"Why Deva?" Isstvan asked.
"Because he's been banned from Deva," Higgens answered, the light dawning.
"… and the Deveels are unequaled at meting out punishment to those who break their laws," Brockhurst finished with an evil smile.
"Why was Frumple banned from Deva?" Tanda whispered to me.
"I don't know," I confided. "Maybe he gave a refund or something."
"I don't believe it," she snorted, "I mean he is a Deveel."
"Aahz," Isstvan smiled, regarding the D-Hopper, "I've always admired your sense of humor. It's even nastier than mine."
"What do you expect from a Pervert?" snorted Brockhurst.
"Watch your mouth. Imp," I snarled. He was starting to get on my nerves.
"Then it's settled!" Isstvan chortled, clapping his hands together gleefully. "Brockhurst! Higgens! Come gather around Frumple here. We're off to Deva."
"Right now?" asked Brockhurst.
"With… things here so unsettled?" Higgens added, glancing at us again.
"Oh, we won't be long," Isstvan assured them.
"There's nothing here we can't come back and pick up later."
"That's true," admitted Brockhurst, staring at me thoughtfully.
"Umm… Isstvan?"
It was Quigley.
"Are you addressing me?" Isstvan asked with mock formality.
"Yes." Quigley looked uncomfortable. "Am I to understand you are all about to depart for some place completely populated with demons?"
"That is correct," Isstvan nodded.
"Could… that is… would you mind if I accompanied you?"
"What?" I exclaimed, genuinely startled. "Why?"
"Well…" Quigley said hesitantly, "if there is one thing I have learned this day, it's that I really know very little about demons."
"Hear, hear!" mumbled Aahz.
"I am undecided as to whether or not to continue in my chosen profession," Quigley continued, "but in any case it behooves me to learn more about demons. What better place could there be for such study than in a land completely populated with demons?"
"Why should we burden ourselves with a demon hunter of all things?" Brockhurst appealed to Isstvan.
"Maybe we could teach him a few things about demons," Higgens suggested in an overly innocent voice, giving his partner a covert poke in the side.
"What? Hmm… You know, you're right, Higgens." Brockhurst was suddenly smiling again.
"Good!" exclaimed Isstvan. "We'll make a party of it."
"In that case," purred Tanda, "you won't mind if I tag along, too."
"What?" exclaimed Brockhurst.
"Why?" challenged Higgens.
"To help, of course," she smiled. "I want to be there when you teach Quigley about demons. Maybe I can help him learn."
"Wonderful, wonderful," Isstvan beamed, overriding the Imps' objections. "The more the merrier. Aahz? Skeeve? Will you be joining us?"
"Not this time, thanks," Aahz replied before I could open my mouth. "The kid here and I have a few things to go over that won't wait."
"Like what? "I asked.
"Shut up, kid," Aahz hissed, then smiled again at the group. "You all run along. We'll be here when you comeback."
"We'll be looking forward to it." Brockhurst smiled grimly.
"G'bye, Aahz, Skeeve!" Tanda waved. "I'll look for you next time around."
"But Tanda…."I began.
"Don't worry, lad," Quigley assured me. "I'll make sure nothing happens to her."
Behind him, Tanda shot me a bawdy wink.
"Aahz!" Isstvan chuckled. "I do enjoy your company. We must work together more often."
He adjusted the settings on the D-Hopper and prepared to trigger it.
"Good-bye, Isstvan." Aahz smiled and waved. "Remember me!"
There was a rippling in the air and they were gone. All of them.
"Aahz!" I said urgently. "Did you see how those Imps looked at us?"
"Hmm? Oh. Yeah, kid. I told you they were vicious little creatures."
"But what are we going to do when they get back?"
"Don't worry about it, kid."
"Don't worry about it!" I shrieked. "We've got to…."
"… because they aren't coming back," Aahz finished.
That stopped me.
"But… when they get done on Deva…."
"That's the joke, kid," Aahz grinned at me. "They aren't going to Deva."
Chapter Twenty-Six
"A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end."
-F. SCHUBERT
"THEY aren't going to Deva?"
I was having a rough time dealing with the concept.
"That's right, kid," Aahz said, pouring himself some more wine.
"But Isstvan set the D-Hopper himself."
"Yeah!" Aahz grinned smugly. "But last night I made one extra preparation for this sortie. I changed the markings on the dials."
"Then where are they going?"
"Beats me!" Aahz shrugged, taking a deep draught of the wine. "But I'm betting it'll take 'em a long time to find their way back. There are a lot of settings on a D-Hopper."
"But what about Tanda and Quigley?"
"Tanda can take care of Quigley," Aahz assured me. "Besides, she has the powers to pull them out anytime she wants."
