At the beginning, it’d been easy to use her as an excuse to protect Faith.
And as I’d secured those fucking locks, the only thing I could think about was the lengths I’d go to in order to make sure she was safe.
Kept protected from this ugly mess that had nothing to do with her.
“I did the rest of the doors downstairs as well. I’m going to secure the windows upstairs and the doors leading to the upper porch. You don’t have to worry.”
Right.
Like a few new deadbolts would strip away the fear I could see lining her features. But it sure made me feel a whole hell of a lot better.
“Going to call for a security system to be installed, too.”
“Jace—”
“Don’t say it’s not necessary,” I cut in, “because you and I both know it is.”
She gave a wary nod of agreement. “Thank you,” she whispered, clutching at a monitor that had a speaker and a screen.
I was thinking it was a shame it didn’t have a record mode on it so we could push rewind. Go back a few days ago, stop this bullshit, erase what was written on Faith’s face.
“She asleep?” I asked.
Faith gave a jerky nod. “Yeah. I think I scared her.”
Tossing the screwdriver into the toolbox, I leaned back against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest and an ankle over the other.
You know . . . making myself right at damned home.
“She probably needed to know how badly that scared you, Faith. Don’t think you should shield her from that.”
Awesome.
Now I was giving parenting advice, too.
But this shit was serious.
Faith gulped over a little sound and wandered farther into the kitchen.
Every step brought her closer to where I was.
The girl filling the air.
She pulled out a chair at the round table that was situated close to the bank of windows that overlooked the back patio and lawn. She sank onto it like she didn’t have any energy left.
I moved over to the coffee pot, poured her a cup, spooned a ton of sugar into it, and then dumped a bunch of creamer in, too. If I knew her at all, that would be the way she would take her coffee.
I edged back across the floor, my heavy footsteps thudding on the floorboards.
It was like every step I took moved that energy around, pushing it higher, making it flare.
Faith was sucking in a bunch of short breaths by the time I’d crossed the small distance and set the cup down in front of her. “I thought you might need that.”
Warily, those eyes darted toward me.
Genuine and real.
“You don’t need to take care of me.”
I sank to a knee in front of her. Her chair was angled out to the side, and it was right that second when I realized the girl was too fucking close.
That I was in her space.
Breathing her air.
But I couldn’t help it, reaching out and brushing back the long piece of dark, dark hair that had fallen from the tie and down around her face.
“Maybe you don’t need help, Faith, maybe you can handle this all on your own, but I wish you would let me, anyway.”
She choked out a pained sound. “Who am I kidding, Jace? I can’t even take care of my daughter.”
I frowned, rearing back an inch to take in the expression on her face.
Defeat.
“Don’t say that. I may not have anything good to compare it to, but I know just by looking at the two of you that you are exactly what that little girl needs.”
Tears brimmed in her eyes. I wanted to make them stop falling. Dry them up. Kiss them away.
“She’s my entire world, Jace. My entire world. But sometimes, I don’t know how I’m gonna hold my world together. It feels like it’s crumbling at the seams, and no matter what I do, there is nothing I can do to patch it back together.”
She sniffled, blinked, her eyes darting around the kitchen like she was taking in the whole house. “I wasn’t supposed to have to do all of this alone. Joseph . . .”
His name was a blow all on its own.
Like she’d conjured his spirit into the dense, heavy space. Unease slicked across my skin. Tingling and hot.
What would he think if he knew I was here?
Her tongue darted out to wet her dry lips. “He was supposed to help me with all of this. We were supposed to be partners. And now . . . now . . .”
She blinked some more, exhaling in despair and resignation. “Maybe I should just sell it. Give it up. God knows I don’t have the money to fix it up anyway. And with everything that’s happening, I’m not sure I can handle all of this. I’m not sure I want to stay here alone.”
“Don’t say that, Faith. This place was your dream.”
I wanted to reach out and grab her by the shoulders.
Shake her.
Shout it.
Claim it.
Our dream.
Sadness poured from her as she stared at me, her head angled slightly to the side. “Some dreams change, don’t they?”
No. Never.
At least mine had been haunting me for all of forever.
Glancing away, I took in the immaculate kitchen. By my estimate, it was the only part of the house that had been fully renovated.
It boasted massive, top-of-the-line appliances and rustic, white stone countertops, a huge worker’s island in the middle with an old-style pot rack hanging low from overhead.
A bit country and a lot chic.
But I thought the centerpiece of it all was where we were, at the huge round dining table that sat at least twenty people, tucked in the curved bank of windows that took up the whole back wall.
It overlooked the back porch and expansive lawn that rolled down a sloping embankment toward a copse of trees.
Right toward that babbling creek.
After what just happened, I was half inclined to fill the fucker up with rocks and sand.
Blot it out.
I roughed a hand through my hair, knowing I was digging, pushing in a way I shouldn’t. But I didn’t know how to stop.
