“The jury’s still out on that one,” I tell him.
“I’m prepared to make a very passionate closing argument if necessary.”
“Passion’s always a good thing.”
“Is that what you’re here for? Passion?”
“I don’t know what I’m here for,” I tell him honestly. “I saw you on T.V. and I wanted to get away from my brother, so here I am.”
“Zack’s giving you shit?”
“Yeah.” I bite my lip, then ask for what I need. “Can you hold me for a minute?”
He moves to me, but instead of just hugging me, he picks me up. Once he’s walked the few steps to the couch, he sits down with me on his lap. I cuddle into him, nuzzling his neck as he rubs my back and kisses my hair. When my hands move into his hair, he turns his head and I kiss him.
It’s not a kiss of want, it’s one of need. Not sexual need, but need for love and understanding. Zack loves me, but he doesn’t understand. Reina understands, but she doesn’t love me. I need both, and Joel is the only one who can give them to me. That’s why I’m here, I suddenly realize. Despite everything’s that’s happened, I know Joel loves me.
“Where did you go, Kitten?”
“I was thinking about how I came here because you love me.”
“I do,” he tells me, giving me little kisses as he speaks. “So very much.”
“Do you understand why I couldn’t tell you? Why I walked away? Why I’m here?”
“Yes, I understand. You couldn’t tell me because other people were involved and you can only give your own secrets. You walked away because I was an ass. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, but I let my pride convince me otherwise. I’m hoping you’re here because you know I’ll always be ready with a hug when you need one.”
“What if that’s all I can do right now? Hug and kiss you, I mean.”
“My dick may fall off, but I’d die a happy man if I could just hug and kiss you for the rest of my life. Eu te amo.”
“I can’t have your dick falling off, since I plan to put it to good use soon.”
“He’ll be fine,” he tells me, raining kissing down my neck.
God how I love having his beard rubbing against me. I reach down and stroke him over the basketball shorts he’s wearing. He bites my shoulder in response. I pull back, forcing him to look at me as I still my hand.
“I can’t promise you more than right now.”
“I want forever, but we can start with right now.”
His words are like a blast of cold air. I can’t do this. I can’t make him think there’s a chance when I don’t know if there is. I came here because I needed him, but now I have to leave. I love him too much to use him, because despite what he says, he won’t be okay with just a casual hook-up. We’re way past that, and it’s not fair to him, or even to me, since I don’t have my head on straight right now.
I push up to my feet and back up. “I can’t do this to you.”
“Yeah, you can.”
“No. You love me enough to let me use you because I’m hurting, but I love you enough to not do that to you. You deserve more than that. I can’t give it to you right now, but you deserve it.”
“I’ll take whatever you can give me, Si. I just want you.”
“If it’s any consolation, I’ll never be anyone else’s. Even if we’re not together, I’ll only be yours. Always.”
“I’m not giving up. I’ll give you the time you need, but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to see me on T.V. talking about my lost Kitten again. Or talking about the most perfect set of breasts I’ve ever had my hands on.”
“Don’t you dare talk about my boob on T.V.,” I say, reaching down to smack him on the arm.
“But they are. Perfect, I mean. No matter what I may have made you think.”
“Did you not hear me tell your ‘friend’ that my guy said that?”
“Yes, but I also heard you throw it in my face in Sao Paolo. Which I know I deserved, by the way.”
“You did. I mean it, though, no boob talk.” I rub my hand over where I smacked him because I shouldn’t have done that. And okay, because he has amazing biceps that just beg to be touched. “I like the Kitten stuff, by the way.”
“Yeah?” he asks, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his lips.
“Yeah. It’s sweet and kind of sexy to have you talking to me, even though no one else knows.”
“Well, my friend Glen knows. He’s the catcher.”
“Recruiting some help, huh?”
“I’ll take all I can get when it comes to you.”
“Even after I hurt you? Even though you know the truth now, the stuff with Marcus hurt you. Just like you not trusting me, and then throwing that other woman in my face hurt me.”
“I didn’t go home with that girl. I want to get that out there first. If you were watching today, you saw that I ignored every single woman waiting outside of the stadium.”
“I didn’t watch. I trust you. I’m not worried about you cheating on me, but I am worried about you so easily throwing something like that in my face. Zack and Ainsley did that to each other, and while they worked it out, I wasn’t sure they would. I don’t want us to go back and forth, hurting each other like that. I saw what it did to two people I love and I don’t want to experience it with the man I’m in love with.”
“I get that. I do. But I’m not Zack, and you’re not Ainsley. We hurt each other a couple times, Gatinha. I, for one, don’t plan on continuing that cycle. I will honestly do everything in my power to make sure I never hurt you again.”
“I want to believe you, and I’m not going to fight your wooing. I need to focus on the Society right now, but you’re not being ignored. Even if I don’t text you back right away. I’m just trying to deal with everything, and thinking about it all at once is too overwhelming.”
“I can text you? Can I call you, too?”
“That’s all you took from that?”
