“I will say that he hasn’t been the same since you left. He feels terrible and well...he misses you Hope. He really does. I gave him hell for how he acted, but just know that he didn’t mean it. I’m not justifying anything, but I just wanted to say that. See you soon.”
I feel guilty when I read that, so I send him a quick text. Maybe I’m over thinking, it’s not uncommon for me.
“Hey. I’m sorry I haven’t answered, I just need to clear my head. I will be back Friday, but I haven’t made a decision yet on if I’m staying. I’ll see you when I get back.”
He responds immediately.
“Okay. I just want to talk. I want a chance to explain. I can’t wait to see you. It hasn’t been the same without you here.”
I call Anna, desperately needing to see my best friend.
“Hey!” She answers on the first ring.
“Hey, what are you doing right now?” I ask.
“Nothing, just got home from work. Why?”
I take a deep breath. “I need to do something. I don’t want to talk about it, not right now, but I need a distraction. Something to make me feel something other than all these emotions going crazy in me, or I’m going to blow up.”
Anna laughs, “O...kay. What were you thinking?”
I pause for a second, “...Well don’t think I’m crazy, okay? I just need to do this. I need the pain outlet and I need something to commemorate this time in my life. No matter what I decide.”
“Um...okay. I promise to not think you’re crazy.” she says.
“Well, I need you to come get me and take me to Crazy Eights.” I say calmly.
“Lord, Hope...really!? You don’t have to make a permanent mark on your body to release endorphins.”
I laugh. “Well in this case I do. Come on, be adventurous with me! I’ve been craving a new one anyway. It’s not your body getting permanently inked, unless…”
She laughs, “If you think I’m getting one you are crazy. Fine,” she caves, “Be there in twenty.”
Chase:
I still can’t believe she left. Last night was terrible. I couldn’t sleep knowing she wasn’t here at all. I don’t even want to get off the bus when we stop, but a banging on my door tells me I have to.
“Chase Franklin! Get your ass out here.” Ariel yells.
I’ve been avoiding her since yesterday, luckily we had a bus ride to keep us separate. I hop up and answer the door, knowing I have no choice.
“What is wrong with you!?” Ariel exclaims.
“Can you not? I’m already pissed at myself enough for the both of us, okay.” I admit and walk back to the black long couch and sit.
“Oh no. You don’t get off that easy.” She follows me, sitting right next to me.
“Easy? How is this easy?” I demand.
Ariel’s anger turns to sadness when she responds. “What happened? Why didn’t you talk to her?”
I sigh, “because I’m an idiot. I was angry and scared all at once. I was mad the fucker was here, pissed he kissed her, hurt that she might want him over me and scared I was going to lose her. Then, I was scared that I would let all of it get to my head and fuck up the music. I just couldn’t deal. I called you and then when you answered, these fans showed up and well...I needed to make the pain go away. It radiated through my bones it hurt so bad and I couldn’t take it. Then...I made it a million times worse. Regret hit me like a punch in the gut when I sobered up.” I rub my hands through my hair and rest my face in the palms of my hands. “I can’t lose her,” I whisper.
Ariel pats my back comfortingly, “Everyone fucks up Chase. It happens. People make mistakes, say things out of anger and a lot of the time they don’t mean it. You have to make this right. Hope belongs here and before you two even got involved I knew that. So, fix it, because if you don’t we will have problems. Got it? You better pray that I can convince her to come back, but it’ll take you fixing your mess first.”
“I know. I know. I fucked up. I’m going to fix it. I promise,” I say to Ariel and to myself. I mean it. I’m going to do whatever I can to fix this.
***
Later that night my phone rings and it’s a number I don’t recognize. I toss my phone on my bed and continue to pick up my bus. About ten minutes later the phone rings again, the same number calling me.
Part of me wonders if it’s Hope calling me from a different number, so I answer.
“Chase?” As soon as I hear her voice through, I know it’s not Hope, “Chase Franklin?” She asks again.
I can’t speak for a moment as my mind takes me back to a night I will never forget. The last time I saw her before everything was taken from me.
“Lauren...Why are you calling me?” I ask, my tone cold as ice.
She giggles and a tingle runs down my spine.
“Well...I read a little article about you and my replacement. I have to admit, the article was right. You and I are way better together. I honestly don’t know how you thought you and that nobody could ever work.”
My anger is getting harder to control with every word she speaks.
“Lauren, you need to leave me alone. You and I will never be together again. Don’t you get that?”
She huffs and her tone goes from mocking to infuriating. “Why? Why can’t we!?”
I sigh, “It didn’t work last time and to be honest even though the article was shit. It had one thing right, you aren’t good for me. All you do is party and take advantage of the perks. You never loved me, you loved the rock star,” I seethe.