I’d hopped on a train that would lead me straight to my destruction. But fuck, I guessed I’d been heading there all along. The only thing that counted now was doing a little good until I got there.
“There’s no money left?” I hedged, voice gravel. But I already knew the answer to that, didn’t I?
Her eyes squeezed shut, and she warred with what to tell me. When that chocolate sea fluttered open, I swore they were going to drown me.
Take me in.
Hold me under.
“No, Jace. There’s no money left. I thought . . .”
Confusion wound through her, and she stared at the wall over my shoulder with her brow pinched. Like it might hold the answer she was searching for.
“I thought we had plenty, and then when . . .”
She twisted her fingers together on her lap. I had the urge to haul her onto mine.
Fuck.
She peeked down at me, embarrassment lighting her cheeks. “When I went to make arrangements for the funeral, there was nothing there. The accounts had gone dry. I had to borrow from my parents to even give him a service.”
She looked out through the glittering windows, her voice getting lost in the room, so quiet when she whispered, “When it first happened, I couldn’t help but keep thinkin’, if I just hadn’t have sent him that day. I’d forgotten the milk, and he had to go back. If I’d just done that one thing differently, if I hadn’t been in such a hurry earlier that day, he’d still be here.”
Was that what he had really deluded her into believing?
That he was the good guy?
That he was in the wrong place at the wrong time?
The victim of some mindless robbery?
If he had gone fifteen minutes earlier or later, he wouldn’t have stumbled down the wrong path?
Didn’t she know he’d gone runn
ing down that path a long time ago?
It didn’t matter what time he’d gone. Where he’d gone. They would have found him.
My guts clenched.
Shit.
I didn’t know what was worse, her going on thinking that or me telling her the truth.
Shame had taken hold of her when she looked back at me. “Now, I don’t have any idea what to believe. I’m so confused . . . so scared. It wasn’t as if we had a perfect marriage.”
I flinched.
Not sure I could handle her even talking about it.
Still, I stayed silent, allowing her to continue even though the picture of them together made me want to stab a hot poker into my eye.
“But I at least thought he cared about us enough that he wouldn’t do anything that would harm us.”
As if she bore the blame, she looked down. “But after everything? The things that have been happening around us? I can’t help but question who he really was. And I hate that . . . hate questioning a man who isn’t even here to defend himself. Who isn’t here to explain. And . . . and . . . the only thing I have left of him is waiting on his life insurance policy to come through.”
Once she admitted it, urgency started to pour from her mouth. “How pathetic is that? His worth is now wrapped up in the little he left behind. What kind of person does that make me, Jace? Fighting for money I never even wanted? But I don’t know what else to do. It’s the only way I could ever get this place turned and profitable. With the case bein’ unsolved, it’s going to be tied up for a while, and we don’t have anything left. I’ve . . .”
She choked on the last, her head dropping between her shoulders. Like she needed to hide the expression on her face. “God, I shouldn’t be tellin’ you any of this.”
I reached out and took her by the chin. “Hey, look at me.”
Warily, she met my gaze.
I felt the weight of it strike right at the middle of me.
“What it makes you is strong. It makes you a fighter. It makes you a good mother who wants to take care of her child. It makes you brave. That’s the kind of person it makes you.”
The corner of her mouth trembled. “I just wish I could go back to that day and change it all.”
“You couldn’t, Faith.”
It was the truth.
There was nothing she could have done.
Changing it had been on me.
Silence moved around us. Comforting waves that ebbed and flowed, receding to reveal the hurt and gaping wounds oozing from underneath.
“Let me take care of you.” The words grated from my tongue.
She blinked at me. “Why did you really come here, Jace? After all this time? After all these years? What is it you want?”
You.
“I need to be here. I tri—”
The confession locked in my throat, and I swallowed hard, forcing it out between the constriction I could feel baring down on every cell in my body.
“I tried to stay away. But I couldn’t. Not knowing what’s happening. Not knowing what you’ve been through.”
Not knowing just how fucking deep Joseph had gotten. Not knowing the lengths those assholes might go to. I was getting a better and better idea of what that might be.
Protectiveness swelled.
An anger so intense I saw black curled through my muscles.
I could feel it, a wire tripping somewhere inside me, one of those pieces I’d been trying to keep contained, held back, ripped free.
No way in hell was I backing down from this. No way in hell was I walking away from her.
“I’m moving in.”
She reared back. “What?”
“You heard what I said.”
A heated anger rushed in to take over the helplessness. “Well, I thought I did . . . and what I think I just heard you say was you’re movin’ in here, and that’s not goin’ to happen.”
“You need someone here to look after you. Besides . . . there are what? Eight rooms here? You will hardly notice me, and someone needs to be here to watch over things.”
“And you think that job lands on you?” It was all a rushed horror as she pushed back her chair and stumbled to her feet.
Energy flashed.
