Compass

by Jeanne McDonald

  Closer they moved into each other, to the point she could feel his warm breath sweep over her face. She closed her eyes, waiting for the sweet press of his lips against hers, when something started to vibrate between them.

  “What the…?” Ryan jumped back.

  Her eyes fluttered opened. The loss of Ryan left her feeling cold and alone. She dropped her hands to her hips, shoved her hand in her pocket, and extracted her phone. Miles had text messaged her, almost frantic since she’d yet to reply to his last message. Aggravated, she rolled her eyes and typed out a quick response to her father. After she pressed send, she scooted to the end of the bed where Ryan sat with his head in his hands. A state of chagrin marred his expression.

  “I’m sorry about that. It’s my dad.”

  Ryan turned his head, his smile faint, but still present. “No worries. Your father just saved you from being tickled within an inch of your life. That’s all.”

  The moment was gone. In its place was the return of Ryan and Lex, best friends forever. Alexis shoved her feelings back down into the pit of her stomach, a feat she’d perfected over the years and nudged him in the shoulder. “In your dreams, buddy boy. You’ve never been a match for me. You remember that time I had you pinned down in the backyard and Dad thought…” she trailed off.

  When Ryan and Alexis were fourteen, their parents became concerned about them sharing the same bed. They kept their worries to themselves for the most part, but on that day, Alexis and Ryan had gotten into one of their usual tickle wars. Alexis had Ryan pinned to the ground, straddling his hips and holding his wrists above his head, much like he’d just done to her. Ryan had an apprehension for people blowing on his neck and so she took advantage of the opportunity to make him squirm. Her father walked outside and lost his mind at what he’d mistaken as two teenagers making out. He locked up the ladder Ryan had used to climb into her bedroom at night, claiming they were too old to sleep in the same room. It stayed locked up until after Cora’s death.

  Ryan let out a little laugh. “I do. Miles was furious. I remember thinking he was going to have a stroke. That vein in his forehead pounded like a jackhammer.”

  “If he’d only listened.”

  “He’s a father. If I saw my little girl in that situation, I can’t say I wouldn’t react the same way.”

  “You want kids?”

  “Someday.”

  Alexis reached over and took his hand. After all their years apart, this still felt right. Their friendship hadn’t died. It had simply been put on hiatus. “You’ll make a great dad one day.”

  “How do you know? I could’ve become a serial killer in the last fifteen years.”

  Alexis turned her body, her knees pressed against his, slightly shaking. He placed their linked hands over his knee, keeping hers still. “Nah. You never could stand the sight of blood and if you were going to kill anyone, it would’ve been me for the lifetime of wedgies I gave you.”

  “True,” he snickered and bounced off the bed. “You know what, let me help you make this bed real quick and then we’ll grab some food. I’m famished.”

  Alexis stood up. “Sounds like a good plan to me.” She strolled into the bathroom and opened the linen closet. It was empty. She rushed to the bedroom closet. It too was empty. “Shit!”

  “Now who’s got the potty mouth?” he hollered back.

  Alexis dragged her feet back into the bedroom. “You’re not going to believe this, but there are no sheets or towels here.”

  “And you didn’t pack any in your bags?”

  Alexis shook her head. “I didn’t think about it. They’re all on the moving truck.” She plucked at her eyebrow, irritated. “I’ve never rented furnished. I guess I expected,” she pushed an exasperated breath through her gritted teeth, “I don’t know what I expected.”

  “Well, shit,” he laughed. Alexis turned red in the face. “Not to worry. We can hit Target on our way to dinner and pick up a few essentials.”

  “You don’t mind? I mean, I can call Dad.” She hated the thought, but it was her idiotic mistake. Ryan didn’t deserve to be stuck shopping due to her error.

  “Stop it. There’s a Target just up the street. I’m happy to help. C’mon.” He motioned for her to follow him down the stairs.

  With his back turned to her, she released a sigh. It was a stupid mistake but one that had won her some extra time with Ryan. At the top of the stairs, she took a final picture of her bedroom. Ryan stood in the center of her living room, watching her. She turned around and snapped a shot of him. “Welcome to my Facebook page, Ryan Fisher,” she chortled.

