by Jacob Chance
When I step back into my bedroom there’s no sign of Liberty and I wouldn’t be surprised if she left. My behavior last night wasn’t fair to her. She shouldn’t ever feel like she needs to be a substitute for Elle and to be perfectly honest, no one could be.
Slipping on a pair of boxer briefs, I grab a clean pair of jeans from my closet. Tugging them on, I head to the laundry closet in the hallway right off my kitchen. I want my favorite vintage Genesis t-shirt and it’s in the dryer. I can hear Liberty speaking in the kitchen. Is she on the phone or is someone here?
Curious to see what’s going on I round the corner, entering the room and find Janny seated at the island with a bottle of water in front of her. Liberty is seated next to her. I smile as I head in her direction. “Hey, to what do I owe this surprise?”
She rises slowly from her seat, her back arched under the weight of her enormous stomach. “We’re going to breakfast this morning. Don’t tell me you forgot.” She presses her lips together in disappointment.
I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. “I’m sorry, I did forget, but let me grab a shirt and we’re good to go.”
Her arms wrap around my back. “I’ve missed you. I understand how busy you’ve been with Canvas. I’m sorry Kyle and I didn’t make it to the grand opening.”
“I didn’t want you to come. Well, let me rephrase my words. If you weren’t pregnant I would’ve been pissed if you weren’t there with me. But the lines were long and it was a hot, humid day. I’m glad Kyle made you stay home.” I take a step back, looking her over. She looks beautiful and happy.
“What makes you so sure he made me?” she huffs sinking back down on the chair.
I raise an eyebrow at her before I turn and take the few steps back into the hallway. “Are you really asking me this? I know you better than you do yourself,” I raise my voice so she can hear me.
“Good point.” I hear her answer as I’m already digging through the clothes in the dryer. Finding the black shirt, I shake out the wrinkles and hold it up in front of me - not bad for a thirty-year-old piece of clothing. This is another one Janny bought for me. She knows better than anyone about my obsession for eighties music and concert tees. Slipping on the shirt, I search for some socks and slam the dryer shut
“Do you know if you’re having a girl or a boy?” Liberty asks as I pull my socks on, balancing on each leg.
“No, we want to be surprised. Actually, I wanted to know at first, but my husband Kyle didn’t. I knew if I found out I’d spill the beans to him.” She smiles, staring down at her stomach, her hand rubbing back and forth. “There’s no way I could sit on a secret for long.”
“Are you hoping for one more than the other?”
“No, we only want a healthy baby. But I will say my husband would be adorable with a daughter. She’d probably hate him during her teen years though.”
“I don’t think your kid will get away with much, son or daughter. Not with a private investigator for a father,” I mention returning to the kitchen and leaning back against the granite counter.
Janny snorts. “Kyle will be running background checks on everyone he or she dates.”
I laugh at the thought. It’s hard to believe they’re married and about to have their first child. I’m in a completely different place in my life from them. I began my apprenticeship when I was still in college. Once I graduated, the tattooing continued and I also worked on building my reputation as an artist. Now, Canvas takes up most of my time. Relationships haven’t been a priority for me.
It’s surreal to think about how much Janny’s focus has changed in the two years since we ended our relationship. She went from being a student to being a wife and mother to be in the blink of an eye.
“I’d bet any amount of money he ran one on me when you two were first dating,” I say.
She tucks her hair behind her ear. It’s a well-known tell of hers. One she does when she’s nervous or uncomfortable. “Yep, I can tell, by looking at you.”
“Damn it. You know me too well. He didn’t mean to be invasive, but he wanted to make sure you weren’t going to be some psycho ex-boyfriend.”
“Wait,” Liberty interrupts, “you two dated?”
“Yep, for a year. Best year of Janny’s life,” I joke with a wink aimed in her direction.
She nods. “It was a great year, until Josh broke my heart.”
“You’re full of it. You crushed me when you ended things.”
A look of shame passes over her face. “I’m sorry for how everything went down.”
I place a hand on her arm. “Really? Aren’t we past all this now?
She smiles. “You’re right. We’re long past this and in a better place for it. We’re better friends than we ever were as a couple.”
“Everything has a way of working out for the best. It’s the law of averages.” I only hope it proves true with my feelings for Elle. No matter what the outcome may be, I need to believe it will be a positive result.
“So, tell me about Liberty,” Janny says as she spears a bite of omelet with her fork.
“There’s not much to tell.” I shrug wiping bacon grease on my napkin. “We’re friends.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Friends with benefits?”
“Not even.” I sip my coffee, glancing at her over the rim of the cup.
“Don’t leave me hanging. Why was she answering your door while you were in the shower if she’s nothing to you?”
“Jesus. What is this the inquisition? Kyle’s rubbing off on you.” I place my cup down and cross my arms on the tabletop.
She narrows her eyes at me, glaring hard.
“We really are only friends. She wants more and I don’t. I was drunk last night and she spent the night, but nothing happened.”
“She seems nice. Maybe something should happen with you guys.”
I run a hand through my hair. “She’s great and if I wasn’t still hung up on someone else, I’d be all over her.”