So intense my chest tightened.
Painfully.
Protectiveness pulsing out. Filling everything.
“I think that’s exactly what it is.”
Harsh, hoarse laughter rocked from her, and she was biting at her lip like she wanted to bite back her words.
“You are the last person I want movin’ in here. I already told you, all of this is too hard. It feels too complicated. It’s hard enough you bein’ outside. You want to take up the inside, too?”
I edged closer, breathing in all that intensity.
Taking it on as my own.
Standing next to the girl felt like inhaling life.
Did she think this wasn’t going to be brutal for me, too?
My voice quieted, though it was hard as stone. “You aren’t safe here. You’re scared. You can’t deny that.”
I edged closer, and she edged back. She hit the wall behind her.
She was so close.
So damned close I wanted to take one step closer and feel all of her. What it was like to be against that skin.
Her words were so rough she could barely force them out. “Then I’ll call my daddy to come and stay.”
My fingers were back to toying with a lock of her hair, my head angled to the side. “Let me take care of you, Faith. Let me be the one.”
“Jace—”
“Please . . . let me do this for you. I’m your family, whether you like it or not.”
“This is a terrible idea,” she whispered. Like it was her last plea.
“It might be the only good one I’ve ever had.”
Twelve
Faith
“What am I gonna do?” I flew into the small realtor’s office like I was running from a rabid skunk.
Basically, that was what I was doing. It was the only way I’d been able to get away from him, the overbearing man not even wanting me to go into town to get groceries without him tagging along.
I’d barely convinced him I had to remain standing. Continue living. Besides, it wasn’t like Mack wasn’t watching my every move. There was a cruiser sitting right outside to prove it.
And God, I was grateful for it. The fact that this town had rallied around me. The hardest part was the fact there was a reason for them to have to do it.
Courtney’s attention flew up from where it’d been buried in the laptop on her desk, her voice all sorts of wry. “I might be brilliant, but I’m not psychic, so you’re gonna have to clarify.”
Rolling my eyes, I plopped down onto one of the chairs on the opposite side of her desk, blowing out the biggest breath from my lungs. “Jace Jacobs.”
Her face pinched into a sour expression.
Apparently, she didn’t need any more clarification than that.
“What’d that dog do now?”
“Oh, you know, nothing much . . . he was just there when I couldn’t find Bailey this morning and freaked out. I mean, really freaked out, Court. I started shouting and screaming and carrying on, but it turned out she was just fine. Of course, while I was getting her to take a nap, he went and fixed up all the locks in the entire house so no one can get in or out, and then he turned right around and told me he was moving in so he can watch over us. That’s what.”
It all left me on a rush of incredulity.
A tumble of confusion and frustration and this niggle of need that I sure didn’t want to feel.
Her eyebrows lifted for the ceiling. “Excuse me?”
“You need me to repeat it?”
“Just rewind to that part where you said something about him movin’ in.” She spun her index finger in the air.
“That’s right.” I hugged my purse to my chest as if the thing might be a shield. “He said he’s moving in.”
Chi
n angling away, she laughed a short sound. As short as the shake of her head. “You’ve got to be shittin’ me. That man has a lot of balls, doesn’t he?”
That was what I was worried about.
She swung her green eyes back toward me. “So, what’d you tell him?”
“What do you think I told him? I told him no chance in hell.”
“And how’d he take it?”
The vigor in my voice faded out, and I started fiddling with the strap of my purse. “He said he’d be back with his things later. That man just doesn’t take no for an answer.”
A low chuckle rumbled from her.
Why was she grinnin’?
“Oh, you’re in so much trouble, Faith Avery.”
I frowned at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know full well that man would take no for an answer if you really meant it. He knows you better than anyone.”
I jarred back with her statement. “He doesn’t know me.”
“Really?”
Shit.
I gnawed at my bottom lip.
“See?” she said, as if that was my answer.
“I just . . . what if something really would have happened to Bailey? What if she really had been in danger? It’d be nice to have someone else there, looking out for us.”
“And the man looks pretty nice, too.”
“Courtney,” I chastised.
“Faith,” she shot back.
“Where is Button?” she asked.
“She went to the park with my mama. I’m trying to keep things as normal as possible through all of this.”
Courtney nodded and then didn’t say anything for a second, clearly chewing on her thoughts as she worked her jaw.
“Come on, Faith,” she finally broached. “Are you really gonna sit there and pretend you two didn’t have all sorts of unfinished business when he left?”
“Oh, I think he finished me off just fine the first time around.”
“Did you ever really blame him?”
Offense churned in my blood. “Of course, I blamed him. He left me.”
“Didn’t you ever think he might be doin’ it for you?”
Unease rippled in with that offense. Courtney never did hesitate to put me on the spot.
She just loved playing devil’s advocate.
“It didn’t matter why he left. The only thing that mattered was he did.”
More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel Page 8