“Well, you almost went home with me the night of your wreck. You sure seemed to enjoy the partying then. I guess I didn’t make your drink strong enough.” She says slyly.
“What?” I ask. What the fuck does that mean? I try to remember the night and I remember Lauren gave me a drink before I left with her. Suddenly the truth smacks me in the face. I knew I didn’t drink that much, “Lauren...what did you do?” I demand.
In minutes she comes clean, admitting to slipping a drug in my drink. Hoping I’d go home with her and we’d get back together. I don’t know if she is telling me the truth now for that reason, but either way the guilt I’ve been carrying ever since finally subsides a little. She says she didn’t know it was that strong, that she bought it from a local dealer at the club. “I’m sorry,” she says at the end of her confession.
I can’t believe this. The whole time I thought I did this to myself. Yes, I have some responsibility, driving and drinking for one, but I knew I didn’t drink that much. I have mixed emotions, anger at Lauren for almost taking my life, relief that it wasn’t me who caused my wreck but I’m also a bit grateful for the whole experience. That night changed my life. At the time I thought it was for the worst, but if I hadn’t wrecked I may never have changed my attitude. I may have spun out of control and done something like that or worse on my own. If I hadn’t wrecked, I may never have met Hope.
“You’re lucky I don’t press charges.” Is all I can say.
“You have no proof.” She rebuttals.
“No...I don’t, but I know the truth. So, I swear to God if you show up at any of my shows, or anywhere I am and try to talk to me. I will say you are a stalker and press charges for harassment. Do you hear me? You will never be Hope. Ever. You don’t even compare.” I yell and before she can say another word, I hang up and block her number.
I plop on my bed in shock. I would’ve never even have guessed that she did that. Wow. I guess you never really know people. I’m so fucking thankful I have changed my life around. Having people around me who truly know me and want what’s best for me is a great feeling.
My mind automatically goes to Hope. I wonder where she is, what she’s doing and if she misses me. I sure as fuck miss her. I feel like a piece of me is missing. Ariel is right. I better pray to God she comes back, because I don’t know what I’ll do without her.
Hope:
After a few days with my family and Anna, clearing my head and some ink therapy, I�
�m ready to go back to work. I still haven’t decided if I’m staying after this summer, but I miss my friends, the music and the traveling. Surprisingly, I miss that little tour bus and living out of a suitcase. I must be insane. I just miss everything about this job.
Rising Aggression and the rest of the tour are almost to St. Louis, so I just had my sister drop me off to meet Ariel at a rest stop. I’m anxious, excited and terrified to be back. I can’t wait to see everyone, but I’m also nervous to see Chase.
“Thanks for the ride. I’ll see you tomorrow at the show right? You better be there.” I tell Taylor.
“Duh. Did you think I’d miss it? You’re crazy.” She laughs, giving me a tight squeeze.
“I missed you Tay.” I say honestly.
“Missed you too. Now get out there and get back to work.” She says and I grab my bag. I give her a final wave and walk to Ariel’s bus parked a few feet away.
She opens the door as I near.
“Finally!” She exclaims, “I swear that was the longest four days of my life. I forgot what it was like to be one of the only women around here. Let me tell you, it’s not as fun without you.”
She gives me hug and I smile.
“I missed you too. I missed everything.” I admit.
“So...you’ll stay then?” She pressures.
I laugh. “I haven’t decided yet, but I don’t know how I’ll ever go back to a normal life after this. That’s for sure.”
“Well...let’s just show you how much you will miss this if you don’t stay. Come on, we have to catch up to everyone.”
We head inside her bus and she tells the driver we’re ready. During the ride we sit and talk about everything but the one person I know is on both of our minds.
***
We arrive to the amphitheater about twenty minutes later and my nerves are going haywire. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I see Chase, but for now I’m just going to tell him I need more time. I just want to enjoy these last couple shows and remind myself why I decided to take this job in the first place.
Of course as soon as we pull up, everyone is outside and I try to keep my composure when Rising Aggression comes to the bus.
“Ready?” Ariel asks.
“As I’ll ever be.” I admit.
We step off the bus and out into the familiar setup I’ve called home this summer.
“She’s back!” Aiden exclaims.
“Yeah, you aren’t allowed to leave again. I can’t deal with Ariel complaining about needing more females around anymore.” Ryker jokes, giving me a hug. Ariel punches him and I laugh wholeheartedly. It does feel pretty great to be back.
Chase walks up and I try to keep my composure light.
“Let’s give them a minute guys.” Ariel says and motions for everyone to walk towards the stage, “Don’t be stupid.” She demands to Chase.
He nods and they leave. Causing me to feel uncomfortable.
“So…” he starts, “I just want to say I’m sorry. I really am sorry. That was stupid of me and I just want to go back to normal. Can you forgive me? Please? Even if we just start back as friends again. I just...Fuck I missed you.” He rambles so quickly I don’t know how he was able to breathe.
