by Anna Paige
Like I had with Lauren at the hospital.
Feeling the pull of her presence, I turned my head slightly to watch her. She stood off to my left beneath the shady overhang of a nearby tree, keeping herself separated from the crowd, just as I was. She wore sleek black pants that accentuated her figure and a matching cardigan over a deep blue top. The way she hugged the sweater around her made me wonder if she was cold.
Her body was angled slightly toward me, which afforded me a good view of her face. Her expression was blank, devoid of emotion even as the torrent of tears streamed down her cheeks and fell onto her chest. The wind occasionally blew thick strands of her crimson hair, blocking my view and hers, but she didn’t seem inclined to move them. She didn’t seem interested in much at all, her gaze focused somewhere in the distance and her body swaying with the wind as if she didn’t have the strength to hold her posture. Her arms were tightly folded across her middle, hands bunched in the fabric at her sides as if they were the only things holding her together.
Her entire demeanor radiated pain, devastation, and loss.
I wanted so badly to go to her, to say something, do something to help, but my feet were rooted in place, unable to move. She’d been more lucid at the church, even responded to a few people when they offered their condolences, but before I could make my approach, she’d wandered off and I hadn’t spotted her again until after the graveside service began. She’d either arrived late or intentionally avoided everyone until she knew they would be focused elsewhere.
I suspected the latter.
Which gave me just the excuse I needed to back off and leave her be. I’d already done all I could and hopefully that was enough.
When all hell had broken loose at the hospital, I’d taken care of her. I’d carried her to the uncomfortable couch in the waiting room until she came to. I held her hand and stroked her hair while she keened like an animal for what seemed like hours, wondering how her body could withstand the force of her racking sobs. And when the doctor returned and asked if anyone would like to see Teach, I dared Bonnie—that heinous old biddy—to stand in the way. I walked Lauren to the room and stood outside the door while she said her goodbyes, fearful that she might collapse again and not giving a shit that we were told only family was permitted. I didn’t go in, I just stayed close.
For her.
And despite the fact that she hadn’t so much as looked in my direction all day today, I wanted to be there for her again. It flew in the face of the aloof persona I’d worked so hard to cultivate, but it was the damn truth. I didn’t want to walk away from her. Something inside me was urging me to reach out, even as another part of me warned against it.
She seemed so lost, so alone. I understood how that felt. More than I cared to recall.
As if finally registering that some fucking weirdo had been staring at her for ten minutes, Lauren’s head swiveled in my direction.
Her icy blue gaze flitted over my face for a moment before she gave me a weak smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. It seemed to require a lot of effort on her part, as if she barely had the energy to curl the edges of her full, perfect lips.
Perfect lips? Why am I focusing on her damn mouth? Perv much, Brant? Shit. This is a funeral, not a nightclub.
It wasn’t entirely voluntary, noticing her mouth, her eyes, and her body. I’d sort of made a habit of picturing it over the past couple of days, so now that she was standing right there—only a few yards away—I couldn’t help myself. What made it so much more difficult was that she turned out to be nothing like I’d expected. I knew all was forgiven now and that she had been an unwilling pawn in what went down here in Denson last year, but somehow the image I’d conjured in my head was sinister: dark and angry.
I hadn’t been prepared for this beautiful, fragile creature.
Sure, she’d gone kamikaze on Bonnie at the hospital, proving she was no doormat, but once Teach’s death hit her, she’d shut down completely. I wanted to see that fiery side of her again, to know that she hadn’t lost that when she lost her uncle. It was so easy to become someone else, someone who was a shell of who you once were after a loss like this.
I didn’t want that for her.
I hadn’t necessarily wanted it for myself either, but that ship sailed long ago. With no one to help me through things, I’d ended up becoming someone even I didn’t recognize. If I could be that person for her, the one I’d needed back then, I had to at least try. The worst that could happen was that she would push me away, and I could handle that.
I actually halfway expected it.
•••
There must have been fifty people loitering around Teach and Marilee’s house when I got there. Apparently, some of the missing faces at the graveside service had decided to come back here early and set up for the coming guests.
Most of those who had been at the cemetery had arrived ahead of us as well, given that we’d all lingered there with Marilee until she’d brokenly agreed to leave. Lauren had disappeared the moment the service was over. It was unsettling, actually. One second she was there and the next she was gone. Not even a flash of her crimson hair in her wake—she’d just vanished.
Cars lined both sides of the street, some of them taking to parking in the empty adjacent lot because of the lack of space. The driveway had been left open in deference to Marilee and the immediate family. When Clay and Ali shot by me in Ali’s Jeep, waving for me to follow them into the driveway, I followed without argument, but it felt wrong somehow.
I’d known Teach, sure, but not the way most of these people did. It felt like an infringement to claim one of the family parking spots. Of course, if I’d just ridden with Clay and Ali—or Spencer and Talia for that matter—it wouldn’t have been an issue.
Chalk it up to my stubborn streak. I despised having to be chauffeured around in the back seat like a child. That was the whole point of having my own vehicle, wasn’t it? The freedom to come and go as I pleased?
