A few expletives spewed from his lips.
Silence dangled between us.
I slammed my book shut, the sound echoing over the two lunch ladies chatting behind the food line. “You going to talk? If not, I’m out of here.” I couldn’t breathe. I needed air.
He grasped my wrist. “Please. Don’t go.”
“Do I even want to hear this, Kade?” Tears welled up. My angry bee circled inside my head. My hands became clammy.
“I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he said.
“Wrong answer.” I kicked back my chair, wrenching away my hand.
“Lace?” He said my name so low I wasn’t sure I heard it.
“Why did you pursue me so hard?” All I could hear were Coach’s words. The Maxwell brothers protected Mandy. “Did Coach put you up to it?” If that were true, was our relationship a lie?
He dropped his gaze. Pain shot through my chest as though someone stuck a knife in me. I threw my books in my backpack and stepped around the table. Exit. I had to find the nearest one.
“Coach came to me in July.” His tone matched the regret in his eyes.
I stilled.
“He told me about a kick-ass female ball player who was enrolling for her senior year,” Kade continued. “He knew Aaron might make waves. And he was worried about history repeating itself. He knew my brothers were going to spend their last year at Kensington and play baseball. He saw a perfect storm. He wanted my help.”
Air. Need air. The buzzing in my head intensified, as did the pounding of my heart in my chest.
“That first night I met you. You weren’t at the ball field looking for Kelton, were you?”
“Lace.”
“Tell me!” I was on the verge of becoming a hysterical sociopath.
“Shit.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want a repeat of two years ago,” he said softly.
“So you were only pursuing me because you were told to? Everything you said to me is a lie, then. You don’t love me.” My heart severed in two. “I was a job to you. Protect the girl so I don’t end up like Mandy. Well, don’t do me any favors. I can protect myself.”
“Baby, it’s not like that.” He jumped out his chair and reached for me.
I backed away. “Isn’t it?” I stormed out. The halls were empty. Once outside, I sprinted to my car. The fall air provided a welcome relief against my heated skin. Why was I such a moron when it came to reading people? Brad had turned out to be gay. Now, Kade had only been babysitting me.
“Lace!” Kade yelled behind me.
The wind whipped my hair in all directions. Holding onto what was left of my heart, I ran across campus and out into the lot. Tears spilled as I passed cars.
Boy, Tyler was right. “Trust me when I tell you: stay away from Kade.” Kade showered me with words, and I fell for every freaking one of them. God, how stupid was I? With shaking hands, I rummaged through my bag for my car keys. My backpack fell, books spilling out, papers swirling in the wind. Fucking great! I dropped to the ground, propping back my head against my car door. Idiot.
“Lace,” Kade’s voice was strained, above me.
“Get out of here!” I screamed.
“Baby, please.”
“I’m not your baby.”
He sat on the ground opposite me with his back against someone else’s car door. “My feelings for you are real.”
“So tell me something. Are your brothers only friends with me because it’s their job, too?”
“Hell, no. They adore you, Lace. You snared them, just like you got me.”
I wasn’t so sure I snared anyone. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand.
“Lace.” His voice quivered. “Please, don’t shut me out.”
I desperately wanted to believe him. I couldn’t. Not right now. I had to think. “I can’t do this, Kade. Us. This isn’t going to work. I came here to fix what was broken inside me, not to break it more. I gave you my heart.” Tears streamed down my face.
Scooting closer, he reached out to wipe a tear away, and I flinched.
“Crap. Let me touch you. Don’t do this,” he pleaded.
I pushed to my feet. My papers blew away, but I didn’t care. I picked up my books. He stood, helping me. I found my keys. My hands shook as I tried to unlock my door.
He grabbed the keys and unlocked it for me. He leaned in, kissed my neck softly, and then he left.
