his face pale and thin, dark circles under his eyes. “How do I make him realize he’s not alone, Mac, that there are people who care about him?”
“With the Lord’s help.” Mac came up behind her.
She felt his presence down the length of her even though he didn’t touch her. She stiffened, resisting him, resisting his words. “I’m going to depend on my powers of persuasion. You can depend on God.”
“I’ve asked you before what happened to make you turn away from the Lord.”
“He let me down when I needed Him the most.”
“Are you so sure of that?”
Tess spun and took a step back to put some space between them. “Most definitely.” She kept her voice low, aware of the child in the bed behind her.
“Do you say that because He didn’t do what you wanted? Sometimes, Tess, we have to put our faith in the knowledge that our Lord knows what is best, not us.”
Her fingernails dug into her palms. “All I wanted was for a good man who served God to live to
continue his ministry.”
Suddenly the room seemed to stifle her. She fled into the hallway and leaned against the wall, drawing in shallow breaths. The click of the door closing brought her head up. She stabbed Mac with a narrowed look and hoped he got the hint. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. The pain speared her heart, and she bled all over again as though the wound was fresh.
“Tess—”
She held up her hand. “Please, Mac. I didn’t say that so we could start a discussion.”
“I stand by what I said. We don’t always know what the Lord wants of us or our loved ones.” He lifted his hand toward her. “Now, let me walk you to your car. You need to get some sleep.”
Combing her fingers through her hair, she avoided his touch, knowing its enticing lure. Instead, she attempted a smile that she knew failed and asked, “Gee, do I look that bad?”
“No, but you do look exhausted. Those double shifts are beginning to add up.”
“I’m staying. I need to reassure myself that Johnny will be here tomorrow morning. That he won’t somehow get up in the middle of the night and escape before I can talk to him.”
“You can’t be with him all the time. There comes a time when you have to put faith—”
She pressed her fingers against his mouth and instantly regretted touching him. She dropped her hand and moved away, her back coming in contact with the door into Johnny’s room. “Don’t say it. I’m staying. Good night, Mac.”
“Then I’ll stay with you and keep you company.”
“You have a family at home.”
“I have a live-in housekeeper who takes excellent care of Amy. She’ll be fine. You, on the other hand, I’m not so sure about.”
“You aren’t my keeper.”
“I know that. You’ve made it perfectly clear to me and everyone else that you want to stand on your own two feet.”
Her chin came up a notch. “And what’s so bad about that?”
“I hate to say a cliché, but I’m going to anyway. No man, or in this case woman, is an island. You aren’t alone, just like Johnny isn’t alone. How can you make Johnny see that if you don’t believe it?”
His words struck her with the truth. She didn’t have an answer for him. Most of her life she had depended on people around her to complete who she was, first her parents, who died one after the other, then Kevin, who was murdered. She gave Mac a look that told him to back off. “I depend on no one for my happiness. Johnny will need to learn to depend on himself, too, when the time is right. The time isn’t right for him.”
Determined not to let her emotions get the best of her, Tess decided the only thing she could do was ignore Mac as much as possible. Behind her she fumbled for the handle and quickly opened the door to slip inside Johnny’s room—she hoped alone. The sound of Mac entering behind her made her stiffen her resolve to put as much distance between them as possible. But then she realized the only comfortable place to sit down was the love seat on which Mac was already seated. Her legs trembled from exhaustion. Reluctantly she eased down next to him after pacing the small room for fifteen minutes.
In the dim light the hard lines of Mac’s face were softened, and she could see the weariness etched into his features. She fought the urge to brush her fingers over those features as though that action could erase the deep lines of fatigue. Clenching her hands in her lap, she sat up straight, her shoulders thrust back.
He touched her arm. “If you don’t relax, I’m afraid you’re going to shatter. If you sit back, I promise not to think you’re depending on me.”
She whipped her head around, meaning to say something scathing, but the words lumped together in her throat. His look melted her resolve, and she realized he was only trying to help her and Johnny.
He smiled, his eyes sad. “It’s gonna be a long night, Tess.”
The tender concern in his look moved her more than she cared to acknowledge. It had been a long time since she’d felt such companionship. His offer of friendship was a temptation she found unable to resist. She leaned against the cushion, her body nestled in the crook of his arm. “I’m afraid you’re right.”
“Then you and I should be as comfortable as possible on this hard, incredibly small couch.”
She grinned at him. “I think you have a point, but this love seat is much better than that chair over there.”