I climbed out of my Shelby F-150 and closed the door, tipping my chin to Clay as he walked Ali to the house, her hand clutching his arm the whole way.
Yeah, I definitely made the right decision driving myself. I was already wondering how long I needed to stay for the sake of propriety, doing the math in my head. Thirty minutes? An hour? I hated feeling like a spectator witnessing everyone else’s grief.
As much as I wanted to avoid the emotional outpouring going on inside, I knew damn well I wasn’t going to be leaving until I knew Lauren was okay—or as okay as she could be given the circumstances.
Clay left the front door ajar in front of me and I trudged up the steps, taking in the window boxes and potted plants on the porch as I went. Little touches that gave the house a quaint feel. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open, stepping into the midst of the chatter and myriad of aromas coming from the back of the house.
The foyer gave way to a large living room lined with deep plush carpet throughout. Wood paneling adorned the walls that weren’t blotted out by the ceiling-high bookcases that stood packed with books. The room practically screamed teacher. Or in Teach’s case, professor. I smiled politely as I passed the loitering guests, making my way through the house and taking silent notes on all the ways I could upgrade things.
It wasn’t anything personal, it was what I did for a living and sort of a knee-jerk reaction to the dated interior.
Catching wind of Ali’s melodic voice, I pivoted into the nearest room and found myself in the formal dining room. Every square inch of the massive table was covered with food. Casseroles and cakes stretched as far as the eye could see and even more had been perched on the antique sideboard. The only clear space was a small table near the window.
I moved toward my friends and looked up, about to speak when I noticed Ali’s wary expression as she studied a spot on the floor beneath the window. I followed her gaze and realization hit a moment later.
Oh, shit. This is the room where Keith—her psycho ex—held her, Clay,
and Lauren at gunpoint.
I wondered if Ali was looking for bloodstains, leftover evidence from the struggle. I knew I was.
She shivered and crossed her arms over her chest. Clay was standing nearby but unaware as one of the guests was animatedly chatting him up. Not wanting Ali to take on more stress than she already had, I walked over and nudged her arm with my elbow, pitching my voice so only she could hear. “Not to start trouble or anything, but that little old lady talking to your husband has touched his bicep about ten times in the last two minutes. You want me to hold her down while you smack her?”
Her eyes flashed to mine and she smiled; a genuine smile that made her eyes crinkle. “Nah, I’m sure I can take her. If you’re looking to be helpful, how about you cut in and take his place. I’m sure she’d be happy to have someone new to fondle.”
I clutched a hand to my chest, wincing. “Please don’t say fondle, any word but that one.”
“How about caress? Stroke?” she prodded, amusement in her voice.
Cringing hard, I leaned close to her ear. “That’s great. I think I just became an inny. See if I try to cheer your ungrateful butt up again.”
She reached up and threw her arms around my neck, stifling a laugh as she pulled me down to hug her back. “I’m sure you’ll recover. And I appreciate your efforts, truly I do. You’re a good friend, Brant.” She kissed my cheek.
Clay cleared his throat pointedly at my back. “What’s the meaning of this, Mrs. McGavran? In the arms of another man already? It’s only been a few months.” He teased, winking at me when I spied him moving around behind his new bride, tugging her arms from around me. “And one of my best friends, no less? Shameful.”
She spun on her heel and looked up at him, one hand on her hip as she pointed at his chest with the other. “I seem to recall you getting felt up by Mrs. Doubtfire over there just a second ago, so turnabout is fair play, if you ask me.”
He snorted. “Not my fault my animal magnetism is so strong. Besides, she didn’t sneak a kiss, which is more than I can say for you.” He pointed to my cheek and I rubbed it absently, smiling at their verbal sparring.
“Her lack of assertiveness isn’t my problem. If you really want to even things up, there’s a retired librarian with lipstick on her teeth who’s been staring at your ass ever since we walked in.”
“Very funny.” He pursed his mouth distastefully and looked over at me. “They got any booze around here? I need something to chase away that image.”
“Dude, I don’t think that’ll do it.” I laughed, watching him stalk into the kitchen.
“He’s out of luck on the alcohol front.” Ali said beside me. “This is a dry house. Teach got rid of all that stuff when Lauren moved in. Not that he was ever much of a drinker…” Her eyes clouded and she pinched her lips together. “It doesn’t seem right to speak of him in past tense.” She shook her head sadly.
There was nothing I could say to that but maybe I could steer the conversation in another direction. “Why didn’t he want Lauren around alcohol? Is she in AA?”
“Not that I know of. Aside from the photo she showed us of her at a bar last year, I’ve never seen her with a drink. I think he was trying to keep temptation at bay, though.” Ali’s eyes found mine, a different kind of sadness in her expression. “She hasn’t had the easiest life and he worried about her a lot. Ditching the liquor was his way of protecting her from herself, just in case.”
“Sounds like they had a heck of a bond.”
“It was more than a bond. It was an allegiance. He would have done anything for her, and she for him.” There was no trace of malice in her tone, no residual anger.
“You seem impressed with that. I mean, after everything she put you through…” I had to know, needed to hear it from her.