  “You better have gotten my good side.”

  All sides of you are good.

  “If you think scratching your ass is a good side, then yep. I succeeded.”

  Ryan gave her two thumbs up then pretended to pick his nose and flick it. Alexis snarled but laughed. She rushed down the stairs, grabbed her wallet from her messenger bag, and followed him out the door.

  All the way to Target, Ryan reeled over what almost happened in her bedroom. He couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to get lost in the moment like that. It wasn’t like him. He’d had his fair share of women, but he’d never let himself lose control like that. Had her phone not buzzed, he wasn’t sure what might’ve happened, but he was certain he would’ve kissed her.

  He wanted to kiss her.

  He needed to kiss her.

  All of the emotions he had dammed up inside him for the last fifteen years broke free at the sight of her flushed cheeks and sweet lips. The sound of her laughter did things to him that had his stomach tied in knots. For the life of him, he couldn’t recall the last time he’d felt this way about a woman, but about a girl, the memories were clear and present. Alexis York was the only person to ever make his soul feel alive.

  “Hell,” she said, getting out of the car, “I could’ve walked here.”

  Ryan closed her door and cleared his throat. “Don’t you dare walk here. I’ll take you anywhere you need to go.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her into his side. Just like when they were kids, she fit him curve to curve.

  “Thank you, but my car’ll be here Sunday. I’ll be good until then.”

  The automatic doors slid open, allowing them to pass through into the store. “Still stubborn as ever.”

  “You know me,” she chortled.

  Ryan grabbed a shopping cart. “I’d like to think I do.” He gave her a little wink and began surveying the store. “Now, where to start. You need towels, bedding, and Cracker Jack.”

  “Cracker Jack? Still? Do they even make that stuff anymore?”

  Ryan released the buggy and clasped his hands over his heart. “A boy never forgets his first love.” That glorious blush he adored so much returned to her cheeks. He wondered if she understood the double meaning to his comment. He shrugged off his overthinking mind and gave her a quick wink. “And of course they still make it, silly woman. So you better always have it in stock when I come over.”

  She placed her hands on her hips, glaring at him. “Is that a threat?”

  “Nope. Just a fact.”

  They bounced aisle to aisle checking out the merchandise. Ryan suggested she buy Spongebob Squarepants bedding. When she turned her nose to it, he picked up a Hello Kitty sheet set. Once again she snubbed his idea, so he searched the aisle and found the perfect bedding. A burgundy set with soft cotton sheets and a matching comforter. She squealed and tossed it in the buggy. Next came navy terrycloth towels and washcloths, followed by two, fluffy pillows.

  “Two?” she questioned.

  “Well, I need something to sleep on,” he teased.

  “In your dreams.”

  If she only knew.

  After she’d picked up a few wall prints, a new full-length mirror, and some little odds and ends, he led her to the grocery section where they tossed a few snacks into the basket. Ryan memorized each item she placed in the cart, noting how she didn’t count calories but s
eemed cognizant of what she ate. He respected that. Food was a major part of his IronMan training, so he paid close attention to everything that went into his body. But when it came to sugar, he permitted himself the occasional cheat ─ especially for Cracker Jack.

  As they approached the front of the building, there was a long aisle, clear of customers. Ryan cut a glance at Alexis and started pushing the cart like he was riding a skateboard. He began to pick up speed, leaving Alexis behind.

  “What are you doing?” she called out.

  He jumped on the back of the cart, throwing his arms out wide, yelling, “I’m king of the world!”

  Alexis buckled over, laughing. A little old lady appeared out of nowhere, forcing Ryan to jump off the back. He halted the cart to a stop but not before falling flat on his ass. This turned Alexis’ laughter into hysterics. The old woman didn’t stop to look at what the commotion was. She simply kept moving.

