by Jacob Chance
“I did what needed to be done.”
“I didn’t want you to get involved. I don’t want any of this blowing back on you.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t. Why didn’t you tell me he was blackmailing you?”
“I was ashamed of my past with him. He has more money than he can spend in a lifetime, Josh. That means he can buy any favors he needs. Favors that could ruin your business.”
“You should’ve told me and trusted me to do what’s right. Whether we’re together or not, I’m always going to save you.”
We stare at each other in silence for what seems like forever. There are things that need to be said, but I can’t find the courage to bridge the gap.
“I’m going to give you the space you deserve. I don’t want you to feel obligated to be with me because you want to repay me. You don’t owe anyone anything. Not me - not your father. This is your life, Elle. Do what makes you happy. That’s all I want for you.” He leans forward, kisses my forehead and walks out of my apartment leaving me in a state of shock.
I can’t believe he beat up Scott for me. I can only pray long and hard this doesn’t come back to bite him in the ass at a later date.
Walking into Quake, my mind flashes back to the last time I was here with all my friends. It was shortly after I’d started to notice that Josh was actually hot. Before then I’d never really thought much about him or whether he was attractive. That particular night, he was out on the dance floor smoothly maneuvering around all us girls. His t-shirt was tight on his chest and biceps and his new tattoos were peeking out the bottom of his sleeve. It was like looking at him with a fresh set of eyes and seeing him as the gorgeous guy he is. That revelation freaked me out and knocked me off balance. Josh, my “friend,” became someone I tried to avoid or immaturely insulted because I didn’t know what to do with the attraction I unexpectedly developed for him.
Now, I don’t know what to do about the depth of what I feel for him for a completely different reason. Saying I love him would only hurt more. It’s a secret I’ll probably have to take to the grave with me. Maybe he’ll move on and find a girl who makes him happy. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get over him. He’s the perfect man for me. How do you move on from everything you’ve ever wanted to something less without being dissatisfied?
The loud music pulses through my body, the bass thumping in my chest as I spot Janny and Kenna at a table in the back. Smiling, I make my way through the crowd until the three of us can exchange hugs. Taking a seat at the table with them, I say, “hey, girls. How are you?”
“I’m tired,” Janny replies.
“I’m pregnant,” Kenna announces, nonchalantly.
Janny and I both scream and jump up from our seats to hug her once again.
“I’m so happy for you,” I say, tears in my eyes. And though I mean my words, I can’t help the pang of envy running through me. I’d give anything to be with Josh and to have a family together.
“I’m going to be an auntie. I can’t believe it,” Janny, says with a squeal.
“I found out this week. I’m only eight weeks along, but I had to tell you both.”
“Is Derek excited?” I ask.
“He’s ridiculously excited. He’s convinced it’s a boy because he has too much testosterone to make a girl.”
We all titter. Picturing him saying those very words isn’t much of a stretch.
“How have you been, Elle?” Janny asks.
“I’m okay. I’ve been better, I’ve been worse.” I shrug my shoulders in feigned indifference.
“What do you mean?” She watches me and I can tell her eyes see more than they should.
“I’ve been busy with work,” I answer, noncommittally.
“How are things with you and Josh?” Kenna asks, jumping in.
“We’re not together.”
“What happened?” they both ask at the same time.
“It didn’t work out.” I keep my answer vague. I can’t tell them about Scott. Now that I know what Josh did, I definitely won’t be sharing that information with anyone. “I’m okay with it though. It was for the best.”
Janny narrows her eyes at me and presses her lips together. “I’ll let it go for now, but at some point, you’re going to have to tell me what really happened.”
“I realize you can’t drink, but I need a stiff one tonight,” I say, nodding at Kenna.
“That’s what she said,” Kenna replies with a snort.
“I can tell you grew up with an older brother,” Janny tells her.
“Yeah and Derek is even worse than Kyle ever was. Half the time he treats me like one of the guys and the other half he’s busy…” her words trail off.
I laugh and gesture at her still flat stomach. “I think we know what keeps you guys occupied most of the time.”
We spend the rest of the night dancing and laughing. It was the perfect way to blow off steam and when I walk through the front door of my apartment building I still have a smile on my face and a lightness to my step.
I stop inside the main entrance to collect my mail from the bank of silver mailboxes lining the wall. I haven’t bothered to check it in a few days and there are quite a few envelopes stuffed inside. Arranging them all in a neat pile, I head down the long hallway to my apartment.
Once inside, I drop my keys on the narrow shelf inside the door and kick my shoes off. As I walk toward the kitchen I shuffle through the mail, looking for anything important. There’s a large envelope, with my name printed neatly on it and no return address. Dropping everything else on the granite counter, I slip my finger under the seal, prying it open. I pull out the card, my eyes quickly perusing the contents. It’s an invitation to the art exhibit Josh is taking part in and a reception that follows. They’re going to announce the winner of the competition during the reception.
Josh has added a note at the bottom of the page.