Blowing out all the air in my lungs, I opened my door and fell into my car. I sobbed against my steering wheel. After what seemed like hours, I wiped my face with my fingers, started the engine and took off. I had no idea where I was going. I couldn’t stay here. Someone would see me. I couldn’t go home. Dad and Mary would grill me, and I wasn’t ready for their onslaught of questions.
I drove and before long, small quaint buildings lined the streets of Lancaster. I rolled into the small space outside of Dr. Davis’s office. Throwing the car into park, I slumped over the steering wheel, contemplating whether or not to go in. My appointment with him wasn’t until tomorrow. Maybe he had time to see me today.
A knock on the window snapped me back. I rolled down the window.
“Lacey?” Dr. Davis had his head tilted to one side. “Is everything okay?” He was holding a Wendy’s bag. He must’ve been bringing lunch back to the office.
I shook my head.
“Follow me. I don’t have another appointment for thirty minutes.”
After locking my car, I followed him upstairs and into his office, where he set the Wendy’s bag down on his desk.
“I’m sorry. I’m interrupting your lunch,” I said.
“Sit.” He motioned to his couch while he pushed a button on his desk phone.
I sat on the edge of the cushion, bouncing my knee.
“Tell me what happened.” He eased down into a chair opposite me, crossing one leg over the other.
“Are you sure I’m not bothering you?” I twined a strand of my hair between my fingers.
“You’re not.” He crossed his hands in his lap.
Before I even said a word, I started crying as I thought about Kade. I grabbed the box of tissues off the end table and set it in my lap. In between sobbing and blowing my nose, I finally spilled my guts to him about what Kade had told me. Afterwards, I didn’t feel any better. Just recounting the story made me feel worse.
“Let me get this straight.” He rubbed his goatee. “You’re upset because Coach is worried about your wellbeing and that he wanted Kade to watch out for you so you wouldn’t be bullied.”
I nodded, patting my nose with a Kleenex. He made it sound like I was off my rocker.
“Is Kade doing this for the other girls on the team?” With his elbow on the arm of the chair he held up his chin with his fingers.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Were the Maxwell brothers protecting Renee too? I filed the thought away. It wouldn’t change how I felt at the moment. I made a mental note to ask Kade. Well, if I ever spoke to him again.
“What else, Lacey? It seems like you may be upset about more than you told me.”
“You know how you asked me to play that get-to-know-you game?”
His chin dipped once.
“I did with Kade. Or at least I think I did. The more I hung out with Kade, the more we talked. He told me a few things about his past. I told him about my PTSD, my mom, and my sister. He told me he loved me. One thing led to another, and I shared my feelings with him.” I left out the intimate details, of course. “But he lied to me. I was only a job to him.”
“You think Kade told you how he felt to protect you? And his feelings aren’t real?” He dropped his hand from his chin.
“It’s all a lie.” I didn’t know what to believe anymore. The softness of h
is touch, the love in his eyes, the passion behind his kiss was real. Wasn’t it? Could someone turn feelings on and off in the blink of an eye?
“Why, Lacey?” He tilted his head.
“Coach put him up to it.”
“Did Coach Dean tell Kade to love you?”
“Well…no,” I said in a small voice, dropping my gaze.
“People don’t just tell others they love them because someone else put them up to it. Love is a strong emotion. In my personal experience, the majority of people in this world tread carefully when first using the word love. And I believe it’s harder for men to express that emotion. Besides, how is the fact that Kade loves you going to protect you? Some would argue that if Kade had any enemies, you would be in more danger.”
My lips parted slightly. I didn’t mention anything about Greg Sullivan. Did he know about Greg and Kade’s hatred for one another? I mean, Kody was a patient of his. Was Dr. Davis defending the Maxwells because he knew Kody?
A headache throbbed, and I rubbed my temples.
“Lacey, how’s everything else?”
I lifted my head. I wasn’t sure I had time to tell him about my latest trigger, Renee, and I didn’t want to. I had too much swimming around in my head right now. “Okay. Can we reschedule tomorrow’s appointment? I have a couple of tests after school.”