“No, but right now that’s the most important to me.”
“Yes, you can text me. Let’s wait a few days for the calling. Hearing your voice might make me run right back here before I should. Especially if you speak to me in Portuguese.”
“Prepare to be wooed and wowed.”
“I’ve already been wowed by you, so just focus on the woo.”
“Can I kiss you once more before you go?”
“I should say no, but I might die if you don’t.”
He smiles before taking my face in his hands and giving me the sweetest kiss I’ve ever gotten. It’s not passionate in and of itself, but it’s still full of passion. He sucks my lower lip between his teeth, and sighs before letting me go. I open my eyes and try not to cry when I see the love in his eyes.
“Boa viagem, meu amor,” he tells me. He’s wishing me a safe trip, but yeah, my ovaries just exploded.
Chapter 18
Joel
Letting Sierra walk out the door again is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I know I had to do it. She’s scared of us, and trying to force things would only push her further away. I’m going to pull out all the stops Glen and I can come up with to win her back. Now that I know that the “Kitten” thing is the way to go, I’m going to go all the way with it.
The knock on the door surprises me, and I wonder if maybe she’s decided to come back. I throw open the door with a smile on my face and end up doubled over from the punch to my gut.
“You fucking bastard. My sister’s no ball bunny.”
“You think I don’t know that,” I gasp out as Zack stands over me, glaring.
“Then why would you bring her here and then send her away a half hour later, crying.”
“That’s between her and me.”
“Do you want to die today? Because I will kill you. I know how to hide a body, or at least my wife does. She’ll help me, you know. I’m too pretty for prison.”
“You’re an asshole, is what you are.”
“So are you.”<
br />
“Are you going to hit me again, or can we sit down and talk this out?”
“You have beer?”
“Yeah.”
“We can talk. I can’t promise not to hit you again, though.”
“Take a seat, slugger.”
I force myself to straighten up and walk into the kitchen. I grab a beer for him and a water for me. After tossing him the beer, I sit down opposite him on the couch.
“I love your sister. Your sister loves me. We hurt each other, and now she’s afraid it will become a cycle for us like it was for you and Ainsley. She doesn’t want that, so she’s walking away for now. I’m going to keep fighting for her. What else do you need to know?”
“Shit. I knew she was pissed at me when I kept messing things up with Ains, but I didn’t realize we freaked her out so much. She was usually on my wife’s side.”
“How many times do you guys do stuff to each other?”
He shakes his head. “More times than I can count. In our defense, neither of us had ever been in a serious relationship before. Falling in love brought out every insecurity we both had. We acted like teenagers, because as far as dating was concerned, we pretty much were like teens. Ever since we realized we should stop fighting each other and just be in love, it’s been amazing.”
“Was it worth it?”
“Hell, yeah. I love her more than anything. If I had to do it again, would I try not to do stupid shit to make her jealous? Of course I would. But while I won’t say what we went through made us stronger, it made us realize how important it is to trust the person you love, and to not react without stopping to think about what you’re doing.”
“I’ve already realized that. I just have to prove it to her, and I will.”
“I don’t think I need to punch you again. You’re almost good enough for her.”
“Almost?”
“She’s my baby sister, man. No one’s ever going to be really good enough for her. You’ll do, though.”
“Um, thanks. I think.”
“You’re welcome. Now, tell me about these plans of yours.”
* * *
Sierra
Sleeping in the same city as Joel and not being with him was hard. I woke up grouchy and I still feel that way as I wait for the jet I borrowed from Miles to takeoff. The flight attendant said we were waiting for a last minute delivery. I guess Miles needed something, although he didn’t mention it when I asked. I told him I needed to see Joel, and he told me the jet would be ready when I got to the airport.
“Here we go,” she tells me, looking out the window.
“It’s here?”
“I am,” Zack says, walking into the seating area.
You have got to be fucking kidding me. “What are you doing here?”
“I think that’s my cue to leave. Call if you need anything, Ms. Taylor. You too, Mr. Taylor.”
“Thanks,” I tell her, giving her a smile which will hopefully convince her that both Zack and I will leave the plane alive. I’m not so sure about his chances at the moment, but I don’t want to scare her.
Zack waits for her to leave before sitting down across from me. “Nice to see you too, sis.”
“Don’t you dare put this on me. We had a huge fight about Joel yesterday, and all of a sudden you’re now here in Arizona. Don’t even try to tell me that’s a coincidence.”
“It’s not.”
“I am not a baby, or even a little girl who needs your constant supervision. I’m also not going to kill myself. I know you’re worried about that, and it’s a serious fear with what I’ve gone through, but I’m focusing on the future. I want a future. I promise you that.”
“I have a hard time thinking about you being grown up. I know it and I own it. That doesn’t mean I can just stop cold turkey. I’ll always want to interfere, but I’ll try to tone it down.”
“That’s very mature of you, Zachary.”
“I am mature now. I mean, I only punched Joel once yesterday.”
“You didn’t. Please, please, tell me you’re joking.”