“You do know you’re not going to end up with Elle if you never see her. Distance won’t help the situation at all.”
My eyebrows raise in surprise. I can’t believe she knows how I feel about Elle. “Yeah, I understand that.” I don’t deny my feelings as I stare out the window next to our booth, I watch as the cars race through the busy intersection to beat the traffic light. “I’m not sure anything can help our situation. I don’t know what to do about her.” My gaze returns to Janny.
“What do you mean? Either you want to pursue something with her or not. It seems pretty black and white to me.” She lifts the glass of orange juice to her pink lips and takes a small sip.
“That sounds great in theory, but it’s not easy for me. I wish it was.” I run a hand over the hair thickly dotting my jawline.
“Why can’t it be easy? It’s only as difficult as you choose to make it.” She stares at me with her beautiful, caring blue eyes.
“Elle is a crap shoot. I’m already in love with her. If I allow myself to get invested in her even more and she doesn’t do the same, it’s going to destroy me. It’s smarter to keep my distance until I get over her.”
“Safe not smart. And what if you never get over her?” she asks, tipping her head to the side.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m focusing on the shop right now which seems like my best course of action.”
“There’s more to life than business, Josh. There’s nothing I want more than for you to find the woman of your dreams.”
“Elle might not be that person, though.”
“No, she might not be, but you’ll never know if you don’t give yourself a chance to find out.”
We spend the rest of our time catching up and by some unspoken agreement keep the conversational topics of a lighter nature. I miss the time when I got to see my best friend every day, but we’re all adults now, with responsibilities.
Throwing money down on the table, I hold up my hand to halt Janny from pulling her wallet out. “Don’
t even think of it.” My voice is firm. “You know there’s no way in hell, I’m going to let you pay for us.”
She smiles sheepishly. “I thought you might let the pregnant lady have her way.”
“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Taking her arm, I match my steps to her slower ones as we make our way outside and onto the sidewalk. We’re parked curbside about a block down the street and with the sun beating down on us so intensely, I’m concerned about Janny. “Do you want to wait inside while I go grab your car?”
She giggles. “I’m fine. Pregnancy isn’t as debilitating as you’re making it out to be. I move slower, but I’m still moving.”
“Just checking. I don’t want to get my ass kicked by Kyle for pushing you to do more than you should be. I can’t have him messing up my pretty face.”
“I think the danger of him punching your face ended a long time ago.”
“Yeah, dude loves me now.”
“I thought once we were engaged he wouldn’t be such a caveman about things, but he was. Then I thought the pregnancy would help lessen his need to ‘mark his territory’. And now, we’re going to have a baby together. Even if we didn’t end up married, we’d still be connected through our child. Nope,” she shakes her head, “still possessive as hell. Now we’re married, we’re tied in every way we can be and it’s still not enough. He barked at the valet parking guy the other night for looking at me. The poor thing was probably trying to figure out how I’m not tipping over with this big belly.” She rolls her eyes.
The sun is hot in the cloudless blue sky, beating down on us. “Come on. Who are you kidding? You love his possessive side. It’s not like you have to doubt how he feels about you. Hell, he’s put his life on the line for you. If that doesn’t say I love you, I don’t know what does.”
She grimaces. “He has and I hope we’re never in another such situation again.”
We stop beside the passenger side of her car. Opening the door for her, I hold her hand as she sinks down onto the warm leather seat.
She smiles up at me. “Thank you, kind sir.”
“Don’t mention it,” I say, closing her safely inside. I move to the driver’s side and slide onto the seat. “Where to, ma'am?” I ask, in my best southern drawl.
“It would be perfect if you can get me back to your place in the next five minutes.”
Frowning, I glance at her. “What’s the rush?”
“I have to pee,” she fidgets moving around on the seat.
“Thanks for the info I didn’t need or want,” I tell her as I pull out into traffic.
“Hey, there’s no such thing as too much information when your best friend is pregnant. You’re lucky I haven’t told you half of what I could’ve.”
“Good, please don’t tell me. You have a husband for sharing that shit.”
“And Elle,” she says.
“And Elle,” I echo, my thoughts immediately conjure up her alluring face. Her warm brown eyes never fail to draw me in, even when they’re only in my imagination. My chest spasms with longing. Craving her is a daily occurrence, a constant need, running through me like the blood streaming through my veins. I haven’t seen her since the grand opening, but the burn of the yearning I feel never seems to lessen.
“Where are we going?” Janny asks as I pull down a small side alley that leads around behind the row of brownstones Canvas is located in.
“I’m taking you in the back entrance so we don’t have to find a parking space.”
“Have I told you how much I love you, lately?”
Parking her car in one of the three assigned spots, I notice Sean’s shiny, black Mustang. He rents the third-floor apartment from me. Living above the studio is more than convenient.
“Next time you come by pull back here and park in this spot. It’s an extra one no one uses.” It’s the space for the tenant of the first floor, but since that’s Canvas it allows me a guest space to use.
“Sweet. No more driving around the block searching for a space. Or parallel parking. Have I told you how much I hate parallel parking?” she asks as I open her door.
I hold out my hand and help her to her feet. “Hell yes, I’m aware how much you hate it. Did you forget how many times I took you out to practice?”
