Compass

by Jeanne McDonald

  All the way home, his heart raced. He imagined the worst. Car accident, leaving her helpless and alone. A store robbery and at that moment some crazed lunatic was holding a gun to her head. So many scenarios filled his head, but never in his wildest imagination would he have expected to find her at his place.

  What the hell?

  There, parked in his spot, was her car, and next to it was Declan’s. Here he was, ready to call the cops and she was there. Relief flooded him at the thought she was safe. A little confused at what she’d be doing at his place, he unloaded his luggage from the car and made his way into the apartment building.

  He tried not to think, letting his mind and body go blank as he took the elevator up to his floor. It was quiet, no one around, as he’d expect at that time of the morning. Out of the elevator, he walked down the hall, trepidation mounting in him with each step.

  The door opened with a creaking sound, but instead of finding Alexis sitting in his living room, as he’d hoped, he was welcomed by complete darkness. The lights were off and the place was silent. Ryan left his luggage at the door and walked toward the kitchen. He flipped on the light to find dishes in the sink and two wine glasses sitting on the counter. Next to the empty glasses were Alexis’ messenger bag and cell phone.

  But still no one was around.

  He couldn’t wrap his mind around what he was seeing. Not Alexis. Not with Declan. That was impossible. The room started to spin. Air wouldn’t fill his lungs. Every inch of his body prickled and the walls around him felt as if they’d cave in on him at any moment. He felt crushed. Hurt. Defeated.

  Placing his hands on the counter, he steadied himself, and forced air into his lungs. The click of a door caught his attention. He glanced down the hall and his heart stopped. There stood Alexis, sneaking out of Declan’s bedroom. Her hair was tousled and she still wore her scrubs, suggesting she came there straight from work.

  Blood boiled under his skin. He stood up straight and balled his fists at his side, his teeth clenched together. She stopped the instant she noticed him.

  “I was just about to text you. I’m so sorry,” came her hushed whisper.

  “Save it. I get it. You were a little busy.” His body shook with the sting of his anger. Betrayal. All this time he thought things were progressing between them. He longed for her, and he hated how seeing her leave Declan’s room made him feel. He wanted to rush into his roommate’s room and beat him within an inch of his life.

  “Excuse me?” she hissed, as she moved down the hall, glancing over her shoulder one last time.

  He extended his hand out toward the vacated door. “You. Were. Busy.” He enunciated each word as if speaking to a child. He squared his shoulders, taking in a deep breath. “And I’m sorry if I interrupted y’all. I can leave if you need me to.”

  “Ryan, it’s not what you think. I ran into Declan at…”

  He sniffed hard, waving his hand. “It’s cool.” He played it off. He wouldn’t allow her to see how crushed he was on the inside. The nerdy little teenage boy buried deep inside him raised his head, pointing out that, once again, she’d chosen someone else over him. Maybe it would’ve been better if she’d never come back into his life.

  “No, you don’t get it.” She moved toward him, her hands extended out.

  Ryan took a step back. “I do, and it’s all good. It’s really none of my business.”

  She hunched her shoulders, her brow furrowed and her face scrunched up. “You don’t care?”

  “Why should I? It’s not like we’re together or anything.”

  Those words almost choked him. He felt his mouth go dry and his stomach lurch. The expression on her face made it even worse.

  “You’re right. We’re not together.” Her voice sounded weak, defeated.

  She brushed past him to collect her belongings. Everything about that one, little touch set his soul afire and that only added fuel to his anger. He didn’t want her to make him feel alive. He hated that all he wanted to do was kiss her and force her to forget Declan ever existed. He backed away, putting distance between them.

  “I guess I’ll see you later,” she rasped.

  “Sure. Call me. Maybe we can do something this weekend.”

  “I thought…” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “You know what, don’t bother.”

  “Huh?”

  The hurt that had been so evident in her disappeared. Fury now radiated from her; she was on the verge of explosion. “Don’t bother wasting your time on me this weekend. I’m sure you’ve got better things to do. Or maybe better people.”