  “You should’ve seen your face,” Alexis cackled, rushing up to him. She took his hand and helped him from the floor. Warmth poured from her skin, setting his veins on fire. It was the very reason he’d touched her as often as he could. She was addicting. The daring look in her deep brown eyes and the way her mouth twitched when she fought the urge to smile caused his gut to ache.

  He brushed his knuckles along her jaw. She wrinkled her nose in a cute expression. “Yeah, but I flew, didn’t I?”

  Alexis nodded. “That you did.”

  Ryan pulled her into his side, directing the buggy to the checkout counter. As they started to unload her items on the conveyor, Ryan felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out of his pocket to find Reagan’s picture blinking at him.

  “You need to take that?” Alexis lifted the large plastic bag with her new bedding onto the counter, but her eyes were honed on the invading device in his hand.

  Ryan gave her a quick nod, lifting the phone to his ear. “Hello,” his voice shook as he answered.

  He looked over at Alexis and shrugged his shoulders. She waved him off with a vague smile.

  “Well, hello to you, too.” Reagan chipped, a hint of playful sarcasm in her cadence. “Where the hell are you? I thought you were coming over tonight?”

  His chest dropped. “Dammit, I forgot.”

  “Well, unforget and get over here. I got Freebirds waiting on ya,” she sang.

  His mouth salivated at the thought of his favorite burrito and his stomach growled. “While that sounds amazing, I can’t make it. I’m out with a friend.”

  “What kind of friend? Someone I should be jealous of?” she teased. Ryan looked up at Alexis who tried to pretend she wasn’t listening, but it was obvious she hung on his every word. He gave her a wink and watched as her blush crept up her neck.

  “An old friend,” he answered.

  “That doesn’t sound appealing at all,” she feigned indifference. “Fine. Go have fun with your old friend and call me later.”

  “Will do.”

  “Later, Flyboy.”

  The line went dead and Ryan slipped his phone back into his pocket. Alexis was handing the cashier her credit card, and he wanted to kick himself. He’d had full intentions of paying for everything, sort of as a housewarming gift, but thanks to Reagan, he’d lost his chance to spoil Alexis.

  Instead of falling back into their little bubble, Alexis pushed the cart to the car, her head hanging slightly. Her beautiful smile had been replaced with a weary frown and a lined brow. Ryan popped the trunk when they reached the car and they began placing her purchases in the back. He closed the trunk when the last bag was stored and moved to open her car door. When she was secured inside, he strode to the driver’s side and got in.

  The silence was killing him, to the point he could no longer take it. “Everything okay?” he asked, turning to her.

  He could tell by the look in her eyes that the smile she was wearing was forced. “Yeah. I take it that was Reagan on the phone?”

  His hands balled into fists. How could he be so blind? After Declan had mouthed off back at the airport, of course Alexis would question his relationship with Reagan. “It was. I was supposed to meet up with her tonight to watch the game and it slipped my mind.”

  Even her fake smile started to falter. “Because of me.”

  Ryan slipped his tie off and tossed it in the backseat. Alexis was stiff, her demeanor cautious, a complete opposite of how she’d been before the call. He reached for her hand, and while she let him take it, she didn’t clasp his in return. Her trust in him had wavered. His heart sank in his chest. “Lex, it’s not what you think. It’s kind of our ritual. She and I both travel a lot, so when we’re in town at the same time, we tend to get together. Ray is just like another one of the guys.”

  “Tell me about her,” Alexis inquired.

  “Um, well,” he started. Nervousness clouded his tone. “There’s not much to tell. Her name’s Reagan Summers, and she’s a sports writer for The Dallas Morning News.”

  Alexis scrunched up her face. “C’mon, Ryan. You can do better than that.”

  “I don’t hear you telling me about Jenna,” he snapped.

  She pressed her lips together. “Jenna and I have been best friends since our freshmen year of college. She was in my Ethics class and we bonded over a mutual crush on the professor. She’s a pediatrician and has terrible taste in men. Now, tell me about Reagan.”

  Ryan let out a hesitant sigh. “We met several years ago at an IronMan event. She was writing an article on a local guy who was participating. When she couldn’t find him, she interviewed me instead. We sort of hit it off.”