“Sure. In the meantime, I want you to talk with Kade—when you’re ready, of course. He deserves to understand how you feel. It’s not healthy to shut down, not with your PTSD. This could slow your progress.”
“I’ll try.” Not anytime soon. My heart hurt too much to even think about talking to him.
When I left his office, I called Dad. He didn’t answer, so I left him a voice message in case the school informed him of my absence. I explained I needed a quiet place to study for my tests, and I would be at the town library.
The librarian nodded to me when I walked in. A few people sat at the tables, reading or typing on their laptops. I found a spot away from the front and did nothing more than stare off into space. I loved the solitude of a library. For me, the place gave me a chance to gather my thoughts. I drifted off, thinking of a thousand things. What harm would there be in talking to Coach about Aaron? I’d just ask him to keep our conversation confidential. He already knew Aaron had a history of bullying.
Then something Dr. Davis had said nagged at me. “Did Coach tell Kade to love you?”
Christ! Kade didn’t strike me as the type of guy to tell any woman willy-nilly that he loved her. Plus Kody had said Kade was head over heels in love with me, and that he hadn’t allowed anyone in since his sister’s death. So why did my heart still feel like a steamroller kept running over it?
Chapter 20
After I got home from the library, I locked myself in my room. Mary had tried to get me to eat. Nausea percolated in my stomach at the mention of food. Then Dad knocked on my door. When he walked in rubbing his neck, the blood drained from me.
“So, do you want to tell me why you left school early?” he’d asked.
No. “I went to see Dr. Davis.” I had to ’fess up. He’d see the doctor’s bill. “I had too much going on in my head. I had to see him,” I’d said.
“In the middle of a school day? Is this about the girl that looks like…”
I didn’t remember if I’d told him about Renee, but I did tell Mary. Anger welled up in me.
“Say her name, Dad. Please?” I cried. I wanted to hear him say Julie or Mom. I was afraid if he couldn’t, we’d grow farther apart.
“Lacey, we’ve had this conversation. Now, you’re grounded for a week. No hanging out with friends or Kade. You’re to go to school then come straight home, with the exception of tryouts on Friday. Is that understood?” he said in an unyielding tone.
I didn’t bother to tell him I wasn’t talking to Kade. I wasn’t sure what good it would do, anyway. Sleep didn’t come easily. I tried to study. I couldn’t concentrate. So I pulled out the box in my closet with the scrapbook that Julie had given me for Christmas a couple of years ago. Various pictures of Mom, Dad, Rob, Julie and me covered the pages. I reminisced as I flipped through the book—a picture of Julie and me, sunbathing on the beach at Lake Tahoe—another with her and me dressed in gowns for one of Mom’s charity balls. I trailed my finger over a picture of Mom and Dad. Rob had captured a shot of them in a quiet moment where Dad had his forehead against Mom’s with his hand on her face. A tear dropped to my comforter. They looked like they’d carved their own private world. The last page had words, not pictures. You have a pure heart and a beautiful soul. Always protect it. Love Ya, Julie, written on the satiny paper. More tears streamed down my face. I’d forgotten she’d written this in the back. I read it again. More tears. More sniffles.
“I wish you were here, Sis,” I said out loud. “I wish you could meet Kade. You’d like him. You’d probably beat him for making me cry, but I think he’d let you. He’s not like Brad. Kade stirs feelings in me I never thought I had. I’ve been a mess since you’ve been gone. Dad has, too. If Mom is with you, say hi for me. We miss you guys so much.”
Afterwards, I’d thrown my head into my pillow and cried myself to sleep.
I’d thought after all the crying I’d done, I’d feel better in the morning. But my heart still ached, my eyes were puffy, and I hated the world. I would’ve loved to stay home from school, but Dad would’ve grounded me for a year instead of a week, and I had to take my math tests.
The sun beat down as I got out of my car. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Kade. I had no idea yet how I’d react.