“Oh yeah.” She laughs. “You were really patient with me.”
“I was trying to impress you into going out with me. That’s what did it, wasn’t it?” I flick a glance her way.
“No, it was your dancing.”
“What? You’re joking, right?” I raise an eyebrow. “Yes, but your dancing ability didn’t hurt your chances any.”
I slip the key in the lock and hear Janny gasp behind me.
“Shit,” she mutters.
Looking over my shoulder I take in her expression of surprise and the wetness running down her bare legs. “Jesus, you weren’t kidding when you said you had to pee.”
“Josh,” she huffs, “I didn’t pee. My water broke.”
Panic washes over me and then consumes me as I think about what this means. She’s having a baby. “I need to call an ambulance,” I babble, reaching in my pocket for my phone.
Janny places her hand on my arm. “Josh, calm down. I don’t need an ambulance. I’m going to change into some clean clothes and then I’m going to drive myself to the hospital.”
“Are you sure you have time for that?” I ask, my brow furrowed with concern for her and the baby.
“Yes. I promise, I’m fine. I’ve got a bag with extra clothes in the trunk. If you want to help me you can grab it for me.”
Snapping into action, I do as she asks. She’s on the phone with Kyle filling him in on what’s happening. “Calm down, honey. It’s all under control.” She rolls her eyes at me with a smile. I can hear Kyle’s excited tone from where I stand a few feet away. “No, I’m not even having contractions yet. Let me go change and I’ll meet you at the hospital.” There’s a lull in her side of the conversation, before she replies. “Josh will drive me,” she tells him, but her expression is a question aimed in my direction.
“Damn right, I will.” I step beside her and open the door, ushering her inside out of the heat.
“I love you too,” she tells Kyle and then ends the call. Blowing out a large breath she drops her phone in her purse and follows me up the staircase. “Show me to the nearest bathroom so I can change.” She grimaces and rubs her stomach. “By the way, I totally lied to my husband when I told him I’m not having contractions.”
“What?” I bark over my shoulder. “The bathroom is right here.” I set her bag on the floor inside.
She pats my arm as she passes by. “Calm down Josh. You’re not going to have to deliver a baby today.”
Three hours later and I’m still sitting in the waiting area, with no information of what’s going on. Staring down at my sketchpad, I try to concentrate on the tattoo I’m drawing, but my mind is all over the place. I thought working would help pass the time and keep me from worrying about Janny, but it’s not providing the distraction I’d hoped.
“Josh, what’s going on?” Elle breathlessly questions as she hurries over. My eyes raise, tracing over the pink flush of her cheeks like my detailed pencil strokes on paper.
“Josh, please tell me what’s going on.” She lowers onto one of the uncomfortable blue plastic seats next to me, her hands clenched together in her lap.
Closing my sketchpad, I tuck the pencil inside and place it on the vacant seat to my other side. “I haven’t heard anything for a few hours now. I drove her here and Kyle met us. They took her away immediately, he followed along and I haven’t seen either of them since.”
“So, everything was okay when you brought her here?” she asks her voice laced with panic.
“Yes, her water had broken, but she was doing great.”
“Oh, thank god.” She closes her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. When her gaze reconnects with mine, she appears calmer. “So, what now?”
“Now, we wait for news
.” I drum my fingers on my thigh and bounce my knee up and down repeatedly. All this sitting still is making me agitated. I’m worried about Janny, even though I’m positive she’s in great hands. If someone would come out and tell us what’s going on it would go a long way toward easing my mind.
Minutes pass, the silence stretching out until neither of us knows what to say. The longer we avoid speaking the more awkward it feels. Running my hands through my hair, I tug on the disheveled strands frustrated. When did having a simple conversation with Elle become so arduous? Thinking back, there isn’t one moment in time standing out as the catalyst. Feelings I’d never had for her developed slowly over time. Maybe it was because Janny and Kyle found each other. Was she a convenient substitute once I knew Janny and I were through for good - a way to make myself feel less alone?
Turning, I carefully study her as she leans her head back against the dull white wall. Her long dark brown hair billows around her making a soft pillow. Her eyes are closed and her furrowed brow has me wondering if our proximity bothers her. Is she lost in similar thoughts about me? Does she wonder what could be if we only gave in to the urge to be together and opened ourselves to the possibilities? I don’t often let myself muse over what ifs or what could have been. Life is what we make of it here and now - in the present moments. Looking at Elle, sitting beside me, I’m unequivocally sure she’s not a second choice or a stand in for anyone.
She’s the only choice.
Reaching my hand out, I touch her arm and let my fingers move up and down her bare skin in a slow caress. Her eyes flash open and lock on mine with surprise. “Don’t worry, Janny and the baby are going to be fine,” I tell her, reassuringly.
She nods and her lips move into a small close-mouthed smile. She remains silent, but her eyes appear glassy with tears.
Sliding my hand down to her forearm, I gently pull until she uncrosses her arms. I take her hand in mine, giving a slight squeeze to her fingers. When I rest our connected hands on my thigh, my thumb slowly rubs over her smooth skin, reassuringly.