“Chase…” I sigh and do everything I can to keep it together and remind myself why I came back, “I don’t really want to talk about all this right now. I - I just want to work and enjoy the rest of this tour. I want to remember why I came here. I just...I still need some time okay? Can you just give me some time?”
I look at him pleadingly and will myself to stay strong.
It takes him a minute, but he gives me a small smile when he responds. “Of course I can give you time. Take all the time you need. I’m just glad you’re here. Nice tattoo by the way.”
I exhale, feeling relieved, “Great and thanks. I just needed one...I’m sure you get it,” I gesture to all of his tattoos, “Now, let’s get to work.” I smile and head to the stage. I’m glad I came back, but this isn’t going to be easy.
CHAPTER 15
Hope:
We’re in St. Louis today, the second to last show. This summer seemed to fly by. I’m packing the contents of my bus and my mind is in a million places. I am excited for my friends and family to be at the show today and to go home when the day is over, but at the same time, I’m sad. I’m sad that the summer and this tour is over. After everything that is going on, I told Ariel I needed the break to rethink a bit about her offer to be a full time assistant. As that would mean moving to Los Angeles, although a different city crossed my mind when she first offered me the position two months ago. I feel terrible because I know there will be a bit of a legal mess for her, since I accepted the position weeks ago and I am now technically a full time employee for Ignite Records. I just need some time. I am ready to see my family and have a bit of normalcy before I decide to drastically change my life. Although… after this summer, I know my life will never be the same.
On one hand I’m kicking my ass for ever getting involved with Chase, thinking that I should’ve listened to my gut instinct from the beginning. If I wouldn’t have ever let my guard down, I would take this job, no question. The past few months have been hands down the best time of my life. I never would have imagined anything like this would happen to me. I have lived out my dream this summer and to make it a career is the best life I could imagine.
On the other hand, Chase is part of the reason this summer was so great. Yes, traveling, seeing places I never have, meeting hundreds of fantastic people and everything this job entails is a huge reason it was unforgettable...but Chase opened a part of me I thought would be closed forever and I will never be able to forget that. He made me realize I can be loved for myself and that I don’t have to be anyone else. Why he had to be so fucking stupid and think that Josh and I - never mind, it’s done now. We’ve said too much, and if we fought already, there is no reason to continue this, especially if I stay working here. I don’t want to cause issues with the rest of the workers.
Ariel and I are setting up and I can feel her staring at me from the other side of the stage. Ever since I got back from break, she seems to be watching me as if she is waiting for me to crack under the pressure or quit. It’s probably the latter and I understand her concern, I don’t want to put her through hell, but I feel like I’m making it awkward for everyone here.
To be honest, although quitting has been on my mind, I don’t think I have the guts. Like I told Chase before all of this happened, what seems like years ago... I don’t know what I have to go back to. My old life working a desk job? Going back home to tell everyone ‘hey I was offered a full time position to continue working with Rising Aggression, but I turned it down because I was stupid enough to get involved with Chase’? I shake my head and sigh, yeah, no, that is not happening.
I finish setting up the speakers and head to the other side of the stage to stand next to Ariel. I try to give her a believable smile, but I can tell she isn’t buying it. I stare off into the crowd and wait for the guys to go on stage. As the music starts I recall the first time I stood in this spot back in May. At that time, my body was full of nerves and excitement. I was absolutely sure this summer would be exactly what I wanted and needed. I embraced the change I was given and welcomed it with open arms. Now, as I stand in this spot, I am anxious as I don’t know exactly what is going to happen. As the chords start, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. For a second I reflect on the last few months of my life and where I was a year ago, this has definitely been a year of personal growth and I can only hope that I will continue to take chances and grow. I hear Chase’s voice and I clear my mind, allowing myself to get lost in the music for a moment and forget every worry I have. When their set is over, I begin to pack up but I hear Chase come over the speakers.
“Thank you all so much for a great fucking summer. Most of you know this summer was my first time being back on the road after my wreck last year. I wanted to thank you all for supporting me and
the guys through all of this, even when I was stuck in the hospital and recovering, you all were there even in spirit. I can’t explain how much that means to me.”
He pauses as the crowd erupts in cheers and I see him smile wide.
“So, this year I told myself I was going to focus on work. I quit drinking, I skipped the parties, except for a few nights of celebrating new crew members and put everything I had into my music. But, something unexpected also happened this summer.”
Ariel and I are side stage, watching Chase. Both of us confused, because normally he just thanks them and heads backstage. We still have one show left, so it’s not like an end of tour speech. The guys are playing softly and it’s a tune that I swear I’ve heard before, but it’s definitely not any song on their set list.
Holding On To Hope_ She was brokenhearted and chasing dreams. He was lovestruck, chasing her. Page 17