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, I’ve lived here for almost four months now and you still haven’t introduced me to Reagan. You get your cake and eat it, too. You look down on me for being here tonight, but I’m not supposed to think anything of her.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” He threw his hands in the air. “We’re back on Reagan again? If you want to meet her, fine!”

  “What the hell is going on out here?” Declan stumbled from his bedroom, shirtless. His eyes drooped with sleep and his hair was a mess.

  “Nothing,” Ryan seethed.

  “I’m leaving,” Alexis announced. “And thanks for the best sex I’ve ever had, Deck. We’ll have to do it again soon.”

  Declan’s eyes were suddenly wide and awake. “Wha─”

  Alexis didn’t give either of them time to say anything. She walked out the door, and slammed it behind her. The whole apartment rattled at the sheer force behind her escape.

  Declan scratched the apple of his ass, plopping down on the kitchen chair. “What the hell just happened?”

  Ryan shoved his shoulder. Declan sprang up in defense. “I thought I told you she was off limits,” Ryan yelled. He jabbed his index finger into Declan’s chest.

  The corner of Declan’s mouth lifted. “You did.”

  “Then what the hell was that!” Ryan flung his hand toward the door.

  Declan pushed around Ryan, and returned to his seat. “We bumped into each other last night. One thing led to another and we ended up back here.”

  Ryan slammed his hand on the counter. “What happened?”

  “Well, you know, I’m not the kind of guy to kiss and tell, but Lexi, man...” he moaned.

  The sound of Declan’s voice grated Ryan’s nerves. Anger surged through him to the point that a vein in his neck popped out.

  Declan broke into a fit of laughter. He buckled over, holding his stomach. “You should see your face right now.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “Fuck? Oh, man. You really are mad. I wish I had my phone to record this. No one will ever believe that Ryan Fisher has a breaking point.”

  Ryan shoved Declan’s shoulder again, his rage controlled him. Declan stood up, his fists balled at his sides and his laughter disappearing. “Don’t think I won’t hit you.”

  “Do it,” Ryan sneered. “It’ll give me a reason to kick your ass.”

  Declan crossed his arms over his chest. “God, you have it bad.”

  Ryan pushed his shoulder again, a little harder. “Don’t give me that shit, fucker. I swear to God if you hurt her…”

  Declan stepped back, his arms tightened over his chest. “I’m not the one who hurt her, you idiot! You did!”

  Dismay and confusion swirled around inside Ryan’s head. His mouth dropped and he turned an incredulous look on Declan. “What are you talking about?”

  Declan walked around to the sink. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. Ryan watched and waited. Never in his life had he wanted to beat someone so badly. This supposable friend of his not only banged the one person he’d specifically asked him not to, but was torturing Ryan on purpose.

  “Declan,” he growled.

  On that note, his roommate turned around, taking a hard gulp of water. He released a gasp of satisfaction and placed the cup on the counter. “You’re a fucking idi
ot. That’s what I’m talking about,” he started, scratching along his stubbled jaw. “Nothing happened between Lexi and me.”

  “Say what?”

  Declan rolled his eyes, and leaned back against the counter, crossing his legs out in front of him. “Listen to the words I am saying. I did not sleep with Alexis York tonight.”

  Ryan’s face contorted. “But I saw her…”

  “Coming from my room, yes.” He nodded. “We ran into each other at the coffee house last night and I asked her over for dinner. She initially turned me down, because she didn’t want to ruin her appetite for your little, whatever the hell it is y’all do, thing. But I convinced her to come anyway. She had a few too many drinks and was in no shape to drive, so I put her to bed. I fully intended on staying awake until you came home, but the next thing I knew, you two were going head to head in here.”

  “You could’ve called or texted me. I was worried sick about her.”

  Declan shrugged. “I fell asleep, and texting you was the last thing on my mind.”

  “So you two really didn’t…?” He bobbed his head back and forth.

  Declan laughed. “Nope. Not even a kiss.”