Mac inspected the chair with a wooden back and a cushion that had little padding. “True.” His attention returned to Tess. “What would you like to talk about?”
His whispered question flowed over her in enticing waves, beckoning her to get to know him better. Danger lay in that direction. “The weather? It’s beastly out there for this time of year.”
“Oh, yes, beastly. But you’re from Maine. You should be used to the cold.”
“I’m finished with winter and definitely ready for summer.”
“Well, now that we’ve explored the weather, what else do you think is a safe subject?”
“Not politics.”
“Nor religion.”
Tess started to sit up when Mac’s hand on her shoulder stopped her.
“I shouldn’t have said that, Tess. But one day I hope you will open up to me and tell me what has put that look of sadness in your eyes. Did I tell you Casey got the job?”
She latched onto the change in subject matter, easing again into the crook of his arm. “I’m glad she will be joining us. We have a great group of people working on this floor.”
“She’s excited and relieved. Mom hasn’t let up since the birthday party about her getting a job. She doesn’t believe in idleness.”
“What’s Casey been doing since high school graduation?”
“A little bit of everything. She doesn’t know what she wants. Ever since she graduated from high school in December, she has been going from one job to another.”
“She’s still young. A lot of young people her age don’t know what they want to do.”
“Were you like that?”
“No, I always wanted to be a nurse. How about you? Did you always want to play football?”
“I love the game. I got paid well for doing something I enjoyed. Can’t beat that.”
“Then why did you quit?”
A shadow fell across his face. Tess felt the tension in his arm. He had taboo subjects just as she did.
“My heart went out of the game. When I first started, I told myself I would quit while I was on top, so I did.”
“What happened?”
For a long, breath-held moment Mac didn’t say anything. The stark expression on his face conveyed the struggle he was having concerning what to tell her. She knew what it was like to have a past that haunted you. She reached out to place her hand on his arm to impart her support. He spoke in a low, barely audible voice.
“We were in the playoffs, and the score was tight. My wife went into labor early. No one told me until the game was over. By the time I got there, she was in surgery. I never got to say goodbye. I was too late.”
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, knowing how inadequate those words really were. Beneath her hand his arm muscles bunched.
“I just couldn’t play football after that.”
“No one told you?”
“The game wasn’t here in Denver, but that hour would have made a difference. The coach didn’t realize that.”
“I know how important it is to say goodbye. When you can’t, you feel there’s unfinished business between you.”
His gaze swung to hers. “Have you lost someone close? Not been able to say goodbye?”
“Yes, my father had a heart attack. He was fine one day. The next he was gone. My mother pined away and died within a year. They were so much in love she just didn’t want to go on without him.”
“How old were you?”
“Eighteen. My parents were older when they finally had me. They had tried to have children for years. I was a surprise, because they had given up. I think by the time I came along I was
an intrusion.” The second Tess said the last sentence she wanted to snatch it back. She had never voiced that thought to another human being. She hadn’t allowed herself to think it because the implication hurt.
He brought her close to him, his hand massaging her arm. Silence reigned in the hospital room, only the occasional sounds from the hallway intruding. Tess laid her head on his shoulder and thought about what she had told him. In a short time he had learned more about her than most people she’d known for years knew. That in itself should warn her to stay as far away from the man as possible. Before long she would be telling him about Kevin and reliving those painful memories when all she wanted to do was forget and maybe in the process forgive herself.
In the dim light Mac shifted on the couch, stretching his long legs in front of him. The feel of him next to her comforted her. Tess nestled closer to him, her eyelids drooping as the exhaustion she’d held at bay took over and sleep descended.
The scent of sandalwood washed over Tess, teasing her senses. Then she noticed that her body ached. Her face was pressed into something hard, angular. Her eyes snapped open to bright sunlight streaming through the slits in the blinds and forming stripes across the linoleum floor and the hospital bed that held Johnny.
Blinking, she straightened, her actions awakening the man next to her on the beige love seat. Her heartbeat began to race as his sleepy look took her in. She resisted the urge to brush a wayward lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead. Much too intimate a gesture when she was trying desperately to keep this man at arm’s length. One side of his mouth hitched up in a lopsided grin.
“Good morning, Tess.”
The way he caressed her name caused her heart to beat even faster. She drew in a shallow breath, then a deeper one while she struggled to stand and put some space between them. She plowed her fingers through her hair and said, “I hadn’t intended to fall asleep.”
“You were tired.” Mac leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. “Besides, Johnny is here and still sound asleep.”
Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero Page 6