"She does?"
"Sure. But she'll probably have a few laughs just tagging along for a while. Can't say as I blame her. I'd love to see Quigley deal with a few dimensions myself."
He took another generous gulp of the wine.
"Aahz!" I cried in sudden realization. "The wine!"
"What about it? Oh. Don't worry kid," he smiled. "I've already lost my powers, remember? Besides, you don't think I'd drug my own wine, do you?"
"You drugged the wine?"
"Yeah. That was my secret weapon. You didn't really . believe all that bunk about Frumple, did you?"
"Ahh… of course not," I said, offended.
Actually, even though I knew Frumple hadn't done it, I had completely lost track of actually who had done what and to whom.
"Here, kid." Aahz handed me his flagon and picked up the jug. "Have some yourself. You did pretty good this afternoon."
I took the flagon, but somehow couldn't bring myself to drink any.
"What did you put in the wine, anyway?" I asked.
"Joke powder," Aahz replied. "As near as I can tell, it's the same stuff Garkin used on me. You can put it in a drink, sprinkle it over food, or burn it and have your victim inhale the smoke."
I had a sudden flash recollection of the brazier billowing smoke as Aahz materialized.
"What does it do?"
"Weren't you paying attention, kid?" Aahz cocked his head at me. "It takes away your powers."
"Permanently?"
"Of course not!" Aahz scoffed. "Only for a century."
"What's the antidote?"
"There isn't one… at least I couldn't get the stall proprietor to admit to having one. Maybe when you get a little better with the magik, we'll go back to Deva and beat an answer out of him."
I thought for a few minutes. That seemed to answer all my questions… except one.
"Say… urn, Aahz?"
"Yeah, kid?"
"What do we do now?"
"About what?" Aahz asked.
"I mean, what do we do? We've been spending all the time since we met getting ready to fight Isstvan. Well, it's over. Now what do we do?"
"What you do, apprentice," Aahz said sternly, "is devote your time to your magik. You've still got a long way to go before you're even close to Master status. As for me… well, I guess most of my time will be spent teaching you."
He poured a little more wine down his throat. "Actually, we're in pretty good shape," he stated. "We've got a magik crystal courtesy of Frumple… and that crummy sword if we search his gear."
"And a malfunctioning fire-ring," I prompted.
"Urn…." said Aahz. "Actually, I… ahh… well, I gave the
ring to Tanda."
"Gave?" I asked. "You gave something away?" Aahz shrugged.
"I'm a soft touch. Ask anybody."
"Hmm…." I said.
"We've, um, also got a war unicorn if we want to go anywhere," Aahz hastened on, "and that stupid dragon of yours."
"Gleep isn't stupid!" I insisted hotly.
"Okay, okay," Aahz amended, "… your intelligent, personable dragon."
"That's better," I mumbled.
"…. Even though it beats me why we'd want to go anyplace," Aahz commented, looking around him. "This place seems sound enough. You'd have some good force lines to play with, and the wine cellar will be well stocked if I know Isstvan. We could do lots worse for a base of operations."
Another question occurred to me.
"Say, Aahz?"
"Yeah, kid?"
"A few minutes ago you said you wanted to see Quigley when he visited other dimensions… and you seem to have a weak spot for Tanda…."
"Yeah?" Aahz growled. "So?"
"So why didn't you go along with them? You didn't have to get stranded in this dimension."
"Isstvan's a fruitcake," Aahz declared pointedly, "and I don't like Imps. You think I'd like having them for traveling companions?"
"But you said Tanda could travel the dimensions by herself. Couldn't you and she have…."
"All right, all right," interrupted Aahz. "You want me to say it? I stayed here because of you."
"Why?"
"Because you're not up to traveling the dimensions yet. Not until you…."
"I mean, why stay with me at all?"
"Why? Because you're my apprentice! That's why."
Aahz seemed genuinely angry. "We made a deal, remember? You help me against Isstvan and I teach you magik. Well, you did your part and now I'm going to do mine. I'm going to teach you magik if it kills you… or me, which is more probable!"
"Yes, Aahz!" I agreed hastily.
"Besides," he mumbled, taking another drink. "I like you."
"Excuse me?" I said. "I didn't quite hear that."
"Then pay attention!" Aahz barked. "I said drink your wine, and give some to that stupid dragon of yours. I will allow you one… count it, one… night of celebration. Then bright and early tomorrow, we start working in earnest."
"Yes, Aahz," I said obediently.
"And kid," Aahz grinned, "don't worry about it being boring. We don't have to go looking for adventure. In our profession, it usually comes looking for us."
I had an ugly feeling he was right.
The End
Another Fine Myth Page 17