  Plopping down into a chair, Ryan dropped his head into his hands. She’d tried to tell him that and he refused to listen. “I’m such an ass.”

  “Yeah, you are.” Declan walked back to the table and plopped down into the chair across from Ryan. He nudged Ryan’s knee with his knuckles. “But I’ll tell you this, you need to man up with her. Either shit or get off the pot.”

  Ryan tugged at his collar, giving Declan his most disapproving expression. “That’s a crude way of putting it.”

  Declan leaned back, cupping the nape of his neck in his hands. “I’m just calling it like I see it.” He hooked his feet around the legs of the chair. “This isn’t high school, buddy. You’re not that guy anymore and she’s not that girl. If she’d been any other woman, you would’ve already made your move. Stop being a pussy and do it already, before somebody else does.”

  “It’s not that easy. There are things in our past...”

  “Bullshit. You’re making this so much more difficult than it should be. That woman thinks you hung the moon, but she also thinks you don’t care for her in that way.”

  Ryan rested his elbows on the table. “It really is more complicated than that. Things with her dad...”

  “Stop making excuses. You need to man the fuck up. What you’re doing is mind games, and that’s not your style. It’s mine. I mean, I get you wanting to be like me and all, I’m pretty awesome, but don’t. It doesn’t suit you.”

  Ryan let out a good hard laugh. “Trust me, you’re the last person I’d want to be like. I happen to enjoy the use of my dick and Lord only knows how many diseases you carry. Some probably haven’t even been discovered yet.”

  Declan reached for his water, taking a drink. “Donate me to medical science when I’m gone, but for now, my disease infested body is having a hell of a lot of fun.”

  Even though Ryan laughed at his friend’s crassness, he couldn’t push aside the agony eating him from the inside. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “What the hell am I going to say to her?”

  “That you’re a sorry dick,” Declan stated, matter of factly.

  A somber laugh slipped from his throat. “Understatement of the year.”

  He tried calling Alexis but it went straight to voicemail. His shoulders slumped as he listened to her voice reminding him to leave a message. “Lex, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions,” he spoke to the machine. Declan smirked, giving him a wink. “I should’ve listened to you. Please call me back.”

  When Ryan disconnected, Declan stood up and patted his shoulder. “The sun’s almost up, so I’m going back to bed.”

  “I thought vampires didn’t sleep,” Ryan quipped.

  Declan twisted his mouth, his head tilted to the side. “I’m what you might call a traditional vampire. Sleep all day, play all night.”

  Ryan tried not to laugh but failed. “Yeah, well, rest in peace, my friend. I’m going to Lex’s place. I have to apologize.”

  “You do what you think’s best, but I think you should wait. Let her cool off for a bit.”

  Ryan rubbed his hands over his face. “What if she doesn’t?”

  “She will. Just give her time.” Ryan lifted his eyes at the sound of Declan’s chuckle. “Still can’t believe I missed getting that on film. You should’ve seen yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that pissed.”

  “Shut up!”

  “No! Really! Now I know why they call jealousy the green-eyed monster, because you were one scary green-eyed monster.”

  “You don’t know how to shut up, do you?” Ryan propped his elbow on the table, shaking his head.

  Declan grabbed his glass of water, laughing. As Declan stepped around the table to head back to his room, a knock came at the door. Ryan’s head shot up. They both turned to look at the door. “Ah, see. All’s good in the world. Go kiss, makeup, and then fuck like rabbits. Have lots of babies and be happy.”

  Ryan’s grin dropped, shaking his head. “Only you’d go there.” He stood up and rushed to the door. Taking a deep breath, he turned the knob and opened it. A woman stood on the other side, but it wasn’t Alexis. Reagan, tall and slim, with dark hair and big brown eyes, that were almost black, grinned back at him. She raised a white paper sack in her hand, dangling it in front of him like a bone.

  “On second thought,” Declan proclaimed, “hold off on the sex and babies part.”