“Sorry, no really, not sorry. He deserved it, and he took it like a man. Once he could speak.”
“You broke his jaw?”
“No. If I broke his jaw, he wouldn’t be talking already. Don’t you study anatomy in the Society?”
“Oh, yeah. Duh. And yes, they study it. I wasn’t that far yet.”
“You’ll do it when you go back.”
“We both know the chances of me going back are slim.”
“I don’t know that. Kicking you out would be stupid, and Reina is definitely not stupid.”
“I don’t want to talk about that right now. Where did you hit Joel?”
“I punched him in the stomach.”
“You hit his abs? What is wrong with you? Have you seen those abs, they’re a thing of beauty? And sexiness.”
“No. I didn’t look at his abs. And don’t say ‘sexiness’ in front of me. Also, I have an awesome set of abs. See.”
He starts to lift his shirt, but I hold up my hands and squeeze my eyes shut. “No. Stop. This is not Flowers in the Attic. I do not want to see your abs. That’s just gross. Why would you even say that, or try to show me? Eww. Keep your damn shirt on.”
“You’ve seen me without my shirt on, brat.”
“Yeah, but I don’t look at you. Why would I look at you? Save that for your wife!”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“Really? Should I take my shirt off? How about my shorts, too?” I ask, smirking at him.
“God, no. I don’t want to…shit…sorry about the abs thing. I totally get it now. Yuck,” he says, shuddering. “But I still think mine are better than his.”
“We’ll just have to agree to disagree about that.”
“We talked after I punched him.”
“Did you now?”
“Yeah, and I realized that maybe you and I should’ve talked a long time ago. About me and Ains.”
“Shit. He shouldn’t have told you.”
“You’re right, he shouldn’t have. You should’ve talked to me about how my relationship with Ainsley freaked you out.”
“It’s not your relationship. You guys are great together. It’s the way you both kept reacting and trying to one up each other in the jealousy wars.”
“Jealousy wars. Huh, that’s a good one. I’ll have to tell Ains. She’ll laugh about it.”
“It wasn’t so funny when it was going on.”
“No, Si. It definitely wasn’t. We were both immature and scared. We didn’t know how to deal with what we were feeling or even trust each other. She thought she wasn’t girly enough to keep my interest, and I thought she was just using me. Each of us had to figure out that we were wrong and realize that love doesn’t have to be scary.”
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“Joel isn’t me, and you’re not Ainsley. You both screwed up with how you handled things, but you also both realize that. I don’t think either one of you will turn a couple mistakes into a cycle like we did. Plus, the Mrs. and I are not your only examples. Mom and Dad are still together after all these years. They drive each other nuts sometimes, but I’ve never doubted their love for each other. Have you?”
“No. They’re definitely in love. I used to be grossed out when they danced around the backyard while Dad was barbequing, or how they held hands whenever we went out. Now I think it’s sweet. I want to have someone to hold hands with and dance with. For no other reason than because we want to.”
“It is pretty awesome. You can have that, you know. I’m pretty sure Cruz would hold your hand all day, every day, if you let him.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re right. I probably shouldn’t have left, huh?”
“Don’t worry about it. Let him sweat it a little. He’s already got something fun planned for his next public declaration.”
“It’s only a public declaration if the public knows he’s declaring something. They think he’s looking
for a cat.”
“Does that make it any less romantic for you?”
“Obviously not, since I borrowed a jet so I could fly to him after I saw him on T.V.”
“I just want you to be happy,” he tells me, getting serious again. “I have never seen you happier than when you were with him before everything fell apart.”
I was. I won’t say Joel made me that happy, because I believe people are responsible for their own feelings. He did help me find my happy, though. I need to find it again and keep it this time. I’ll be happy to let him help me with that. Especially if that help includes some kisses.
* * *
Joel
I went through some of the messages and emails my agent’s office forwarded me with Zack before he left. They weeded out the crazy ones, leaving the charity ones, along with a few others they thought I’d be interested in. That’s why I’m here today at the cat shelter, having my picture taken. I’m reclining on the grass, leaning back on my forearms, as kittens crawl all over me. Oh, and I have no shirt on. Apparently sex sells for pet adoptions, too.
Once they have enough still photos to choose from, the camera crew comes in for the commercial. I don’t know how they put this together so fast, but they did. The crew films the cats on my abs for several seconds before panning up. I say the lines I wrote when they pause on my face.
“I lost my Kitten, but you can find your own bundle of happiness here at the shelter. Adopt a kitten, and you might just be as happy as I was when mine was with me. Isn’t it worth a shot?”
I’m not going to win any writing awards, but it says what I want it to while drawing attention to the shelter. I’m not really a cat person, but these little guys and girls are adorable. I hope they get adopted into loving homes, and I also hope Sierra will see this ad and call me. Or at least text.
“You did great,” he director tells me. “I’d like to try a few more, though, if you’re game.”
“Sure. I want this to be perfect.”
Society Girls: Sierra Page 14