“Hey, girl,” Becca said, walking up to me as I crossed the school lot. Red tinted the area around her nose, and her eyes were swollen like mine.
“Hi. Are you feeling better?” I asked.
“Are you coming down with something, too? You look like crap.”
“Nah. Kade and I had a fight.”
“Over…?” she asked as we stopped near the flagpole.
I told her what had happened between Kade and me yesterday in the hopes she’d have a different perspective than Dr. Davis.
“So you think Kade’s feelings for you are a lie, and he’s doing a job ordered by Coach Dean?” She pushed strands of her hair behind her ear.
“In a nutshell,” I said. I adjusted my backpack on my shoulder.
She rapped her knuckles on my head. “Is there a brain inside your thick skull? For a smart girl, you’re stupid. What guy in their right mind would ever tell a girl he loves her just to protect her? Are you serious?”
“Becca—”
“No. I know your past still haunts you. It would haunt me, too, if I lost my mom. Maybe someday you can explain the whole thing to me, but right now, learn to let go. Kade loves you. Everyone in this school can tell. Hell, everyone is shocked. Yes, you’ve pissed off a few girls around here, but my God, who the flip cares? Kade is yours. Take him. Love him. If you don’t, I will stage an intervention, and you won’t like it.” She put her fists on her jeans-clad hips.
I berated myself as her voice rose and fell. She made me feel more like an idiot than Dr. Davis had. “I’m not ready to talk to him. And he should’ve told me.”
“Fine, but you better talk to him eventually,” she said. “Now, let’s get to homeroom.”
We walked in silence until we reached the door. “Wait.” I grabbed her arm.
She lifted her perfectly manicured eyebrows.
“Thank you for being a friend. I didn’t have any friends who were girls in California.”
She threw her arms around me in a tight hug. “I got your back.”
We split up when we entered the building since we didn’t have homeroom together. No sooner had I sat down than Ms. Vander told me to go to Coach Dean’s office. Great! So much for avoiding Coach.
As I appr
oached Coach’s office, the voices trickling out of it stopped me in my tracks. Familiar ones. I wasn’t facing Kade for the first time since our argument in front of Coach. What was he doing in there anyway? Then one of the triplets laughed. Suddenly, Becca’s idea of an intervention skittered through my brain. Oh, no. Hell, no, actually. They were not getting me into Coach’s office to gang up on me. Pivoting, I started back the way I came. My nose itched. I squeezed it together. Don’t sneeze. As soon as I let go, I sneezed. The sound reverberated off the walls.
Footsteps scuffed behind me.
Keep walking.
“Where’re you going?” A large hand gripped my arm.
I muttered several swear words under my breath.
“We just want to talk.” Kelton’s blue eyes looked down at me. “It’s just Coach, me and my brothers. This has to happen, Lacey. I know you’re pissed at Kade. But don’t be. Be pissed with me. I’m the one who is forcing this meeting between you and Coach. Kade has nothing to do with it.”
“Mind your own business, Kelton. I don’t need your protection or help.”
“Is that what you think we’re doing?” He chuckled. “We’re not the secret service. We don’t protect anyone but our family. You’re family, Lacey, whether you want to believe that or not. My brother is so fucking sick over your fight yesterday. Wake up, girl. Stop being stupid.”
“Fuck you, Kelton. I get why Coach did his homework on me. But Kade? He was at the ball field that first night to watch me. To me, that’s stalking.”
“So what? Didn’t you have several people in the stands watching you practice? Were they all stalking you too?” Underneath his lashes, anger burned in his eyes.
“I haven’t even made the team. I don’t know what the big deal is. I may not even do well on Friday.”
“I swear if you weren’t a girl, I’d punch you. You’re going to go tell Coach why you passed out. You’re also going to tell him that Aaron has threatened you. Then you and my brother are going to be locked in a room, and you’re not coming out until you both work out your differences.”
Dare to Kiss (The Maxwell Series Book 1) Page 30