Elle, I’d really like you to be there. Please consider coming as my friend. It’s only right if you’re there. You were the inspiration for the artwork I entered in the competition. I’d really love for you to see it. Don’t overthink this. Just please be there. - Josh
Smiling, I lower the card to the counter. He knows me so well. I’m going to overthink this entire situation. It’s part of who I am. I want to go. I’d like to be there to see him win. Even if he doesn’t, I’d still want to be there. I’d like to see him - period. But I don’t want to piss Scott off and have him go after Josh. I have a couple of days to think about it. I’m going to get some sleep now and resume my overthinking tomorrow.
I’m on the verge of falling asleep, when my phone rings. Glancing down, my eyes squint as I try to read the name on the screen. Scott. Crap. What does he want?
“Hello,” I answer, tentatively.
“Elle,” his deep voice makes me cringe. “I wanted to let you know you’re off the hook. I don’t want you to be my girlfriend.”
“No, I don’t mind.” I raise my voice, panicked he’s going to go after Josh.
“I’m moving out of town, indefinitely.”
“What about Josh?” I can’t help but ask. I need to know what he plans to do.
“I won’t do anything to your boy. You have my word,” he says. His voice sounds muffled, like his mouth is full.
“Why do you sound weird?”
“I had an accident.”
“Oh.” What am I supposed to say to that? I’m not sorry my...Josh kicked your ass? I’m probably a horrible person for not caring.
“Take care, Elle. Good luck with everything.” He ends the call and I’m left staring at the phone in my hand. What the hell prompted that? Is the world ending and I’m unaware?
Placing my phone on the nightstand, I cuddle under my blanket. For the first time in over two weeks, I feel hopeful.
27
Josh
After I left Elle’s apartment I immediately returned to my place. Dropping my keys on the kitchen counter, I head into my bathroom. I
need to shower off the rest of Scott’s blood and try to put the events of this night behind me.
The shower gets me clean, the whiskey helps me to forget. Five shots in, I realize I need to finish my paintings for the art competition and since I saw the person who inspires me more than any other, I’m going to take advantage of it.
Tearing the t-shirt I put on over my head, I drop it on the hardwood floor and walk over to the two canvases I’ve been pouring all my emotions into. Standing in my black boxer briefs, I pick up a clean brush and study the paintings.
Letting my love for Elle guide me, I add thin strokes where they’re needed and swirls of paint in others. I don’t over think what I’m doing, instead, I allow my paintbrush to go where the emotion takes it.
By the time I’m done, I’m dripping with sweat. Wiping my forehead on my forearm, I step back and do my best to peer at my finished works of art with a fresh set of eyes. I smile, proudly. I love what I’ve created.
Wiping my damp palms on the pants of my brand new black suit, I pace back and forth along the narrow hallway near the gallery front door. I don’t know which has me more keyed up - wondering if Elle will show or how my art will rank in the competition. I know which one is more important to me - Elle. Hands down. She’s all I think about. I’ve missed her more than she’d believe, but I was busy working and finalizing my painting for the competition. I also wanted to give her a chance to really miss me so she’ll never put us through this again.
Every time a new guest walks in the door, my heart leaps in my chest with the hope it will be Elle’s face I see. Each time I realize it’s not her, my stomach sinks to the floor. She has to come. I need her to be here with me and share in this moment.
Loosening the knot of my tie, I relieve the pressure on my neck. I dislike wearing ties of any kind. The last time I was this dressed up was at Janny and Kyle’s wedding. I sure made great use of my bowtie that night. I’d love to have the same outcome, with my gray and black patterned tie.
Now that the big day is here, I’m relieved it’s all going to be over one way or the other after tonight. I’m ready to know my fate where she’s concerned. Will we be together or not? Will she be back in my arms? Once she is, I’m never letting her go again.
Winning the competition would only be a bonus. If it goes my way, that’s great, if not then at least I could potentially gain new clients for Canvas and for my artwork. As much as I’d love the business, I can’t worry about that right now. All I can think about is Elle and if she’ll be brave enough to show up. Does she love me as much as I love her? Enough to take a chance on me? There’s nothing I won’t do to have her. If she doesn’t show up tonight, then I’m going to hunt her down and make her see reason.
“Josh.” My name is husky falling from her lips. Her voice sends chills down my spine and has my chest tightening in reaction. Turning around, I nervously pull the cuffs of my gray dress shirt down before meeting her eyes.
“Elle...I’m glad you came.” I mechanically get the words out.
“Congratulations. I wouldn’t miss it, Josh. I’m so proud of you.” She wrings her hands together like she doesn’t know what to do with them. She’s as anxious as I am. Seeing her anxiety is strangely comforting to me. It’s nice to know I’m not the only churned up inside about seeing each other.
We’re acting like acquaintances, not lovers and I don’t like it one bit. It’s awkward and frustrating. Gripping her hand in mine, I wordlessly tug her along with me as I make my way to the art exhibit. Her heels tap against the shiny hardwood floors pattering as we weave in and out through the crowd. She follows my lead closely and before we know it, we’re standing in front of my two paintings. She gasps when she first sees them. Watching her eyes trek over every inch of the canvases has my chest pounding. The first one I titled Despair. It’s a painting depicting the night I saved that girl from her abusive boyfriend my freshman year at Boston University. In the painting, her cheek is pressed against the brick building and her eyes are squeezed shut. A trickle of blood trails down the side of her face from her forehead to her cheek. Her expression is filled with fear and heartache.