She glanced over her shoulder, out the window and nodded. “Yeah, I am. I know she didn’t want to do what she did, and in the end, she jumped in and saved us all from Keith. We made our peace a long time ago. The simple fact is that she risked everything for her uncle and I have a lot of respect for that.” She lifted a hand and pointed at something on the other side of the window. “I can’t even imagine what’s going through her head right now.”
I leaned over and followed her gaze, spotting Lauren sitting alone on the stone wall that encompassed the backyard. Her hands were folded in her lap as she sat staring at something I couldn’t see from where I stood.
“I wanted to thank you for what you did at the hospital, looking out for her like that.” Ali said at my side as we watched Lauren’s still form. “Everyone there had someone… except her.”
I swallowed thickly, watching her long hair blow in the soft breeze. I could still remember the way it smelled. Like almonds and cherries. “I didn’t exactly think about it. I did it without knowing why. She was kind of suspicious, to be honest. At least at first.”
“Yeah, she’s probably not quick to trust people. I guess the fact that she kept right on leaning on you despite her misgivings means that she was hurting enough to take the risk.” She kissed my cheek again, whispering. “I bet if you went out there, she’d risk it again. Just be patient with her.”
I turned a moment later to find that Ali had left the room, probably seeking out her husband to break the news about the lack of libation. Glancing around the room, I spotted the retired librarian Ali had described. She was watching me with a big lipstick-stained smile.
I could either wait there like a sitting duck while she made her way over or I could go outside and check on Lauren.
Talk about easy decisions.
I smiled apologetically as I passed the elderly woman and made a beeline for the back door.
•••
The grass in the backyard was lush and full. It was like walking on insanely thick carpet. I absently wondered how Teach managed to get it to look like that, since none of the other yards on the street were as nice. The perimeter of the yard was enclosed by a waist high stone wall, most likely to deter falling rock from the steep slope of the nearby hillside. Teach’s property basically backed up to a mountain. It was beautiful. There were raised flower beds at regular intervals, with well-tended shrubs interspersed between.
In the far corner, there was a vegetable garden. And not a weed to be seen anywhere.
It appeared either Teach or Marilee had quite the green thumb.
I made my way across the yard toward Lauren, taking my time and looking things over. Something told me that, had I marched directly over to her, she would have shrunk away from my attention. It killed me to pace myself. The urge to talk to her, comfort her, was strong. The way she sat there on the rock wall, so lonely and lost. It broke my heart.
Her head tipped up as I approached and I offered her a small, disarming smile. She just blinked, faint gray streaks under her eyes serving as a reminder of her sorrow, not that her expression wasn’t clear enough evidence.
The sun broke through the clouds momentarily, streaming through the huge oak tree at her back and illuminating her crimson hair. A moment later, the wind was back, setting her long strands adrift on the breeze. They wrapped around her face and, before she could swipe them away, it gave the fleeting appearance that her tears had turned to blood. It was disturbing, so much so that I flinched involuntarily.
She blew out a frustrated breath and snared the wayward tendrils, tucking them behind her ear and finally meeting my eye. She didn’t speak, but she shifted slightly on her perch and nodded for me to take a seat.
I made my way over and nodded appreciatively, scrambling for a way to break the ice. “Thanks. I had to get out of there before it was too late.” I gestured to the house with a tilt of my head.
Her brow lifted slightly. “Why?”
I leaned in a little and gave the dining room window a furtive glance. “I was being stalked by a little old lady with lipstick on her teeth. Five more minutes and I just know she would have cornered me.”
The corners of her mouth lifted slightly. Not
a full-on smile, but still a vast improvement. “Sounds like you escaped in the nick of time.”
I nodded emphatically. “Oh yeah. I was in the dining room when she spotted me last, and she was still in the hallway creeping in my direction.” I shuddered dramatically. “The carpet was slowing her down, thankfully. But once her walker hit that smooth floor in the dining room, she was bound to pick up speed.”
I got a soft laugh out of her that time. “At least she was friendly. This town has its fair share of grouchy old bats, too. Count yourself lucky to have avoided those.”
“You mean like Bonnie?”
She nodded. “Most aren’t quite as rabid as her but yeah, they can be vicious.” Her gaze moved to the kitchen window and she frowned. “Maybe it’s best that you not be seen with me. It won’t earn you any allies in this town.”
I followed her stare and saw several wrinkled faces peering out at us. “Fuck ‘em.” I flicked my hand in their direction. “I choose my friends; I don’t allow anyone to choose them for me.” I turned to meet her eye. “And I’d like us to be friends, if you don’t have any objections.”
“Why?” Her response was immediate and unsettling.
“What do you mean ‘why’? Because I like you. I find you interesting.”
She barked out a bitter laugh. “Oh, you really need to get out more if you think I’m interesting.”
“I get out plenty, I’ll have you know.” I acted affronted. “Maybe I just wanted someone to hang out with around here besides Clay and Ali. If you’re not interested in my friendship, I suppose I could go back inside and make nice with my walker stalker.” I made like I was about to leave, starting to stand.