  “And you started dating?”

  “No. Ray and I have never dated.”

  “But you have slept together?”

  His jaw went slack. “Um…”

  “I figured as much,” Alexis chuckled. “I’ve been there before.”

  Ryan felt a twinge of jealousy prickle under his skin. He hated the idea of someone having something so casual with Alexis. She deserved to be cherished. “No. It only happened once,” he admitted, “and I knew then it wasn’t right. I care for Ray. She’s one of my best friends, but that’s where it ends - friendship. I’ve never felt anything for her beyond that.” Ryan rushed his fingers through his hair. “Yes, we crossed a line we shouldn’t have in a moment of weakness. But it’s a line I won’t cross again.”

  “A moment of weakness?”

  He took in a deep breath. “She’d broken up with her asshole of a boyfriend that night. We had one too many drinks. One thing led to another and well…” He dropped his eyes.

  Alexis linked her fingers in his, her true smile returning. “Always the gentleman.”

  “I wasn’t that night.”

  She gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m sure you were. She’s lucky to have you.”

  “Thanks,” he mumbled, a hint of disappointment shook his timber.

  “Now, take me home and go spend time with her. I’ve stolen enough of your time tonight.”

  Ryan jerked his head up, his heart sinking in his chest. “No. We’re going to eat.”

  Alexis shook her head. “Nah. I’ll order a pizza and you’re going to your friend’s place.”

  His shoulders sagged. “Really. I want to spend time with you. I haven’t seen you in fifteen years.”

  She patted the tops of their linked fingers. “We can hang out later. Go.” A tremulous note hung in her voice, but her stubbornness was ever present.

  With regret in his heart, he did as she asked. But instead of going to see Reagan, he headed home. There was no way he’d enjoy a burrito and a baseball game now. Not when he felt so terrible. Not when he wanted nothing more than to find a ladder and crawl into Alexis’ bedroom window and make the ache in his chest go away.

  Once he had a shower and unpacked, he flopped down on his bed. Declan wasn’t home, so he figured he’d headed over to Reagan’s to watch the game. Ryan reached for his phone on the nightstand and checked out his Facebook page. Alexis had posted the pictu
res of her new place. He chuckled at the candid photo she’d taken of him in her living room. His tie was skewed and his grin was wide, but that silly picture was now his favorite of himself all because she’d taken it.

  Exhausted, he made his own post, making sure to tag her in it, then shut off his phone. He closed his eyes and allowed the memory of finding Alexis on the plane consume him. In no time, sleep took him, and in his dreams he was back in that room with her, where he felt he should be.

  Where the sun had once shimmered, casting its heated glow on the city, now hung a heavy moon, hazed by drifting puffs of clouds. Headlights brightened the road as Ryan pulled away. Alexis slinked down to the floor, resting her chin on the windowsill. Her eyes followed his vehicle until it was out of sight. A loud thud shook the walls as her head made contact with the sturdy plaster.

  She pulled her knees to her chest, willing him to come back, even though she knew he wouldn’t. She’d sent him away. Deep down, she knew she’d done the right thing in doing so. He had plans, and had the tables been reversed she knew he would’ve done the same thing. The fact that he was back in her life was enough, more than she could’ve hoped or asked for.

  The weight of her heart thumped in slow motion reverberating off the walls in her chest, echoing in her ears. In the dimly lit room, her mind played tricks on her; casting a glow of Ryan before her. He wore the same pained expression on his face he had when she forced him to leave. She wanted to erase that look, to bring back his smile. She hoped spending time with Reagan would do just that.

  Bright headlights reflected in her window. She rolled back to her knees, checking through the slats of the blinds. A sliver of hope beckoned her, praying he’d turned back around, but the car kept on. It wasn’t him. In a huff of frustration, she pulled herself off of the cold floor and flipped on the lights. The bags she’d wrangled into her apartment, refusing Ryan’s assistance, scattered around her. She kicked the bedding bag, watching it slide toward the staircase, stopping short of the bottom step.