The second painting is Elle, lying on her back on a paint stained canvas. She’s bare from the waist up, her hands raised, shielding her nipples with her forearms. It’s a submissive pose. This painting was inspired by the night she let me paint her naked body and make love to her. I’ve titled this one Trust, because she wholeheartedly bared herself to me in more ways than one, when it must have been near impossible for her to do so.
What if she doesn’t like them?
Or even worse; what if she hates them?
Art is subjective. What one person likes another might not. Watching her face, I’m not sure what kind of emotion she’s experiencing. She’s got a great poker face and I can’t read her.
“You know, I never did thank you for saving me that night. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I wanted it to be over. That’s why I ran off.” She licks her lower lip. “I never thought I’d see you again. When Janny introduced us, I prayed you wouldn’t make the connection.”
“I couldn’t forget your face, Elle.” My fingertips trace over the pair of matching freckles above her right eyebrow, that I first noticed on that infamous night. “I went back to my dorm room and sketched you for hours. You were part of me from that day on. When I met you through Janny, I was relieved you were okay. I’d always wondered.”
“Why didn’t you ever mention that night? I’ve always wondered, but I didn’t want to bring it up in case you didn’t realize it was me. I never wanted you to see me as weak.”
“I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I knew if I mentioned it, you would be awkward around me and that’s the last thing I wanted.” My hand slides down to cup her cheek. “I’ve never thought of you as weak, Elle. Not for a single second.” My hands lower to gently clasp her upper arms. “The tattoo on my wrist was inspired by that night. She walks in beauty, like the night is a line from a famous Lord Byron poem and it’s always reminded me of you. You were beautiful to me then and you’re even more so now.”
“You saved me from Scott that night and now you saved me from him again.” Her eyes are narrowed in concentration as she studies my face for a reaction.
Getting credit isn’t necessary, I only want her. “All I’m going to say is thank you. Thank you for saving me during my darkest times.”
“I’ll always save you, Elle. If you’ll let me.”
“I know you will.” She steps forward, closing the distance between us. Her hands raise, landing on my chest. She slides them up and down over the soft material of my shirt. “I’m sorry I allowed Scott to come between us. I should have told you what was going on and trusted that you’d find a way out of it.”
“I forgive you. You’re here now and that’s the most important thing.” I run the back of my fingers down her cheek.
“That’s not the most important thing.”
“It’s not?” I question, raising an eyebrow.
“Nope. The most important thing is that I love you.” She smiles at me.
I nod, tugging her closer in my arms. “That’s pretty damn important.” I smile. “I love you too.”
Her eyes widen. “You do?”
“You can’t tell? Look at these paintings. Can’t you see how beautiful and strong this woman is? She’s the bravest person I know.”
Tears fill her eyes and she chews on her bottom lip. “Do you really think I’m strong?”
“I do. You’ve been through so much and you still took a chance on us.”
“I’m only strong with you, Josh.” Her hands slide up to rest on my shoulders.
“That’s okay because you’re never going to be without me again. We can be strong together.” My head lowers and I run the tip of my nose over hers before brushing her lips with mine. Kissing the corner of her mouth, I sweep my lips back and forth over hers.
Her mouth forms a smile under mine. “What time does the re
ception start?”
“Ten minutes ago.” I grin.
“Josh,” she raises her voice and glances around wide eyed as she realizes it’s just the two of us left in the gallery. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I’m right where I want to be.”
“I am too, but I really want to see you walk up and get the award when you win.”
“You want to ogle my ass, right?” I question with a wink.
“You know it.”
One month later
I didn’t end up winning the art competition, but I did gain a lot of new business from it. I’ve been commissioned to do some paintings for a few different businesses around the city and another one for the Massachusetts State House. Canvas has been so busy and with the new demands for my artwork, I’ve had to hire another artist. Caleb, came on board a few weeks ago and he fits right in with Sean and me. Tatum and he are another story. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it was instant dislike for both of them. Judging from the heated stares they throw at each other, they’ll probably end up fucking it out of their systems. It should be interesting to say the least.
I’m glad it’s them and not Elle and me. We’re in such a great place now. Our relationship is solid as a rock. I asked her to move in with me almost as soon as we got back together. I didn’t want to waste another moment being apart. We both have busy work schedules and living together ensures we get to spend as much time together as possible.
Sundays are my favorite day of the week now, because we’re both off for the whole day. We can laze around in bed for most of the morning and then the two of us cook breakfast together. I always fry the bacon so she won’t get splattered with grease and she makes the eggs.
“Any of that bacon done yet?” she asks, using me as a shield as she peers cautiously around my arm.
“I might have a piece or two. How bad do you want it? What’s it worth to you?”
She moves beside me and taps her lip with the tip of her index finger. “I guess it depends on how many pieces I get.” She shrugs. “One piece is worth a peck on the lips. For two I’d add some tongue.”