  Ryan slapped his hand over his face. It’s official. I’m screwed.

  Mad as hell, Alexis slammed her foot down on the gas pedal, peeling out of Ryan’s parking lot. She was beyond furious with him. Tears streamed down her cheeks, making it hard to see the road, but she couldn’t slow down. She had to get away from there and fast.

  How dare he treat her as if she were a commonplace whore? So what if she’d stayed the night with Declan. It wasn’t as if she was bound to Ryan by anything beyond friendship. His overprotective nature was endearing for awhile but when it led to him treating her this way, it was nothing more than a nuisance.

  Rage boiled inside her, pushing her harder and harder over the edge. Conflicted rage and sadness blended inside her. She ached to hit something...or someone.

  By the time she reached her apartment, parked her car, and unlocked the door, her cell phone was vibrating. She glanced down to find Ryan’s name blinking up at her. Without hesitation, she declined the call and let it go straight to voicemail.

  She stumbled into the dark edifice fighting mad and hurt to her very core. “He wouldn’t even listen to me,” she yelled at the walls, as she shook her fists. “Asshole!”

  Her bag landed on the couch with a thud as she flipped on the lights, brightening her home. After all these months, this place had become hers. There were hints of Ryan throughout her apartment, which only angered her more.

  She clenched her fingers around her cell, catching the notification that she had a new voicemail. Out of habit, and a little apprehension that work might be one of the awaiting voice messages, she decided it was best to listen. Her anger once again surged while she listened to the fear in Ryan’s voice with each new message he’d left her before finding her in his apartment. Anxiety pierced her ears as he made each new plea for her to call him. By the time she reached the last message, she wanted nothing more than to punch Ryan.

  “Sure, he believes Declan,” she growled, certain Declan had divulged the truth to Ryan.

  Making her way into the kitchen, she tossed her phone on the counter. Parched, she fixed herself a glass of water and opened the pantry. Not that she was hungry, but the knot in her stomach needed to be settled. There, on the second shelf, sat Ryan’s usual bag of Cracker Jack. How many times had they sat in her living room, cuddled close, eating caramel corn while watching a movie? Too many for her to count.

  At the sight of the treat, she slam
med the door closed. She chugged the water down, fighting a fresh new wave of tears. He trusted his roommate to be honest with him but not her. The pang of that thought weighed heavy in her chest. She hopped up on the counter beside her phone, her head hung low, her legs swinging.

  This was the reason she didn’t let men in. They were stupid. They never listened. And they were self-centered. Everything in the world was always about them. Ryan had proved to be no different, just as she feared.

  She slammed her fist down on the hard surface, causing her phone to bounce. “Dammit!” she screeched. Her phone buzzed again. The notification appeared on the locked screen.

  I’m sorry. I’m a jerk. Please forgive me. I need to see you.

  She closed her eyes seeing Ryan in her mind. Anger, hurt, and betrayal played over his handsome face during their heated argument. In her mind, she could see him now, distraught, worried, and frantic. That didn’t take the sting of her own feelings away. He hadn’t trusted her and the reality of the situation was he had no right to rip into her like he did.

  She pushed her phone away, trying to force herself to ignore him. He needed to know how it felt to be disregarded. He needed to understand he couldn’t treat her that way. But the phone buzzed again, reminding her she had an unread message waiting.

  Her palms itched, inching closer to the device. No matter how much she wanted to ignore him, she couldn’t.

  I’m going to bed. Come by later. We’ll talk then.

  She made certain not to include her usual heart emoticon. He’d told her many times that he loved that little addition to her messages and this was her way of making him aware that she wasn’t happy. He needed to understand the hurt he’d caused her, even if through something as juvenile as a missing heart.

  Stripping down to her underwear, Alexis climbed the stairs to the loft. She slipped into her usual sleep gear and crashed into bed. This wasn’t the start of the weekend she had planned, but there was nothing she could do about it now. Her face in her pillow, she let the anger and hurt pour from her, praying sleep would eventually take her.